


The Butterfly Effect

by LyricalKris



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-10
Updated: 2012-06-07
Packaged: 2017-11-07 02:55:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 98,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/426132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyricalKris/pseuds/LyricalKris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward's fall from grace destroyed not only his life, but the lives of those he loved the most. When he passes out teetering on the edge of total destruction and wakes up 17 again, how many times will he have to repeat the same day to set things right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Prologue: A Glimpse Of The Future Past**

**Dedication: To my Cella. Again. Because you must be the most spoiled person on the planet. Happy birthday, my darling girl. I love you and your stupid plot bunnies to death.**

**Disclaimer: I'm not SM. I am KMS and not making any money off of this... unless I'm writing it at work. Which is likely. But they're not paying me for this. Hehehe.**

Edward Cullen came awake slowly, and, as sleep released him from its mind-muddling grip, he caught his eyes before they blinked open. Breathing in through his mouth helped calm the flutter of nerves in the pit of his stomach, but nothing could keep a handle on his desperate hope. Keeping his eyes tightly closed, Edward put all his energy into a single wish.

He wished that when he opened his eyes it would be 2011 again, and he'd be in his California King-sized bed in his own house. Even after all this time, it seemed like a surreal and bizarre thing to hope for. However it had happened, whether this was his hell for all the lives he'd fucked up - his own included - or it was some never-ending nightmare, he'd awaken in his king-sized bed in his parents' house on January 8th, 1999 more times than he could remember.

So Edward screwed his eyes closed and wished with everything inside of him.

When he opened his eyes, his vision was blurred. He'd gotten Lasiks at 25. If he couldn't see without his glasses, that meant he was younger than that. The fact that he could make out the blurred shape of the posters that littered his ceiling confirmed his worst fear. He was still 17. Again.

_I fixed it. I set it right.  
_  
His thoughts were desperate, pleading with whatever divine entity might have been listening.

A soft knock on the door interrupted his impromptu prayer. "Sweetheart?"

It was amazing how instantaneously his mother's voice had a calming effect on him. As he expected, she opened the door a moment later, peering in the room. Edward scrambled for the glasses on his nightstand, putting them on because if he was going to be 17 again, he was going to soak in his mother's presence.

"If you don't get up soon you'll be late for school," she said, with a doting smile. Not caring if the move made him look 7 instead of 17, Edward sat up and held his arms open.

_Why do you want to get back to 2011 so badly?_  A voice in his head asked as Esme sat on the edge of his bed, and he all but threw himself into her arms. _What's waiting for you there?_

His 29 year old self had his own house, his own company, and all the power and respect that went with it. It was unquestionably less of a pain in the ass to be an adult. He could buy his own alcohol again, and wander off without telling anyone about it. Work, as much as he occasionally loathed it, was far less annoying than being in high school again; Edward hadn't enjoyed being around teenagers when he was one let alone twelve years later.

But with his mother's arms around him, Edward could see the benefit of staying in this time and place. After all, the little voice in his head was right. In 1999, Esme and Carlisle Cullen, his parents, were still alive. He had a good, if slightly antagonistic, relationship with his older brother. In 2011 he lived alone - respected but ultimately disliked. As a teenager, he hadn't had a great amount of friends, but he'd had his best friend. Jasper.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, except that on top of somehow finding himself back in time, Edward also found himself repeating the same day. Over. And over. And over. And over.

January 8th, 1999.

"Your breakfast is ready," Esme said. "If you hurry up, you can beat your father to the bacon."

Smiling at his mother, Edward resigned himself to another day. At least he would get to eat breakfast with his father before he left. Maybe Emmett would steal the last piece of toast. Jasper would be waiting for him and maybe he'd even get to talk to that new girl in Biology. What was her name?

Bella Swan.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed, stretching as he did so. Resigned, he looked over at the horribly geeky Epoch alarm clock that sat on his nightstand. It displayed the date and time in Standard, Hexadecimal, Octal, Binary, Roman. He knew what the display would be before he looked, but he looked anyway.

He froze, blinking, almost not comprehending the sight in front of him. He didn't know whether to be excited or frightened. ****

**~7:07 A.M., January 11, 1999~**

**A/N: So, I'm posting this prologue as a gift to my darling Cella. This fic will not start updating until Underworld is finished, which won't be too long.**

**Initial thoughts?**


	2. Done All Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, obviously I lied. See, it occurred to me that I have a chance to update 7 times in 7 days, so I just had to get this chapter out to you. I know. I'm a strange one.

**~6:30 AM, July 1, 2011~**

Edward's alarm blared as it did every weekday at precisely 6:30 AM.

Beside him, a woman groaned. That did not happen every day. He searched his sleep addled mind as he reached out, abusing his alarm clock until it stopped shouting at him. Rubbing his eyes, he tried to remember the events of the day previous.

Right. Dinner. The waitress with the nice smile who'd written her number on his receipt. He'd left his address on the fifty dollar tip he'd given her. Amber. That was her name.

"Time to rise and shine, Amber," he said, his voice rough from sleeping as he sat up. As she stirred and grumbled behind him, Edward rolled his neck back and forth, trying to get the blood pumping through his body again.

She wrapped her arms around him from behind, kissing his shoulders and the back of his neck. "Why don't you take a half day, hmm? I'll make you breakfast. We can make use of the Gray Goose I put in the freezer. Screwdrivers are a much better breakfast drink than mimosas, don't you think?"

Edward twisted, staring at her hard. "You brought alcohol into my house?"

Amber's face fell at the harsh look on his. "Well, yeah. I thought we could have some fun…"

"When you leave, take it with you," Edward commanded flatly, standing and reaching for his robe. "I'm going to take a shower. There's another bathroom down the hall if you want to take one," he said, making it clear she was not welcome in his.

When he emerged from his bathroom, Edward was relieved to find Amber fully dressed, sitting on the edge of his bed.

"I can call a cab to take you home," he said amiably as he sat, pulling on his socks and shoes.

"Are you sure I can't convince you to stay?" she asked, her voice innocent. "Or I can wait. Have dinner ready for you when you got home, and then we could fool around."

Edward looked up, a small smile playing at the edges of his lips. "We talked about this," he reminded quietly. "Besides, you can't have dinner ready for me if you're not in the house, and I'm not leaving you in my house alone. I don't mean any offense, but I don't really know you. There are many things in my home that I'd like to keep," he said bluntly.

Amber pouted, stepping up and putting her arms around his neck. "But, Edward," she began plaintively but quickly let her voice drip with seduction. "You and I know each other really well in the biblical sense."

Standing, Edward wrapped his arm around the woman, leaning his face down close to hers. She sighed, tilting her head up, obviously expecting a kiss. "Amber," he said, getting her attention. "As I am not a religious man, I'd need to know you a little better than biblically. Now come on. I'll call you a cab if you need one, but I have to go now."

When Amber was safely on her way, Edward headed off to work. He owned his own company, located on the 41st, 42nd and 43rd floors of Seattle's Columbia Center. At 29 years old, he was beyond successful... the kind of man that would make any parents proud.

At least, that was the idea.

As he passed through the halls of his company, he was aware that chatter stopped. People gave him a wide berth, but he was used to all that. It wasn't necessary, but he ignored it just like he did every day. He mumbled a good morning to his assistant before disappearing behind the closed door of his office.

Today of all days, he'd filled his schedule. He wanted as many distractions as possible. That was why his first meeting was scheduled just fifteen minutes after he walked in the door. It was enough time to gulp down the coffee that was already resting on his desk and to catch up with any dire issues that had arisen overnight.

Thankfully, the day passed quickly. Everything was a blur, and he had almost no time to himself until well into the afternoon.

His phone buzzed, the speaker crackling to life. "Mr. Cullen, your one o'clock is here. Mr. I. P. Freely?" His assistant, Jason Jenk's, voice squawked from the speaker.

Edward paused, his fingers coming to a standstill on the keyboard. He bowed his head, simultaneously exasperated and amused. "Send him in," he said resignedly.

A moment later, Edward's older brother Emmett strode into his office. He was grinning, but then, Emmett was always grinning. "Well," he said as he sat opposite Edward, "that's good to know. I guess you can't ignore me if I make an appointment." He was joking but he wasn't, and Edward felt a twinge of guilt that he quickly pushed away.

"My company, unfortunately, doesn't run itself," Edward said easily, gesturing around him. "But you're here now, and Mr. Jenks has given you an entire twenty minute slot."

"Hey, don't be too hard on him," Emmett said warningly, his face serious for all of a second or two before he smirked again. "I was very convincing as a potential investor. Trust me, Edward. You're not going to want to pass up bringing Golden Showers United on board."

Despite himself, Edward laughed. "So, what's going on?"

At that, Emmett sobered slightly. "Since you apparently have trouble responding via snail mail, e-mail and Facebook, I've come to collect your RSVP in person."

Edward looked down at his hands, fighting back a grimace.

"You do remember what today is, don't you?" Emmett asked.

"Of course I do," Edward snapped. How could he forget? Instead of looking forward to his mother's birthday party, Edward had ordered a large, showy display of flowers to be delivered to her grave that morning.

"It's just… Bree wants you there. It'd mean a lot to her. She's getting to that age where she actually notices when her uncle doesn't show up for important events," Emmett explained.

"Bree…" Edward was confused. Then it hit him. Of course. His niece, Emmett's youngest child, Bree, was born on Esme's birthday… exactly four years ago.

"You did forget," Emmett accused. "I thought you didn't since your oh-so-nicely wrapped gift arrived yesterday."

Jenks would have sent it out. That was one good thing about his assistant – the man was thorough. "I'll go," Edward said hastily.

"Don't let me twist your arm," Emmett said sarcastically. "If you don't-"

"I said I'll be there," Edward said, raising his voice with an air of finality.

The brothers looked at each other, tension thick in the air. Finally, Emmett sighed, his expression softening with regret. "I don't want to fight, Edward." His grin from earlier returned and he teased his brother lightly. "I don't know why, but my kids like you, so…"

Edward chuffed, his answering smile a little grim. "Bree likes me because she's too young to know any better. Riley hates me."

"He doesn't-"

"It's okay, Em," Edward said. "Children are remarkable judges of character," he said dryly. "Do you want me to bring anything?"

"Just an appetite for skirt steaks and cake," Emmett replied jovially. "The wife's got everything else under control."

Again, Edward fought back a grimace. Emmett's wife was not one of his favorite people in the world. "Then I'll be there," he promised.

When Emmett was gone, Edward's office became entirely too quiet. He tried to work but found his thoughts wandering off. He couldn't concentrate. Finally, he sat back in his seat, pinching the bridge of his nose as he breathed in and out deeply.

There were so many reasons he didn't want to go to his little niece's party. Foremost, it was in Forks. When their parents died, Edward had let Emmett take the house in Forks, the house they both grew up in. He made it a point not to go back to Forks unless he absolutely had to. There were too many memories there, and he knew his dreams that night would be plagued with the ghosts of his mistakes.

There were, after all, so many to choose from.

But he'd made a promise and if there was one thing Edward Cullen did right, it was keeping promises. Still, it would be best to clear his mind a little before he headed down to Forks. He pressed the speaker button on his phone. "Jason?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Reschedule all my meetings for the rest of the day. I'm heading out early."

"You got it, sir," Jenks responded.

When he emerged from his office a few minutes later, Jenks walked at his side to the elevator, bringing paperwork he needed to sign with him.

"Everyone is rescheduled except for the representative for the Phoenix office you were looking into. Miss… Bella Swan. She's only in town through today," Jenks said after he'd gotten Edward's signature on all pertinent documents.

Edward tapped his chin, considering. "We're just going to have to let them go for now and revisit our options next quarter," he said decisively. He could afford to let the opportunity go, and there was no way he was going to be able to concentrate today.

"Yes, sir," Jenks nodded. "Everything else is taken care of. Have a good rest of your day."

"Right."

Foregoing the ferry, it took a little over four hours to get to Forks. Edward used the extra time to center himself. It wouldn't be fair to Bree if he was brooding through her birthday party.

Most of the time, Edward was a good actor. He knew what people thought about him. He was cold and uncaring. A misanthrope. A manwhore with a different woman on his arm every other week.

He did a good job of letting these judgments slide off his back as irrelevant. He hadn't gotten into this business to be liked, after all, and considered himself a hard but fair boss. All of his people were well paid and had excellent benefits. He was not without heart.

And as for women…

Edward simply had no interest in a long term relationship. In his 29 years, he'd lost many of the people he loved: his mother and father… his best friend. He'd hurt others, like Emmett. And then, many of the people he'd let in his life when he was young and naïve had cost him far, far too much. Edward preferred solitude.

He took women to his bed. It was inevitable that he would have to deal with the opposite sex. Many of his fellow businessmen raised an eyebrow when he appeared at functions without a date. As disgusting and archaic as it was, the presence of a beautiful woman on his arm was a status symbol he occasionally made use of. Besides, there was no shortage of women – like Amber - vying to for that spot. He was rich, powerful and attractive to boot; he was going to have women after him.

So, more infrequently than rumor predicted, Edward would take a woman to his bed. He was, after all, a red-blooded male. There were only so many times he could turn down sex, given that he had no outside reason to. He was committed to no one and always made sure that the women he slept with knew long before they got in the door that what they had was a one time thing. He was a kind and generous lover, enjoying the act of giving pleasure as much as he received it. It alleviated the burden of his thoughts for a few hours anyway.

But today, his act was pretending he was happy to be in his childhood home. It looked different, of course. Emmett and his wife didn't have the same good aesthetic taste that Carlisle and Emse had. Still, every room was heavy with memories he'd rather forget. Even the happy ones hurt too much.

"Unca!"

Edward was drawn out of his thoughts as a slight weight wrapped itself around his legs. He leaned down, pulling little Bree into his arms and pretending to snort and snarl against her neck. The peels of delighted, little girl giggles made his heart light for a handful of moments.

"Riley," Emmett called, "come say hello to your uncle."

Bree's brother was not so easily won over. He was six and instantly crossed his arms when he saw Edward standing in the hallway. "Why?" he asked his father, his voice highly offended.

"Riley Evan-"

"It's fine," Edward reminded Emmett, pressing one more kiss to Bree's cheek before he set her down.

Emmett smiled at his brother. "I'm glad you came," he said sincerely.

The party was epic on a four year old scale. There were games, plenty of junk food, and a bounce house for the kids. The adults enjoyed a feast of freshly grilled steaks. Edward kept a smile plastered to his face, and mingled with Emmett's friends. In some ways, it was nice to socialize with people who wanted nothing from him. In other ways, it was very tiring.

Eventually, Edward wandered away to the outskirts of the party, finding a few lounging lawn chairs that had been forgotten on the porch. He touched the padding, his lips quirking at a memory from when he was a teenager. He'd thrown himself down on a similar lawn chair only to find it was still so full of water that it actually splashed when his body hit it. But that was life in Forks. His mother had had the porch covered the year after, so Emmett's loungers were nice and dry.

With a sigh, Edward threw his arm over his eyes, trying to block out the noise from the party and just center himself for a moment. When he felt a slight weight on the chair by his feet, Edward reluctantly opened his eyes, moving his arm so he could look.

A very tiny girl knelt at the end of his lounge chair, her bony knees nudging his ankle. Edward was vaguely amused by what she was wearing. She was in a full on magician's outfit, complete with a sparkly cape and a too-big for her little head top hat. Jet black spikes of hair peeked out from under the hat randomly. But perhaps most noticeable about this child was was the completely devastated expression on her miniature face.

Edward glanced around. The girl couldn't have been more than four years old. How had her parents let her wander off to his quiet corner of the party? "Um..." he said awkwardly, "can I help you?"

Heaving a dramatic sigh, the girl looked up at him with big, pleading eyes. "I'm sad."

Edward felt an odd tug on the ill-used strings of his heart. His first impulse was to gather her into his arms and cuddle her. She looked like she could use a hug. But he kept his arms folded because the last thing he needed was to be looked at as some sort of pervert. What was the protocol here? "What's wrong?" he asked finally.

With another dramatic sigh she scampered up his body, sitting on his lap like he was Santa Clause and wrapping her skinny arms around his neck. Looking around uncomfortably, Edward put his arm around the girl, patting her back for lack of anything better to do. He looked into her eyes and gave a little start. One of her eyes was a pleasant black color - sparkling with the mischief of a child. The other eye, though, was the color of amber flecked with red. That eye seemed somehow more intense - otherworldly even. "I'm never gonna be married," she said sadly.

Edward blinked, trying to keep up with the conversation. "Um," he said brilliantly. "You're a little young to be thinking about marriage, aren't you?"

"See," she began, settling against him, "the future was messed up before I was born-ed." She looked at him with accusing eyes. "You messed it up. And now, my boy is not born-ed."

"I'm...sorry?" Edward guessed, wondering if children were always so perplexing.

"It's okay," she said, patting his face amiably. She drew her cape back, and pulled a wand out of some pocket. She grinned at him. "I'm gonna fix it!"

With an expression far too serious for such a young child, she began to wave her wand around. Edward watched, bemused, as she touched the tip of her wand to his nose. "Abracadabra!" she announced grandly.

"Mary Alice Brandon!"

A relieved looking young woman approached then and plucked the little girl off Edward's lap. She smiled at him apologetically. "I'm so sorry. Was Alice bothering you?"

"I wasn't!" Alice protested, pouting at her mother.

"She really wasn't any bother," Edward said sincerely. He smiled at Alice. "I think we were becoming friends."

Alice's mother smiled a little uncertainly and carried Alice back to the party. "'Emember!" Alice called over her mother's shoulder. "It's not 'upposed to be this way!"

A low, familiar chuckle drew Edward's attention and he turned to find his brother standing there with his arms crossed. "Precocious little bugger, isn't she?"

"She's… interesting," Edward allowed, instantly wary as his brother sat down next to him.

"You were good with her," Emmett said innocently as he plopped down in the lounge chair next to Edward.

"Emmett," Edward growled warningly, "please don't start."

"What? I'm just saying, you're good with kids, that's all." Emmett said easily.

Scoffing, Edward crossed his arms and leaned back, closing his eyes again. "Children aren't difficult; it's the people they turn into that you have to worry about."

"It's just, when we were growing up, I thought it was going to be you with all of this," he said wistfully, and Edward assumed he meant the whole wife, kids, life in the 'burbs set up he had going on. "I would have thought it would be you with kids running all over your backyard and me as the perpetual bachelor." When Edward didn't say anything, Emmett continued. "It's not like it's too late, you know. You could still have what I have."

"Ha," Edward snorted derisively, annoyance and irritation making him feel defensive and spiteful. "What is that you have that I should want, Emmett? What you have is pretty window dressings, but you can't tell me your life is a dream."

Opening his eyes, he pointed at Victoria Cullen. "Everyone is jealous that you have a such a hot wife but you and I both know that Victoria is a manipulative whore. You love your children but she'll use them against you for the rest of your days, and you'll always have to work your ass off to provide her with exactly what she wants."

Emmett stood then, towering over his little brother with a livid glare. "I don't care how long it's been since I've seen you," he hissed lowly, "I won't let you insult my wife."

Looking entirely unconcerned, Edward just laughed. "What are you going to do, Emmett? Start a fist fight with your brother in front of your children and all their friends? I don't think so." Shaking his head, Edward dragged his sunglasses out of his pocket. "I need to get going anyway."

Without looking back at his brother, Edward stood and strode away. He located Bree at the bounce house and scooped her up for a bear hug. "Happy birthday, munchkin," he said quietly, kissing the side of her head before he set her back down.

She pouted at him. "Are you leaving, Unca?"

"For now," he said, and felt a brief pang of guilt. "I'll come back and see you soon, okay?"

She considered this and beckoned him down. When Edward's face was level with hers, she put both hands against his skin and stared into his eyes, looking sad. Then she gave him a wet kiss on his nose and said, "I'll miss you," before one of her friends called her back into the bounce house.

 _Strange_ , Edward thought as he turned away.

For once, Riley didn't give him the cold shoulder before he left. Instead, the little boy hugged him tightly and promptly ran off before Edward could question the unusual display of affection.

Children were odd little creatures.

When Edward got home he sat in his arm chair, feeling disgruntled. He tried to read, even looked over the reports from work to distract himself, but a quiet ache had blossomed in his heart.

Eventually, Edward gave up all pretenses and allowed himself to slip into the bleak emotions that had been lapping around his feet all day.

Truth be told, he missed his brother. He could pretend all he wanted that Emmett was an annoying, pretentious prick, but when it came right down to the wire, Edward knew he avoided his brother because he reminded him too much of everything they'd lost.

Looking around the party, Edward had easily been able to imagine his parents there. Since his birthday was in the summer, it was usually his party that could be held outdoors. Carlisle would grill, and Esme would be all smiles as she herded the gathered party guests from one activity to the next.

But Emmett's children had been robbed of their grandparents before they were even born… and it was his fault.

Wiping a hand over his eyes, Edward tried to quell the rising guilt and sadness. He was feeling sorry for himself, that was all. Yes, Emmett was right. Edward had dreamed, when he was a much younger man, of having a wife he adored and children with his eyes.

"Just forget about it, Cullen," he muttered to himself harshly.

Broken, distant dreams – that's all they were. The kid he'd been when he dreamed them up hadn't understood the world. Edward, in all his grown up glory, knew better than to think of happily ever afters and the American Dream.

He wasn't going to be like Emmett, falling for a pretty woman who spun sweet fantasies while she repeatedly went behind his back. Victoria cheated on Emmett continuously; Edward knew this for a fact. But she'd trapped him with his children, and Emmett turned a blind eye. Neither of them were faithful anymore, but as long as Emmett gave her everything she wanted, Victoria let him raise the children as he saw fit.

Edward sighed, frustrated because if someone deserved the white picket fence dream, it was Emmett. His brother might have been a bit of a hot head, but he'd stood by Edward through all of his many, many mistakes… even the one that had killed their parents.

Even if he could grasp the dreams he'd once held dear, Edward didn't figure he deserved it.

Growling in frustration when he felt the prick of tears in his eyes, Edward stood quickly, striding into the kitchen. He hated feeling like this – another reason he avoided Emmett and his family. He hated feeling so entirely lost and lonely.

Desperate for a distraction, Edward opened the refrigerator door and stared at the contents. Nothing looked good. Yanking open the freezer door, Edward stopped short when he saw the bottle resting among bags of frozen vegetables and Hot Pockets.

Vodka.

His blood seemed to call for it, knowing from experience that it had the power to make all the pain and shame melt away into a beautiful oblivion. Edward's hands balled into fists with the strain of holding himself back. The promise of relief was so healing it made him dizzy. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to will away the intense craving.

He failed.

No time at all later, the bottle was nearly empty, and Edward was finally free of the razor sharp talons that had embedded themselves in his heart. He giggled, giddy with relief.

Edward had to squint very hard to read the numbers on the microwave's clock. Midnight and one minute. Fuck. He had to be at work early the next morning.

Standing proved to be a challenge, but Edward was nothing if not dogged and he got to his feet eventually.  _One foot at a time, Cullen_ , he reminded himself, bringing on a fresh wave of giggles as he stumbled forward, landing heavily against his wall.

He was drunk. Drrruuuuuunnnnnnk. And it felt so good. God, why had he given this up again?

His parents. They would be so ashamed of him right now.

It was that thought that distracted Edward's concentration. His step faltered and he pitched forward. His body fell with dizzying speed. The fall lasted long enough for him to feel the cold rush of fear as he tumbled, face first, at the top stair of his steep staircase. Then, he felt nothing at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, now I really mean it. No more of this until Underworld is done.
> 
> Barburella and jadedandboring love me. Idk why this is. But they help me a lot.
> 
> Thank you SO much for your response to this so far. I was surprised and pleased. I think I responded to all the reviews, but it's hard to tell. Everyone who doesn't have PMs disabled anyway. If not. I love you. Mwah!
> 
> So... what do we think about 29 year old Edward?


	3. The First Day

Edward woke slowly, confused and disoriented. It was that muddled and uneasy feeling he got when he'd been jarred out of a dream and tossed, unprepared, into reality. The trouble was, he couldn't remember the dream, and for long moments his mind struggled, trying to grasp what was going on.

It took Edward a while to realize that his vision wasn't clearing up as it usually did in the morning, after he'd rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He blinked sporadically, a cold edge of fear beginning to make his throat constrict and his heart speed. As his thoughts became more concrete, he tried to remember what he'd done last night.

Oh, fuck. He remembered the Grey Goose, left there by the waitress, Amber, he'd taken to his bed two nights previous. He'd told her to take it with her.

But she hadn't, and after the day he'd had, the temptation had been too great. So many years sober reset back to zero the instant the alcohol hit his lips. All of his struggle and hard work washed away with a single swallow. Of course, the great thing about alcohol was that after a few drinks, none of that mattered. His blood hummed. His hardships melted away. He was giddy.

He remembered the terror that struck him as the world tilted on its axis. His stairs were wide and steep. He'd had enough time to fear death before the world went black.

Panic made Edward's breath quicken. He was alive, or so he thought, but he was blind! No. Not blind. He could see shapes and light and color. Everything was a blur though, and there was something off about his surroundings.

Awakening further, Edward looked around carefully. How had he gotten in bed? And… whose bed? Where in the love of all that was holy was he?

A knock on the door startled him, drawing his attention. "Sweetheart?"

Edward couldn't breathe. That voice… he'd know it anywhere, but he hadn't heard it in too many long years. Almost a decade. It was a sweet, gentle voice that he dreamed of often, waking in a world where he could never hear her again, and it was all his fault. But he'd established that he wasn't dreaming.

Maybe he was dead, because he damn well knew she was.

"Edward? Are you awake?"

The door opened and a blur that looked like his mother – out of focus, but definitely her – entered the room. "Mom?" he asked, and was again startled at the sound. It was his voice, but it wasn't. Something about the tone was just a shade or two off.

What in the ever loving hell was going on?

"You're looking a little pale, kid," Esme said, and she got closer, coming to the side of his bed. Edward didn't answer, he couldn't. As she got closer, more of his mother's features became clearer, and he drank her in, his heart aching because he'd missed her so, so much. He flinched back a little when her hand came toward him, but she only placed it on his forehead. "Are you feeling sick? You don't feel like you have a fever."

Confused but elated that she was touching him, Edward scrambled to sit up. He threw his arms around her, burring his nose in strands of caramel colored hair and squeezing probably too tight.

Esme gasped, and her hands patted his back, rubbing soothingly. "What's wrong? Edward?"

"I..." Edward didn't even know where to start. A little embarrassed, he let go of his mother, rubbing his eyes hard because he wanted to see her in detail. "I can't see."

She gave an incredulous little laugh and leaned past him, reaching for something on the nightstand by the bed. Following her movements, Edward frowned at the contents of the nightstand. Again was that frustrating feeling of deja vu. But he was quickly distracted by his mother waving something in his face. "You don't have your glasses on, honey," she chuckled.

"My glasses..." Edward numbly reached for the things, glaring at them hard before slipping them on.

The world came into focus, and Edward gaped as he looked around, suddenly realizing where he was. It was his room, just not the one in his house in Seattle. No, this was his room in the house he'd grown up in in Forks.

But that was impossible. Emmett and Victoria had converted this room into a play area. Since it was on the third floor, they sometimes banished the kids there so they could get a little peace and quiet.

"Mom?" he asked, his voice shaky even to his own ears. "Am I dead?"

Esme furrowed her eyebrows, looking perplexed and amused. "No," she answered slowly. "But you will be if you're late for school...and if you stay in bed any longer, that's a definite possibility. Edward, what's gotten into you today? You're so loopy. Did you stay up late playing that damn game again? You promised us you wouldn't stay up till all hours..."

His mother's rant had sparked a memory in him. School? That game? The argument was one he'd heard so many times as a teenager. Everquest - that's what the name of it was. It'd kept his ass glued to his computer chair for much more of his life than he cared to remember.

"Mom!" he interrupted her lecture. "No, I just had a weird dream is all." Whether he was dead or not, Edward didn't want his mother to be upset. Confused as he was, Edward wasn't an idiot. Obviously this phantom Esme thought it was a school day, and if he was still playing Everquest and in his old room, they had to be in some scenario where he was high school age again.

_Maybe this is hell..._

That would explain a lot - why he couldn't see without glasses for starters. Wryly, Edward considered that it was no less than what he deserved. But the idea of his mother being in hell with him was completely ludicrous.

"Well, get up," she said, her tone leaving no room for argument. "Breakfast is on the table, though you're going to have to take it to go at this rate."

With that, Esme stood and strode back out of the room. Edward was desperate to call her back, not ready to lose his mother again, but he needed to figure out the situation first.

As soon as the door closed, Edward stood quickly. He flew into his bathroom, nearly tripping over a stack of CDs on the floor. Leaning over the sink, he stared at the reflection in the mirror.

"Holy fuck," he muttered, staring at the bespectacled teenage kid in the mirror. The wide-eyed look on his face would have been comical under different circumstances. Raising one hand to his face, he touched himself, watching incredulously as the kid in the mirror copied his movements.

That face hadn't belonged to him in over a decade.

Running back into his room - again cursing his teenage self's apparent inability to keep his room clean as he almost slipped on a discarded magazine - Edward looked around, frantic to find some sort indication of the time. The day. Didn't he own a calendar?

Then his eyes fell on the clock on the nightstand. He remembered it well - geeky thing that it was. But at least it served its purpose, displaying the time and date in several different ways.

**7:01 A.M., January 8, 1999**

"Holy fuck!"

"You have to lose your virginity before you move on to advanced positions like sex in church!"

Edward swung around, getting a little tired of being so startled all the time. "Emmett!" The relief he felt at seeing someone both familiar and currently alive. But on further inspection, Edward realized that Emmett, too, was much changed. The worry lines that decorated the corners of his eyes were gone. In fact, the Emmett that stood before him had a lighter step and a brighter smile. Edward had forgotten how he looked - so entirely carefree. Of course, if it was 1999, Emmett was 18 - barely a year older than Edward. This was before time, the loss of his parents and she-devil wife had threatened to rob him of his good humor.

Emmett chuckled, both of his eyebrows raising in amusement at Edward's surprised exclamation. "Who were you expecting? Come on Freakazoid. I'm driving today."

"But the Volvo is mine!" The words were out of Edward's mouth before he thought about them. Emmett only cackled, grabbing a set of keys off the dresser and darting out the door.

"Emmett!" Edward called, his voice whiny and protesting. Catching himself, Edward hung back, trying to figure out what the hell was going on with him.

Shaking off the surprisingly strong irritation he felt toward his brother, Edward retreated back to his room. One way or another, a quick shower sounded like a good idea.

Once he was isolated under the spray, Edward forced himself to clear the disconcerted thoughts from his head and come at the situation as rationally as was possible.

Esme and Emmett seemed entirely unaware of the time shift, going about like it was normal to wake up in 1999 when it was really 2011. Or, in Esme's case, to suddenly wake up alive when she'd been dead for so many years.

It could very well be this was some sort of limbo space, or his own version of hell. It would serve him right – getting to hug his mother again only to have her swept away in the next heartbeat.

_How about you think of alternatives that don't include being dead, Cullen?_

Edward certainly didn't feel dead. Quite the contrary, actually. On top of dealing with his utter confusion and frustration, Edward was well aware of the of the not entirely logical emotions warring for attention inside of him. For instance, there was the hot rush of fury he felt toward his older brother. Most of Edward understood that there were many more pressing issues than the fact Emmett had grabbed his car keys – in fact, his brother had likely done him a favor as Edward was feeling a little too scattered to be safe behind the wheel – it just seemed…  _desperately_ important.

Discounting that he was dead, Edward wondered if he was severely injured instead. The mind was a very strange and beautiful place. He'd heard a theory that every moment of every day, every thought that had ever passed through a person's mind, was stored somewhere in their brain. If that was true, what if the fall had thrown his consciousness into this part of his memories?

But then, whatever Edward had been doing on January 8, 1999, he was sure he hadn't done and said the things he'd done and said today. Everything, from his mother's lecture to Emmett's lewd joke, had to be different from the original script. His brain might have stored the original memories but would it have been able to project his mother and brother's reactions to his spastic behavior?

Edward banged his head lightly against the shower door, frustrated.

No matter how he sliced it, he seemed to be stuck here. He wasn't waking up.

He would just have to roll with the punches.

Decided, Edward turned off the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist as he wandered into his room. He was a little exasperated at the contents of his closet, remembering belatedly that his 17 year old incarnation had an obsession with jeans and campy geek t-shirts.

_How did I ever get laid?_

He finally found a simple, black button-down stuffed toward the back of his closet and black pants to match. Rolling his eyes at his reflection, Edward headed downstairs.

He stopped short halfway down the last flight of stairs and came face to face with his father. Carlisle offered him a smile, and Edward's heart ached. He felt dangerously close to crying at the sight of his father. All these years, Edward had harbored such regret for the last conversation they'd had. Yet now, when he was right in front of him, Edward felt tongue tied.

"Have a good day at school, son," Carlisle said amiably, nodding his head and turning to head out the door.

"Dad! Wait!" Edward cried, darting down the remaining steps and throwing his arms around his father's neck.

Carlisle was so surprised that he dropped the suitcase he'd been carrying. "Edward..." he said, his voice concerned as he hugged back. "Do I want to know what you did?"

Edward laughed wryly, the sound a little desperate _._ What would his father have said if he knew? Three years and some months from January 8, 1999, Carlisle and Esme Cullen would die when a deer hit their car head on. They would have been far away from that road, safe and sound, except that Edward had thrown a selfish, childish fit.

Would any parent want to know that their child was responsible for their death?

"It's nothing," Edward murmured, letting go of his father reluctantly.

Carlisle eyed him carefully, as if trying to gauge whether or not Edward was telling the truth. Edward forced a smile because if, in his dream or hell or whatever this was, his parents didn't know what he'd done, he was damn sure going to keep it that way. Finally, his father smiled back and clapped his shoulder. "You should get more sleep, Edward."

In spite of himself, Edward bristled. "Hey, I get good grades."

"You do," Carlisle agreed. "You better get going."

Edward nodded, watching with a quiet pain as Carlisle stepped out the door.

When his father was gone, Edward turned toward the kitchen. There he found his mother, dressed for work and putting the dirty dishes in the sink until they could be attended to that evening, and his brother standing at the table.

"Come on. We gotta go."

"But I'm hungry," Edward protested, apparently still grumpy at his brother.

"Make it to go!"

"They're pancakes. You can't take pancakes to go," Edward argued.

Emmett stared at him with a distinctly condescending smirk. "Sure you can. Watch." He put a pancake flat on the palm of his hand. "One pancake. Two... three strips of bacon. Light drizzle of syrup..." he narrated as he assembled. Then he used his other hand to roll the pancake burrito style. He grinned triumphantly. "There breakfast to go."

"You're such a savage, Emmett," Edward bit out.

"That's enough," Esme chided.

"Savages get fed. Move it or lose it, kid," Emmett said before stuffing his mouth with his pancake burrito. He quickly set about making another one.

As much as the idea was unappealing, Edward found himself insanely hungry. He was almost salivating just watching Emmett eat. Growling to himself, Edward quickly copied his brother's recipe, forgoing the syrup so he wouldn't have to lick his fingers the way Emmett was. His older brother just cackled and headed out the door.

Edward was mostly silent on the way to school, which Emmett took as more childish whining about having to give over driving rights. In reality, Edward was just hoping against hope that he would wake up before he had to relive high school.

Then again, high school had been easy enough the first time. Maybe he should consider this a welcome break.

For once, Edward considered it useful that his brain seemed to have endless space to store a variety of useless information. He still remembered his class schedule and locker combination from junior high. High school was a cinch.

He didn't remember everything, though. He got lost on his way to first period calculus. This would have bothered him more except that he got distracted, trying to figure out if he remembered the names of any of the students who rushed by him. Back when he was originally 17, he could have named every student in the high school, having grown up with the vast majority of them. But he was a long way and what felt like a thousand lifetimes from the boy he'd been.

Edward put his lack of total recall in the category against this all being a part of his memory. It seemed strange that, even if every memory was stored perfectly, every single student he passed was a full, three dimensional person. His eyes caught all the minute details he didn't think he would have noticed the first time around - idle drawings on the backpack of a kid he thought was named D.J., the overabundance of ugly necklaces Katie Marshall was wearing.

Lost in that odd thought, Edward didn't notice that his feet had steered him directly to his calculus classroom.

Automatic memory, he realized. If he could distract himself enough, his body and subconscious seemed to remember what it was like to be 17.

The day progressed normally - or as normally as it could considering it was the second time he'd lived this particular day. Edward mostly kept to himself, only interacting with the other children when he had to. When that happened, such as when Eric Yorkie dropped his pen and needed him to help retrieve it, Edward found himself holding his breath, waiting for them to see that something was abnormal. No one ever did.

It was in his third period English class that he encountered another ghost. "Jasper!"

Jasper Whitlock had been Edward's best friend since he'd moved here from Texas several years before. Jasper seemed entirely unaffected by the teenage bullshit that had driven a wedge between Edward and his previous friends. On top of that, despite the fact he had a fashion sense didn't include a membership to Geeks R Us and he had perfect vision, Jasper was as much of a nerd as Edward was.

And he'd been dead longer than Carlisle and Esme.

Guilt again took residence in Edward's stomach. It was for an entirely different reason - Jasper's death had been completely out of Edward's hands - but it was still powerful enough to make his throat close.

"Dude," Jasper said, sitting at the desk next to Edward's. "Where were you last night? You picked a hell of a time to miss a raid night. We were down three pallys as it is, and you're the best we have!"

Edward gaped at his friend, his mind grasping, trying to remember how to speak geek.

Everquest. Pallys. Right. He'd played a dwarf paladin. "Um," Edward stumbled. "Parents. You know how it is."

Jasper wiped a hand over his eyes. "Don't they understand that  _lives_ depend on you?" He shook his head.

"Life is exactly their problem. They want me to have one and they don't think it should consist of playing EQ all day everyday," he said, crossing his arms to indicate how wrong this was. In reality, his adult self balked at the idea of how much time he'd spent with his ass planted in his computer chair. "They don't want me to get all fat and lazy."

"Ha, who's fat?" Jasper snorted, reaching over and grabbing Edward by the wrist. He extended his arm, shaking it. "You could benefit from a gamer's diet, ya skinny fuck." He dropped Edward's arm. "Besides, did you hear about the guild leader from Circle of Eternity?" Circle of Eternity, if Edward remembered correctly, was the guild that rivaled theirs. "He got a job based on the fact he manages such a successful guild. This is character building!"

Then it was Edward's turn to snort. "Right. But we're just members. We don't run the thing."

"Details..." Jasper waved a hand.

The teacher entered, and they had to be quiet. Tuning everything else out, Edward lapsed into deep thought.

He had to admit that the more he saw, the more he thought he must be in a coma or otherwise brain damaged. Hadn't he started drinking to offset his bad mood at his miserable existence? It all pointed to a wish to escape his reality. What better escape than to go back to a time before everything in his life went wrong? His parents were still alive. Jasper was still alive. The disease he'd fought for the entirety of his twenties - that may well have killed him - was not a part of his identity at 17.

That was a revelation in and of itself. It was said that once you became an alcoholic, no amount of sobriety could cure it. Under a life sentence, who wouldn't want to escape to a time well before their problem started?

But, he had to look at all his options.

Edward rubbed his eyes, frustrated because he thought the world should make sense. None of this made sense. Was there something he was supposed to be doing? Seeing?

If this was a movie, he would have a spirit guide or some shit like that. He felt ridiculous, looking around to see if anyone was grinning at him knowingly, but he supposed it wasn't any more an odd thought than waking up 17 again in the first place.

Jasper waved at him when class ended, saying something about seeing him at lunch. Edward headed off to gym alone.

After enduring a boring 45 minutes of volleyball, Edward met up with Jasper again for lunch. By that time he was distracted enough that he didn't even feel hungry. He waved Jasper off, dropping into his customary seat without having to stop and remember which one it was.

Edward's eyes scanned the cafeteria, taking in all the students and seeing if anyone stood out. He played a game with his memory, trying to find names that matched these faces from his past.

Samantha Wells. Ben Cheney. Conner... something.

When his eyes landed on a more familiar face, his blood ran cold. Of course. How could he forget James Damon and Royce King? Once, when he was an illogical teenager, Edward had considered them great friends.

In retrospect, he didn't know how to feel about them. They'd led him down some bad paths, but he wasn't fool enough to blame them entirely for mistakes he'd made. In many ways, he had a much better support system than either of the other boys. And they'd had his back. Didn't that pass for friendship amongst teenager?

As Edward watched, Royce tried to put his arm around the blonde next to him. She recoiled away, her eyes narrowed and her mouth moving in a way that made Edward think she was seriously bitching him out. Edward's eyes widened when he realized who she was.

Rosalie Hale.

He'd lost his virginity to Rosalie Hale...which was the extent of what he remembered of that night.

For a few moments, he tried to remember if that event had happened yet. No...it couldn't have. Not while she was still with Royce, But then Rosalie looked up, and Edward looked away quickly, his heart pounding irrationally. And...

Well, that was embarrassing. He was getting a semi just thinking about having sex with a teenage girl. He couldn't remember the last time that had happened to him at all, let alone at a highly inappropriate thought. What was he, a 16 year old boy?

17\. He was a 17 year old boy.

Needing to distract himself from the disorienting question of whether it was still creepy to lust after a teenage girl when he was consciously 29 but looked like he was 17, Edward concentrated on identifying the people at the next table. Tyler Crowley, Mallory Lauren - no! Lauren Mallory. Mike Newton. Jessica Stanley and...

A brunette girl whose name completely escaped him.

Edward tilted his head, finding himself, for reasons he couldn't begin to explain, curious. There were plenty of students he hadn't recognized hardly at all, and yet, with this girl, that fact bothered him. He was so enthralled, watching her movements and the way she appeared to be part of the group but separate, that he didn't look away when she caught him staring. Instead, his breath caught as their eyes met, the oddest feeling of elation racing through him.

Her eyes were slits as she looked back at them, and he could see the spark of fire there. She was glaring. At him.

Feeling bewildered and uncomfortable, Edward looked away. Just in time, Jasper returned with a tray of food.

"Maybe you're onto something... not wanting to eat. How does this school manage to fuck up pizza?" Jasper asked, incredulous as he sat down. He poked at the sickly looking little piece of pizza on his plate, lifted it carefully and took a bite. Then he shrugged, grinning. "Tastes great."

Edward's stomach growled, and he found himself simultaneously disgusted and starved. Jasper smirked at him. "Dude, I told you. This is my food. Get your own."

Edward just rolled his eyes. "Hey, Jasper?" he said, changing the subject. "The brunette by Jessica... what's her name?"

Jasper arched an eyebrow, not answering right away as he scarfed down the rest of his pizza. "Uh...you mean your lab partner?"

"My lab partner?" Edward echoed.

"Are you being serious right now?" Jasper asked, the humor fading as he read the real confusion on Edward's face. "I mean, I know we're playing this game where you pretend she doesn't exist, but this is a little ridiculous."

"Why would I pretend she doesn't exist?"

Jasper looked at him cooly. "Beats the hell out of me. You won't tell me!"

"That's inconvenient," Edward mumbled.

The bell rang then, and Jasper stood, pushing the remains of his decimated lunch away from him. "Well, since you've apparently psyched yourself out about it, you're going to have to ask her."

His eyes wandered back to the brunette. He watched for a moment as she gathered her things, falling into step beside Mike. "Maybe I will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I'm trying to figure out how to handle reviews cuz the new (broken) way is not conducive to my do it when I'm not writing or working or …whatever life throws at me way of taking care of things. This means some of you are getting no replies, some of you are getting multiple replies while I figure this out. Trust that I love and adore all your feedback, and I will try to be good about answering those of you with questions.
> 
> Thank you so much to jadedandboring for beta…and for being sexy. MWAH.


	4. The Butterfly Effect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: For a small portion of this chapter, Edward will be speaking Geek. You're not missing much. Just think to yourself - Wow. He's a fucking geek.

Edward never made it to Biology.

As he wound down the halls, his eyes trained on the girl with the long, brown hair, Edward was startled when a hand darted out, clamping down on his arm and tugging him into a side hall. Edward stumbled. It wasn't the first time that day he'd noticed his teenage body was not nearly as steady as the one he was used to.

"Easy, you fucking spaz." Whoever was holding on to his arm laughed raucously, letting go.

Edward steadied himself and looked up, finding himself face to face with James and Royce. They both had on grins he was familiar with - cocksure smiles that flaunted their arrogance and usually precipitated them trying to get their way with something. He cleared his throat, a little at a loss for what to do. His memory had painted them as much older, much more hard ass versions of themselves. The boys before him were just that - boys. They were teenagers pretending to be men. They might have been more built than he was at the present, but they were still inexperienced kids.

So Edward shook off the irrational feeling that he maybe should be a little wary of them. He stood up straight, pushed his glasses back up his nose and spoke. "Can I help you gentlemen with something?"

Giving each other a look, both the other boys snickered. "Gentlemen," James mimicked, his tone sarcastic. "Lighten up, geek."

Royce put his arms around Edward's shoulders. Edward resisted the urge to recoil. "Come on. We've got something to show you," the larger boy said.

A memory floated up to the surface of his consciousness like a piece of seaweed floating up from a tangled kelp field. Right. He remembered this. This was how he officially met James and Royce. The two hadn't paid any attention to him before. They were one year ahead and hadn't really spoken at all since they were all on the same playground in elementary school. Then, randomly as far as Edward could tell, they pulled him to the side like they were best friends.

"I'm going to be late for class," he protested, dragging his feet slightly. This was an automatic reaction. The adult Edward in his head didn't really give a shit if he was late for a random high school class in his maybe-dream-coma-world.

The other boys snickered again. "Hasn't anyone ever told you? Skipping class every once in a while is healthy," James almost giggled as he spoke.

"Yeah, and we're probably the healthiest motherfuckers alive," Royce agreed.

Amidst all these boyish giggles, Edward managed to get himself out from under Royce's arms. "Well. What are we going to do?" his body seemed to be reacting entirely contrary to his mind. There was a thrill of exhilaration, and a part big part of him kind of wanted to skip because ohmygod the popular kids were paying attention to him. So while he wanted to turn the other way and head back to class and the brunette girl, his feet were all but tripping over themselves to go with Royce and James.

"Keep it cool, Cullen. You get all antsy and get us caught, you will have a royal ass kicking on your hands," Royce threatened. Edward rolled his eyes. Royal ass kicking. Royce King. He thought he was clever.

Edward gave in and concentrated on keeping the spring out of his step. He held his back straight and his head up, reminding himself that in the real world he was the head of a successful business and held the respect of people a thousand times more worthy than the two in front of him.

When they were sufficiently away from the school, protected by the ever present ring of trees that surrounded it, James and Royce stopped, each leaning up against a tree. Edward crossed his arms and stood still where he was.

"Cigarette?" James offered, holding out a pack.

Edward grimaced. He'd never liked cigarettes. They tasted nasty. And part of why his drinking had turned into a problem was because he could hide it from his parents. Carlisle and Esme had trusted their son - he'd never given them a reason not to - but the distinct cigarette smoke smell was hard to excuse away. "I'm good."

The boys smirked and gave each other knowing looks. "Whatsa matter, Cullen? You don't know how?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "It's not hard to smoke a cigarette."

"Then." James proffered the pack again.

Peer pressure at its finest. And part of Edward wanted to give in. He knew he could play it cool. There would be no first-time hacking for him.

Instead, he took a deep breath, forcing his ridiculous and irritating nerves to calm. He was in control. He looked them both in the eye and put on a smirk that put theirs to shame. Despite what his employees thought, their gossip had been far from discreet. He knew what they said about him. The words cocky and asshole came up more often than even he liked to admit. But today, he was going to own those titles. "What are you worried bout?" he asked, his voice carrying a slight, taunting edge. "I'm not going to tell anyone. Royal ass kicking, remember?"

The boys looked at each other, and Edward could see the brief uncertainty that flitted across their eyes. In the kingdom of Forks High, James and Royce were unquestioned rulers. Not many weren't intimidated by these boys. Reality was going to slap them in the face hard after high school.

But then, Edward knew for a fact that it had.

The boys laughed it off, and James put his cigarettes back in his pocket. "Fair enough, fair enough."

"Here's the thing, Edward," Royce began. "Someone has been slipping Rosalie little love notes in her locker. I mean, we're talking real pansy-ass shit."

"Hey, Cullen. Didn't you and Roaslie have a thing for a little while?" James asked.

Edward balked, but he cocked his head trying to remember.

Sure, Rosalie Hale was gorgeous. No one could argue with that. But she was also, among other things, a royal bitch - well matched with Royce - and as shallow as an infant safe bathing tub. Yes, they'd had sex, but Edward was fairly sure he was more open to suggestion under the influence of alcohol.

And besides, as he'd established, that hadn't happened yet.

"If by 'thing' you mean she came over to my house a couple of times to study for Calculus," Edward said, amused.

"They were signed by 'E'," Royce pressed.

"And you're good at English," James added as if that was a qualifying factor in love letter writing.

Edward scoffed. "Yeah, I'm not the only person whose name starts with an 'E'. Besides, have you seen-" He cut himself off, some warning bells going off in the back of his head. In theory, Edward wasn't afraid of these boys. In practice, his seventeen year old body wasn't exactly cut - and theirs were. It was probably best not to insult Royce's girlfriend. Reconsidering his words, he tried again, allowing a little bit of the nervous stutter to bleed back into his tone. "Even if it was me -and it wasn't - Rosalie would have blown me off," he reasoned.

For a tense second, both of the boys stared at Edward. Then, Royce cackled and clapped Edward on the shoulder. "The girl is fucking frigid, so you're not missing much."

**~0~**

When James and Royce had finally talked themselves out, Edward all but flew back to school, eager to be away from them so he could think clearly - or try to. He managed to remember where his Spanish class was and dropped into his seat in front of Emmett just as the last bell chimed. His brother looked amused. Edward offered a shrug before he turned around.

The already bizarre meeting with the older boys ended with Royce inviting him to a party that night.

There was, Edward knew, a distinct difference between the person he'd been before James and Royce took an interest in him and the person he'd become. If his suspicions were correct, this day that he was reliving was the point where everything had changed.

This was the night he got invited to Royce's party. This was the night he slept with Rosalie. He couldn't remember what happened that night - only that he woke up with an equally horrified, very nude girl beside him. And for reasons he couldn't begin to fathom, now that he sat back and really thought about it, Royce hadn't kicked his ass. No - that was the beginning of their friendship.

All these years later, Edward couldn't remember how it had all gone down, but the effects on his life were undeniable.

Maybe he was in a coma after all. It made sense. Today was the day that had changed everything. If he hadn't followed James and Royce into the woods, he wouldn't have attended their party. If he hadn't attended the party he wouldn't have slept with Rosalie, forging a strange friendship with the two older boys. And if it hadn't been for his new friendship, he and Jasper wouldn't have fought and gradually grown apart. Then Edward would have been there when...

In a little over a year and a half, Jasper would be diagnosed with a rare, fatal heart condition. Once diagnosed, it was only a matter of weeks before he died. Instead of being there by his side - he must have been scared - Edward had been with James and Royce... drinking and getting into trouble.

And if the guilt over not being there for his best friend hadn't eaten him alive, maybe Edward wouldn't have started drinking much more than he should have. The two older boys were more than happy to enable his bad habits. It all happened too fast for anyone to grab, and suddenly, he was standing in front of a judge being offered the chance to go to rehab instead of doing serious jail time.

He'd been angry. So angry. But somewhere deep down, he knew that anger was a cover for his shame. He'd hidden all of his responsibility behind the mask of jealousy, sulking because his older brother could do no wrong. Emmett, 21 at the time, was graduating early and with honors from a tiny University in Tennessee while Edward was 20, had barely graduated high school and had done nothing at all with his life since then.

When he was in rehab, his parents had called him every day. They'd visited as often as they were allowed, though the drive was several hours each way. Except, one visitor's day, Carlisle had called to say he and Esme were both recovering from bad colds and were thinking of skipping a visit.

Hiding his desperation to see his parents behind a veil of petulant anger, Edward had groused that they weren't too ill to attend their favored son's graduation a few days before. He'd slammed the phone down in his father's ear.

And if he hadn't have done any of that, his parents would still be alive.

Hell, if he wanted to be thorough, he could even consider that Emmett never would have met Victoria if Edward hadn't been running in the circles he was. Victoria was a friend of a friend - one of James's old flames actually.

Jason Jenks, his ever watchful assistant, had a name for the chaos that ensued when a tiny, seemingly inconsequential action wrought disaster on one of Edward's projects. He called it the butterfly effect: the idea that the presence or absence of a butterfly flapping its wings could lead to the creation or absence of a hurricane.

At the time, Edward had teased him for watching too many Ashton Kutcher movies.

Edward was jarred back to reality when Emmett kicked his chair. His head snapped up, and he saw that Senora Goff was staring at him with an annoyed expression. Instantly, he gave his most charming, contrite grin and asked, in Spanish, if she would repeat the question. Then he answered, trying his damndest to keep the satisfied smirk off his face at the gaped mouth expressions of Senora Goff and several of his classmates. His Spanish was flawless. If asked, he was also fluent in French and wasn't half bad at Japanese either.

Knowing many languages was a useful asset when one ran a business as large as his. Anyway, Edward had to fill his spare time with something.

"Show-off," Emmett said, leaning forward to whisper in his ear. Edward just smiled sweetly.

**~0~**

The end of school found Edward back in his room, sitting at his desk. He looked around, his eyes glancing around.

He hardly knew the person who lived in this room. His shelves were full sci-fi novels and Dungeons and Dragons guides. Miniature, pewter Warhammer figurines were proudly displayed, and Edward remembered how many hours he spent painting each one with tiny, exact brush strokes. His anime collection was impressive...and on VHS. Edward picked up the clunky things, bemused at how much had changed in such a short amount of time.

According to the posters on his wall, everything this Edward knew, he learned from Star Wars. He read each of the quotes, wondering what Star Wars had to say about reliving the day that had changed his life.

What would Yoda do?

Sighing, Edward swung in his chair, flipping on his computer. It was odd to have a tower again. Laptops were Edward's computer of choice. Much more space efficient.

When his background flickered on, Edward suddenly remembered his obsession with Gillian Anderson - Agent Scully of the X-Files. There was a collage, and he wouldn't put it past him to have made it himself.

Shaking his head ruefully, Edward explored the icons on his desktop. He clicked into his folders. Porn. Illegally downloaded music. More porn. Napster. Tribes.

Everquest.

Curious, Edward double clicked on the blue shield icon, feeling the twinge of nostalgia as the EULA came up and the once so familiar music blared.

"Hello, Arcanion," he muttered, tapping the screen with a grin as his characters appeared. He had many, of course, but his prize, his main, was a wood elf bard named Arcanion Di'Vir. Despite the fact his thoughts about his history in gaming were derisive, Edward couldn't help the innate rush of happiness he felt logging in. So many great memories.

He let himself recall the hours he spent playing this game, trying to remember the layout of the zones. He remembered giggling with Jasper when he rounded up huge trains of monsters and then dumped them on the newbies in Qeynos. How often had he had to smooth talk himself out of trouble?

A message across the bottom of his screen stood out, deep blue instead of white.

**Meawene whispers: Arc! Where have you been? You're late.**

Private messages in blue, guild chat was green, group chat was yellow. It was all coming back to him. And Meawene Di'Vir...

Wood elf druid and his in-game wife, if he recalled correctly. He'd taken her on virtual dates - rowing a boat out to the middle of a monster-laden lake, and offering her flowers with stats on them. He'd proposed in the middle of a dungeon, offering her a ring it'd taken him forever to find at the auction house - +6 to all stats. An Everquest marriage included petitioning a guide - the in game help desk - to change one or both of their last names.

_Holy shit, I'm a fucking geek!_

"Edward?" his mother's voice made Edward jump slightly in his seat.

"Hi, Mom," he said, smiling. He would have hugged her again except that he probably would have squeezed her too tightly. She was already concerned about how loopy he'd been this morning. He didn't want to make her more worried over his odd behavior.

Esme came to sit on his bed. Her eyes flicked over to his computer screen, and he could see her smile falter just slightly. Automatically, his hackles raised, and he felt irrationally defensive.

Completely unaware of the rage that was brewing beneath the surface of Edward's skin, Esme innocently asked, "So, do you have any plans this weekend?"

**~0~**

Edward was half way across town before the anger drained completely away. He groaned, his head connecting with the steering wheel with an audible thunk as he pulled up to a stoplight.

He'd fought with his mother - a loud, angry, screaming fight that made absolutely no sense to him even though he'd just lived it.

It was such an innocuous question: do you have any plans this weekend? Something that any parent would ask their child. Hell, vague acquaintances could ask that question. Yet Edward had exploded with a whole vein of nonsense. What was the difference between hanging out with virtual friends as opposed to flesh and blood friends? So what if he wasn't interested in playing sports on soggy fields like some of the other kids? She just thought he should be more like Emmett that was all. Emmett had a job but only because Emmett wanted to get a Jeep rather than the car his parents chose; Edward was perfectly fine with the Volvo. His older brother had a variety of friends and hardly ever stood still and...

" _G'dammit, Mom, I'm not Emmett_!"

She'd never even brought up Emmett's name!

What in the ever loving hell was wrong with him?

But now he was stuck going to Royce's party because he'd told his mother he would.  _"Royce King invited me to his party. Would that make you happy? Fine! I'll go hang out with the real kids and pretend I like the stupid Backstreet Boys if you'll get off my back!"_

He'd pounded down the stairs and stormed out the door before she could even get a word in edgewise.

That was how Edward found himself pulling up to Royce's house. He sighed. Royce's parents house was easily in the top five largest, most ostentatious houses in Forks. It wasn't difficult to remember where it was; he'd spent quite a bit of his late teens here since Royce's parents were rarely home.

The door was open, so Edward just marched right in.

It struck him as amusing that Royce could get away with these kinds of parties. He was honestly surprised that he could find this many people to attend in the first place. The entire first floor was crawling with kids. There was a lot of awkward bump and grind going on.

Edward walked through the house, nodding at the people who said hello and ignoring the stares of ones who seemed surprised to see him there. As he found the living room – the source of the unnecessarily loud music – Edward stopped short at the sight that greeted him.

Across the room, the new girl was pressed into the very far corner. She was clutching a bottle of coke like it was a weapon she was about to swing at the man who was looming over her. James. He had one hand on either wall, forming a cage around her. He seemed oblivious to the fact the girl looked for all the world like she would have crashed straight through the wall if it meant she could get away from him. Her eyes were hard, her body language closed off.

Edward's fists clenched at his side, a strange but strong feeling of protectiveness washing over him. He started moving, brushing by people so fast several of them exclaimed, "Hey!" as he bumped their arms, spilling their drinks. What he was going to do, he didn't know. He just knew he needed to get James away from the girl.

"James," Edward said harshly, his hand coming down firmly on the other boy's arm.

James looked over his shoulder, his annoyed glance turning into a pleased grin. "Edward! You came. That's great." His words were innocent enough but the tone he used and the glint in his eye made Edward automatically wary. Some glimmer of instinct told him that James was up to something, though what he couldn't say.

But his thoughts were lost when the girl's severely irritated, a little intimidated eyes met his. Deep brown. Warm, even in their aggravation. He was captivated.

She was pissed. "Oh, a club of jerks. That's cute," she muttered, looking directly at him. "Please excuse me. I'll let you have your meeting in peace."

With that she ducked under James's arm and quickly made her way into the crowd. Edward watched her long enough to see her go up to a kid who must have been from the reservation.

James's snide chuckle drew Edward's attention back. "Stuck up little bitch," he muttered. "Did you see she brought her own drink?" He snorted.

"That's what comes of being the chief of police's kid, I guess," another voice commented. Royce. "Don't mess with her, man. She'll run home and tell daddy about all the booze. Speaking of which," he said, slinging an arm around James and another around Edward, "come on. Beer's getting warm."

Edward's step faltered at the word 'beer'.

Well, he should have expected that there would be copious quantities of alcohol at this party. He knew Royce and James. And it wasn't as if he hadn't been in situations where alcohol was present in a social setting. He frequently had to wine and dine potential investors and business partners.

Then again, hadn't he just fallen off the wagon the night before?

But before he could think his decisions through, James had put a full plastic cup in his hand and shoved him down on the couch next to...

"Hi, Rosalie," he greeted, his voice too damn close to squeaking for his liking.

She didn't even acknowledge him, instead glaring at Royce who was holding out a drink. "That's a beer," Rosalie said, looking at the cup in his hand like he was offering her a toad instead of a beverage.

His eyes narrowed, and for a moment he looked so dangerous that Edward felt an unfamiliar urge to put himself in front of Rosalie. But then his grimace smoothed and he grinned. "My bad. I'll be right back."

James ambled after him, leaving Edward alone with Rosalie on the couch.

The blonde cleared her throat, plastering on a fake smile. "So... is uh, Emmett around here?"

Edward furrowed his brow, confused by the question for a moment. How the hell was he supposed to know what Emmett was doing? For the millionth time that day, he had to re-frame his thought process to match his surroundings. Emmett lived in the same house as he did. It was reasonable that he would know what his brother was doing.

He wondered suddenly if his brother knew what he was doing...

"He's not here." Ridiculously, his voice shook. His palms were moist. Nerves, he recognized. He was well aware he was sitting next to one of the most popular girls in school. Kids were staring.

Rosalie looked down at her hands and took another slow drink. "Hmmm," she said, sounding unconcerned. She flipped her hair, looking around the room. "So what was wrong with the Jeep?"

Again, Edward had to search to figure out what she was talking about. Right, they'd driven to school in Edward's Volvo but Emmett had a Jeep. He'd thought Emmett was just being a pain in the ass, but there was probably more to it. "Uh, I guess it's broken?"

Her lips twisting in annoyance, Rosalie finally looked at him. "Well, no shit, Sherlock. I mean, what's wrong with it?"

"Like I give a fuck," Edward snapped back.

Rosalie raised an immaculately sculpted eyebrow. She opened her mouth to make a retort, but then Royce was back. He sat beside her again, forcing her body to pitch into Edward's. When he reached out automatically to steady her, he ended up with a hand full of boob.

"Sorry!" he said quickly. He raised the cup of beer to his lips, not even thinking about anything other than taming the lust-tainted, jittery giggles that threatened to spill over. He'd downed almost the whole thing, distracted by raging teenage hormones, before he realized what he'd done.

Fuck.

Beer had never been his preferred drink. It definitely wasn't the drink that had gotten him in trouble. But he was a fucking alcoholic. Clean and sober was a black and white concept.

But he hadn't been an alcoholic when he was 17. His body wasn't addicted.

"Damn, kid," James chortled, thumping Edward's back. "And here I thought we were corrupting some innocent soul. You didn't even flinch."

"Not your first drink, huh?" Royce laughed.

Edward grimaced. "Not exactly."

James put another cup in his hand. "I'll drink to that."

**~0~**

_Fuck._

Edward groaned as he stirred, a heavy, all too familiar dizziness disorienting him as he tried to figure out where he was...and when he was for that matter.

It was dark, and what little he could see was blurry. He needed his glasses... As he felt around for them, his hands encountered blankets, blankets and... skin... hair.

_What. The. Fuck._

Brief flashes of memories came to him - not the ones fuzzier around the edges, like his memories of his original life, but more recent scenes. The conversation turning raunchy as he talked with the other two boys and Rosalie. Blond hair in his face, and a wonderfully feminine smell. Someone grinding on his lap, making his cock strain against his jeans. Clumsy hands on soft, naked flesh. The images were crisper in some ways - the background not as indistinct - yet off-kilter.

Because he'd been drunk when they originally occurred Edward realized, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. He was still drunk.

His thoughts were thick. He wasn't really awake, but he was conscious enough to feel the shame and guilt that washed over him then. It took all the energy he had left to focus, squinting his eyes enough to see the face of the person, the woman, fast asleep and naked in the bed next to him.

Rosalie Hale.

_Fuck._

It was the last thought he had before blackness took him once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh, jadedandboring, jadedandboring. I love you. I really do. You beta my chaps and put up with my bullshit.
> 
> I'm STILL not reading Roseward or Bella/Carlisle (uch uch UCH) for you.
> 
> Anyway.
> 
> So all that geeky stuff? My brother actually did that stuff - taking his girl for dates in Everquest. They had picnics by pretty, pixilated waterfalls. LOL!


	5. Silver And Gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So sorry about the late update and not replying to reviews. My twitter wife is with me for 2 weeks! Woo! Should be back on the more regular schedule come July.
> 
> Also - fair warning - there is more Geek speak in here. Try to read between the lines. Hehehe.

Everyone, at some point in their life, has had a dream where they feel as though they're falling. Usually, that triggered an instinct to wake up. There was a whole movie that revolved around this concept. However, Edward's subconscious, like the rest of him, seemed to be very fucked up.

He was falling through the air, that sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach tightening and twisting as he fell. Air whooshed by his ears, and his hands and feet instinctively scrambled for purchase that wasn't there.

He hit - not ground, but water - as evidenced by the terrific splash he heard a split second before sound was enveloped by the typical, muted roar. The pressure outside his body became too great and warred with the pressure of his blood pumping from his heart in his chest to the space between his ears. It was an unpleasant feeling. He was too deep, too fast, and he didn't know which way was up.

Edward forced himself to calm down. He had a 360-degree-spread of choices. Finding one direction heading toward lighter waters and one toward darker, he opted for the light and thrashed in that general direction. His lungs were burning with effort, desperate for breath. Surely he was about to asphyxiate when...

He finally broke the surface. Edward gasped, his arms still splashing wildly. When his hands encountered something solid, he held on for dear life, giddy with relief. As he dragged in breath after breath, he became more aware of his surroundings. More specifically, his eyes focused on a small face that was peering down at him.

It was a child - a familiar one at that. She was perched on the very edge of a lounge chair, watching his display with a comically unimpressed expression. As he blinked up at her, the little girl pushed a pair of large sunglasses down her nose so she could look on him condescendingly. When he caught sight of her eyes, Edward's body gave a little start of recognition. One black eye, one golden. "Alice," he remembered.

She sighed, shaking her head sadly as she pushed her glasses back up. "You are not very smart."

Edward blinked at the little girl. "What?" he exclaimed, realizing belatedly he wasn't helping his case any.

Again, she gave a melodramatic sigh. Scrambling to her hands and knees, Alice swapped herself around so she was laying on her belly on the lounge chair, looking down at him. "Don't you 'emember what I told you last time?"

Pulling himself out of the water, Edward sat on the edge of the pool he'd apparently fallen into. Saying he was disoriented was like calling a hurricane a gentle ocean breeze. "You mean at the party?" he asked. Recalling a child's inane conversation hadn't exactly been at the foremost of his mind. "You mean about you not getting married?" The words sounded so wrong to say to such a small child, but obviously, reality was pretty far from where he was at the moment.

"Nooooo!" She huffed. "The last time you were  _here_!" She cracked a grin and suddenly was giggling. Peels of childish laughter filled the air. "You was soooo funny." She sobered, emitting a little titter now and again as she looked over at him. "Were you drunk? Mommy says drunks act like clowns 'cept with no make-up. You was kinda like that."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Edward breathed in deeply. This was all a dream, but he'd be damned if he lost patience with a child, corporeal or not. "I was here before. Maybe you should remind me what you told me."

Alice sat up, crossing her legs and taking off her sunglasses so she could regard him seriously... or at least as seriously as a tiny child could. "See, some things are fate. But people can make a real mess," she scrunched up her little nose, "of what life is 'upposed to be. You," she pointed at him, her voice accusing, "messed up other people." She leaned forward, her eyes intense as she glared at him. "Fix it!"

**~0~**

Edward woke with a start, his heart threatening to pound out of his chest as Alice's accusation echoed through his head.

"Edward?"

At the sound of his mother's voice, Edward's eyes rolled, trying to find her. Everything was blurry. Again. Automatically, his hand darted out, finding his glasses where they were on the nightstand.

When Esme finally came into view, her face was slightly worried. "Were you having a nightmare?" She smoothed his hair out of his eyes, and Edward's chest felt warm as he soaked in her maternal comfort.

"Just a dream," he mumbled, clearing his throat a little self consciously.

"Hmm," Esme murmured. "Well, wake up. If you get through today, it'll be the weekend." She smiled at him, ruffling his hair one more time before she left the room.

"It's Friday..." Edward muttered to no one in particular. It concerned him that he was still 17 and living in his parents' house. But what seemed more important was that when he'd gone to sleep - or passed out, anyway - he'd been in a bed he didn't recognize next to a naked Rosalie Hale. That was Friday night. If this was Friday morning...

With dread laying like a stone at the pit of his stomach, Edward turned his head to look at the clock by his bedside.

**7:01 A.M., January 8, 1999**

Edward squeezed his eyes tightly shut, then opened them again.

**7:01 A.M., January 8, 1999**

Closing his eyes again, Edward counted to 10 as he inhaled, and then again as he exhaled. He had to treat this situation like he would any problem in his normal life. He had to go about it logically.

A loud bang negated the calming exercise Edward had just performed. "Yo! Freakazoid!" Emmett called from the doorway. "Get up. We have to take your car and Berty will kill me if I'm late again." He reached into the room with one long arm, grabbing a pair of keys from the dresser and giving Edward a cheeky grin. "I'm driving!"

Like before, Edward felt a rush of irritation and a curiously strong desire to run after his brother, yelling at the top of his lungs. He managed to quell it this time, especially since his legs got tangled in his blankets as he tried to kick them off and he ended up in a graceless pile on the floor. Moody now, Edward picked himself up and went into the bathroom instead, trying to remember what he'd been thinking about.

Right. Logic.

But the fact he was living January 8, 1999 for the third time in his life was both illogical and impossible.

As he walked back into his room, a small poster near his computer caught his eye. Star Trek's Starfleet emblem. An old quote wormed its way to the forefront of his memory. Spock... and Sherlock Holmes before him:

 _Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth_.

It didn't matter that it was impossible he was living this day for the third time, it was fact. The only two choices he could come up with was that, like Sisyphus rolling the boulder up the hill, he was doomed by some cruel god to repeat this day over and over again until the end of time or he'd been sent back for a purpose. The second option was both preferable, under the circumstances, and tangibly supported by the odd, mystical, pixie child from his dreams. Or were they visions? And if they were visions, what did that make the little girl? His spirit guide?

Well, he supposed having such a child for a spirit guide was preferable to thinking of her as a demonic entity - another part of his punishment in this slightly hellish situation.

Edward thought this possibility through on the drive to school and throughout his first classes.

Alice was right about one thing for sure. His mistakes had cost two people in particular far too much. His parents...

And that made more sense than anything else had in a while. Esme and Carlisle touched the lives of so many people. They were hard workers, good friends and amazing parents. One of many reasons that Edward could hardly stand to see his niece and nephew was because he had robbed them of loving grandparents. Lord knew that Victoria's parents were almost as big assholes as she was.

They should have lived to see their grandchildren born. They should have been able to see Emmett fulfill his potential and Edward do something more than just waste his life away.

But how did he stop something from happening that didn't happen for another few years?

The answer was simple. When the judge ordered him to rehab, Carlisle and Esme had opted to send their son to one of those swanky centers that masqueraded as a mountain retreat. The road leading to the place wound through woods. Coming around a sharp corner, their car had struck a deer and then, as it spun out, a tree. It wouldn't have happened if Edward hadn't thrown his little hissy fit but it also wouldn't have happened if he'd never been at the rehab center in the first place.

The best way not to become an alcoholic was never to drink at all.

Obviously, temperance wasn't something he could play with. His seventeen year old body was not addicted to alcohol, but a good part of the disease was psychological. Edward could only remember having the one beer the night before. But he must have had more. How else had he wound up in a room with Rosalie and no memory of how he got there?

Still mostly lost in his thoughts, Edward followed Jasper to the food line when lunch rolled around. He was ridiculously hungry and quickly filled his tray to bursting with gross, lunchroom food. Jasper snickered at him. "Jeez, Edward. I know for a fact your momma feeds you more than enough," he laughed, snatching an apple from his tray.

Edward grimaced because the apple was really the only remotely healthy thing on his plate.

As Jasper babbled about Everquest and the Plane of Time, Edward's eyes wandered over to the table where James, Royce and Rosalie sat. He tapped a finger against his lips absently, watching Royce and Rosalie who were obviously bickering.

"Hey!" Jasper snapped his fingers in front of Edward's face. "Man, where are you?" He looked over his shoulder and then back to Edward, his eyes wide. "Are you ... checking out Rosalie Hale, dude?"

"No," Edward said quickly, hating that his cheeks flushed because Jasper's words brought on a torrent of images, Rosalie's naked body among them. He shifted in his seat, trying to calm his natural reaction. He made himself imagine Mr. Banner making out with Miss Cope. He looked at his friend and smirked. "She and Royce are arguing again. I was just waiting to see if we were going to get a Jerry Springer throw down."

"Heh," Jasper grinned. "Rosalie's a drama queen for sure, but I don't know that she'd cause that kind of a scene. At least, not here." He shook his head. "Anyway, I was asking if you had everything you need for the raid tonight. If you still need to farm-"

"I don't think I'm going to be there," Edward interrupted.

Jasper's head snapped up. "What are you talking about? Ah, shit. Did you get in trouble with your parents again?"

"No, no. I mean. There's a party tonight..." Edward began but trailed off. Shit. He wasn't supposed to know about the party yet, and he definitely wasn't invited.

"What fucking party?" Jasper demanded, looking both confused and annoyed.

Edward sighed. He was getting confused in time. "I have this feeling that Royce is going to invite me to his party, that's all."

Jasper furrowed his eyebrows. "What? Royce doesn't know we exist. Why the hell would he invite you to his party?"

Again, Edward sighed. This was quickly going down a path that had him scrambling for words - and an explanation that didn't involve some sort of time travel. "He just is!" he explained brilliantly. Cocking his head to the side, Edward's eyes lit up a little as a thought occurred to him. "Hey, you should come."

"What?" his friend seemed completely flabbergasted.

"Yeah," Edward said, a little excitedly. "It'd be something different. You know, it might be nice to talk to people outside of wor- school that aren't pixelated."

Jasper gaped at him. Abruptly, his shocked expression turned angry. "What the hell is going on with you today? You sound like your mother."

In Edward's estimation, that wasn't such a bad prospect. But then, it occurred to him that teenagers didn't typically want to be anything like their parents. "Maybe she has a point. It'd be nice to have a life every now and again," he snapped defensively.

"Nice," Jasper said, narrowing his eyes. He pushed his chair back and stood, grabbing his tray. "I don't know who the hell pissed in your Cheerios today, but if you see my friend, Edward, you tell him there's a raid tonight and he better fucking be there."

Edward's chest felt a little tight as he watched Jasper stomp away from him. Jasper was, after all, also missing from his adult life. Time spent with his late best friend was as precious to him as not upsetting his parents. Growling, he pounded his forehead on the table. "Fucking melodramatic teenagers," he muttered to the table top.

"Aww, what's a matter, Cullen? Did you have a fight with your girlfriend?"

Raising his head, Edward gave Royce a wry look. "No, did you?" he challenged.

Royce looked over at James with a knowing look. "Were you watching that shit? You uh - have a thing for my girlfriend or something?"

_Here we go again._

**~0~**

Edward had absolutely no intention of drinking at the party.

But...

Well, the fact of the matter was that he was woozy and a little nauseated as his eyes blinked open. He remembered this feeling all too well - waking up still drunk enough that the room was spinning.

He didn't remember having anything to drink. James and Royce had turned the peer pressure on high, but he'd resisted. It was surprisingly difficult. Alcoholic tendencies aside, everything in him was dying to fit in with the 'cool' kids, even though his logical mind counted this as ridiculous.

After all, he'd reasoned with himself, at 29, he knew that James was in prison for assault on his girlfriend and the man she had on the side. Royce had two kids by two different mothers, a beer belly and a heavily garnished paycheck when he was working. Neither of those things fell in the vicinity of cool.

But in high school, they were the kings of the castle.

Either they were very convincing, or Edward was just too impressionable for his own good.

He groaned, fighting sleep long enough to turn his head to the side. Sure enough, Rosalie was sprawled on her back, her perky, perfectly rounded breasts on full display. Edward was close enough to her that he didn't even need his glasses to see them... her.

Groaning again, Edward gave up and let sleep claim him.

**~0~**

More days went by then Edward remembered to count, and yet he still woke up on January 8th. Little things changed. He got out of bed promptly when his mother woke him, hiding his keys in a low drawer while he showered and dressed so Emmett wouldn't get to them. A couple of times, he forewent the shower entirely so he could have breakfast with his father.

James and Royce confronted him at different times. Sometimes at lunch. Sometimes before class. They would grill him about the mysterious letters to Rosalie most of the time though occasionally, they didn't mention it. They never failed to invite him to the party though. And he never failed to wake up beside a nude Rosalie with images in his head, little flashes of memory, but nothing concrete to explain how he'd gotten there.

It disturbed him to no end how often his will, apparently, crumbled to dust. Fighting his addiction had not been an easy thing. If there was some measure of credit Edward gave himself, it was that he controlled his disease and not the other way around. He had been able to resist the temptation when it would have been as easy as sticking his tongue out to have just one more taste. In fact, more than once as some woman's tongue explored his mouth, he could taste the bittersweet, sharp tang of the alcohol on their lips and lingering in their mouth. His head had swum, and it would have been so, so easy to fall then...

But he'd resisted up until he'd stumbled across a left behind bottle of vodka in his freezer. As many times as he'd encountered his vice in the business arena, out among work colleagues or with the very few women he's seen socially, alcohol had never touched the sanctuary of his home. That fact combined with the heavy guilt had been his undoing.

Falling off the wagon was regrettable but statistically explainable. That he couldn't seem to stop was simply inexcusable.

Given that he didn't remember at what point his self control slipped, he couldn't figure out how to stop it from happening. He'd gone as far as taking a page from the cute brunette - the Chief of Police's daughter. He brought his own drink. Still that night he woke up, naked and sticky beside an equally nude Rosalie.

Though he loathed the idea that he couldn't control himself, Edward had to admit the idea of a sponsor would come in handy right about then. Of course, his sponsor was currently 15 years old and living in Egypt with a control freak, army dad who would drive him to drink at a tender age. Still, Edward would have liked to talk to Benjamin about the debacle he faced. The man always had a unique insight to the problems they both faced.

He turned to finding a different kind of sponsor. He tried to get Jasper to go with him, pestering his friend to varying degrees of failure during lunch and again after school. Sometimes he could actually get Jasper to consider it, but the other boy's loathing of the crowned princes of Forks went too deep to get him to agree.

"Why the hell is this so important to you?" Jasper cried in exasperation at one point, and the question caught Edward off guard.

He'd been so single-minded in his focus, the need to prove to himself he could still go to a party without drinking almost as great as his fervent desire to change the future and thus save his parents. It hadn't even occurred to him that the best way to avoid drinking at the party was to avoid the party altogether.

The idea seemed wrong on several levels.

First and foremost was Edward's fervent desire to please his parents. They didn't know it, but he would never be able to do enough to make up for what he'd put them through. He couldn't even imagine the sleepless nights, or what it had done to them to see their baby boy fall as far and as hard as he had. And then, of course, he'd robbed them of any chance to weather that storm and come out the other end where they could have seen Edward begin and grow a successful business.

When he had come to that step - righting wrongs and seeking forgiveness - it'd seemed so very unfair that his parents hadn't lived long enough for him to make amends.

Somehow, he'd been given this second chance, and he was desperate to ease their worries. Then - not knowing the challenges he would face down the road - Esme and Carlisle had harped most on his reclusive behavior.

_"You had so many friends once, Edward," his mother remembered. "What happened with you and Mike? He was always over here before."_

_Edward scoffed. "Yeah, well, good luck waiting for him to show up again." What his parents didn't know was that Mike hated Edward with a passion. Sure they'd been friends... until Lauren Mallory had used Edward to make Mike jealous. Mike had blamed him. The rules of the teenage boy code had demanded he be ostracized from the boys side, and Lauren's incessant squawking had made the girls turn up their nose at him. In Forks, there weren't enough cliques to go around and he was alone for a time until Jasper came to school. "They all hate me, Mom."_

_"Just talk to them, Edward," his father encouraged. "How can they forgive you or include you if you don't talk to them?"_

But week after week he'd preferred the company of Jasper and the other members of his guild. His parents didn't understand that they were all just as real as the students of Forks High. His in-game wife was an 18 year old girl named Megan from New York who had three brothers and long, curly blond hair. Their guild leader was a 27 year old man in Southern California with two kids and a hot wife.

As he looked back at it, Edward never felt socially deprived. His online friends were varied and interesting, offering a diversity of personalities he'd never have been exposed to in Forks.

Still, his parents worried. It was worth attending a stupid, high school party to see his mother beam at the idea he was out socializing with a whole house full of people. Which led to the second reason why Edward hadn't immediately considered not going to the party: for all their faults, James and Royce had been the last friends he had after Jasper died. Sure, eventually, life had torn them in different directions, especially after Edward got sober, but the time they had together wasn't completely negative.

In the end, Edward had to concede that his parents' lives were worth a little worry on their part and maybe, possibly never making friends the two other boys. At the very least, he had something new to try. James and Royce must have been resolved in their decision to get him to the party. It was one of the few things that never changed no matter how he lived that day.

So Edward hid out in the library during lunchtime, hoping that Jasper would forgive him. He'd actually almost made it to Biology when he spotted James and Royce down the hall. Without thinking about what he was doing, Edward grabbed the arm of his nearest classmate.

"Hey, did you do the homework from last night?" he asked hurriedly, pulling the girl off to the side. He gave a start when he found himself looking at the new girl. The expression on her face was one of shock.

She blinked at him for a few seconds before her eyes narrowed. "What do you think you're doing, Edward?" she asked, yanking her arm back.

A pleased, warm feeling spread across his chest, tugging at his lips. "What's your name?" he wondered out loud and then had to stop himself from smacking his forehead. Smooth that was not.

For a split second he thought he saw hurt flit across her features, but then she just glared at him. "You don't have to be such a dick. You made it clear on Monday that you think I'm dirt on your pricey shoes. Just go back to forgetting I exist!"

She pulled her backpack further up on her shoulder, turned around and marched back into the biology classroom with a purpose. It would have been quite an epic exit if she hadn't tripped in the doorway, barely catching herself before she face planted.

Edward rushed forward, bewildered and worried. But the girl had already recovered, leaving him to take his seat beside her in silence.

"Listen," he started, "I didn't-"

"Okay, everyone. We're going to start by reviewing the chapter…" Mr. Banner began. The girl slouched in her seat, tugging her hair out of a pony tail so she could hide behind it. She stared forward studiously, and Edward sighed.

He wished he remembered what he'd done to this girl. Sure, he had his faults but he'd never been a jerk to women. Not to mention, this particular one seemed to throw him more for a loop each time he saw her. Obviously, he'd made quite the impression on her, so why didn't he remember her from his original life?

"Who has an answer for us – some proof that you actually read the chapter? Bella?"

The girl beside him cleared her throat and spoke in a somewhat shaky voice. "The Kreb's Cycle?"

A warm sense of satisfaction spread across his chest. He found himself smirking with pleasure. Bella.

Rather than even pretending he was paying attention in class, Edward found himself playing all her words over and over in his head. He kept getting distracted from the disturbing thought that he'd seriously offended this girl. It was just that he got caught up in the details. She hadn't hesitated to get in his face, calling him on whatever bullshit he'd long forgotten he committed yet she was undeniably shy when Mr. Banner called on her.

Swan! That was her last name. Of course. Edward knew Chief Swan better than he wanted to admit. He slunk down in his seat, recalling the man's disheartened face when he saw him - then 18 and being arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct. The Chief's disappointment was nothing compared to his parents' but still, it stuck with him. Edward had never enjoyed disappointing people he respected.

Edward was thoroughly distracted from thoughts of Bella as he recalled how many of his shameful antics were egged on by James and Royce. At the time it had been irrelevant - they had both wandered away from his life with their own problems - but as Edward had worked his way through the program, he'd been taught time and again that part of his recovery was to analyze his friendships.

Even if they'd had a chance to be there, Edward sincerely doubted that his two friends would ever have been a good influence.

The bell rang, and Edward remained in his seat as he watched the other students file out, his mouth twisting when his desk mate didn't so much as glance in his direction as she left the classroom.

Keeping an eye out, Edward exited the classroom and all but sprinted to Spanish. His off-kilter balance sent him careening into another boy he recognized as Eric Yorkie. Eric looked distinctly more pale than usual, and when Edward looked behind him, he could see James and Royce entering the building. From the somewhat awed, furtive glances Eric tossed them, Edward guessed that they'd cornered a different E with their questions about Rosalie.  
 _  
Not my problem._

Edward couldn't help but feel guilty as he picked himself back up an high-tailed it for his Spanish class.

After school, he waved Emmett off and caught a ride home with Jasper. On the way, he carefully probed his best friend about some of the finer details of the Plane of Time fight. It wasn't hard to get Jasper going. Edward grinned, remembering how fascinated the other boy was with tactics.

Because their guild, Fires of Heaven, was among the top across all servers, it was up to them to figure out new fights. Though they were in constant competition with Circles of Eternity and a few other guilds, Fires of Heaven was frequently the first to uncover new content. If their tactics were successful, every other guild who got as far into the game as they did would copy and improve on their groundwork.

Despite himself, by the time Jasper pulled up to his front door, Edward was excited about the coming battle. He raced up the stairs, knowing he needed to remember how to play before he could be help to anyone.

One fight with his mother and a few hours later, night had fallen. Edward barely remembered that there was a party going on somewhere else in Forks. He and the rest of Fires of Heaven were gathered in the Plane of Earth, working their way through the last monsters before the boss fight.

 **Meawene whispers: It's lame that Sony never gives druids anything to do but heal.**  
 **  
**Smirking to himself, Edward took a moment to assuage the ego of a teenage girl.

_**Arcanion whispers: You heal and look pretty - what's not helpful about that?** _

He chuckled as Mea's character danced with his.

" _No mushy stuff. This is serious business. We're beating this tonight_!" His guild leader, Furor in the game, called over the mic channel.

**Isli whispers: Yeah, head in the game ya whipped bastard.**

It didn't matter how often he saw her, Jasper's character always made him laugh. Isli was a female, dwarf paladin... with a beard. Plenty of the guys in the guild played female characters, but leave it to Jasper to play the stout, bearded chick.

As the night wore on and Edward got lost in the game, he almost forgot what was happening to him. He forgot that he was actually 29 years old, and that he'd lived this day before. He forgot that he was trying to change his fate and the fate of his parents. He forgot about James, Royce and Rosalie until almost midnight that night.

**Isli whispers: Dude... Tyler just IM'ed me. That party you were so desperate to go to? Katie caught Eric Yorkie and Rosalie Hale going at it in Royce's parents' bedroom. Drama. That couldn't have been a pretty sight.**

Edward stared at the screen, an odd sense of guilt twisting in his gut.

" _Dammit! The first Rathe is loose! Arcanion, what the fuck_?" Furor sounded appropriately furious.

"Sorry," Edward said quickly, running after the out of control monster. He got his head back in the game, but part of him was thinking about the party.

He couldn't help but feel like there was something he was missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: IRL, Fires of Heaven did exist though, with a leader named Furor who, in real life, lived in California and had two kids and a hot wife. I played Isli and was NOT in Fires of Heaven. I hated the beard, but my brother and his friends would always log on my character and put it on me so ... whatever.
> 
> Sorry about Mea not being Bella. Cute idea, but it doesn't work with what I have planned. :) Mea existed too. Everyone did. Isli was my character, Arcanion's was my brother's.
> 
> Write what you know, right?
> 
> Anyway. We'll get beyond this day soon. Thanks so much to Barburella and jadedandboring for all their support. And thank you so much for your reviews! Your guesses and frustration at Edward always make me smile.


	6. Just A Little Crush

Edward woke in an unfamiliar house, blinking in the light of the sun.

Where the hell was he?

He was looking at a wall that reminded him more of a movie set than anything else. Most of the wall was taken up by a picturesque lake. Tucked into the corner of the room was a stone castle, part of it painted on the wall and part of it coming out into a truly amazing playspace. Edward's eye was drawn by a fugly animal hanging from a tree painted on the wall.

"What the fuck is that?"

"Ooooooo!" a little girl's voice giggled at him. Edward craned his neck, realizing he was in a bedroom. More specifically, he was in a little girl's bedroom. The child in question was sitting cross-legged on a bed with a Harry Potter bedspread and lens-less, Harry Potter glasses.

"Hello, Alice," Edward grumbled, rolling so that he was could face the girl right side up.

"Hello!" she said cheerfully.

"So what is that thing?" he asked, pointing to the animal in the corner.

"A Nargle," she informed him, rocking back and forth with her hands on her ankles. Then her face grew serious as she slid off the bed, coming to stand in front of him with her hands on her hips. "Listen. You are still messing up."

Annoyance threatened his patience. "Well, what am I supposed to be doing? You just told me to fix the future...the past... whatever. What am I supposed to be fixing?"

Alice sighed, looking solemn. "A lot."

Frustrated, Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. "Must you be so fu... so cryptic?"

Alice appeared to consider this. "What's cri... cri-pic mean?"

Edward's lips quirked. "It means you aren't being clear. Why can't you just tell me what I need to do."

"Oh!" Alice said, drawing the word out. "Because it's against the rules," she said in a 'duh' voice.

"It would be helpful if I knew what game I'm playing, much less the rules of the game," Edward grumbled.

Rolling her eyes, Alice stood and offered her tiny hand to him. Hesitantly, Edward took it, letting the munchkin lead him into another room. She sat, cross legged, in front of a huge TV screen and patted the space beside her. Getting the point, Edward sat down where she'd indicated.

"See," Alice began, "it's 'upposed to be hard. You get a do-over."

"So it's punishment?" Edward surmised. "Because I messed up other people's lives."

Alice huffed. "No. No!" She picked up a controller that sat by her side and paused, looking suddenly concerned. She got up and promptly climbed into his lap, burying her head in his shirt. "Press play," she demanded, handing him the controller.

Confused, Edward instinctively put one arm around the little girl, holding her close to him as he pressed the play button on the controller.

On the screen he recognized his house at night - the house in Seattle he bought with his own money, where he lived alone. He was confused until he saw himself wander on screen, obviously drunk as he staggered about the second story. Remembering what happened right about then, Edward cringed, holding Alice close to him. No wonder the little girl had hidden her head.

"Jesus," he muttered, watching in horror as he tumbled and fell. He landed, his body limp, at the bottom of the stairs, a long gash at his temple leaking blood like water. "I did die..." he mumbled as the screen went blank.

"You're not dead  _now_ ," Alice said, lifting her head. "But do-overs is really hard. It's against the rules for me to say what you gotta do." She rapped her little knuckles on his forehead. "Just think. Everything has reasons."

**~7:01 A.M., January 8, 1999~**

Edward woke with a start, his hands groping the air in front of him. Alice was gone. Hogwarts was gone. The fucking Nargle was gone. He couldn't see his Geeks-R-Us posters, but he was sure they were there. Mocking him.

"Demonic child," he grumbled, turning over and burying his head in his pillow. Aggravated - besides the annoyance of being 17 again, Edward absolutely hated failing - he subjected his pillow to all his aggression.

"Edward?"

"What?" he growled.

"Well... someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

Edward breathed deeply before he rolled over to face his mother. "Sorry, Mom," he said contritely.

"It's fine," she smiled at him. "Just don't make a habit of it." She ruffled his hair playfully. "Now, get up. You're going to be late for school if you sleep in much longer."

"Who cares?" Edward mumbled when Esme walked away. He was greatly perturbed at the idea of repeating his classes - the same classes - over again for what felt like the billionth time.

Visions of his broken, crumpled body assaulted his mind, reminding him of what the alternative was. Surely it was worth a little purgatory to get to not only live, but set right the lives of others.

But 11th grade Calculus?

Edward tried his hardest not to bang his head on his desk as he tuned out the teacher droning on about this equation or that.

Alice said everything happened for a reason. There had to be a greater significance to the fact he was repeating this particular day. But hadn't he changed it in every conceivable way?

_Obviously not._

But if not his parents, what was he supposed to fix? How much could his decisions affect anyone else?

The major turning points of Edward's life had been falling in with James and Royce, Jasper's death, being sent to rehab, and his parents' deaths. Only one of those events happened today. James and Royce... but Edward had thwarted that potential friendship... hadn't he?

If he went to the party, he got drunk and ended up in bed with Rosalie. But not going hadn't worked either.

What was he missing?

Restless, Edward cast his eyes around the classroom, searching for anything to pay attention to besides the math which, contrary to the teacher's insistence, he knew for a fact he was never going to use again. His eyes flitted over his classmates one by one, distracting himself from his frustration by concentrating on their lives for a moment.

It was immediately apparent that he wasn't the only one not paying attention to the teacher. Off to his right, Ben Cheney had his head cradled in his arms on the desk. He was full on staring across the room at Angela Weber, his tongue licking his bottom lip as she nibbled on the end of her pencil. Edward smirked at the moon-eyed look on the boy's face. He had trouble not laughing when, a moment later, Angela looked up, catching Ben staring. Ben flushed bright red, abruptly ruffling through the bulky math book on his table as if he was searching for something. Then it was Angela who was staring, longingly, at him.

Ah, teenage lust.

Slightly behind Angela, Edward's eyes fell on Rosalie. His mind played what little he remembered of their encounter - encounters - and he squirmed in his seat as his body reacted automatically.

Fucking teenage lust.

That was a mystery he had yet to figure out, but then he hadn't had time to dwell on it. How had his friendship with Royce survived if he'd ended up fucking his girlfriend?

There was a buzz at the back of his mind, and Edward had an uncomfortable feeling that he was missing something. Throughout the class period, his eyes kept on flitting over to Rosalie. She never looked up at him. Not once. She seemed entirely unaware of his presence.

As the morning wore on, Edward observed as he roamed the hall. It was obvious that the other kids were very aware of each other. There were the already paired off couples, hanging on each other in the hallways... awkward flirtation in the hallways... obnoxious boys making ass grabbing motions behind the backs of the girls while their friends laughed... girls simpering and giggling to each other after they smiled shyly at boys.

It began to occur to Edward that sex and lust in high school was legions different than sex and lust in the world he came from. At 29, sex was nothing of great importance. When he went out for business or just to get away from his own head, he was aware that he was attractive. When he felt so inclined, he would take a woman home, sparing no greater thought than exchanging his pleasure for hers. There was nothing dramatic about those liaisons.

But in high school, everything seemed like a matter of life and death. So, drunk and horny, his mindset would have been one he was used to at 29.

Rosalie was not 29. She was a normal, teenage girl. Sex, for her, would have much more importance to it. And the fact was that, no matter how many times he'd lived that day, she never so much as glanced at him until James and Royce dragged him over to sit with them at the party.

She had no feelings toward him...no attraction at all.

Edward swore that he could feel the contents of his stomach begin to churn sickeningly.

"Dude," Jasper's voice cut into the sound of his heart beating rapidly between his ears. "Are you okay? You look green..."

"I think I'm going to be sick..." Edward muttered a split second before he had to be anywhere but there. He ran from the cafeteria as fast as he could get his legs to move, bypassing the bathroom and throwing himself out the side door of the school. He didn't stop there, instead running straight for the edge of the forest that surrounded the school. Though he heard Jasper calling his name, he didn't stop. He felt like he couldn't. He felt vile and dark, too fucked up to be anywhere near the other children - the innocent children.

When he was shielded by the forest, Edward collapsed to his knees, his lungs burning as he gulped in air in heavy gasps. His stomach twisted, and before he could catch his breath he was heaving his guts out onto the damp moss and pine needles all around him.

"Edward... fuck. Are you okay?" Jasper, breathing hard and obviously scared at his friend's sudden, erratic behavior.

Jasper patted his back awkwardly but Edward shrugged him off, feeling like the other boy's touch would burn him like holy water to an unholy demon. "No," he said raggedly, dry heaving because there was nothing left in his stomach but bile.

"What happened? Should I get the nurse?" Jasper asked.

Edward sat back, still gasping for breath. He tilted his head up, letting the mist of rain that fell through the cover of the trees cool his superheated face. "I think..." he tried, swallowing hard around the foul taste in his mouth. "I think I raped Rosalie..."

The silence in the forest was staggering. It was as if even the birds had heard his confession.

"What?" Jasper finally managed, completely flabbergasted. "When would you... Edward, what the fuck are you talking about?"

Dragging himself to his feet, Edward began to pace a small distance back and forth. "She doesn't like me. She barely tolerated me when we did that project... There's no way she would have gone anywhere near me if she was sober."

"You're not making any sense!" Jasper said, watching him helplessly.

Edward stopped and looked at his friend with tortured eyes. "It doesn't matter what she did... if she wouldn't have had sex with me when alcohol wasn't impairing her judgement, it's rape." He sunk to his knees again, his hands in his hair and his head bowed with guilt.

Jasper stepped closer to him, standing over him. "You had sex with Rosalie? Royce King's girlfriend Rosalie?"

Edward nodded miserably.

"When the hell did this happen?"

The question brought some clarity of thought to Edward's frantic, guilty thoughts. "I... it didn't. It hasn't."

As his panic subsided, more information began to percolate in Edward's mind. Maybe he had a view of sex that was probably not the healthiest for a high school boy... but Eric Yorkie didn't. And for that matter, the first time Edward had been 17, he'd been fairly naive and innocent himself.

Taking all emotion out of the situation, Edward forced himself to line the day up like a math equation, or one of those logic puzzles with the dots and xs.

Find the constants.

Rosalie was a constant. No matter what the scenario, she'd ended up in a darkened room having sex with a boy Edward couldn't imagine her wanting to be with in the bright light of day. Unless Rosalie was harboring a host of secret crushes that she never let on to, she was being taken advantage of by someone.

Replaying the day he'd lived over and over, the only other constant Edward could find was James and Royce. They always managed to corner him, and when they couldn't corner him, they'd cornered Eric...

Was it just coincidence that it was Eric who ended up naked with Rosalie?

"Edward!"

Edward snapped his head over look at his best friend. He desperately wished he could explain the situation to him. Instead, he took a deep breath. "Nothing. It's nothing."

Jasper was looking at him like he'd grown another head. "Are you high right now? What is going on with you?"

"High..." Edward briefly considered going with this explanation, but the last thing he needed was Jasper thinking he was on drugs... or worse, asking him to share. "No...uh... " He chuffed. "I don't know. I think I was remembering a nightmare I had or something," he finished lamely.

Jasper arched an eyebrow. "A nightmare? You ran out here like your ass was on fire and lost your lunch over a nightmare you just remembered?"

Edward offered the other boy a weak smile. "Delayed reaction?"

Shaking his head, Jasper offered him a hand, helping him to his feet. "Man, you're a fucking spaz, you know that?"

Edward's answering smile was wry. "Yeah. I know."

**~0~**

Rubbing his temples, Edward used the entirety of his Spanish class trying to come up with a scenario - any scenario - that didn't point to James and Royce somehow arranging Rosalie's rape.

And God...if it had happened this way the first time around, why hadn't he realized it?

Edward's stomach twisted. Somewhere in the vague recesses of his mind, he remembered trying to talk to Rose afterward. Everything was a blur really. His life had gone from being very simple to being very complicated quickly.

It was funny. Esme and Carlisle had been concerned that Edward's life would go down the the tubes because he spent so much time on his computer. It was when he'd gained more flesh and blood friends that he'd gotten in so much trouble.

But despite all the chaos they'd brought to his life, Edward was loathe to think his two would-be friends would do something like this. They were rowdy and obnoxious, yes, but to hurt someone this way was an entirely other story. And Rosalie was supposed to be Royce's girlfriend.

Then again, Edward had always known James and Royce were troubled.

"Hey, Freakazoid," Emmett said, kicking his chair. "The bell rang a whole minute ago. Let's go."

Gathering his books, Edward followed his brother out of the classroom. Over and over again, he processed all the tidbits of information he had. A random thought drifted to the surface and he turned slightly to regard Emmett. "Hey, Em?"

"Hey, Edward?" Emmett quipped as they got in the Volvo.

"What do you think of Rosalie Hale?"

Emmett's hand actually missed the key chain, bumping into the steering wheel instead. He coughed lightly to cover for his reaction and laughed. "Nice kid," he said noncommittally.

Cocking his head, Edward studied his brother carefully. "Did you... write her love letters?" he asked, a little incredulous.

The Volvo swerved as Emmett turned to look at Edward in surprise. "Fuck!" Emmett swore as he righted the car. "How the hell did you know that?"

"It was you." Edward banged his head back against the headrest. "You like her."

A few more missing pieces locked into place. If his brother had a thing for Rosalie, and he'd slept with her - especially under shady circumstances - he could imagine that she'd probably want nothing to do with any Cullen.

"She has a boyfriend, you know," Edward muttered distractedly.

Emmett's usually smiling face was tight with anger. "Royce is a prick. She knows he's a prick."

"He thinks it's me, you know... writing her those letters," Edward said turning to look out the window.

"Look, kid, if Royce and that asshole James are giving you shit, just tell me." He scoffed. "I got your back."

Edward turned to look at his brother, his heart giving an odd little twist. For a moment he allowed himself to think of a future where he and Emmett were close, not estranged as awkward as he remembered.

Alice was right... do-overs were hard. But then, hadn't his parents taught him that nothing worth doing right was easy?

And if he not only saved Emmett from Victoria, but set him up with his high school sweetheart - despite him not understanding his brother's taste in women - that would be a bonus.

"Hey Emmett... want to crash a party?

_**~0~** _

The plan was simple. Edward had no idea what Royce and James were up to. Obviously, he had been entirely oblivious to what was going on before. He didn't trust himself to catch on before it was too late... again.

But if Emmett was like every other teenager, his eyes would be constantly on his crush, over analyzing every move.

Of course, filling in his role as big brother, Emmett was also good at being a pain in his ass.

"Jesus, Edward. This whole geekazoid routine is so not jiggy," he muttered, gesturing at Edward's outfit.

"What?" Edward looked down at his outfit and then over at his brother. "At least my pants fit. Like anyone wants to see your ass."

Still bickering, the boys bade goodbye to their parents and made their way to the King residence.

Emmett looked uncharacteristically grumpy as he got out of the Volvo. "I don't know why you insist on being here, kid. Isn't your girlfriend going to be pissed that you're not playing your stupid game tonight? He threw such a hissy fit the other day..."

"Leave Jasper alone," Edward said, rolling his eyes.

At that, Emmett grinned. He put a hand on Edward's shoulders. "You know, bro, if you need help coming out to Mom and Dad, I'm totally there for you."

Edward pushed his brother, and they entered the house rough-housing.

Stumbling after Emmett punched his shoulder, Edward all but fell into the living room off to the right. It was a room Edward hadn't spent much time in the previous times he'd lived this day. The stereo was blasting something a little tamer than in the main room.

Almost instantly, Edward's eyes were drawn to the middle of the room where a group of three girls were dancing and singing to the song on the stereo.

_Chickity China the Chinese chicken_  
 _You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'_  
 _Watchin' X-Files with no lights on_  
 _We're dans la maison_  
 _I hope the Smoking Man's in this one_

Edward's lips turned up in a smile. He couldn't help it. His lab partner... Bella.. looked unlike he'd ever seen her before. Instead of shy and scowling, she was grinning, her face flushed with the tell-tale glow of a girl who'd already had a drink or two and she was sandwiched between Jessica and Angela. She cracked up as the girls' tongues got tangled around the complicated words of the song. They were all laughing, but it was her he couldn't take his eyes off of.

"She's beautiful," he mumbled, unaware he was speaking out loud until he heard his brother's loud guffaw. Startled, he looked back and forth between Emmett and the three girls who were now staring at him. "I um... I really like the X-Files," he blurted.

The girls tittered. Even Bella smiled, though she obviously was trying not to. It was almost worth Edward's complete and total mortification. Almost. "I'm um... going to... yeah."

He darted out of the room before he could embarrass himself further. He very fervently wished he had less of his 17 year old spasticness and more of his 29 year old charm. Christ...

Edward was so busy berating himself internally that he didn't notice James until he'd barrelled straight into him.

"Whoa, Cullen. Take it easy, man. You're not my type," the other boy quipped, laughing raucously at his own joke. He draped an arm around Edward's shoulders, steering him in the direction that Edward knew from experience led to Rosalie, Royce and alcohol. "I was just looking for you."

"Hey, Damon. You gotta ask permission before you want to date my little brother." Emmett's tone was light and jovial, but Edward could hear the menace in it. But he was appreciative as he'd been just about to shrug out from under James's embrace. He didn't need to since Emmett had grabbed the other boy by the wrist, removing his arm bodily from Edward's shoulders.

James's easy grin faltered and he smiled tightly, looking from Emmett to Edward. "You brought your big brother?"

"Na, I just followed him. Can't let the squirt get in trouble, right?" he ruffled Edward's hair. Growling, Edward batted his hand away. "Anyway," Emmett said, laughing, "you treat him well now, you hear? He's got a curfew."

Laughing again, Emmett turned and melded back into the crowd. James's grin disappeared. "Man, your brother's a dick. Come on. Let's go get a drink."

_**~0~** _

"Edward?"

Groaning, Edward tried to open his eyes. He was confused and disoriented.  _Fuck_. Had it happened again?

"Son. Wake up."

"Dad?" he heard himself mumble.

Finally dragging open his eyes, Edward tried to focus. He must have still had his glasses on because when his rolling eyes finally found the face in front of him, he could see his father clearly. Carlisle had a look in his eyes that was both concerned and furious. "I'm sorry," he said instantly, though he wasn't sure what he was apologizing for.

Carlisle's expression gentled. "You're fine, Edward. I just need you to drink some water, okay?" he said, putting a straw to Edward's lips. "Slowly," he admonished when Edward began to drink too quickly, finding he was excessively thirsty.

Edward obeyed his father instantaneously, and as he drank he took the time to look around. He was in the living room of his house, stretched out on one of the couches. His eyes fell on the two people huddled on the opposite couch. His mother sat with her arm around a weepy, disheveled looking Rosalie. Emmett stood behind the couch looking much worse for the wear than Edward remembered ; his lip was split and his cheek was bruised - he was flexing his hand as if he'd recently punched something. Or someone.

And standing to his father's right was … Chief Swan.

Edward's breaths became quick and ragged. He looked back and forth between his father and the Chief of police, panicked and guilty - completely out of control of his emotions. He couldn't think clearly and so couldn't stop himself from beginning to babble. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do anything. I don't remember. I swear, I wouldn't hurt anyone."

"Edward," his father said, putting his hands on Edward's shoulders and pushing him back down on the couch gently. "Calm down, son. You're fine. You've been drugged, okay? You're home and you're safe."

"I've been drugged?" he repeated. He couldn't seem to make his brain really concentrate on any one thought long enough to truly process it.

Carlisle sighed and turned to look at the Chief. "I'm sorry, Charlie. I don't think Edward's in any shape to answer your questions right now."

"That's fine. I just needed to be sure everyone was okay for the night. Anyway, I got Bella cooling her jets in the backseat," he said tightly. He turned to face Esme and Rosalie. "Are you sure it's okay for Rosalie to stay here for the night? Mr. and Mrs. Hale are on their way, but they won't make it in until morning at the earliest."

"Of course it's fine, Charlie," Esme assured, patting Rosalie's arm consolingly. "I know we'll be up watching over Edward tonight so it's no trouble. We've got plenty of room."

Charlie nodded. "Feel better, Edward," he said sincerely. As he turned to walk out the door, he offered his hand to Emmett. "Unofficially... nice work tonight, kid."

Emmett's lips quirked in the slightest of smiles as he shook Charlie's hand.

"Come on, Edward. Have a little more water," his father coaxed.

As he sipped, Edward tried to get a hold of himself. He felt like crying, he was so confused and ashamed. But he was beginning to grasp that he hadn't done anything wrong... at least, not according to his parents and Charlie Swan.

"What happened?" he asked finally, but the words were barely a garble even to his own ears.

"Don't worry about that right now," Carlisle said softly, running his fingers through Edward's hair the way he had when Edward was a little boy. "Just go to sleep. We can talk in the morning."

Edward thought about protesting, but his eyelids were already growing to heavy to keep open. "Okay," he finally agreed before his thoughts became too blurry and finally faded away entirely.

~0~

When Edward opened his eyes, he found himself sitting at a big table. There was a bunch of cupcakes on the table in front of him, each with a little Harry Potter figurine settled in the middle.

Someone's applauding drew his attention and Edward looked across from him to see Alice in the wizard ensemble he'd met her in, grinning a semi-toothless grin. "See! I knewed you could do it!" she crowed.

Edward smiled wanly at the child, rubbing his hand over his eyes. "So.. they drugged me?" he said, more to himself than to her, trying to process the bits and pieces of the night he'd just lived. It had never occurred to him to think that he'd been roofied. On the one hand he felt violated and horrified. On the other hand... all those times he thought he'd succumbed to the temptation of alcohol... it really hadn't been his fault. "All this time … they've been drugging me. Why?"

Alice hopped off her side of the table and walked around to him. She held out her hand. A little nervous, Edward stood and took it, letting her drag him to yet another room of this mysterious house he'd never seen before.

In the middle of this new room was a cauldron. Alice dragged a step stool over to the huge thing and peered inside.

"Um... if the explanation includes eye of newt, I'm not sure I want to know..."

Alice gave him a 'boy, you're dumb' look. "This is a pens eve."

"Okay, then," Edward said amiably, still confused.

Alice just rolled her eyes and drew her wand out. She pointed the tip of the thing to her temple and drew it away slowly. To Edward's amazement, a gauzy wisp of what looked like pure white smoke came out of her skin. When she had what looked like a thread of cotton candy on the end of her wand, she dumped it into the cauldron and beckoned him closer.

"Look..."

Edward obediently stared into the cauldron, amazed at first at how there were many wisps of white swirling around in there of their own volition. Then, as he looked closer, he could see images. One in particular looked like the Forks High hallway.

Suddenly, Edward was falling.

He landed beside James and Royce, walking with them as they hurried down the hallway. He stumbled, almost careening into them. "Sorry, I uh..."

"They can't hear you," Alice, appearing on his other side, informed him. "See?" She deliberately hopped through one of the other students.

"Bitch is getting on my nerves," Royce groused to James. "It's been how many months and she won't even let me go south of the border. Fucking frigid cow."

"Heh," James snorted. They slowed. Edward was startled to see himself in the short distance, walking with piss poor posture. "You really think Ed-weird is writing those letters to her?"

Royce scoffed. "Who cares. I want to teach that bitch a lesson. You don't turn down Royce King. If she knew all the chicks who wanted a piece of me..." He shrugged. "You got the stuff for tonight, right man?"

"Course."

"Okay. Let's do it."

The vision faded then, replaced with snapshots.

James and Royce snickering at the party as they drugged two drinks - his and Rosalie's, Edward assumed.

What had to be the morning after he'd slept with Rosalie. Royce was berating her as a cheating slut while Edward shook his head, looking completely confused and disoriented. Rosalie's friend, a girl Edward vaguely remembered was Vera, was yelling at Royce, pushing him away from Rosalie.

"Come on, Rose. We're going to get you home," she said, guiding her sobbing friend toward the door.

Snickering, James and Royce turned to him, clapping him on the back. "I didn't think you had it in you, Cullen," James said jovially.

"Ha. He had it in her!" Royce cackled.

The vision changed again, and Edward watched himself try to get Rosalie's attention in the hallway at school. She turned around and all but ran away from him, her face flushing furiously. He took a step after her, but then Emmett was there, shoving him backward with a scowl on his face.

"Leave her the fuck alone, Edward. Haven't you done enough?"

The hallway became even more crowded as James stepped up to Emmett, getting in the other boy's personal space. "Back off. It ain't his fault the girl's a whore." He clapped Edward on the shoulders. "A man can't say no when a woman's all over his dick, right buddy?"

Emmett walked away, disgusted.

There were more snapshots, and Edward got the point. Rosalie not only never talked to him again, but she never talked to his brother either. She was teased while Edward was lauded. Edward gained confidence as he gained popularity. Rosalie's fire burned low and finally seemed to go out entirely. There were even a few vague visions of her stuttering her way meekly through various interviews later in life. It was horrible and heartbreaking to see.

Finally, Edward was back in Alice's house. He sat heavily on the ground, wiping a hand over his eyes. "That all changes, right? That all doesn't happen."

"It's fixed now," Alice confirmed.

Edward breathed a sigh of relief. "And I get to go back to being 29 again?"

Alice just smiled and waved her wand at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yes, Harry Potter fans, I know that's not how a pensieve works. that's just Alice being a kid. Hehehe.
> 
> Thank you to barburella, jadedandboring and CellaCullen for all the fuckery in my docs...and the support. And,as always, thanks to you for your lovely reviews.


	7. Monday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sooo the prologue goes here. Just fyi.

**  
~ January 11, 1999~**

As he rolled out of bed, Edward struggled to cast off the ever present confusion. He kept trying to find reason in a completely illogical situation.

A smell permeated his senses, and Edward almost drooled. Coffee. Sweet manna of the heavens. He finished brushing his teeth quickly and ran down the stairs, nearly tripping over his awkward feet, before skidding into the kitchen. Standing over the coffee machine, Edward breathed deeply, letting the magnificent odor of the dark beans revitalize his groggy brain.

Edward had just begun to pour himself a mug when a voice startled him. "Since when do you like coffee?"

"Gah!" The coffee cup fell from Edward's hands, the sound of glass shattering bringing Esme and Emmett running from the next room.

"Nice one, spaz," Emmett chortled helpfully.

Carlisle looked like he was struggling not to smile. "Sorry," he apologized, retrieving a dish towel to pick up the mess. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"I didn't see you there," Edward said sheepishly, plucking up some of the bigger pieces of glass and looking mournfully at the spilled liquid on the floor.

"I think it goes without saying that I am not encouraging you to pick up a coffee addiction," Carlisle said firmly as he poured another cup. "However, I can understand needing a pick me up to start the school week after the weekend you had." He offered the cup to his son with a small smile.

"Thanks," Edward muttered, taking the cup and sipping gratefully. He blinked sporadically as bits and pieces of memory came back to him. Somehow, he remembered how he'd felt ill most of Saturday. In the evening, Chief Swan and returned to ask him questions about James, Royce and Rosalie.

Emmett snorted. "That's gross, dude. You didn't even put any sugar in it." He shook his head. "Anyway. I almost forgot to give you your keys," he said, fishing the Volvo keys out of his pocket.

"You don't want to drive today?" Edward asked. It was a definite switch. One of the things that never changed no matter how many times he lived the previous Friday was that Emmett always tried to drive. Usually, he succeeded.

"Got the Jeep fixed yesterday," Emmett replied jovially, rummaging through the refrigerator to find something resembling breakfast.

"Oh?"

"Yeah," Emmett said, closing the door on the fridge so hard that Esme flinched and rolled her eyes. "Tell me how hot this is, man. I told Rose I was having problems with it, and she's got the hood popped the next thing you know. She knew what was wrong with it!"

"That's pretty sexy," Edward allowed amiably.

"Hey," Emmett said, his tone hard. "You watch your mouth about that girl. She's been through enough without you being all scheezy about her."

Edward glared at his brother over his cup. "Like I'd want anything to do with Rosalie Hale anyway. I don't know if you noticed, but I had to be drugged to get near her."

Frowning, Emmett took a step toward his little brother before Esme intervened. "That's enough," she said firmly, a restraining hand on Emmett's chest as she looked at both of her boys. "Stop picking on your brother," she told Emmett. Turning to Edward, she fixed him with an equally serious stare. "And you know better than to disparage a girl who isn't around to disparage you right back."

"Sorry, Mom," they both chorused contritely.

Edward finished his coffee quickly then, knowing time was running out. He smiled to himself when he saw his father's concerned glance. His parents didn't realize the bullet they'd dodged. Carlisle was concerned about Edward drinking too much coffee when, in this first incarnation of this life, he'd battled a vastly more dangerous drink. His mother chastised him about a rude comment toward Rosalie when he could have been an accessory – however unwitting – to her rape.

He kissed his mother and hugged his father before he slipped out the door. No matter how frustrated he was at this weird time travel loop he was caught in, his confusion was worthwhile if a little rudeness and a potential caffeine addiction were the worst of Esme and Carlisle's worries.

**~0~**

There was a rhyme and reason to the reality he was living, of that Edward was sure. He was now positive he wasn't dead, in hell or otherwise, and he was pretty sure he wasn't insane. Or if he was either of those things, he had accepted that there was nothing he could do except play by the rules of this new world.

The problem was that Edward had to feel his way through this world blindly. This must have been how prehistoric man felt - surrounded by a planet full of resources but no idea how to utilize them. Of course, prehistoric man hadn't known he had the potential of the power of fire, government and the Internet ahead of him. Edward knew he had the power to change the future; what he didn't know was how to change the future correctly.

There were a few big indicators that he was just going to have to resort to trial and error as his default method of problem solving, as much as he hated that highly inefficient method.

For one thing, despite the fact that Edward felt - had always felt - that he had a lot of wrong to answer for, the mistake he'd corrected on January 8th was not something he could have foreseen even if he'd understood what was happening from the get go. Taught self-responsibility by his parents and later having that lesson repeatedly reinforced at AA, he never would have guessed that getting Emmett to look out for him was the correct answer.

In retrospect it made sense. Emmett fit into the puzzle perfectly. In the original timeline, Edward had simply been too naive to avoid James and Royce's scheming. In his present reality, he'd been too unwilling to let go of the bonds of friendship he'd had with those boys. It wasn't to say that Emmett was more worldly, it was just that he had a responsibility as a big brother and the obsessiveness of a teenage boy with a crush. He'd have been looking out for both Edward and Rosalie whether he wanted to or not.

That was another thing. Had he not been forced to relive that day, he never would have known that he'd been used as an accessory to Rosalie's rape. The confusion was all he remembered. Rosalie wasn't the person he would have chosen, but he knew accidental sleepovers happened when you got drunk. Rosalie wouldn't talk to him but she'd never accused him of anything. And though he would have preferred to be conscious for the experience, losing his virginity hadn't been… uncool. In fact, it brought him back into the group of friends he thought he'd lost for good – James and Royce were also friends with the rest of the jocks like Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley.

So, it stood to reason that whatever he'd been sent to this day to correct was, again, something he didn't even realize he'd done in the first place.

When he got to school, his pondering was cut short by the hairs on the back of his neck prickling. Someone was watching him. Edward looked up, his step nearly faltering as he realized it wasn't just someone.

It was everyone.

The grown man in him wouldn't have given a fuck that every student in the Forks High parking lot was staring at him. But, as he'd learned repeatedly, his body was 100% teenager. His ears and face grew hot, self consciousness making it difficult to take a deep breath.

The whispering around him was incredible…and quite rude, he thought. Some of the kids looked concerned, others curious, still others smirked. Edward caught little bits and pieces of conversation. The rumors ranged from the ridiculous to the almost correct.

Somehow, Edward made it to Calculus without punching anyone in the face, though there were a few times he wanted to. Thankfully, his temper was under the control of his adult incarnation who'd faced the idea of jail time if he couldn't learn to control it and his addiction.

Besides, Edward thought when he was safely inside the classroom, it was unlike he'd have won any fights that day. His muscles were still those of a 17 year old boy whose form of exercise consisted mostly of moving his mouse. He made a mental note to ask his parents to enroll him in some sort of strength building class. Maybe karate or something. Esme would be thrilled that he wanted to do something away from his computer.

Someone clearing her throat drew Edward's attention away from the math book he was pretending to study. Looking up from under his eyelashes, Edward didn't immediately see anyone. Then he noticed Rosalie looking at him from out of the side of her eyes.

Automatically, guilt made his stomach twist and he looked away. "Hey," he said awkwardly, reminding himself that, as far as Rosalie was concerned, he hadn't done anything wrong. Not in this lifetime anyway.

"Hey," she said back, her voice an odd mixture of timid and annoyed. "I'm um… I'm really sorry about what Roy…" she trailed off, swallowing audibly. "What they did to you. He was mad at me. He shouldn't have tried to drag you into it."

"It's not your fault either," he responded quietly. He sighed, looking around at the kids watching them and whispering. "You don't deserve this bullshit."

Out of the corner of his eye he saw her toss her hair. "I'll survive," she said with forced nonchalance, and Edward had to smile. He remembered enough of Rosalie to know she was vivacious. The visions he'd glimpsed of her dwindling confidence would never come to pass. She was affected by all of this gossiping, that much was obvious, but she wasn't going to let it get her down.

And if she could be a pillar of strength after being victimized by her own boyfriend, he could get his scrawny, geeky self to sit up straight too. "Hey, Rosalie," he called to her, turning his head slightly to the side so he could look at her.

Her eyes met his briefly.

"Good job on Emmett's Jeep. Dowling couldn't fix it, that's for sure," he said grinning at her.

Rosalie didn't answer, but her cheeks flushed a pleased pink color and her lips turned up in a satisfied smile.

_**~0~** _

As the day wore on, Edward still had no clue what it was he was supposed to be doing. He hoped he wasn't supposed to pass his history quiz because he was damn sure that hadn't happened.

"That quiz was brutal," Jasper muttered in sympathy when they saw each other in English. He had history first period. Then he shrugged. "Oh, well. Quizzes aren't worth that much of our grade anyway."

As class started, Edward zoned out, thinking again about his problem. Was he supposed to live life normally? By the time he'd dragged himself through the last of his classes, his GPA was abysmal. That downward trend would have started today, wouldn't it? Maybe he was supposed to be paying attention.

But then, his grades hadn't started to really plummet until the next year – when Jasper got sick and they were too estranged for Edward to feel like he could go to him.

Jasper…

Edward wondered, hoping against hope, if there was something he could do – or he should do – for his friend. As far as he understood, the disease Jasper would die from was incurable. But maybe, if he found some way to tell Jasper now, his friend would get help quicker and possibly live longer.

Quickly, Edward quashed the hope that began to grow in him. Sure, he could convince Jasper to get to a doctor but it was unlikely they'd find the disease unless they knew what they were looking for. How would he tell Jasper what to look for without sounding crazy? And what purpose would it serve? Yeah, maybe he'd have a little more time but his life would be destroyed.

Right now, Jasper was a normal, 17 year old kid. He seemed happy. All Edward could do was help him live longer with a death sentence hanging over his head.

Besides, if he understood his cherubic, little girl spirit guide correctly, he was righting things that had gone wrong in his previous life. The implication was that he could have done things right the first time and avoided this whole mess. By that logic, there was nothing he could do for Jasper. He'd had no more idea that his friend's heart was a ticking time bomb than anyone else.

No, he couldn't put that kind of weight on his friend's shoulders with good conscience. He'd just have to keep doing what he was doing – keeping silent and enjoying the time he spent with Jasper.

_**~0~** _

Before he entered the cafeteria a little later that day, Edward stopped short when someone called his name. He turned, surprised to find Mike Newton walking toward him, his hands shoved deep in his pockets and his shoulders slumped self-consciously.

"Hey, uh," Mike started, running his hand through his sandy blond hair nervously. "Listen, man. I just wanted you to know that Royce and James… what they did wasn't cool. It wasn't okay. The rest of the team… if we'd have known, we would have stopped them."

Edward tilted his head, staring at the boy who'd been his friend. He nodded slowly. "No harm, no foul, right?" he said, instinctively offering a hand like he was securing a business deal with Mike. It seemed fitting – an adult response of acceptance to Mike's adult reaction of taking responsibility for his friendship with the other boys.

Mike looked skeptical at first, looking like he wasn't sure if Edward held a buzzer or something like that, but then he shook hands firmly, a slight smile on his face. "You know, I'd invite you to sit with us but I've seen Bella giving you the evil eye," Mike said, his tone friendly. "She's a pretty chill chick, and you had her pissed off after the first day. What'd you do? Stab her in the leg with a pencil?"

"I wish I knew," he muttered, shaking his head and turning away from Mike to head into the cafeteria.

The mystery had him distracted as he went through the lunch line. He sat next to Jasper, only half listening as the other boy babbled about the X-Files episode they'd watched together the day previous. Some part of him was vaguely surprised that he remembered Jasper coming over though he hadn't consciously lived that day.

"You know, I'm a little fucking sick of all this pandering to the new fans. Like, bitch, if you weren't a fan before the movie, you're not a true fan. That's all there is to it. All these funny episodes..." He shook his head mournfully. "The X-Files is not a comedy, it's a drama. And it's supposed to be scary. Remember when it was on Friday nights?"

"I remember thinking Flukeman was disgusting," Edward offered, snickering. He was surprised – and somewhat alarmed – when random bits of trivia occurred to him, including the name of the Flukeman episode (The Host) and the name of the episode they'd watched that weekend (The Rain King).

Holy hell. He'd memorized episode names?

Shaking off that thought, Edward continued. "Anyway, you said you read some spoilers?"

Jasper nodded, brightening somewhat. "Yeah. Apparently the rumors of a Groundhog Day episode are true."

Edward's ears perked up. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah. It's going to have this chick reliving one day where her boyfriend blows up a bank. She's gonna be the only one that realizes she's reliving it – including Mulder and Scully."

Edward chuffed. "Sucks to be her," he muttered darkly. Then he furrowed his eyebrows. "How's the case going to be solved if Mulder doesn't realize what's going on?" he asked, surprised at the feeling of excitement and anticipation that built in him. He was honestly curious. It … mattered to him.

Eventually their conversation tapered off. At any lapse in the conversation, Edward's mind wandered, and so he didn't notice Jasper get fidgety until the other boy spoke hesitantly. "Can I ask you a question?" When Edward raised an eyebrow he continued. "It's been bugging me. Don't you think it's strange that on the same day you have a dream about… uh… having sex with Rosalie, you and she get roofied together?"

Edward's breath strangled slightly in his throat and he chuffed. Of course. The one time he hadn't had to repeat the day was the one time he freaked out in front of Jasper. Anger flared in him, but he had to acknowledge that Jasper had a right to be suspicious.

"Some coincidence, huh," he said, forcing and easy smile on his face. "Maybe I'm psychic."

"Maybe," Jasper allowed, but he didn't look convinced.

The bell rang and the boys went their separate ways. Edward found himself irritated as he stomped down the hallway toward Biology. His teenage impulses were intruding on his more adult brain, hypothesizing a domino effect that would eventually result in the end of his friendship with Jasper. After all, the other boy might have some suspicion that he'd known about the incident with Rosalie beforehand. And if that was the case, why hadn't he stopped it. He wondered if Jasper thought he was a rapist, or at least really creepy. Then he was pissed because why didn't Jasper just trust him? Had he ever done anything that would make Jasper think such things about him?

Clamping his hands over his ears, Edward growled to himself. He needed to get a grip. It felt like the world was coming to an end and-

Before Edward could get a handle on himself, something smaller barreled into him as he rounded the corner to Biology. He heard a gasp as they both fell and then all of his breath was pushed from his body when someone's body weight landed right on top of him.

"Son of a bitch," he hissed in pain, throwing the other person off of him instinctively so he could breathe.

"Ow!" a voice protested. "Fuck. I'm sorry," an irritated Bella grumbled at him as she pushed herself onto her knees. She was flushing a deep shade of red with embarrassment, but she was still scowling at him. "You don't have to be such a prick about it."

About a thousand responses occurred to Edward at once. He felt instantly, horribly guilty about the possibility that he'd hurt her. And then he'd been so rude. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, and not to worry about it, but his tongue seemed to twist in his mouth so all that came out was a quick huff or two.

He growled at himself again, this time in exasperation, and instead of speaking leaned forward to help her gather her spilled books.

"I got it," she insisted, yanking a battered copy of Wuthering Heights away from him.

"Let me-" he tried, but she cut him off.

"I got it. Don't bother yourself with me," she insisted.

They glared at each other for a few seconds before Edward's face softened. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, putting all the sincerity he felt into those two words.

Her defenses fell for an instant and she looked uncertain, as if she was waiting for him to say something rude. When he only continued to help her pick up the mess she calmed slightly, looking down at her hands as they worked. "Whatever," she mumbled.

Edward sighed, handing her the books he'd retrieved as they both stood. "Okay... why do you hate me so much? I know I must have done something stupid, but I honestly don't have a clue as to what that is."

She chuffed, still walking toward their desk without looking at him.

"Seriously, Bella," he persisted, sliding into his seat. She stubbornly looked forward, her lips pursed hard. He sighed, wondering why this one girl's acceptance meant so much to him. In a few years, if that much of history repeated itself, he wouldn't even remember her.

But wasn't he the same Edward Cullen who could manipulate businesspeople the world over? He'd been known to charm even the most hard nosed son of a bitch, getting them to see the benefit of whatever it was he was saying. It didn't matter that his hands were clammy or that his stomach seemed to be filled with butterflies, he could disarm a teenage girl.

Wiping his hands on his jeans, Edward offered a hand to her. Bella jumped back, looking at it as if he'd offered a cold, dead fish instead of his fingers. "I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself before," he said, hoping she didn't notice the way his voice shook. "I'm Edward Cullen."

He had to keep the smug smile off his face as she stared at his hand for a beat more. She couldn't rebuff him without looking rude, and somehow, Edward felt that this girl wasn't rude by nature. Grudgingly, she put her hand in his.

A giddy flutter made his chest warm and his heart speed as he squeezed her fingers firmly. Why that simple movement made him so undeniably happy he had no idea. He attributed it to being a ridiculous teenager and moved on before Bella could put her defenses back up. "So, how much trouble did you get into?"

Bella huffed and for a second he thought she wasn't going to answer. She took out her notebook, beginning to transcribe the notes that were on the board. "I'm grounded for life. Charlie completely flipped out. I didn't even know he believed in punishment until Friday night," she admitted finally. "You know, your brother could have warned me before he called my dad." Her voice was gently teasing, with no real irritation behind it.

Class started then and they paid attention while the teacher outlined the lab they would be doing today. While Edward noticed little things - like how her nails were chewed down to the quick and her notebook was lined with nonsensical doodles - Bella broke the silence between them. "So... there are a lot of rumors going on about what really happened Friday night," she prompted.

Edward sighed, feeling his cheeks heat. "I know," he muttered. "Which version do you subscribe to?" he wondered out loud.

She smiled slightly. "I don't tend to believe rumors," she said easily. "Since I was only on the peripheral - and selfishly, mostly scared that my dad was going to find out I was drinking - I didn't see much more than your brother carrying Rosalie and then you to your car."

Again Edward's cheeks heated with embarrassment. Of course, he'd known it happened but it seemed so much worse that Bella had seen it. "I don't remember much of it," he admitted. "What Emmett said happened was that he saw Royce and James laughing when they went to get me and Rosalie drinks. He was suspicious but he figured they just spit in them or something."

Edward's blood felt hot, but this time not from embarrassment. Instead, he was angry. He still felt horribly betrayed and violated. "But he noticed that both Rosalie and I started to act really weird. Eventually, I went to go lay down in Royce's parents' room, and Emmett followed James who followed Rosalie down the hallway. See - James knew that Rosalie had a secret uh... crush... and he told her that he was waiting for her in that room."

"That's horrible," Bella said, looking appalled.

Edward nodded his agreement. "Anyway. Long story really short, Emmett called the cops and then he got into a fist fight with James and Royce. He pulled both of us out of there before anything... bad could happen."

"Wow," Bella said, her eyes sympathetic. "That's a really, really shitty thing to do. What happened to Royce and James?"

"I don't really know. I know that they were held in custody overnight. But then I think their parents bailed them out," Edward said tightly. He'd heard rumors about them too. More than one rumor suggested that the sounds of the beating James had received from his pissed off father could be heard throughout the whole neighborhood. From what Edward knew of James's parents, that was probably more factual than the gossip mongers expected. Royce's parents had probably sent a servant to be with him rather than return from wherever it was they were.

Regardless of what they'd tried to do, Edward felt a pang of sympathy toward them. "Anyway... they're suspended until the trial at least. Hopefully they just get juvy but..." he shrugged.

It was unlikely they'd get sent to juvenile hall. Both Royce and James were dangerously close to 18. Either way though, they'd made their bed and now they had to lie in it. For whatever vestiges of friendship they'd shown him, once upon another life, Edward fervently hoped that whatever happened to them, it would be a wake up call. They didn't need to waste their lives, and maybe, away from the negative influence of their parents, they could reform.

"I'm really sorry that happened to you," Bella said.

Edward busied himself, printing an answer on the worksheet between them. "No harm, no foul," he repeated the words he'd said to Mike just an hour or so before. He knew it could have been a lot worse.

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, exchanging only enough words to get through the project. The acrimonious atmosphere that existed between them had dissipated entirely, and Edward caught himself smiling warmly at the girl several times without consciously realizing it. Somehow, this one interaction seemed so much more important than the hundreds of other points of contact he'd had with the students of Forks High.

Edward had no idea what was going on with him. He found himself wondering if Bella remembered how spastic he'd acted when he saw her singing with the other girls. Hopefully she'd blacked that part of the evening out. She hadn't brought it up.

But then, as the bell rang and they put their books in their packs to leave, she called his name. Her eyes twinkled with mischief, and he found himself so captivated that he almost missed her next words. "I like the X-Files too."

She was gone before he could pick his jaw up off the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: TwilightMundi is seriously a goddess. I'm all, dude, emergency beta services (since my Internet is MIA *head desk*). And she's all, dudette…I got this.
> 
> I'm going to write her an Angela/Bella story. Soon. VERREH SOON.
> 
> Also thanks to jadedandboring and barburella…and CellaCullen I 'uppose.


	8. Just Another Manic Monday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Since there was some confusion about Bella mentioning the X-Files, I wanna clear that up. Remember how Edward stumbled on Bella, Angela and Jessica singing One Week at the party and he got all flustered and blurted out that he liked the X-Files (because that's one of the lyrics of the song)? That's what Bella's talking about. Obviously, the boy has been on her mind. ;)

"I can't believe it!"

All the breath left Edward's body as someone landed right on his stomach. He opened his eyes to a gleeful looking Alice sitting - or rather bouncing – on him. He was lying on his back in the strange house that the other-worldly girl existed in.

For a moment, it looked like the roof was missing as Edward could see the dark clouds and rain pouring down liberally. But the rain stopped, leaving a roof-shaped outline hovering in the sky. The ceiling in this room was enchanted, he realized.

Okay, why not? It wasn't any weirder than anything else he'd experienced lately.

Placing his hands on Alice's hips to stop her bouncing, Edward took a few breaths to mitigate the pain. "What can't you believe?"

"That. Was. Awesome!" Alice exclaimed, giggling. "You did it in one try! Wow!"

Edward sat up carefully, keeping his arm around the girl so she didn't fall. He leaned against the sofa that occupied the middle of the room and looked into Alice's unusual eyes. "What did I do?"

"You fixed the day," she explained, her voice patient but the look on her face remarkably condescending.

"What?" Edward repeated dumbly. "Alice, I have no idea what you're talking about. Nothing happened today. I went to school. I went home. My parents for once were glad that I was on the computer, at home, instead of getting into more trouble…"

She stood, turning around and sitting back down on his lap with her back against his chest. Picking up her trusty wand, she waved it grandly. "Accio Quibb'er"

Edward was confused until something in the shape of a magazine came zooming into the room. Alice snatched it out of the air before it whacked him in the face. She pointed to a picture on the front. "See?"

This was no ordinary magazine. The headlines, as Alice flipped through the magazine, went every direction, all of them in different fonts and sizes. Edward noticed that many of the words were misspelled. One headline read, Deer Parents – Peas are GROSE.

But most remarkable of all, the images of the newspaper were… moving.

He looked at the picture Alice was pointing at, giving a little start when he realized it was of him. To be more precise, it appeared to be the moment he collided with Bella outside the Biology classroom. As he watched, they approached each other, neither of them looking up before they landed in a tangle of limbs – books and paperwork going everywhere.

"I don't understand," Edward muttered. "Are you telling me I changed something that went wrong the first time… by bumping into her?"

Alice looked up at him, reaching up with one hand to touch the underside of his chin. "Hey, you're all scratchy today," she said distractedly.

"Alice," he groaned. "What changed?"

"Oh," the little girl said, as if suddenly remembering his question. She tapped the picture with her wand. "Watch."

This time, the picture continued on from where it usually started to loop. He and Bella fell to the floor, Bella mostly on top of him, and he swore.

"Fuck! Get the hell off," his miniature snarled, shoving her roughly away. Edward winced, frowning disapprovingly at his behavior.

Bella looked stricken for a moment before she glared. "Like I meant to bump into you! Get over yourself."

"Well, can you at least try to watch where you're going? It's not my fault you're so unobservant," he snarled.

"Yeah, Swan," another voice interrupted as James and Royce stepped into the picture. James cruelly kicked a book away from her hands just as she was about to grab it. The Edward in the picture frowned, looking like he wanted to say something, but as Royce slung his arm around his shoulders, he stayed quiet. "Don't be so damn clumsy next time," James taunted.

Bella looked up at the three boys, her mouth pressed into a tight line. She said nothing else, instead just picking herself up off the floor and grabbing the books she could before she made for the shelter of the classroom.

The picture changed, and it seemed like Royce and James took particular pleasure in teasing Bella when they could. James stuck his foot out as Bella, obviously distracted, passed, making her trip in the middle of the hallway. Royce called out taunts instead of helping her when he saw her slip on a patch of ice. They didn't go out of their way to torment her, but Forks High was a small school, and they didn't make her life easy by any stretch of the imagination.

The effect was predictable. James and Royce were popular so many of the teenage sheep followed their lead. The more self-conscious she became, the clumsier Bella seemed to be. She didn't lose that spark of fury in her eyes, but Edward imagined she couldn't fight back every time someone snickered at her.

Finally, there was a short scene of Bella in what must have been her bedroom. She was flipping through a photo album, looking longingly at pictures of herself and her friends in a warm, sunny place. This must have been where she was from, Edward realized. Sighing, she picked up the phone. "Hey, Mom. … If Phil gets that coaching position, you're going to stay in Phoenix, right? ... Well, can I come home… if you do?"

"Why did I do that?" Edward asked, his voice heavy with shame and guilt. "Why did I say those things to her? And why don't I remember her at all from before?"

"You was... uh..." She huffed, searching for the word. "Like when I'm telling Daddy a story and he says 'uh huh, uh huh, uh huh' but then I ask him a question about the story and he says 'what?'"

Edward blinked, trying to follow the little girl's logic. "Distracted?"

"Yes! That and grumpy."

Edward considered this in the context of the original weekend he'd lived. He woke up next to a girl he barely remembered sleeping with. He was dazed and confused – now he knew that he'd been drugged. He'd spent the weekend feeling a little off kilter. His parents were suspicious. His brother was angry. Rosalie wouldn't talk to him and suddenly, James and Royce were his best friends. Feeling that confused and out of sorts would have left him distracted and _very_ grumpy, so he could imagine that when Bella barreled into him he might have overreacted. From the snapshots Alice showed him, it didn't look like he'd continued to antagonize her. She'd probably ignored him as much as possible just like Rosalie until she left the school all together.

That would explain why he had no memory of the poor girl. Unlike the vast majority of his other classmates, he hadn't grown up with her. If they never interacted after that day, she would have faded from his thoughts.

But that still didn't explain one thing.

"Alice, what did I do to make her hate me on Friday?"

"She never hates you, silly," Alice admonished. "You hurted her feelings"

That much he'd figured out. Edward reminded himself to have patience for the little girl. "Can you show me what I did? How did I hurt her?"

"What's the magic word?" she demanded.

Edward smiled. "Please."

Nodding in satisfaction, Alice tapped the picture again. This time he saw himself sitting at his desk, looking bored as he sketched his name in block lettering that looked suspiciously like the Star Wars font. His page was covered in what Edward vaguely remembered was Aurebesh – the alphabet of the Star Wars universe.

In his peripheral, the brunette girl – Bella – stepped into the classroom beside a chattering Mike Newton. She had a paper in her hand that she took to Mr. Banner as Mike took his seat. Banner signed her paper, handed her a book and pointed to the seat next to him. Meanwhile, Edward had yet to look up, much more interested in trying to perfect the W in his name.

She sat down beside him and Edward watched in bemused horror as he looked up and his eyes dilated perceptibly. Edward recalled the odd effect she seemed to have on him – how his heart would speed and his tongue felt thick and useless in his mouth. She flustered him. Apparently, she had always flustered him.

Bella looked over, her expression reserved and shy, but her eyes brightened when she saw his notebook. Automatically, she reached out, tugging the notebook toward her.

Before she could speak, Edward reacted, yanking the notebook back so hard that the frayed wire on top caught her skin, making her gasp in pain. "Don't touch that!" he snapped, his face flushing an impressive shade of red.

She stared at him, a mixture of embarrassment and fury tainting her features. Maybe she would have said something, but Banner chose that moment to begin class. It didn't look like either of them paid attention throughout class. Bella quietly seethed while he looked...mostly constipated.

Edward knew exactly why he'd reacted the way he had. Stuck repeating the same classes over and over again, Edward had explored the contents of his backpack and locker quite thoroughly. It had amused him to no end to find the back pages of his notebook  _filled_ with drawings of naked characters. Princess Leia appeared more than once. The others looked like video game characters - impossibly tiny waists, gigantic boobs and outfits that were more fitting for stripping than adventuring.

Suffice to say, his adolescent libido was alive and well.

The image flipped to the end of class. The bell barely rang and he was out of his seat. He stood so fast, he knocked Bella's books right off her desk as he flew by, his uncoordinated legs making him bump into more than one desk. She stared after him, her mouth agape at his rudeness even as Mike Newton stooped to help her pick up the items that had scatted across the floor.

He had to admit, from her perspective it looked like he'd done it all on purpose.

He wondered at the vague pang in his heart. It was, in the grand scheme of things, such a minor incident. Still, he found he hated that he'd hurt her feelings. Apparently, that couldn't be undone.

Edward sighed, rubbing his hand tiredly over his eyes as Alice got up, ambling over to a shelf full of toys. "So, I'm still not sure I understand. What originally happened that day changed  _Bella's_ life? Does that mean she was supposed to stay in Forks?"

Alice looked up briefly from where she was sitting cross legged, playing with a few action figures she'd taken out of the shelf. She shrugged vaguely at him before returning to her task.

Using the silence to get a hold of his befuddled thoughts, another curious notion occurred to him. "Hey, Alice? Why did I have to repeat that day? Wouldn't Bella's life have been changed simply because James and Royce weren't there?"

With a dramatic sigh, Alice put her toys down and went to him again. "You coulda messed it all up. See, Mike Lizardton is in your class. He saw you fall with Bella. He would have made fun of her because boys can be dumb and mean. 'Cept you said sorry, so he didn't say nothin'."

"Because he feels guilty about being friends with Royce and James," Edward concluded.

Alice shrugged again. Other people's motives meant very little to children, Edward reflected. "But tell me-"

"No!" Alice stamped her foot, looking disgruntled. She gave a little growl. "You ask too many questions! I said. Some things is fate. People can do what they want anyway, but in a do over, you have to do what fate wants."

"And you can't tell me what fate wants," Edward said dutifully.

She nodded, seeming pleased. Then she waved cheerfully. "Bye!"

**~January 25,1999~**

Edward kept his eyes closed when he returned to consciousness. Every time he saw Alice, he had to take a few minutes to convince himself he wasn't in hell.

But then, of course, it only took his mother's voice to remind him of everything he'd been given. It was only right he had to work for it. As much as he hated his frustration and he absolutely detested the feeling that he had no idea what he was doing, the price was well worth it.

After all, his life had been pretty monotonous and boring before. At least this set up offered a challenge... a puzzle for him to figure out on a day to day basis.

"Edward," his mother admonished. "Second warning. Get out of bed."

Rather than answer or obey, Edward mumbled incoherently into his pillow.

"Edward Anthony Cullen. If you don't get out of bed this instant, I'm going to put a lock on your computer. Mrs. Yorkie told me all about them so don't think I can't," Esme threatened. "I'll make sure your computer turns off after 9 PM."

"Christ," he muttered, rolling out of bed and onto the floor in a tangle of blankets. "Don't be so dramatic. I'm up."

Esme rolled her eyes at her son and ruffled his hair affectionately.

In the closet, Edward found his wardrobe had gone through a vast makeover. His geek shirts were shoved far to the back. In their place were some slightly smarter looking clothes. He'd still fit in as a teenager... just a better dressed teenager than before.

As Edward thumbed through his clothes, he remembered being at the store with his father and brother the week before. Even though he was 18, if Emmett wasn't growing taller he was growing broader at the shoulders, so he needed new clothes frequently. Edward, on the other hand, was simply there to replace his clothes.

In his memories, Carlisle chuckled when Edward picked up a tie, looking at it curiously.  _"Don't be in too big of a hurry to grow up, Edward."_

It was strange. The last day Edward had actually lived, in his conscious mind, was two weeks before on the calendar. But the memory of shopping with his family - a day he hadn't lived consciously - was fresh in his thoughts. They weren't old memories, like when he'd tried to remember his high school days when he was still 29.

When he thought about yesterday, two sets of memories occurred simultaneously. One was the mundane Monday he'd spent basically living his life. The second was of waking up well after noon on Sunday, stumbling to the kitchen for food and then stumbling back upstairs to his room. He gamed, snickering on the headset with Jasper and others from his guild. That evening, he and Jasper watched the latest X-Files episode together over their headsets.

The odd feeling of memories just drifting into his head continued when he got to school. Rather than ignoring him as she always had, Rosalie looked up as he sat down. She offered him a small smile before returning to double checking her math homework. Edward remembered that she'd tweaked his Volvo the week before, though he suspected it was more of an excuse to see his brother than to help him.

At lunch, curiosity had Edward watching Emmett's table. Sure enough, he and Rosalie were playing footsie. It wasn't the lascivious version of the game that Edward had so often been subject to during long board meetings or fancy dinners. No, this game was more innocent. Emmett playfully nudged her feet, making Rosalie blush and giggle.

Edward looked away when his brother caught him staring. Jasper was doing last minute homework and so he wasn't good conversation. For lack of anything better to do, Edward continued trying to work out the puzzle of fate.

His eyes drifted over to where Bella sat with her friends. It was still mind boggling to him. He remembered Rosalie despite the years it had been since he'd seen her. Bella he remembered not at all. Yet the simple act of bumping into her had a huge effect on her life.

But why was it important? A teenage girl's quiet misery wasn't all that uncommon. So she'd fled back to Phoenix, where he assumed she was from. Was that a big deal? He understood why Rosalie's fate had to be changed. Her entire life was torn apart that night. Bella moving back with her mother seemed more mundane...even natural.

Edward noticed too late that Jessica Stanley, sitting next to Bella, was watching him stare at Bella. He only noticed when she leaned down, whispering in Bella's ear. She must have snitched because Bella looked up, right at him. Edward felt his face flush as he ducked down, but when he chanced a look up from underneath his lashes, he could see that her face was similarly reddened and her lips turned up in a slight smile.

Instantly, Edward felt guilty. Maybe he was programmed to have a little school boy crush on her- obviously that's what it was - but it felt inherently wrong to have those warm, tingly feelings for a 17 year old girl.

Somewhat amused with the situation, Edward inwardly debated the ethics at play. On the one hand he felt like a 29 year old adult. Certainly, part of his mind had the experience of those years. If he wanted, he was sure he could utilize his considerable charm to get into the pants of any girl at the school. Surely that wasn't kosher.

Edward's mind wandered, noticing the way girls were reacting to him the last couple of weeks. The kids had stopped staring for the most part. Girls, though, seemed to be acting different around him. Maybe it was the sympathy card combined with the fact his new wardrobe was very flattering, but girls had gotten a lot more giggly around him. Some of the bolder, like Lauren Mallory, had even been a little flirtatious. In his memories, his teenage self seemed bewildered but not entirely displeased at this turn of events.

But there was another conundrum. If he was re-writing his own history, it didn't seem fair to him to stunt his own growth just because he felt guilty. He wasn't going to take advantage of anyone, and first girlfriends and the like were all part of growing up, weren't they?

Inwardly, Edward rolled his eyes. If something was supposed to happen, he was sure he would end up repeating the day until it did.

The bell rang, drawing Edward back into the present. Jasper groaned, gathering up his work. "Time to face the music," he muttered

Edward clapped his friend on the shoulder. "Good luck."

As he made his way to Biology, thoughts of Bella again wandered into his head. The last couple of weeks they'd been less than friends but more than enemies. Acquaintances, maybe. Or friendly classmates. He would inquire how being grounded was - Charlie wasn't very good at enforcing his rules, especially when Bella was still new in town and he knew he should be encouraging her to have friends.

It didn't escape him that his step got quicker when he thought about talking with Bella. He was smiling for absolutely no reason.

_Definitely a school boy crush._

Well, wasn't that cute?

But when he finally got to class, Bella was slumped in her seat. Her arms were crossed tightly, and her hair shrouded her face. Everything about her screamed that she wanted to be left alone.

Of course, Edward's mouth started working before his brain could keep up. His mouth wasn't good at visual cues, it seemed. "Bella. Are you okay?"

Bella blew out a puff of air, unwinding herself. "I'm fine."

She was lying. He was sure of it. The thought spun him in circles.

As a businessman, when people were having a bad day, the most polite thing to do was to give the person a little space to collect themselves so everyone could move on with their day. No one wanted their boss or coworkers' fawning over them when emotion got out of control.

But with Bella, Edward had to stop himself from touching her. He wanted to stroke her hair out of her eyes and cup her cheek to show his concern. Or maybe she would smile if he tickled her. A thousand stupid things occurred to him, and Edward had to remind himself to mind his manners. They weren't really even friends. He had definitely not won the right to touch her... comfort her.

Surely she wouldn't appreciate his prying. Besides, when it came to Bella, Edward found himself falling in the awkward spaz category more than anything. He didn't trust himself not to hurt her again.

Still, he was surprised how much it ached. They were doing a lab that day, so the despondency in her voice was especially apparent as they discussed prophase vs anaphase. She wasn't paying attention, seeming to space out frequently. Edward knew from his memories that she was quite good at Biology.

The whole ordeal made him moody. By the time he got home, angst seemed to be an almost physical entity in his blood. Edward didn't quite know what to do with himself. He had the strangest urge to pick a fight with someone. Perhaps luckily, no one was home.

Instead, Edward found himself restlessly roaming from room to room. The domino effect in his brain seemed inescapable. Remembering Bella's sad eyes made him want to punch something. Then he felt ridiculous for being so wrapped up in a random girl's mood. From there he felt bitter about having to relive his life, particularly this portion. Everything felt so ridiculously important. Bella was probably upset over something so minor, the adult she would eventually become would roll her eyes.

Edward was, not for the first time, frustrated by his task. It was another mundane day. Looking back, he could see nothing important that he could think about fixing.

Would it kill fate to throw him a fucking bone?

Edward wandered back to the foyer, his restless eyes falling suddenly on the piano that sat just off the entranceway. He tilted his head, feeling his fingers twitch.

His piano. This piano was one of the only things he still had. It was one of the few things that gave him pure pleasure. With this fingers moving seamlessly across the keys, he could exercise the frustration and loneliness of his life.

Eager, Edward sat down. His hands situated themselves along the keys, beginning to play a score set to his mood. It was dark and impatient, staying mostly along the right end of the keys, the pedal he controlled with his foot making the strains echo and rumble.

This house had better acoustics than his house. The thought pleased him, sating the restlessness. The music he played shifted, sounding a little lost. This was how he felt about his task. But then, that was life, wasn't it? When he was executing some sort of plan - going to school, starting his own business, etc, he was always sure of himself. But the times he'd reflected on the meaning of his life, he'd felt lost like this.

As he thought of his life and the people in it, the people he'd hurt and the people he knew what it felt like to lose, the music again shifted. He'd been playing the masters: Beethoven, Chopin, Debussy. Now he began playing his own compositions. Throughout years of loneliness, he'd transferred all of his loved ones into song.

Fighting a lingering depression he could no longer soothe with alcohol, Edward had transferred all the beauty in his life into music. The song he played then he remembered well. He thought of his parents, how loving and good they were. His left hand, steady and strong on the deeper notes of the piano, spoke of his father's earnestness and compassion. His right hand, flitting delicately along the lingering, gorgeous high notes, spoke of his mother's love for life and her family. When they came together, their beauty was aching.

"Oh, my God, Edward. That was wonderful."

Edward started, spinning slightly on the bench to find his mother and father watching him.

"I've never heard you play that," Esme continued. "Who is that?"

He cleared his throat, trying to swallow back the emotion that welled in him. "I wrote it. It's yours. I mean..."

Ridiculously, he felt self-conscious at his admission.

"Since when have you composed?" Carlisle asked, his voice slightly awed. "It's been so long since I've heard you play."

Fighting back a grimace, Edward merely shrugged.

**~0~**

By dinner that evening, Carlisle still hadn't dropped the point. "It's a wonderful talent, Edward. I think you could secure a scholarship with a talent like that. If I'd known you were still interested in your piano, I would have suggested it before."

Edward frowned, pushing his food around his plate. "God, Dad, would it kill you to just let it be something I enjoy?" he mumbled, unaware that he felt that way until the words had left his mouth.

Carlisle eyed him over the table. "Your college application is going to look pretty dry at this point, son. Putting excessive internet gaming as your sole outside interest isn't going to get you anywhere," he said pointedly. "You could be anything you want, Edward. You'd do well in business...law." He shrugged. "You'd even make a great doctor if you put your mind to it."

"Like you," Edward muttered to his plate, wondering why he felt so irritated. His father had a point, after all.

"You're capable of great things, Edward," Carlisle pressed. "Right now, you don't have much besides decent grades to get you into a good school. Emmett has his after school activities and a job-"

"And I'm just a slacker geek. Whatever, I get it," Edward growled, slouching in his seat.

Edward had always been aware of his parents' disappointment. And they were right. Not only was he waste, but his throwing his life away had cost them theirs.

That was the one thing that had motivated him all those years ago. When his parents died, he'd gained a purpose in life. He would make them proud posthumously. That was what made him first put all his energy in beating his addiction and then go on to finish school. His grades and the time he'd spent out of school made becoming a doctor or a lawyer unlikely, so he'd chosen business. He'd thrived, just as Carlisle knew he would.

Maybe the decision he made today, to play the piano again, would serve to change the future in the right way. This time his parents could watch him accomplish the things they'd dreamed for him.

As Edward drifted off to sleep, he let himself smile at the possibility that, this time around, he might get to see his parents' proud smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Wooo. Thanks to jadedandboring for betaing…and catching that Facebook Snafu. JFC. Thanks to barburella who I ADORE, DO YOU HEAR ME. ADORE!
> 
> So. Who wants to bet that he wakes up on Jan 25th again?


	9. What Would Teen Edward Do?

Edward was afraid to open his eyes.

By his estimation, he'd repeated January 25th about 19 times. Maybe more. The timelines were all beginning to blur together.

No matter how he tried, he couldn't figure out what he was missing. Nothing at all important happened on January 25th. As he wandered the halls of the school, he'd stopped a freshman named DJ Garrett from getting trash canned by a group of seniors. He'd also stumbled upon Mike Newton making out with Lauren Mallory in the forest behind the school. Stopping both of those events by his mere presence hadn't changed his plight.

He argued with his parents, he didn't argue with his parents, he told them all about the business he would begin and run in the future. He'd seen the pride on their faces, and while that had been gratifying, he'd still woken up again on January 25th.

Around the fourth or fifth time he repeated the day, Edward had begun to talk to Alice at night. He supposed it was akin to prayer, though it felt odd to associate that word to the little girl. Still, he asked her - no, begged her - for answers. But night after night when he fell asleep, he woke up without having so much as a dream of the demon child.

With a sigh, Edward finally dragged his eyes open.

He was not in his room. He was in someone's bedroom, in someone's bed for that matter, but it wasn't his.

Edward sat up carefully, taking in his surroundings. He automatically reached for his glasses, only to find a nightstand filled with hair products. There was a brush, headbands, what looked like an iPad or something similar and a cell phone.

A cell phone!

Edward grabbed at the thing. How he'd missed cell phones. A few times he'd told Jasper to text him from his next class only to have his friend look at him like he was crazy. Reverting to a world where very few people owned cell phones was one of the things Edward hated most about this whole do-over project.

So if he was in a room with a cell phone, did that mean something had changed?

It occurred to him then that he still wasn't wearing glasses, and yet he could see everything clearly.

Excited now, Edward looked frantically around the room until he spotted the item he desperately wanted. He darted over to the mirror atop the long dresser that stood in the room.

His face! His face! Three days worth of stubble, all the roundness of youth given away to more adult, chiseled features, his face was not that of a 17 year old boy.

A door opened somewhere in the room and Edward jumped. His eyes landed on a figure emerging from what must have been the bathroom - judging by all the steam coming out of the door and the fact that the young woman who'd emerged was clad only in a towel.

The very young woman.

She screamed at the same time he gave a startled cry of surprise.

"Shit, shit, I'm sorry," he said automatically, holding his hands palm out in a calming motion. He averted his eyes, looking anywhere but her. "I swear I don't know what I'm-"

"Edward."

"-doing here. I'm not trying to be a pervert or-"

"Edward."

"Look, I'll just get out of your way-"

"Edward!"

Edward shut his mouth, becoming as still as a statue. He was breathing hard, feeling outrageously guilty for being caught in a young girl's bedroom. She couldn't have been more than 16 years old. His eyes landed on the posters that lined her bedroom walls. He didn't recognize the boys on the posters but the sexy teen heartthrob pose didn't seem to change no matter what year it was.

"Look at me," the girl demanded.

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Edward said flatly.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," she muttered. Her dramatic sigh was strangely familiar. "Fine. Stay there a second. Don't move."

He heard soft footfalls across the floor and then another door open behind him. Edward considered running, but now that his panic was beginning to subside, he was honestly curious. The girl obviously knew who he was. He probably should stick around to figure out where in time he had landed.

Besides, he didn't want to be caught by some irate father coming out of an underage girl's bedroom.

There was the sound of rustling for a minute or so before she called, "Okay. You can turn around now. I'm fully clothed, I promise."

He turned slowly, carefully, in case the girl was trying to play a trick on him. He blew out a long breath of relief seeing she'd put on jeans and a t-shirt. She giggled at him as she plopped on the bed, rubbing a towel over her long, jet black hair. "Sorry about that. I wasn't expecting you just yet. I wasn't ready."

Edward didn't answer right away. Her familiarity with him was throwing him off, but the more he looked at her, the more he realized he knew her. His eyes nearly popped out of his head when he got a good look at hers.

One black eye, one amber.

"Alice?"

She grinned at him, shaking her head ruefully. "Took you long enough."

"But...you're all grown up."

She pursed her lips. "More or less."

Cryptic as ever. "I don't understand," he admitted. He turned slightly, looking at himself in a mirror to make sure he hadn't imagined the face there. "If I'm 29 again, how are you... how old are you?"

"Me? I'm timeless. But this body is sixteen if that's what you're asking," Alice said with a twinkle in her eye. "You're always 29 here."

Spotting a chair behind him, Edward sat down heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to make sense of a nonsensical world. He gave a little growl of frustration.

"You see, this is your problem," Alice said cheerfully. He looked up in time to see her bounce lightly on her bed, laying down so that her head was tilted backwards off the edge of the bed toward him, her hair spilling down onto the floor. "Here you are, repeating your high school days over and over and you're looking for some kind of logic to all of it." She rolled over, propping her chin on her hands as she looked at him. "You're kind of a dumb ass, dude."

Edward's lips quirked. "You're a lot more foul mouthed than I remember."

"You of all people should know that some things come with the body you're in. I'm 16! I'm sassy and I think I know everything," she said with a grin.

"How is that different from you at five?" he asked.

She giggled. "Less Harry Potter," she pointed out.

"Harry Potter... Oh!" Edward ruffled his hair ruefully. "Right.. Nargles and Pens Eves and wands."

"Oh, my!" Alice quipped.

Edward smiled and then sighed again, rubbing his hands over his eyes tiredly. "Well, maybe I am a dumbass, but I just can't figure out what I'm supposed to be doing with this day." He let his eyes flit up to hers. "Unless it has something to do with Jasper," he tried. It was the only thing he could think. Everything else that had gone terribly wrong in his first life had changed or would change if he had anything to say about it. Jasper had to be the last piece. Right?

Alice's grin fell, her expression serious and uncharacteristically gentle. "You can't save him."

"But... I was thinking, maybe if he knew, he could get a transplant, or-"

"I'm sorry. There's nothing you can do. Jasper is meant to die."

Edward chuffed, looking away from the girl. He clenched his fists, fighting against the bitterness that rose in him then. It seemed so unfair. All this time, he'd forced himself not to think about it, but the hope that he could somehow change his friend's fate had been ever present at the back of his mind. This final 'no' sat like a rock in his stomach, making bile rise in his throat.

"Is it the same for my parents?" Edward forced himself to ask, wondering if he would have to eventually cope with that loss on top of losing his best friend.

"No," Alice said softly. "Their deaths were completely avoidable the first time. They're going to be around to aggravate you for a very long time," she teased.

Her words gave him a measure of comfort. Edward closed his eyes, forcing himself to take a deep breath, putting away his anguish over Jasper's fate for the time being. "What then? I don't understand what I'm missing."

"Your problem is that you think too much," Alice said thoughtfully. She rolled her eyes at him. "You're going to go prematurely gray, do you know that? You shouldn't put so much stress on that body. He's only a teenager after all."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, you're treating this whole situation like a job. You want dead lines and action items. Why? Ugh. Do you know how many adults would kill to be a kid again?" Alice said, sitting cross legged and throwing her hands in the air. "And this is important for you, Edward. You  _are_ a teenager. You won't get another teenage...hood."

She looked at him seriously then. "You get so easily frustrated with your body and the things you say you can't control because your two sides are at war with each other," she explained. "Let the teenager win. Be a kid. Talk back to your parents without feeling  _that_ guilty. Be a little lazy. Have a stupid crush on a stupid girl. I promise it won't make you a pervert. Go to the mall."

"There is no mall in Forks," Edward muttered, just being difficult.

Alice gave him a dirty look.

"Be a kid..." Edward repeated skeptically.

Alice rolled her eyes. "If you need to make sense of it, think of it this way. This  _is_ your life. Everything that fate is looking for could have happened the first time around. That's one of the reasons you can't help Jasper. You wouldn't have known that he was sick, so you wouldn't have warned him the first time around. You see?"

"Sort of," Edward said grudgingly.

"So just relax. You stumbled into the right answer the other day. Letting fate and instinct guide you," she said emphatically. She shrugged. "If nothing else, just enjoy being a kid."

She stood up, crossing to a shelf that Edward hadn't noticed before. On the shelf was a display of well-worn books and a few items. The Harry Potter series, Edward realized. He watched with a bemused smile as Alice picked up her trusty wand.

"For old time's sake," she said with a wink. Then she waved the wand at him. "Evanesco!"

**~January 25,1999~**

Edward woke, blinking the sleep out of his eyes as he tried to focus on the now overly familiar, poster-shaped blurs on the ceiling. He breathed in deep and let his breath out slowly.

Deep in thought, he reached for his glasses, sparing a glance at the clock even though he knew what it would say. Of course. Not only was it January 25, but it was about an hour and a half before he actually had to be awake.

Teens weren't supposed to do mornings, were they?

But he was definitely awake.

What would teen Edward do?

His libido had a few suggestions. His exploration of his room and his computer had yielded more than one pornographic title. Edward was more than positive he'd been best friends with his right hand in his original life, but he couldn't quite get passed the creep-out factor now.

Esme still walked in without knocking after all.

But then again... there was always the shower.

Edward tossed his head back against his pillow, irritated. Fuck the 'every eight seconds' rule for being so accurate.

With a sigh, Edward got up and stumbled to the shower, turning the water on frigid. When he was dressed and ready, there was still way too much time before school started.

Edward eyed his computer. The longing was always there, an eagerness to sign on. There was something about the clickity-clack of the black keys under his fingers that was just so soothing. He often felt more a part of his online world than he did in real life.

Well, he reasoned, if he could get his quest done this morning, he would have time to talk to his parents about signing him up for some sort of martial arts class. That would make them happy. A little balance. And he'd get to work on those muscles he missed so much.

That justification was all he needed. Edward shook the mouse, waking his computer from its dormant state, and clicked the EQ icon.

"Edward, get-"

"Ack!" Edward jumped as his mother entered the room.

"Up," Esme finished, looking perplexed. Then she sighed. "Young man, have you been to sleep yet?"

"What? Yes, Mom," Edward said, distracted by how the time had passed. He could swear it had only been 10 minutes since he sat down, but the clock said it was half an hour now before he had to leave for school. "I swear. I just got up early and couldn't go back to sleep."

Esme looked skeptical. "I just don't understand why you have to be on that thing morning, noon and night."

"I want to do jujitsu or something," Edward muttered, more concerned with the monster that was about to kill him.

"What?"

"Nothing! Look, I'm dressed. I'm already ready," Edward said dismissively. "Fu...dge!" he exclaimed, editing himself just in time as the monster struck a critical blow.

Esme sighed, apparently deciding not to press the issue. She pointed at her son. "I have to go into work early so I can't make sure you get to school on time."

"I'm not a little kid," Edward mumbled. "I have my own car. I don't need you to see me off to school." Giving in to his teenage side was always easier with his parents. He wondered why that was.

"Just remember, I warned you."

**~0~**

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck."

Edward was so late for school, the bell signaling the end of first period was already ringing by the time he pulled into the parking lot. Since he had to park at the very back, he had to run to get into the building on time.

And of course, as he skidded into the hallway, he ran straight into Principal Greene.

By the time English with Jasper rolled around, Edward was not in a good mood.

"I can't wait for lunch," Jasper griped, looking tired.

"I can," Edward grumbled. He waved a detention slip in front of his best friend's face.

Jasper whistled sympathetically as he read it over. "Lunch detention. That...sucks."

"Lunch detention I can handle. My mom is going to go ballistic," Edward grumbled, slumping down in his seat. He thought back to Alice's claim that anyone would want to be a kid again. Right...because detention and the fact he knew he was going to get grounded when Esme had to sign the note from the Principal was living the high life.

As the day continued, Edward forced himself more than once to relax. Instead of looking around, constantly on alert for something going terribly wrong, Edward kept his eyes on his notebook. Instead of dismissing it as immature, he let his pencil dictate his doodles...even if it chose to draw boobies. And when lunch came, Edward did his time quietly.

At least it was new...

Edward walked to class with his shoulders slumped, unnaturally perturbed about what his mother was going to do when he got home. If she took his computer away for the week, it felt an awful lot like he'd die without it.

Not for the first time, Edward rolled his eyes at his internal histrionics. It would be so much easier to go with the flow if teenagers weren't such drama queens.

His internal dialogue petered off when he walked into the Biology room, his eyes landing on the girl who was resting with her head on her arms at their table. His heart gave that odd little twist, and suddenly his despair over the certain loss of his computer seemed unimportant.

No matter how many times he'd repeated the day, Bella had remained despondent throughout that class period. He'd had to remind himself over and over that it wasn't any of his business.

But those were adult rules. Teenagers were nosy... and hardly tactful. At least, that was his excuse.

"Hey, Bella," he greeted softly as he sat down beside her.

Bella only hummed in response.

"What's wrong?" he asked bluntly.

Where most other girls would jump at the chance to sigh and pout and unload their problems, Bella just gave a minute shake of her head.

That threw Edward for a loop. He cleared his throat, not wanting to drop it now that he'd decided to pursue this line of questioning. He searched for something else. "So... did you watch the episode last night?"

"Sure," Bella said flatly, still not looking over at him. "This is the second time Scully's been shot this season."

"But it was the first time it was real," Edward pointed out.

Bella only shrugged.

Edward frowned, finding himself entranced by the puzzle she presented. He wanted her to talk to him, but how did he accomplish this?

Throughout the class period, Edward kept up a mostly one sided conversation. Even as they did the lab, Bella's answers were short and perfunctory. They completed the lab well before anyone else was through, leaving Edward too much time to dwell on how to break the girl's unnatural silence. He knew from experience that she wasn't a rude person, so something must have been weighing on her to make her answers so short.

Someone clearing their throat made them both look up.

Mr. Banner stood there, looking a little annoyed. "Isabella, didn't you think Edward should get a chance at the microscope?"

Bella narrowed her eyebrows, looking up at Mr. Banner with a somewhat nervous, perplexed expression. "Sir?"

"I can't have you doing Edward's work for him. It won't do him any good in the long run and-"

"Excuse me, Mr. Banner, but I didn't do the lab by myself," Bella said, her voice more than a little annoyed.

"I did three out of the five, actually," Edward said, similarly irritated.

Mr. Banner looked very suspicious. "Miss Swan is an AP level student unfortunately stuck in a regular level Biology class," he informed Edward. "And to this point, you've shown little to no interest in this class, Mr. Cullen. You expect me to believe you finished this quickly?"

It took a considerable amount of effort, but Edward bit his tongue before he said anything too scathing. He'd been at the top of the chain of command for too many years. Edward had to remind himself that he wasn't the big boss anymore. He was a lowly high school boy and, as a rule, high school teachers didn't really respect high school children.

Before he could formulate a reply that didn't include the words 'fuck' and 'you', Bella spoke up. "Mr. Banner, Edward did his part of the lab. I'm sure, since he was able to identify the slides the first time, he'll be more than happy to identify them again if you bring over another set."

Edward's head spun, his heart speeding up. He wasn't entirely certain he could identify the slides for what they were. He'd just repeated this day for so long that he'd memorized the order. He couldn't let Mr. Banner see that though, so he held his breath and looked steadily at the older man.

Finally, Mr. Banner huffed. "That won't be necessary."

"Jeez," Edward breathed as the teacher walked away.

"Makes you want to keep being a slacker, doesn't it?" Bella said, shaking her head.

"I'm not a slacker," Edward protested, frowning.

Bella just made a vaguely disbelieving noise, a small smile visible as he looked at her side profile.

Edward rolled his eyes but didn't press the issue, finding he enjoyed the amused little smirk on her face. "So... you were in AP Biology back where you're from? That's pretty impressive."

Instead of answering, Bella merely shrugged dismissively, but he saw her cheeks flush and her smile falter. He furrowed his eyebrows, a little confused. Qualifying for an AP level class was something to be proud of, yet she seemed embarrassed.

"You're shy," he realized, his voice betraying how confounded he was.

Bella looked over at him furtively, her lips quirking ever so slightly as if she wasn't sure if his revelation should make her frown. "No. I mean... I guess a little."

"But... you seemed so bold when you were standing up to Mr. Banner. And yelling at me," Edward said, amused and a little incredulous.

As was rapidly becoming predictable, Bella's cheeks flushed, but her lips turned up slightly at the corners. "When I get frustrated, I forget to be shy," she admitted.

Edward frowned, regret paining his features. "I frustrated you?"

Her uncertain eyes found his and he could see there was a brief struggle there before she blurted her answer. "I'd never even seen you before, never talked to you, and you treated me like you hated me just for existing."

It was surprising, how the hurt expression on her face made him feel lower than the fungus that grew on cow patties. He reached out, the pads of his fingers brushing the tops of her knuckles tentatively as he looked her in the eyes. "I'm very sorry for that."

Her breath caught and stuttered, her eyes going a little wide as she looked back at him. It was only for the space of a breath and then she shook her head slightly, shrugging. "Thank you," she said sincerely. "And to be fair, I probably over reacted. It just frustrates me when anyone is treated unfairly."

"It's an unfair world," Edward mused, thinking of how his unwitting actions had caused so much more hurt than he'd ever comprehended before.

"It's just hard sometimes because I don't understand the behavior at its core. I mean, I get that life isn't fair - you know, some of us are born with the genetics that give us terrible diseases, some have deformities and on and on," she said, gesturing with her hand. "What I don't understand is humans. We can be so cruel to each other... and for what?"

She shook her head. Then she smiled as she picked up one of the slides. "That's why I like science. It's survival of the fittest for plants, animals... even planets and stars, but at least it all makes sense. If one animal kills another, it's for sustenance or to defend its survival, not because it didn't like the color of the other animal's fur, you know?" She shrugged again. "I don't know. There's something comforting knowing that I can always look at one of these slides and know what's going on."

When she looked up, finding his eyes intent on her, she blushed all the way down to her neck. Self conscious, Bella crossed her arms, slumping down a little in her seat self consciously. "Sorry," she muttered. "I don't know why I told you all that."

"No," Edward said quickly. "I get it." Off her disbelieving expression, he smiled. "I really do. That's why I like games. I play online games, you know?"

"Are we talking like... online poker or MMO's?"

Edward's grin broadened. She knew her gaming... "EQ," he tried.

"Ah. I know of it, but I haven't played."

"It's a dynamic enough world, since it has so many players, that the degree of difficulty is high enough to be intriguing. And yet, you can still win in EQ, you know?" He shrugged, rolling his eyes a little. "At least, if the game isn't bugged."

"But even then, bugs are fixable," Bella said, nodding.

"Exactly."

They lapsed into silence, smiling at each other shyly. Edward had the sudden thought that he could live to see one of her beautiful, small smiles. Though he was still curious what had brought her down in the first place, he thrilled at the idea that he could lift her spirits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Forgive me for the fuckery that's about to occur in this A/N. Cella has a question for y'all and Barburella has a rec. Don't look at me, I'm just the author...
> 
> B/N: Barbi is reserving her promised right to pimp a fic. I choose bmango's new awesome story Beyond Duty. Don't ask a lot of questions. All you need to know is that it's AU, it's mysterious and it's fab!
> 
> Synopsis: Edward, Protector of Aeland, faces his biggest challenge as ruler: dark demons out of legend are stalking and killing his people. He seeks answers in the Oracle's riddle and sets off on a path to save the world.  
> Here's the link: www . fanfiction s / 7047261 / 1 / Beyond_Duty (remove the spaces)
> 
> C/N: So this is a Cella note... where me, Cella, as the inspiration of this totally amazing fic gets to add in her two cents... so Kris mentions Edward's massive porn collection... I want to know what movies you people think are in it?
> 
> The SeX-Files, Arma-Get-It-On (Kris told me that one so I think we can bet on it), Star Whores? What do you think Teenaged Geeky Edward was watching at 17?


	10. Trauma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm sorry about the lack of review replies this time around. I'm sleep deprived (I seriously almost named this chapter Rawr) and I do believe I've coughed my throat raw. I do love all of you. I tried to answer questions. If I missed yours – remind me please.

**~January 26, 1999~**

Edward gaped at his alarm clock, rubbing his eyes hard to make sure he'd seen right.

Well, this was unprecedented.

Unprecedented made Edward extremely uncomfortable. Figuring out the rules to this particular game was hard enough; he didn't like having those rules fucked with. If he got something right, he expected to see Alice so she could show him what had gone wrong in the first place. At least it gave some sort of goal to aspire to, brought some semblance of sense and order to his world.

Did this mean he'd gotten January 25 right? Or was whatever went wrong on January 25 a two part deal? Was it like playing a game with a two part level and if you messed up at any point you had to start over at the beginning, on January 25?

Edward hated those games with a fiery passion.

The gaming analogy raised an interesting question. Did he have unlimited lives? Most games gave you more than one try, but was there a limit? Was there a point where Alice would wipe her hands of his stupidity and let him stay dead?

Or stay in whatever mess he'd created for himself and the people around him?

"Edward?" Esme's voice made him jump as she came into his room, and Edward groaned.

The last thought he'd had before going to bed the previous evening was that at least, if he had to repeat the day for the 21st time, he could do so without getting in trouble. As he'd predicted, his mother and father were none too pleased that he'd missed his first class of the day and landed himself in lunch detention for the rest of the week. It had taken some smooth talking, but he'd managed to talk them out of taking his computer away altogether.

Esme's compromise was that if he was going to insist on being glued to the thing in the early morning hours before school, he should be doing something productive.

"It's 5:30 in the morning, Mom," he grumbled.

"So it is," she said cheerfully. "Which means you have a little over an hour to get some of this data entry done before you have to get ready for school." She placed a large stack of paperwork on his desk, and Edward grimaced. He knew his mother had wanted to convert all her hard files, from the days when everything was done by hand, to computerized files.

"I could always take the computer away altogether," she threatened sweetly.

Groaning again, Edward dragged himself out of bed. "You're a horrible person," he mumbled as he threw himself down petulantly in his computer chair.

Esme laughed and kissed his forehead. "I know, but you love me anyway."

Edward rolled his eyes but smiled and gave his mother a hug before she left the room.

Some time later he stumbled downstairs, dressed and ready to go to school. He hit the downstairs foyer just as his dad was leaving.

"Edward, the roads are icy today," Carlisle said, pausing before he went out the door. "Let your brother drive you to school."

"What? No," Edward protested, frowning. He loved his car. The Volvo would handle fine on the ice. It was only a short drive to school after all.

He opened his mouth to make those points but Carlisle pointed at him warningly. "Don't argue with me. Let Emmett take you."

Emmett appeared from the kitchen, a bowl of cereal in his hand, crunching loudly. "Yeah, little brother. After all, a Jeep is a man's ride."

Carlisle shook his head at his eldest son and left with an amused smile on his face. Sure enough, as he opened the door Edward could see that Forks had a fresh coat of snow covering the ground. More than that, the rain from the day previous had frozen into ice that dotted pieces of the walkway and driveway.

Conceding the point, Edward agreed to go with Emmett with no fuss, instead sitting at the kitchen table so he could wolf down a bowl of cereal...and then another.

Though Edward was still struggling to ignore his 29 year old psyche and give in to the whims of his teenage body and mind, some changes were easier than others. On all the days before, he'd ignored the constant urge to eat his parents out of house and home. He was determined not to be a ravenous beast like Emmett. He wasn't exactly dying of starvation. However, since his conversation with the teenage Alice, he had allowed himself to indulge.

Hey - at least he wasn't slurping the remainder of his milk like Emmett was.

When both boys were properly fed they headed off for school. Edward gave in to his natural urge to pester his older brother by being a backseat driver. Emmett threatened to leave him by the side of the road. Of course, that only led to Edward nitpicking even more.

"Out!" Emmett demanded, pulling over to the side of the road.

Edward glared, incredulous. "Em, come on."

"Na-uh, kid. I warned you." The brothers stared at each other. After a moment, Emmett grinned. "Look, you get out now you can make the next block easy before the bell rings. You make me wait, you're just gonna get another detention."

"So will you," Edward countered.

"And I give a shit why? You think Mom and Dad are gonna drag me away from my job or the after school activities that Dad's just dying for me to put on my transcript?" Emmett chortled.

Knowing he was backed into a corner - and really, it was just a block - Edward got out of the Jeep, making sure to slam the door extra hard. All he heard was Emmett's loud guffaw as he drove away.

Pulling his coat tighter around him, Edward began to walk, muttering to himself about the many ways he was going to kill his brother. Why hadn't he talked to his parents about martial arts yet?

Edward was distracted from his murderous thoughts by the loud popping noises of a dilapidated old truck pulling up next to him. He looked over, annoyed until he saw who was driving the truck.

"Do you need a ride?" Bella shouted over the roar of the engine.

Cupping his hand around his ear, Edward shouted back, "What?" Then grinned to let her know he was teasing.

Bella rolled her eyes, waving him inside, and Edward gratefully climbed into the cab.

"So, how'd you end up hoofing it on a day like today?" Bella asked as she drove.

Edward chuffed. "You don't have siblings, do you?"

"No."

"Well...lucky you."

Edward explained the situation as they pulled into the parking lot. He frowned when Bella laughed at his story. "What? It wasn't funny!"

"It was a little funny," she said gently, and Edward couldn't help but smile back when she smiled. He got out, hurrying to her side when he she slipped, only barely catching herself on the side of the truck.

"Here," he said, reaching out to steady her, "let me help-"

He was cut off by the god-awful sound of squealing tires very close by...too close by. His head snapped up in time to see a mass of blue metal spinning wildly toward him. Bella screamed, but neither of them had any time to react. Instinct made him pull her forward, tucking her body against his and turning away from the out of control vehicle as if he could protect her. There was the horrible sound of metal crunching and twisting as Edward and Bella's bodies were thrown forward, pinched between the truck and the other vehicle. For a heartbeat, all Edward knew was incredible pain, the agony of it chasing away any and every other thought.

Then there was only darkness.

~0~

Edward came awake with a scream - a delayed reaction to seeing a car, a van, spinning toward him too fast to get out of the way. His grabbed at his body, checking to see he was all in one piece. When his hands pulled away free of blood, Edward stared, incredulous.

"Bella?" he called out as if he suddenly remembered she'd been there with him. "Bella?" he yelled more frantically. He sat up and looked around, but knowing he was in Alice's house did not calm him. It only served to stoke his panic.

Scrambling to his feet, Edward charged through the house, calling Alice's name.

This couldn't be how it ended. Had he saved his parents just so they would have to see his mangled body? And Bella... how was this fair to Bella? In the original reality she was alive, or so he assumed. She definitely hadn't died in a car accident in high school. As distracted as he'd obviously been, even he would remember someone dying in the parking lot.

"Al-" Edward's furious yelling cut off as he stumbled into the TV room.

Alice was sprawled on the floor on her belly, legs kicking in the air as she watched a movie. She was back to five years old and it threw Edward off. Everything in Edward's programing taught him to be gentle with children. It didn't feel right to demand answers about whether or not he had really just been mangled in a freak car accident.

"Alice," he said slowly, forcing himself to calm down.

"I dunno why you are usset," she said, not looking at him.

Edward bit his lip, struggling not to lose his patience. "Did I or did I not just die? Again."

Alice looked over at him calmly, a bored expression on her face. "What happens when you do the wrong thing? The day goes away. So why is you usset?"

Slumping against the wall, Edward breathed a long sigh of relief. "So I did get it wrong. Thank God."

"Okay," Alice said impatiently. "Now I has to watch all of that over again. Go away now."

**~January 26, 1999~**

It took all of Edward's considerable will power to make it through the morning without going insane. He had to remind himself when his mother woke him at 5:30 that no one would be in the parking lot then. He thought about running to Bella's  **…**  warning her to be early, or be late, or  **…** something. But he doubted he would get anywhere. It was more likely her father would chase him off.

So Edward tried to concentrate on data entry, then getting dressed, then on the two bowls of oatmeal his mother had opted to make instead of cereal today. He didn't argue with his father when Carlisle told him to ride to school with Emmett and he didn't pick a fight with his older brother. Maybe the time Bella saved by not picking him up would make all the difference.

The minute they pulled into a space in the school's parking lot, Edward was out of the Jeep, climbing into the back so he could see better.

"What's going on with you?" Emmett asked, getting out of the car. "You're spazzier than usual."

"Spazzier is not a word," Edward mumbled.

"Whatever. What the fuck are you doing back there?"

Before Edward could respond, someone calling his name distracted both boys. They looked over to see Jasper, his eyes squinted in sleepiness and hands deep in his pockets.

Still feeling out of sorts and panicky, Edward carefully climbed down from the back of the Jeep and headed toward the front of the school.

"Oh, I see," Emmett chortled, falling into step beside him. "You were waiting for Jasper."

Rolling his eyes, Edward growled at his brother. "If I were gay, I wouldn't be ashamed of it, but I'm not gay, so get over it."

"Jeez, kid. Calm down. No need to be so defensive," Emmett laughed, shaking his head as he changed course, heading in Rosalie's direction.

"Why'd you come with Emmett today?" Jasper asked, yawning as Edward came up next to him.

Edward began to explain the whole situation, but cut off when he saw Bella's old truck drive into the parking lot. "Hold on a second," he said to Jasper quickly before waving emphatically. "Hey, Bella!"

It was amazing how instantaneous and profound his relief was. He was able to take a deep breath for the first time that day, seeing her alive and in tact. She looked confused and a little wary, but when she saw him smiling - and Edward had to admit he must have been grinning like an idiot - she offered a small smile in return.

Shouldering her bag, Bella started to head toward the boys, but she stopped suddenly, something by the tires of her truck catching her eye.

"Bella?" Edward called again, that thick brick of dread and worry again appearing at the center of his gut. She looked up at him, her eyes filled with an emotion he didn't understand.

Then it happened.

One second he was reveling at this inherent urge he had to go to her and wipe away the tear that was threatening to spill down her cheek. The next there was that horribly familiar, grating sound of tires squealing against asphalt.

"Bella!" he shouted, already moving as he watched her eyes go wide with fear. He was moving so fast the rest of the world seemed to blur, though she remained steady in his sight.

"Edward!" he barely heard Jasper's frightened voice before he felt something, grab the back of his jacket, yanking him away from the oncoming catastrophe.

The blue blur – what Edward now recognized was a blue minivan – clipped him on the side as it spun. Edward found himself flying backward, all the air pushed forcibly out of him and a crushing feeling on one side of his chest. He landed on the ground, face up and staring at the cloudy sky above him. But beyond the incredible pain that seemed to consume his body, what Edward was most aware of was the terrible sound of a single scream cut off by the screech of twisting metal.

Despite the fact he knew he was injured, Edward tried to get up. A hand forced him back to the ground, and Edward realized Jasper was kneeling beside him. Though he was rapidly weakening, Edward struggled.

"Stop. Edward, stop," Jasper said urgently, his voice cracking. "Jesus, you're so fucked up, man. This is so fucked up."

"Bella," Edward groaned. He needed to see her, needed desperately to know she was okay. "Bella!"

But the look in Jasper's eyes told him everything. "There's nothing you can do for her. Please, Edward. You gotta calm down," he pleaded.

Edward reflected dimly that he'd never heard his friend sound so utterly desperate. It was hard to concentrate between the pain and the way his head was rolling around. He was still looking for her, not quite able to believe it was true.

Everything around them was chaos. Kids ran up only to scream at the sight of him  **…** or the girl crushed between two cars. Time became meaningless to Edward, only a series of images he could barely comprehend.

Mostly, his thoughts went back to Bella. Despair shook him so hard that he couldn't hold back the tears. There was so much frustration and anger, yet he was helpless - twisted and broken on the asphalt. But he was alive when she wasn't. It didn't seem fair. It couldn't be right.  _Not her. Why her?_

"The ambulance is almost here," someone comforted him, mistaking the cause of his tears. Emmett, Edward realized distantly. Emmett was holding his hand.

The worst part, the worst thing Edward could remember witnessing in all his lives, was when Chief Swan arrived on the scene. For a man Edward remembered only as stoic, there were no words for his cries of utter anguish. It took Coach Clapp and Mr. Banner's considerable effort to keep him from trying to drag the cars apart himself. Edward was only glad that his glasses were missing, probably broken, so he wouldn't have to see the look on Charlie Swan's face.

It was his fault. It had to be. In her original life, Bella Swan had lived at least through her Junior year.

Edward tried to say he was sorry but he coughed, choking on blood. He still couldn't bring himself to care about his own wounds, though both Jasper and Emmett were trying to keep him calm.

A grizzled face cut through the crowd that surrounded him. Brett Warner. The name came from the cloudy haze of his brain, and Edward groaned. Sure, he could remember a random EMT but he hadn't remembered Bella.

It seemed like such a ludicrous notion. How had she been so unimportant to him the first time?

The thought flitted away with everything else. Brett was trying to get his attention. "Edward? Edward!" he called sharply, trying to get him to focus. "Come on, kid. Stay with me."

Edward remained in a state of semi-consciousness the entire ride to the hospital. The minute the ambulance pulled up he could hear his father's frantic voice and that stirred him a little.

"Jesus. Edward." His father's voice was strangled and horrified, and Edward struggled to open his eyes enough to find him.

"You can help him. You can save him, right, Dad?" Emmett's voice came from somewhere. He must have followed the ambulance.

"Emmett, you gotta stay back, kid," Brett caught him before he could get in the way.

"Dr. Cullen. You shouldn't-" someone tried to get Carlisle to back away, but he was having none of it. Instead, Carlisle started ordering people around, using words that made Edward feel more like a frightened five year old than anything else. He caught 'operating room' and 'collapsed lung' among a litany of other things he didn't really want to think about.

"Dr. Cullen," one of the other doctors tried again. "You can't possibly do surgery on your own son."

"Dr. Snow, what I can't possibly do right now is help the Crowley kid," Carlisle growled, more anger in his tone than Edward had ever heard. "I'm sure you understand that. And there aren't enough doctors on staff right now to take care of him and my son without me."

Whether or not that was true - and Edward tended to think that it probably was closer to false - Carlisle must have won that argument because amidst all the poking and pulling, a comforting hand ran through his hair. Edward opened his eyes, finding his father looking down on him. He could see Carlisle was close to tears, but there was a resolve there too. "Son, listen to me. Don't try to talk, just listen. We're going to give you something, and the pain is going to go away, okay? Be strong. Just hold on, and it will be better when you wake up."

Edward held his father's eyes as long as he was able to, hoping with everything in him that his father was right. When he woke up, it would all be better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yes. I'm a horrible, horrible person. Luckily, jadedandboring and barburella love me, even if you don't.


	11. Once More With Feeling

"Are you insane?"

Edward jumped to his feet, not even registering relief that he could move again. He turned toward the voice, glad that Alice was in her 16 year old form. Especially after spending time amidst the high school girls of Forks, he didn't have any qualms about losing it a little in front of her given the circumstances.

He grabbed her wrists, yanking her a step or two toward him. "Tell me the day was wrong."

Alice glared at him, yanking her arms away. "Of course you got it wrong, jackass. What were you trying to do, stepping in front of that van?"

"Are you telling me that I got the day wrong because _I_ got hurt?" Edward demanded, scrambling to understand.

"You could have gotten killed," Alice cried.

"I don't care about me," Edward said, feeling so out of control he thought his head might explode. He grabbed Alice's arms hard enough that she gasped in surprise. "Alice. Tell me. Tell me that I didn't change her life just so she could die in front of the school."

Alice searched his eyes. "This is about the girl?"

"Bella!" Edward bellowed. "Tell me she's not supposed to die. Not her. She's Chief Swan's only child. She hasn't done anything wrong. Not. Her."

"Christ," Alice muttered, pushing him backward forcefully. "Get a grip. I've already told you how this works."

"I have to do what fate wants," Edward mimicked bitterly. "Fuck fate. I have to have free will. I will put myself in front of that van every time if it means she lives." He couldn't stand the idea that her entirely preventable death was out of his hands. Jasper he could come to terms with… eventually. People got sick every day. But this…

Incredibly, Alice smiled. "Wow."

"What?" Edward seethed between clenched teeth.

"You like her," Alice said in a teasing, sing-song voice.

"Alice," Edward groaned into his hands. "This isn't about some stupid school boy crush. This is wrong."

With some effort, Alice calmed her grin into a more serious expression. "Use your head," she said firmly. "Whatever fate wants, you are the catalyst of that change. You're the one in the middle of a do-over. If fate wanted you dead, your brother would be arranging your funeral right now."

"I don't-" Edward started to argue but Alice cut him off.

"Shut up," she demanded, taking a step toward him. She stood on her tip toes to get in his face. "What'd I tell you before? Remember. Everything has a reason."

With that, she pushed him hard. Edward realized belatedly that he was standing near the edge of the pool. He stumbled backward, trying and failing to find his balance. He hit the water with a terrible splash, instantly submerged.

**~January 26, 1999~**

Edward woke up with a raw gasp, sitting straight up in his bed. He clutched his chest, feeling like he couldn't quite remember how to breathe.

His door opened. "Time to rise and shine, Ed-" Esme began as she stepped in the room but she cut off when she saw him. "Edward?" she asked urgently, dropping the stack of paperwork in her hands and darting over to his bed. "Honey, are you okay?"

He wasn't. He really wasn't. It was a lot for his brain to handle. Regardless that it had been undone, getting hit by a car was a traumatic event, especially given that it had crushed half of his body. On top of that, he'd witnessed a girl he knew and cared a little for get crushed to death. Add to that his utter frustration at being unable to fight his fate, and Edward was surprised he hadn't lost his mind.

"Breathe, Edward," Esme murmured, rubbing his back. She thumped him hard and air rushed into his lungs. "I'm going to get Dad."

"No!" Edward cried raggedly, taking another drag of the air. Desperate, he grabbed his mother's arm, suddenly and irrationally scared to death that she was going to walk out of the room and disappear. Everything felt so entirely out of his control.

"Okay, okay," Esme soothed, putting her arms around him again. "Sweetheart, you're scaring me. You have to tell me what's wrong. Are you sick?"

Turning his body, Edward buried his head against his mother's shoulder. He was shaking, but at least he could breathe again. Tears of fear and frustration welled in his eyes, and Edward was helpless to stop them from flowing down his cheeks. "I'm not sick," he stumbled, the words shaky. He knew he had to get a hold of himself.

"Was it… a nightmare?"

Edward could imagine how this looked. Here he was, almost grown, and he was shaking and crying like he was a little kid again. He took another breath. "Nightmare… Yeah. It was real. Too real, I mean," he babbled, embarrassment beginning to line the edges of his frantic thoughts. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Esme said quietly, scratching his head lightly. "Come on. Get up. I'll give you a reprieve today if you help me make breakfast."

Edward hesitated. Now that sense was returning to him, so was his need to stop Bella from getting hurt. He'd meant what he said. He would put himself in front of the van every time if it gave her another chance.

His heart began to speed again, fury rushing through his veins and making it hard to think. If fate saw fit to kill Bella today, no matter his efforts…

But then, Alice hadn't confirmed that, had she? She'd never answered his question one way or another, in fact.

"Okay," he told his mother. "Let me take a shower though."

Esme hugged him, ruffling his hair affectionately. "Okay. I'll be downstairs."

Once under the hot spray, Edward took time to rationally – use his head, as Alice had warned him. He had to believe there was a right way out of this day that didn't include either of them dying.

He pieced together the very few clues he had, remembering how Alice had told him that anything preemptive wouldn't work. He forced himself to put aside impromptu plans about disabling the van – Tyler Crowley's van – or trying to talk Emmett to pick up Bella before school. Neither of those things would work because if he hadn't been an active part of this do-over, he would have no idea that Tyler was going to cause an accident. He couldn't do anything that he wouldn't have done if he didn't know what was coming.

Edward leaned his forehead against the tile of shower, taking long, deep breaths. He was caught between anger and despair, hating how he felt like a pawn in this stupid game. He was no one's puppet and resented his lack of choice in everything. He resented being a prisoner in his own life.

Then again, look what he'd done with free will.

_**~0~** _

Nervous but a lot calmer, Edward managed to make it through the morning without going completely out of his mind.

"Yo. Spazmaster," Emmett said, stepping on his foot under the table. Edward glared, yanking his foot out from under his brother's. He'd been bouncing his leg unconsciously, his whole body full of nervous energy. "Can you chill with the tap dancing?"

It wasn't difficult to pick a fight with Emmett after that. Since it had happened organically the first time around, Edward reasoned, it could happen again. He was eager to see Bella alive and intent to keep her that way. Until Alice told him without a shadow of a doubt that she was meant to die, he was going to do his best to make sure she survived his do-over.

This time, though, Emmett seemed to have a smidgen more patience. He bickered with his brother but didn't threaten to kick him out of the car. "Pull over!" Edward demanded finally, getting desperate.

Emmett just scoffed at him. "What? Why?"

"I mean it, Em. I don't want to ride with you," Edward insisted. When Emmett didn't follow his demand, Edward opened the passenger side door, eyeing the road. It wasn't like they were going fast...

"Fuck! Fine," Emmett said, pulling over. "Why the hell are you being such a baby?"

Not answering, Edward hopped out of the Jeep, slamming the door behind him, already looking for Bella. Emmett pulled away, revving his engine more than necessary in his irritation. Edward felt bad but figured it wouldn't be the last time he and his brother fought.

It only took a minute or so for Bella's truck to appear.

Edward was endlessly grateful that he'd been unable to see Bella's broken body as he lay prone on the asphalt. As it was, the sound of her scream being cut off by the crunch of metal would stay with him until the day he died...for real. But that hadn't stopped him from picturing her crushed and lifeless.

As he climbed into the truck when she pulled over, it was all he could do to keep his hands to himself. He wanted to touch her, to assure himself she was real. He contented himself with just enjoying the way she laughed when he retold the story of the fight he'd had with his brother.

"I always wanted a big brother," Bella said thoughtfully as they pulled into the parking lot.

"Take mine," Edward joked.

She smirked, casting a glance out of the corner of her eye. "My house only has two bedrooms. I'll pass."

"Hey, why don't you park there?" Edward said, pointing at a spot that was both closer to the school and across the lot from the scene of the accident.

Bella furrowed her eyebrows. "Because i don't want to?"

"But it's closer," Edward pressed.

"Right, but I like this one," Bella countered, pulling into the dreaded spot.

Edward huffed. Of course she couldn't make it easier on him. The girl was stubborn. Quickly, he got out of the truck, skidding a little as his feet tried to find purchase on the icy road. He managed to stay upright as he got to her side of the truck.

"Oh, my God, " Bella murmured, her voice low and full of emotion as she stared at the tires of her truck.

A little impatient, Edward tugged on her jacket sleeve. "What? Let's go." She obviously wasn't paying attention to him as she continued to stare at her tires, a strange smile on her face. "Bella, what?"

His voice was a little sharper than he wanted it to be, and it drew Bella's attention. She looked up, her face becoming a mask. "It's nothing. Sorry," she muttered, sounding embarrassed.

Feeling bad that he was rushing her, Edward put a hand on her arm, intending to apologize.

But then there was that horrible screeching sound - tires skidding on ice and asphalt.

He was out of time.

Acting mainly on instinct, Edward grabbed the frozen girl beside him, hurtling her to the ground. She fell backward, her hand clutching his arm dragging him down with her. There was a sickening thunk as her head hit the pavement, but his head struck only half a heartbeat later. Blinding pain ricocheted through his skull, made worse by the screeching tires, the sound of twisting metal and breaking glass. Edward kept his eyes closed tight, his hand find and clutching Bella's as he waited for inevitable darkness.

For one, two, three seconds, there eerie silence.

Then - chaos.

Kids were screaming, their voices muffled somehow. He heard the footfalls of many feet heading in their direction. That could only mean...

He was alive.

Edward's eyes flew open and he gasped, startled at the sight in front of him. He was on his back on the pavement, staring straight up at the underside of a vehicle. There were car parts less than half an inch from his nose. "Holy shit!"

His eyes rolled a little to the right and he nearly had a heart attack when he saw the wheels of the car - or van, he guessed - barely more than an inch from his face. "Holy shit!" he cried again.

A low groan drew his attention, and Edward looked to his left, seeing out of the corner of his eye that Bella was staring, her eyes wide, at the same sight that had greeted him a moment before. "Fuck," she said in a whisper.

"Bella-"

Before he could ask if she was okay the voices got closer.

"Did they hit... are they dead?"

"I don't see them!"

"Tyler! Tyler! Are you okay?"

"Call 9-1-1!"

"Where are Edward and Bella? I saw them!"

Edward tugged on Bella's hand slightly, scooting closer to her. "We're under here!" he shouted, squeezing her hand. To Bella he said, "Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

Her eyes, a little frenzied, found his. "I'm fine."

Someone got on the ground, peering under the car. "Holy fuck! They're under here. In one piece!"

"Move!" Edward heard Emmett's voice demand, then Emmett was on his belly, looking under the car. "Fuck. No! Edward, don't move!" Edward froze instantly, for once not wanting to argue with his older brother. "There's glass all over. You're okay?"

"I'm fine. Can Bella move?"

"No. No. There's glass all around your head. Just... hold tight, okay? Stay there," Emmett commanded, standing up.

"Easy for him to say," Bella muttered. "It's cold."

Edward laughed. He couldn't help it. Just a small twist of fate and they both could have been hamburger, but all she noticed was the cold. "Are you really okay? I think you hit your head."

She was silent. "I've had worse," she said dismissively. Another moment went by. "I should have taken that space you told me to," she said quietly, her voice shaky.

"It's okay," Edward murmured, stroking his thumb over the back of her knuckles. "You're alive. That's all that matters."

"You saved me," she whispered.

"And then you saved me," he countered.

Before they could discuss the matter further, another voice interrupted them. "Kids?" Principal Greene's voice reached them. "How are you doing under here?"

"We'd kind of like to get up, sir," Bella said.

"Just sit tight," the principal instructed. "Be as still as you can. We're going to try to lift the van away so you can get up safely."

By the time a team of teachers and some of the bigger students - including Emmett - were able to lift the car, both the ambulance and a gruff Charlie were on the scene.

"Bella!" He cried as soon as the van was moved away enough. "Stay down."

"I'm fine, Dad," Bella insisted.

"Isabella, stay down," he said in a voice that left no room for argument.

Bella grumbled but she obeyed. Edward did his best to hide his chuckle, but Bella saw and glared at him. He gave her a lopsided smirk, almost giddy now that the danger was over, and tried to get up.

"Na-uh. Where do you think you're going?" Jasper said, appearing at his side with Emmett and pushing him back down. "Let the EMTs check you out before you move."

Mostly, Edward kept his eyes on Bella. She was obviously hating every moment. Everyone was staring. But then, her eyes darted up, meeting his, and she managed a little smile.

Until the EMTs insisted she put on a neck brace. Bella tried to wave it away but they were adamant. Edward found her flustered face hilarious until they made him wear one too.

"Hey, kids?" Brett the EMT said, looking highly amused. "You mind letting go just long enough for us to load you in?"

Edward and Bella looked at him, confused until he pointed between them.

They were still holding hands.

They let go quickly, and it wasn't just Bella who blushed then.

~0~

When they got to the hospital, Carlisle would not leave Edward alone. He kept flashing a light in his eyes and asking questions, clearly on the verge of panicking.

"Dad!" Edward finally protested. "I'm okay. I swear. Can you please take this stupid thing off now?" he said, gesturing to the neck brace.

Carlisle sighed, calming slightly. "Fine but you're still getting an x-ray for that bump on your head. Humor me," he said before Edward could protest. He smiled slightly. "I know you've been a relatively easy teenager, so I shouldn't complain, but I would appreciate it if you would space out the scaring me to death episodes. Twice in one month is pushing it."

Edward rolled his eyes but smiled back. "I'll see what I can do."

Since it was obvious he and Bella were not in immediate danger, they were left to cool their heels a little while as they waited for the x-ray machine to be available. Apparently, Tyler hadn't made it out of the accident as in tact as they were.

"As many x-rays as I've had, these hospitals are going to give me cancer before I die any other way," Bella sighed under her breath.

"Do you make it a habit of almost getting hit by cars?" Edward asked, his voice a little higher than he wanted it.

Bella looked over at him, grimacing as if she hadn't meant to say that out loud. "No other encounters with cars, unless you include falling out of them," she said vaguely.

Edward snorted. "To tell you the truth, I'm a little surprised I haven't ended up in the ER before," he confessed, not really knowing why he was admitting this. "I trip all over the fucking place."

"Really?" she asked, cracking a grin. That... that made his slight embarrassment well worth it.

"Yeah, it bugs the shit out of me. I was thinking of getting my parents to sign me up for tae kwan do or some such thing," he babbled. "You know - helps with balance and muscles."

Bella looked amused. "I think that's Yoga," she pointed out.

Edward furrowed his eyebrows. "Yeah, but... tae kwan do sounds a lot more bad ass than Yoga." Bella laughed at that, and he was so caught up in how much he liked the sound that he didn't consider the next words as they left his mouth. "Maybe you could come with me."

Bella's eyes went wide, and Edward found he was fighting the urge to cry, 'just kidding!' Her eyes darted down to her hands, playing with the edge of the blanket before she finally spoke. "Yeah. Maybe that'd be nice."

Before Edward could react, Chief Swan's voice echoed out in the hallway. He was giving someone a dressing down and a half.

"Dad!" Bella yelled, sounding irritated. Charlie appeared in the doorway a second later. "Would you stop? Tyler isn't having a great day as it is."

Charlie didn't look happy about it, but he agreed. Then he looked distinctly nervous about something else. "Bella... if you're still waiting, maybe you have a second to call your mother..."

Carlisle appeared behind him. "What great timing. I just came back here to warn you that your mother," he looked at Edward, "will probably burst in here in the next two minutes."

"You called Mom?" Edward and Bella exclaimed together. They looked at each other, a little shocked.

Charlie grimaced, Carlisle just rolled his eyes. "This is a technicality because I would have called her anyway, but it was Emmett who called her. I'm sure you'll keep this between us but he was going out of his skin with guilt. Apparently, he kicked you out of the Jeep on the way to school?"

Edward frowned, about to tell him that he'd demanded to be let out of the Jeep but he was interrupted by Charlie's uncharacteristically quiet voice. "If he hadn't, Edward wouldn't have been there to pull Bella down. That van would have hit her."

"That's right." Carlisle clapped Charlie's shoulder. "All things considered, I suppose it was a happy accident of fate."

Fate.

Edward was lost in his thoughts then, wondering if this was how the day was supposed to go. He didn't want to think about the alternatives - because if fate insisted on Bella's death, he simply didn't know what he would do - but it left a rather interesting question.

Just what did fate have in mind, and why did it seem to center on this one girl?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you all for not murdering me so I could get through this chapter. Heh. Thank you for your patience and thanks to barburella and jadedandboring. OH, Maimu made me the prettiest banner. I really have to take a second to update my profile. *head desk*


	12. Some Splainin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oy vey. It's been one of those weeks, my friends. I hope you will forgive me for the lateness of this update and for not doing review replies. Real life – it's getting real, y'all. I also apologize for the shortness of this chapter. More fun next chap, I promise. Thank you so much for sticking with me.

That night, Edward resisted falling asleep as long as he could.

For starting out more like a nightmare, it had been a surprisingly good day. After his mother covered him in relieved kisses - completely embarrassing him in front of Bella - Carlisle had released both of them to go home for the day.

"Do you have AIM?" Bella murmured quietly to him. Esme and Charlie were chatting behind them as they walked out of the hospital room. They hadn't reached the waiting room where half of the school was bound to be waiting.

"Yeah," Edward whispered back.

"I just figured... you know, there's no one else to talk to since everyone is at school," Bella said, stumbling nervously over her words.

Edward noticed his heart had started to flutter erratically. A girl had asked for his AIM handle. Not just any girl... Bella. It was ridiculous because sexy, enchanting, adult women had asked for his number or given him theirs, but he hadn't ever felt this level of excitement. He was downright giddy, though he was trying desperately to be cool about it.

He mumbled his handle casually right before they walked out into the chaos of the waiting room.

The second he got home and could escape Esme's smothering, Edward raced to his room to start up his instant message system.

Not for the first time since this whole ordeal had begun, Edward was struck by the importance of computers to his high school self. In real life he was, as his brother was so fond of telling him, spastic. His tongue got tangled in his mouth as easily as his legs seemed to trip over nothing at all. Smooth he was not, and yet Edward knew for a fact he had untapped charisma in spades.

The anonymity of his precious computer allowed him to bypass the self-consciousness that plagued him as he wandered the hallways of Forks High. When he was playing Everquest, he could give orders as well as he could take them. He had a ton of friends.

And, most importantly to him that night, he could talk to Bella without putting his foot in his mouth. The eloquence he'd sorely missed came out as his fingers danced across the keyboard.

They chatted off and on throughout the rest of the afternoon, commiserating about their mothers overreacting - which Edward felt somewhat guilty about given that he knew damn well how close they'd come to dying.

Edward stayed up late, putting off going to sleep because he couldn't help but worry that he would wake up at the beginning of the day again. He had every reason to try and prolong this peace - even happiness - he felt.

The third time Edward nearly face planted into his monitor, he finally gave in and dragged himself to bed. Amidst a fervent hope that he would wake up on a different day - any other day - was the errant realization that while it was understandable that he'd stayed up so late, Bella - as far as he knew - didn't have any reason to stay up as late as she had. His more logical sided chided him. She'd almost died today. That was enough to keep anyone up.

But there was some silly hope that grew like a tiny flicker of flame at the center of chest that maybe she'd stayed up late because she was enjoying talking to him as much as he'd enjoyed talking to her.

~0~

"Wakey, wakey," a soft, melodic voice called him.

"Oh, no," Edward groaned as he opened his eyes, finding the 16 year old Alice standing over him.

She frowned at him, but her eyes reflected good humor. "Hey. Don't tell me you aren't glad to see me."

Edward sighed as he righted himself, looking around to see he was on a couch. He ruffled his hair, looking at Alice cautiously. "I miss the five year old you. When you're 16, it's because you're explaining things I don't want to hear."

"Technically, that little miss is 4, and it's a bitch to try to make her not-so-concrete thoughts string together long enough to talk to you," Alice said, plopping down on the couch next to him. "Speaking of inhabiting bodies, you're getting better at being a teenager. Good for you."

"Fighting it was just giving me a headache," Edward said. He frowned. "Alice, please...tell me I lived the day right." His voice was pleading, but he couldn't find it in him to feel ashamed. He felt tired and worn, like a man much older than his 29 years.

She studied him, her eyes curious. "You really would step in front of the van again, wouldn't you? For her?"

Irritation made Edward bristle. "It's not about Bella. It's wrong. I understand that my parents shouldn't have died, but she survived the first time."

"That future is gone," Alice said bluntly. "Have you thought at all about your niece and nephew?"

"What are you talking about?" Edward growled, frustrated at Alice's total inability to answer a question straight. But after his initial, angry reaction, he let her question sink in. He balked suddenly. "Oh, my God."

Alice nodded, knowing that he'd come to the conclusion she wanted him to. "Emmett and Victoria have no reason to meet, which we both know is a good thing. However, that means Riley and Bree won't exist."

Edward dropped his head into his hands, his thoughts muddled and his heart heavy with grief. He remembered his little niece wrapping her arms around his neck and clinging tightly. He remembered her final, whispered, 'I'll miss you,' and wondered if she'd known somehow. He remembered Riley's uncharacteristic hug.

No matter what he thought of their mother, his brother's children had always been precious to him. "What have I done?" he whispered.

"Oh, Edward," Alice sighed, rubbing his back lightly. "Even when a life gets twisted so far beyond fate's plan, there are always positives. Riley and Bree were the good things that came out of your mistakes."

"But they're gone now," Edward rasped, his voice raw.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know that you'd take this so hard."

"They're my brother's kids," Edward barked.

"He won't remember them. If you showed him a picture, Emmett would have no clue who they were," Alice pointed out mildly.

"I'll remember them," he mumbled. Feeling more confused than ever, Edward pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to work through the overwhelming grief. "And Bella?" he asked, his heart twisting with trepidation.

"Relax please," Alice commanded. "You did the right thing."

"She won't die?" he confirmed.

"Not today." Off his look, she quickly continued. "She stands to live a long life, Edward."

The relief that washed over him then caused every taut muscle in his body to relax. He sank forward, falling off the couch and onto his knees feeling like he could have wept.

"Just remember that things can always change," Alice warned. "I know this is an... altered version of life, but it's still real life."

He waved a hand at her, laughing suddenly. Amidst everything else - guilt, confusion, frustration - he now felt utterly giddy.

"Jeez," Alice said, rolling her eyes. "You're losing it."

"What did you expect? You threw a car at me," Edward said wryly, beginning to get hold of himself.

"I didn't do anything," she protested.

"Fate, whatever," Edward said, rolling his eyes. "I mean, what the hell. The car thing didn't happen the first time. It seems cruel to just fuck with our lives like this. What was the point?"

Sliding down to the floor beside him, with her back against the couch, Alice tugged on his ear. She peered inside until he smacked her hands away in annoyance. "Nope, doesn't look like your ears are broken."

The expression on her face was entirely unimpressed. "Edward, I just told you no more than 30 seconds ago that this is real life. Bad things happen to good people. Just because Bella didn't die as a teenager in your original timeline doesn't mean she's safe this time around. Although..." she trailed off, tapping a finger against her lips. "All things considered, she's probably safer than most."

Edward rubbed his eyes hard. Despite the fact he wasn't in his teenage body, it was difficult to overcome the urge to whine. In all honesty, he was seconds away from throwing a total tantrum. He wanted to scream and thrash because he wanted his old life back.

That wasn't really accurate. There were pieces of his old life he wanted back. Mostly he wanted to be self assured - confident and graceful. Maybe arrogance wasn't something he should strive for, but it felt a hell of a lot better than confusion. And in his old life at least he wasn't terribly aware of what his actions had cost everyone else. Certainly, he'd had the weight of his parents' death on his shoulders, but Rosalie and Bella he'd been completely in the dark about. Who knew what else he'd done without knowing it.

But just as Emmett would never remember his children, Rosalie and Bella would not know that he'd inadvertently and irreversibly altered their paths. That simple knowledge made it a little easier to breathe.

Carrying around such secrets sucked.

"I know it does," Alice said comfortingly.

Edward looked at her, startled. "Did I say that out loud?"

"No," Alice smirked. "What - you think I can change forms at will but I can't read your mind?"

He considered this, laughing lightly. "Why this form?" It was one of the many questions that had been percolating at the back of his mind.

"Convenience, really," Alice said, reaching for a bag on the coffee table in front of them. She continued speaking as she began to rummage. "This little girl was at your niece's party," she said, taking out a brush and a compact. Opening the compact, she smiled impishly. "I mean, look at me. Am I not adorable? And her future is one you're going to have to..." Alice trailed off, looking at him nervously for a moment. Obviously she'd said too much.

"Have to what?" he prompted. He hadn't forgotten about the big picture. Much of his spare time was spent trying to piece together the very few clues he had. His mind scrambled, searching for an elusive piece of the puzzle. "That's right!" he cried, suddenly excited. "You...er... Alice said that she was never going to be married because of me." His nose wrinkled at the perplexing thought. "What-"

"Ugh." Alice threw her brush down and crossed her arms. "You ask too many questions. Don't worry about her - me - whatever. I'm not even born-ed yet," she said, rolling her eyes at her deliberate mispronunciation.

"You like  _The X-Files_ , right?" She waited for him to nod before she continued. "It wasn't often that Scully could satisfy the science of whatever was going on. There is a logic to what's happening to you, but you probably won't understand it all until you're at the end of this little journey. If you try to put it all together, you're going to exhaust your poor head. I keep trying to tell you - you're 17 years old. Your human body can only handle so much. Stress can and will make you sick so unless you want to be feeble in your forties re-lax."

She shook her head. "That's what I've been trying to tell you. You need a vacation." She waved her hand. "So to speak."

Edward smirked. "Why does the idea of a vacation from you make me even more nervous?"

Alice laughed. "I'm sending you back, but I just want you to  _live_ for the time being. There's nothing you have to correct about the day I'm going to send you back to." She looked him square in the eye. "Do you understand? Just be a kid. Enjoy life. Normally."

Edward was skeptical to say the least. "Only you would call sending me back to high school a vacation."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," she said, throwing up her hands. "Play with your friends. Play pranks on your brother. And yes, do your homework. Sit back and enjoy the limited responsibility of high school." She rolled her eyes. "They say youth is wasted on the young, but apparently it's also wasted on the Edward."

As desperate as he was to set everything right and finally understand what he was going through, Edward had to admit the idea of facing a day just to be was enticing. "No changing the future?" he verified, not quite believing it wasn't another trick.

"Technically every day you live changes the course of your future," Alice pointed out. "But no - nothing as important as what you've been doing lately."

"Hey, the 25th changed all of a sudden and you never told me why. What did I change that day?" Edward asked, remembering suddenly the not so special day that he'd lived 19 times.

"Nope," Alice shook her head. "You're on vacation."

"But tell me why-"

Alice put her hand over his mouth. "No, no there is no why," she said in a surprisingly accurate Yoda impression. "Nothing more will I teach you today. Clear your mind of questions."

Edward couldn't help but crack a smile. "Have it your way."

"Always," Alice said with a laugh.

"Hey, Alice?" Edward asked after a moment.

She looked at him warningly. "If the next thing out of your mouth is another question, I swear I'm going to kick your ass," she threatened.

Edward smiled. "Just a clarification. You just want me to be a kid for a little while, right?"

"Right. A vacation. To relax because you think too damn much."

Edward nodded. "I thought you said everything happens for a reason."

Surprise flitted across Alice's features and she threw her head back, laughing so hard she grasped her stomach. "Are you implying I have ulterior motives for sending you on vacation?"

"I'm accusing," Edward said bluntly.

"You're not as dumb as you look after all," she said, nodding with approval. "Regardless, the fact remains. You're on your own time. Try to relax." She put her hand over his eyes, obscuring his view. "Be safe."

_**~January 29, 1999~** _

Edward rolled over, reaching for his glasses and the clock before he'd even opened his eyes. When he saw the date he had to laugh.

Alice had started his 'vacation' on a Friday. Edward was grateful. The less high school he had to re-experience, the better.

Just another day.

Edward rolled that concept over and over in his head, feeling a sense of freedom creeping into every cell of his body. Slowly, a smile spread across his face.

Even before this do-over started, he couldn't remember the last time he'd awaken in a good mood. For once, he felt like he had something to look forward to. He made a resolution that he would put aside his frustration and confusion and, as Alice had requested, simply enjoy the gifts he'd been given.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm really looking forward to the next couple of chapters, so I'm sure they'll be out sooner rather than later. Hehe.
> 
> Thanks, as always, to Barburella and jadedandboring. Ily.


	13. Vacation All I Ever Wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YouTube suggestion: Eddie Izzard - Dress to Kill, Puberty, specifically around the 3:40 - 4:45 mark. This is 29 year old teenage Edward.

The posters on his ceiling were … not very well clothed.

Edward squirmed in his bed, grumbling to himself about what little control he had over his body. More than once he'd sported a respectable semi without much in the way of provocation. The posters strategically positioned above his head were, well...provocative.

At least it was amusing. Rather than being the normal half clothed, big busted women, Edward had almost forgotten his penchant for elves. Dark elf, wood elf, high elf - he identified. All of them with coy smiles. Beckoning.

And if that weren't enough, looking at the posters in his current condition - which was to say he'd woken up with a rather persistent hard on - only brought on memories of the other times he'd had this problem.

He remembered Rosalie's naked body and how her skin felt beneath his fingers. He remembered Eric Yorkie elbowing him in gym and pointing because every time Jessica Stanley jumped up to spike a volleyball, her shirt rose, exposing her bra and her bouncing tits. And then there was Lauren Mallory in her too-short skirt in English on the day the teacher had arranged their desks in a square. Of course, Edward and Jasper were directly across from her. It didn't help that, mentally, Edward had over a decade of sexual encounters under his belt either.

_Fuck it._

Edward got out of bed and went to his shower, feeling strangely self-conscious. He'd never had any qualms about masturbation before. His shower at home - his home - had been well christened. It just weirded him out that his parents were likely already roaming the house and his mother would be suspicious if he locked the door.

But she wasn't going to come in while he was in the shower.

There was a store of material to fuel his fantasies hidden under his bed - where the adult him knew that his mother had probably found it already - but Edward had always had an able imagination.

He stepped into the shower, belatedly realizing why he'd invested in body lotion in his teenage years rather than the bar soap he preferred as an adult. He poured a dollop onto the palm of his hand, shuddering slightly when he wrapped his fingers around his length. His cock had been ignored for far too long and even the slight stimulation felt amazing. Leaning against the wall, letting hot water spill over him, Edward closed his eyes.

It was Edward's intention to play out an idle fantasy that had passed through his mind - something about dwarfs being just the right height. No, there wasn't any fantastic creature.

Instead, he saw her. But then, when he thought about sex - and being a teenage boy, he thought about sex often - something about Bella always permeated his daydreams.

Maybe it should have seemed strange that with all the experience he'd had, all the women who'd done amazing things with their bodies and his, it was this presumably inexperienced, teenage girl he fantasized about. Then again, if he'd had thought about it at all, his guilt and shame would have stopped him -as it had in the past. Today though, this morning, he was willing to forget that in some other life he'd already grown up to be 29 years old. It was much more permissible for his 17 year old body to long for hers.

And he did long.

He remembered how soft her fingers were as he clutched her hand under that van. It would feel like cool silk running over his heated skin, if she drew the pads of her fingers down his cheek. He remembered - with that odd phantom memory - wishing she would touch him again, relishing the moments when their hands brushed in Biology.

He imagined her eyes on him, nervous but filled with the same lust he felt, as his hands slowly undid the buttons of her shirt. He could see perfectly the way her upper teeth would bite into her lower lip, trying to conceal how wild her breathing was becoming. But it wouldn't be any use because his fingers would be resting on the half-globes of skin peeking out from her bra.

Her nipples, when he exposed them, would be pert and perfectly pink - so sensitive to his touch. She gasped in his imagination, and Edward groaned quietly, his hand tightening around the base of his cock.

She would work the button of his pants with clumsy but emboldened fingers, slipping his pants and boxers down with determination - probably eager to prove that she could make him shudder too. She would be right. Her hands would be timid when they touched him for the first time - far, far too light, but his breath would stutter like Morse code.

Edward imagined that it was both their hands - his guiding hers - along his length. He would press her fingers tighter, showing her how hard she could grab, how hard he  _wanted_ her to take him, and he would move her hand. Slow at first, but then faster, and faster, and-

Edward grunted, his body jerking as he came hard, making a sticky splatter pattern against the frosted shower door.

As he caught his breath, the first concrete thought he registered was that he was not at all impressed by his performance. Then again, he soothed his ego, he'd been withholding for weeks or longer - depending on how one chose to take the passage of time. That was an eternity when his body was in its sexual peak.

His second thought was of Bella, and how wrong it felt to have such thoughts about a girl her age.

As he showered and dressed, Edward tried to convince himself it was no worse than any other fantasy he'd had. Acting on it was bad, and he wasn't going to do that. He'd fantasized about real people many times. If Gillian Anderson had known the things he'd thought about, she would have filed a restraining order immediately.

Then again, he'd never had to face Gillian Anderson in real life. Bella, on the other hand, he would see by lunch at the latest.

~0~

As it happened, most of Edward's teachers were obviously in the mood for the weekend. They assigned busy work for the class rather than get into any new material. The exception was English, of course, where he had a test. Not that the test was a big deal - Edward could pass English in his sleep - but it meant he couldn't talk to Jasper the way he wanted.

Thinking about his 'vacation', Edward had decided that he should take the opportunity to spend more time with Jasper. If it was true that his friend was destined to die young, Edward was determined to make his last year memorable. Anyway, what better way to enjoy being a teenage boy than hanging out with your friends? Even though the kids who'd ignored him for years were warming up to him again - between Royce's nearly disastrous party and almost getting hit by Tyler's car, that was inevitable - Jasper was still his only real friend.

Although Bella was slowly but surely beginning to climb that list.

Their interactions over the past few days was stilted but present. They talked shyly during Biology and online, getting to know each other as they perhaps should have from the get go.

That thought struck Edward as he sat down at his usual table at lunch. His eyes were drawn, as they typically were, to where Bella was sitting across the cafeteria.

Could it be that Bella was meant to be something more to him than just another classmate? It would certainly explain why the most recent days he'd repeated seemed to revolve around her. Now that he thought about it, Edward realized that the day Alice neglected to explain, January 25, had repeated many times until he talked with Bella.

What did it mean?

"Jesus Christ, Edward. Would you stop making eyes at that girl? It's creepy," Jasper said, tossing his tray down hard enough that Edward jumped at the noise. "Invite her over here before you start salivating."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Edward asked moodily, taking a bit of his hamburger and slouching, hoping his friend didn't see the blush on his cheeks.

No such luck. "Look at you. You're a G'damn little school girl," Jasper laughed. He leaned across the table, dropping his tone. "Seriously, you saved the girl's life. If that's not an in, I don't know what is. Ask her out."

"I don't want to ask her out," Edward mumbled to his hamburger.

"Whatever," Jasper said, rolling his eyes and sitting back.

Edward studiously ignored his friend until he looked up, catching Jasper staring across the cafeteria. He followed his line of sight to a table in the opposite corner of the lunchroom. Then he smirked. "Why don't you take your own advice, asshat," he said, flinging a plastic spoon at Jasper's head.

Then it was Jasper's turn to look startled and slightly guilty. "What?" he asked, feigning ignorance.

"You're staring at Maria," he accused, nodding his head in the direction of the lovely senior girl sitting with Emmett and Rosalie.

"Well, I can't help it," Jasper grumbled, slouching down farther in his seat. "I mean, she's all..." he gestured helplessly.

"Very eloquent," Edward snorted. "You're just as big a pussy as you're accusing me of being."

"But, she's a senior and.. I mean fuck, she's so hot," his friend protested.

Edward raised an eyebrow, looking to his friend with a glare. "What are you trying to say? You think Bella isn't hot?"

Jasper quirked an eyebrow. "I thought you didn't want to ask her out."

"I don't!" Edward said, frowning. "That's not the point."

"What is the point?"

"I don't know. You're a pussy," Edward mumbled, crossing his arms and wondering, not for the first time, why teenagers were so ridiculous.

There was silence between the two friends for a good thirty seconds before Jasper pushed his seat back. "Pussy this," he muttered before storming in the direction of Emmett's table with a purposeful stride. Edward watched with curiosity as Jasper, putting on his most charming grin, talked with the table. Emmett and Rosalie looked amused. Maria and the other two girls who sat with her looked...appropriately charmed.

A few minutes later, Jasper returned with a shit eating grin. He sat down and leaned all the way back in his chair. The smug grin on his face gave Edward the almost irresistible urge to kick his chair off balance. "Do you like apples?" Jasper asked.

Edward just glared, not understanding the question.

Jasper patted his pocket where a scrap of paper stuck out. "I got her numba," he said in a weird accent Edward didn't get at all. "How 'bout them apples?" He tilted forward, leaning on the table with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Now who's the pussy, pussy?"

~0~

Edward was still battling himself internally as he walked to Biology.

Obviously, his teenage persona had a crush on Bella Swan. She twisted his already spastic thoughts around and robbed him of the eloquence he'd obviously taken for granted in his older years. More than once her mere presence had him blurting something random.

"''Ello, Sue. Do you like bread?'" he quoted under his breath, remembering one of his favorite Eddie Izzard bits about puberty and chatting up girls. He was thankfully past the worst points of puberty, but the awkwardness around girls - or maybe this girl in particular - still lingered.

"Hey, Edward," Bella greeted as she sat down.

"I've got legs!" Edward blurted, startled at her sudden presence though there was absolutely no reason he should be.

Bella blinked at him. "Um... that's good?" she guessed, looking amused.

Rolling his eyes at himself, Edward shook his head. "Sorry. It's from a stand-up. One of my favorite comedians," he explained. He wondered belatedly if that stand-up was available yet. It wasn't the first time Edward wished for his smart phone and ready access to IMDB.

Luckily, Bella didn't press him.

As Mr. Banner called class to order, Edward zoned out. Despite Alice's insistence that he enjoy his vacation and not try to figure out what fate's ultimate goal was, he couldn't help but try to fit this possible piece of the puzzle against what he knew so far.

Edward found it difficult to believe that a schoolboy crush could have such an importance in his life. Everything felt so important in high school, crushes included, but life experience had taught him that not many people regularly interacted with the same crowd they knew in high school, let alone were their high school relationships important.

Maybe they were supposed to be friends. Edward found that thought a lot easier to deal with. Even over the last few days he found her company infinitely more enjoyable than the vast majority of their classmates. She was interesting. A little frustrating...but interesting.

"Edward. Hey, Edward."

Edward suddenly realized that Bella had been trying to catch his attention for a while. He turned toward her, realizing that the classroom was buzzing quietly. Banner was at his desk, ignoring the students for the most part. Most of the partnered students had their heads bent together in quiet conversation.

"I wasn't paying attention. What are we supposed to be doing?" Edward asked sheepishly.

Bella smiled slightly. "Well, those of us who failed the last quiz -which was a lot of the class - are supposed to be correcting it thoroughly."

"Well, hell yes. We got A's."

"We did," Bella nodded. Then a distinctly nervous look came over her and she turned back to her notebook. She began to doodle aimlessly. "I um... I was just curious. Were you serious about taking some kind of class? I mean... remember? 'Balance and strength'?"

"Oh! Uh... yeah. I was serious about that. I mean, it's a good idea. I just..." he rolled his eyes. "I keep meaning to to look up classes. They'd probably be in Port Angeles or something. But I get distracted," he admitted.

"EQ?" Bella guessed, looking up long enough to smile at him knowingly.

"Yeah," Edward said, pushing his glasses up his nose. All the staring down at the desk had the damn things almost falling off. "Hey, you seem to know a lot about it. Why don't you play?"

"I've been curious about it," she said, still making idle circles on her notebook. "But my computer has trouble running Word." She smirked. "No way it could run a game as complex as EQ."

"Hmmm," Edward hummed back absently, tapping his pen hard against his notebook.

He knew what he wanted to do. In fact, he'd only barely caught the words before they flew out of his mouth. He had to master thinking before he spoke at some point. No time like the present...past... whatever. Even if he wasn't trying to impress her - and he definitely wasn't - he could stand to be a little smoother.

"Do you know what a LAN is?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Local area network," Bella returned easily.

Edward ignored the wonderful, tingly feeling he got when she spoke nerd. "Right, but typically it refers to a bunch of people - gamers usually - hauling their computers into someone's basement or living room and uh...computing in one room."

"I've heard of it," Bella said, nodding. "What are you saying?"

"Come over tonight," he said, congratulating himself for not stuttering though his leg was bouncing like crazy under the table. "I mean... we can go to your place and pick up your computer. Let me tinker with it and you can try out the game on my computer, if you like. We'll invite Jasper and do a mini-LAN."

Bella didn't say anything at first, only looking at him with her mouth open slightly. Edward mentally kicked himself, realizing that to most teenagers, gaming wasn't a very exciting Friday night, even in Forks. "I-if you have other plans, or that's just not your thing -"

"No!" Bella cut him off, her voice a little louder than either of them were expecting. A few of their classmates looked over and Bella hunkered down, her cheeks flaming. "I mean," she said, her voice quite a few octaves lower, "that sounds like...fun."

Edward tilted his head, not quite believing her. "You don't have to be nice for my sake."

"No, really," Bella insisted. "I don't think you'll be able to do anything for my computer, but everything else sounds like fun." She shrugged. "There's not a lot of interesting things to do in Forks since partying is, apparently, not my forte," she said somewhat ruefully.

"Oh, right. Has your dad officially gotten over that?"

Bella shrugged. "He never was good at enforcing punishments. Then, nearly dying has its perks. I doubt he even remembers he grounded me in the first place."

Edward grinned and nodded. "Yeah. I got in trouble last week for being really late to school and my mom seems to have conveniently forgotten that, too." He looked at her, beginning to let himself feel pleased that they would get to spend time together. "You're serious? You want to hang out with us tonight? Won't your other friends mind?"

Folding her arms on the desk, Bella laid her head down and looked at him shyly. "I'm not really part of the Friday night crowd. That day at the party... that was not my thing."

"Yeah, me either," Edward agreed. It almost had been his thing, but it wasn't anymore.

He shook the sudden nostalgia away. "Anyway, you need to talk to your dad. Usually, LANs run really late - or really early, I should say - and you should just crash at my place."

Bella's head shot up. "Wait, what?"

"Usually we play until we pass out," Edward explained. "That's half the fun."

Bella laughed nervously. "I know you saved my life and all, but Charlie will forget that pretty quickly if I tell him I'm spending the night at your house."

Edward's initial reaction was confusion. Why would Charlie be bothered by his nearly grown daughter spending time playing a game on a computer, especially given what had happened the last time she'd gone out on a Friday night? There wouldn't be any alcohol at his little party.

But then Edward remembered his little fantasy from that morning. His face getting hotter and doubtlessly redder than Bella's ever had. If Charlie guessed at even half of his fantasy, Edward knew he was a dead man.

Apparently, though, he was more stubborn - and stupid - than he gave himself credit for. "Well, Jasper will be there." Bella's eyebrows shot up even higher and Edward huffed. "I guess that only makes things worse," he allowed. He shook his head. "Whatever. We'll still do it... I mean." He was entirely too flustered. Remembering his fantasy hadn't been the best idea.

Taking a deep breath, Edward tried again. "We'll go get your computer and we'll play as long as you can," he amended. "My parents will be home tonight. They'll … you know... vouch for me. Maybe your dad will let you stay. If you want to."

Bella smiled slowly and nodded, looking alternately down at her notebook and at him. "Yeah, okay."

~0~

Edward booked it after Spanish class, needing to get to Jasper before he went home. Of course, because heaven forbid gravity let him stay on his two left feet, he ended up flying face first into a wall when he slipped on the ice.

"Whoa!" As he picked himself up off the ground, searching blindly for wherever his glasses had flown to, Edward recognized Mike's incredulous chortle anywhere. "Nicely done, Cullen. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Edward grunted, his pride hurting more than anything else.

Mike handed him his glasses and offered a hand to pull him up. Grudgingly, Edward accepted, thanking him again as he dusted himself off. "That's twice in a week the ice's tried to kill you," Mike said, clapping him on the shoulder.

Edward sighed and nodded. "Is it spring yet?" He shook his head, spotting Jasper emerging from his last class. "Thanks again," he said sincerely, and then jogged off after his friend a little more carefully.

"Dude," Edward said, catching Jasper's arm. "Tell me you don't have plans tonight."

"What, you're actually going to invite me to whatever party you're going to this time?" Jasper asked, arching an eyebrow. It was still a sore point between the two friends that Edward hadn't thought to invite him to Royce's party.

Edward gave his friend a look. "Like you couldn't get invited to a party if you - you know what, never mind. Go get your computer. Bella's coming over for a LAN at my house."

Jasper tilted his head, his eyes widening. "No kidding? Bella's a gamer?"

"Well, no," Edward hedged. "She wants to try out the game, and I want to tinker with her computer."

"Is that what the kids are calling it these days," Jasper snickered. "What do you need me for, man?" He shook his head. "Alone time is a good thing, dork."

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose, huffing in exasperation. "How many times do I have to tell you it's not like that?"

"Hey, I'm just trying to help you out. Stop trying to convince me and you won't have to eat serious crow when it  _is_ like that." He snickered.

"What. Ever. Are you coming over?"

"Well, fuck yeah if you need a built in cockblocker, why not. Is Mom cooking?" he asked eagerly. Jasper was over at his house often enough that he'd taken to calling Esme Mom. Both Edward and Emmett often cooked - for themselves or for the family, depending - but everyone's favorite meals far and away were Esme's.

"Who knows? Anyway, I'll see you there," Edward said quickly, spotting Bella about to get to her truck.

Hurrying across the parking lot, avoiding the ice, Edward got to Bella just before she opened the door to her truck. "So should I meet you at your house?"

Bella paused, turning to look at him with a confused expression. "I can carry the computer down by myself, you know," she said lightly, though there was a hint of irritation in her voice.

Edward's lips quirked. "Fair enough." He gave her directions to his house before he turned to walk away. It took quite a bit of focus to keep his steps casual and his exterior calm. No matter that he was inwardly cursing himself for being so ridiculous, Edward had the oddest urge to execute a double first pump.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The spiel Jasper did about the apple was from Good Will Hunting in case you missed it. Brilliant movie. hehe.
> 
> So Edward spent his first bit of 'vacation' in school. Sucks to be him. But he's got some time left. Heh.
> 
> Thanks to my girls.


	14. I Can Tell That We Are Gonna Be Friends

By the time Bella arrived at his house, Jasper and Edward had already set their computers up in the rec room. They got situated, Jasper and Bella playing on tray tables on the couch while Edward sat on the floor.

As soon as Edward got Bella's computer open, he whistled lowly. "You weren't joking. This thing is ancient."

"Beggars can't be choosers," Bella answered mildly. "I told you there was no help for it."

"I didn't say I couldn't do something with it. I said it's ancient," Edward answered with a grin he was sure was cocky. It lasted all of five seconds. When she looked up at him, he felt his face flush and he ducked his head back to her computer.

Though part of him wanted to be the one guiding Bella through the game, most of Edward was glad that Jasper was around. As it was, Edward had very little patience when it came to people playing the game wrong. He couldn't count how often he'd shouted, "Freakin' newb!" at the screen when someone did something stupid. Jasper, on the other hand, had a great deal more patience for that kind of thing and took the time to talk Bella through creating a character.

It allowed Edward to enjoy listening to Bella's questions. He'd half expected her to do the girly thing. Once, he and his in game wife had decided to make alts - low level characters - to mess around on rather than their mains - the characters they spent the most time and effort on. It had taken Meawene the better part of two hours to decide on the right combination of facial features, and by then Edward was bored of the whole idea.

Bella, on the other hand, seemed to be paying rapt attention as Jasper explained the classes, their roles, and abilities. It amused Edward to no end that she wasn't rolling her eyes at the Dungeons and Dragons-esque ideas of skill point distribution and spell trees.

Bella had just decided on a night elf wizard when the three teenagers were distracted by the sound of the garage door.

"Did you tell your parents I was coming?" Bella asked.

"Not yet," Edward admitted. "But don't worry. I'll take care of it."

"Edward!" Carlisle called from the hallway. "What is all this?"

"Ah, hell," Edward muttered, scratching the back of his head and feeling stupidly nervous. He'd hoped it was his mother who got home first. "Stay here," he said to Jasper and Bella.

Though he was slowly learning to let his teenage side lead, Edward would have enjoyed reclaiming his adult status right then. Begging his father to allow a co-ed sleepover was annoying. He'd been sleeping over with girls for well over a decade, after all.

Then again, he reminded himself, if he had been an adult attempting a sleep over with a 17 year old girl, what he would have been was arrested.

But his body was 17, so it was okay for his body to be with her body.

_Wait, that doesn't sound right..._

"What are you up to now?" Carlisle asked as he came into view. Edward felt guilty for a moment before he realized his father was staring, hands on his hips, at the cables hanging from the second story.

"I asked for a wireless modem, but you said no," Edward replied automatically.

His father blinked at him. "I'm waiting for something that makes that sentence make sense, Edward."

"Well, if I had a wireless router and modem, there wouldn't be any wires," Edward responded, though in the back of his mind he had no idea why he was being sassy. Among other things, neither Jasper nor Bella had a wireless modem so the point was moot. But more pressing was the fact that he should want his father to be in the very best mood possible if he was going to ask him for a favor.

Carlisle arced an eyebrow. "I've told you before, son. If you want something so badly you can do what your brother did and-"

"Get a job, I know," Edward finished for him. It took all of his minimal willpower not to roll his eyes. "Jasper is here. We set up a LAN in the rec room. I needed to get the connection down here. I know it's messy, but it's just for one night. I'll clean it up tomorrow."

"What's wrong with your room? You've had a LAN," Carlisle said the word as if he were speaking a foreign tongue and Edward had to repress a laugh, "before and your room was fine then."

"Well," Edward hedged, trying to resist the urge to fidget and failing. He sighed. "Dad, will you do me a favor?"

Looking at Edward carefully, Carlisle sighed, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall. "Why do I get the feeling you're trying to give me ulcers?"

"It's just that Bella is here and she wants to play with us. The game," Edward said quickly, the words tumbling out fast the way one might rip a band-aid off. "She wants to play the game with us and, well, I'd appreciate it if you'd call Charlie Swan and ask him if she can stay the night."

Carlisle balked, a thousand expressions crossing his face one after another. He settled on incredulity and laughed as he clapped a hand over his eyes. "I take it back. You're not trying to give me ulcers, you're trying to kill me. You want me to ask Charlie if it's okay for Bella to spend the night with two boys?"

"Come on, Dad," Edward said, his voice dangerously close to whining. "It's a wide open room. You and Mom are going to be home all night and we're going to be on computers. That's not exactly conducive to committing any nefarious deeds."

Carlisle seemed amused at his son's choice of words and smiled slightly.

Years of practice in the boardroom meant Edward knew when he was close to cinching a deal. Carlisle just needed a little push. "You know Jasper and I will probably crash on the couch. She can sleep on a whole other couch...or the guest room if it's better."

Carlisle sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Again he studied Edward for a moment and nodded. "Fine. I'll call him."

Edward couldn't help his grin then. "Thanks, Dad."

"Just remember," Carlisle said seriously, pointing a finger at him. "She's the Chief-of-Police's daughter. The fact that you saved her life will only get you so far and the man carries a gun."

"I'll keep that in mind," Edward said, rolling his eyes and returning eagerly to his friends.

When he got back to the rec room, Jasper was laughing so hard he was clutching his stomach and Bella was red in the face, scowling at him. "What's going on?" Edward asked.

Bella looked up and quickly looked back down again. "It's really not that funny," she groused.

"This girl is a magnet for trouble, Edward," Jasper said between titters. "Her screen barely came up before some stupid newb had trained a whole heard of level ones on her." He sucked in a breath. "Then, no sooner does she get to her body than the one red con in the zone wanders by."

"What's a red con?" Bella asked.

Jasper calmed considerably as he answered, slipping back into teaching mode seamlessly. "See, you click on a mob - that's a monster by the way. Don't go to it, just click on it. And if you type in /c _on_ it will come up green - which means it's below your level, yellow - which is right at your level, or red - which means if you try to kill it, you will probably die."

"'What would you like your tombstone to say?'" Bella read the text.

"Right. The newbie zones - that's where you are - only have one monster high enough to kill you instantly and you found it," he chuckled.

"Anyway," Bella said, feigning irritation. She looked up at Edward, smiling sheepishly. "Did you talk to your dad?"

"Yeah," Edward confirmed. "He's fine with you staying. He's calling the Chief now."

"Sweet," Jasper said, his eyes teasing as he looked at Bella, "'Cause at this rate, it's going to take until at least midnight just to get her out of the newbie zone."

~0~

The night progressed better than Edward could have predicted. Bella was amazingly easy to hang out with. He appreciated a girl that could take a joke. Razzing came with the territory of gaming and Edward knew a bunch of boys who would get pouty and butt-hurt over Jasper's continuous assault.

Bella was up for the challenge.

"You play like a girl, Bella," Jasper said when Bella got confused about her spells again.

"Your character has twin pony tails and a vagina, you know that right?" Bella shot back. "You know what they call tails at your age and stature?"

"What's that?"

"Reins," she quipped, grinning wickedly.

Edward, having just taken a swig of Mt. Dew, spewed it all over himself in his surprise. He coughed, red in the face as Bella and Jasper laughed at him. "Ugh," he said, trying to shake off his embarrassment. "I'm all sticky."

"I bet you are," Jasper muttered and Edward threw his now empty soda can at his friend's head, hoping Bella hadn't caught his comment.

Dinner brought on another revelation: parents - mothers in particular - were embarrassing as hell.

"What good is being a mother if I don't get to give you a hard time the first time you have a girl over?" Esme asked when Eward hissed at her to cut it out.

"Mom!" Edward groaned. "You're not John Stewart. Cut it out."

"Who?" Esme asked. Jasper looked confused, too.

Edward sighed. He knew that The Daily Show was on in this time period - he'd seen it. It must not have caught on just yet. "Nothing. Just leave her alone, would you?"

"It's okay," Bella said quickly. "I don't mind." She rolled her eyes, smiling fondly. "My mother would be a thousand times worse."

"It must be difficult, leaving your mother after spending most of your life with her," Esme said softly.

Looking up from under his eyelashes, Edward caught the brief flicker of pain that crossed Bella's features before she smoothed it out. "I miss her," she admitted. "But she's having a good time with Phil - that's her new husband." She shrugged slightly. "And I don't think my Dad has had a decent meal for 17 years, so..."

It struck Edward, not for the first time, how lucky he was. It was obvious Bella was more the parent in her relationship with her mother and father. She was the one putting up a brave front to make them happy. He frowned slightly, thinking it wasn't fair. He hadn't exactly wasted his teenage years being too adult for his own good the first time around. Now he was being encouraged by Alice to be a kid yet again.

Bella deserved to be a kid, too. After all - this was the only lifetime she would remember.

Edward pushed his food around his plate, a plan forming in his head.

He liked spending time with Bella - that was becoming increasingly apparent. What was more, Jasper seemed to genuinely like her, too.

There was, Edward realized, a chance to kill three birds with one stone. He could enjoy this second chance at being a carefree teenager. Surely even in and around Forks there was something three teenagers could do that didn't include getting drunk off their asses. He had a vivid imagination. And if he couldn't save Jasper, at least he could make the last year or so of his life full.

Edward was pleased with himself. It was a compromise that let him have a goal to work toward - and he did love goals - while still obeying Alice's order to live his life. It gave him some control over the situation, even if it was imagined.

~0~

"Have you two been to bed yet?"

Edward and Bella looked up guiltily as Carlisle stepped into the rec room looking still half-asleep. It was seven in the morning and no, neither of them had closed their eyes yet. Jasper was sprawled in the reclining easy chair, fast asleep since about four that morning.

"I finally got rid of all the viruses on Bella's computer," Edward said at the same time Bella blurted, "I just need one more fire beetle eye."

Carlisle slapped a hand over his eyes, shaking his head slightly. "My son is a bad influence," he said under his breath. He looked over at them again, trying for a stern face but only managing to look amused. "Your eyes are bloodshot. Get some rest before I have to send you back to your father in a zombie state." He chuckled.

As Carlisle ambled off to the kitchen, Edward turned Bella's computer off, rubbing his sore eyes. He peered over her shoulder as she stubbornly plugged on, intent on getting the fire beetle eye she needed to complete her quest.

"Not bad, newbie," Edward complimented, noting that she'd gotten the hang of the game rather quickly. He yawned, staring blearily at the screen. "You're a hot chick," he mumbled. When she turned to stare at him, a little wide eyed, he woke up a bit. "I mean... your character is hot. I mean...not that you aren't. I mean... fuck."

Bella bit her lip, looking like she was trying not to laugh, but she failed miserably. He rolled his eyes as she giggled. "Maybe we should go to bed," she said, her voice husky from sleep.

In his sleep deprived state, Edward took that exactly the wrong way. Her voice was so low it was sexy. She was a pretty girl who was into gaming. A brave, selfless girl with a sharp tongue and thick skin, and her face was really only a few inches from his.

"I mean..." she stumbled, realizing what she'd said. "I mean. We should sleep."

She was blushing. She was so cute when she blushed like that. Even with red, bloodshot eyes she was cute.

"Right," Edward mumbled. "Sleep."

He was afraid to sleep. Alice said he was on vacation, but how long would this vacation last? He didn't want to go to sleep and wake up on a different day.

But his eyelids were leaden.

The couch in the rec room was huge and L shaped. It would have been easy for one of them to move, going to the opposite end of the couch to sleep. Or for Bella to head to the guest room that Edward told her about, his words beginning to slur. Or even for him to head up to his room.

Instead, they both kind of fell in opposite directions. Their feet tangled - completely innocent - in the middle, and they slept.

~0~

Something was tickling Edward's nose. He slapped at the disturbance, grumbling as he rolled over, trying to furrow deeper under the covers. Instead, he found himself falling a short distance and landing on the floor with a huff.

Bewildered, Edward opened his eyes. Jasper and Emmett were cracking up, and Bella was looking like she was trying hard not to. Emmett was leaning over the couch, a feather in his hand. Edward was completely confused until he realized his hand was covered in something foamy.

Shaving cream.

Edward touched his face, quickly figuring out what was going on. Sure enough, there was shaving cream on his nose and forehead.

"Emmett, you dick," Edward said, standing and launching himself at his brother.

"Whoa!" Emmett cried, knocked to the floor in surprise.

The boys wrestled for only a handful of moments before Emmett got the upper hand, locking Edward's arms behind his back. "Fuck," Edward grunted. "Okay, okay, let go."

Emmett laughed as he released his brother's arms. "Good effort, Freakazoid."

"Shut up," Edward muttered, embarrassed. He went to run his hand self-consciously through his hair, realizing too late that he still had quite a bit of shaving cream on his fingers. He sighed in exasperation as Jasper and Emmett cracked up all over again.

"Field trip to Port Angeles?" he asked Jasper and Bella once they'd all stopped giggling. "I think now is a great time to research martial arts classes," he said, glaring at his brother.

"Hang on. Let me get my boots so I can shake in them," Emmett quipped, guffawing again as he headed for the stairs.

Edward only rolled his eyes and looked at Bella and Jasper expectantly.

"I'm game," Jasper said agreeably. "Anyway, I need to scope out the restaurants. There's no decent date place in this town."

"You called Maria?" Edward asked.

Jasper grinned at him. "You should have seen me, dude. I was so smooth." He hip checked Bella. "Tell him I was smooth."

Bella screwed up her lips, contemplating. "I would, but my parents raised me not to lie." She looked to Edward. "There was a lot of stuttering, but I think he managed to ask her out in between all the uh-uh-uh-uh'ing."

"Oh! Low blow, Swan. Low. Blow. See if I power level your newbie ass now," Jasper said, shaking his head. He looked over at Edward. "Go take a shower. You look ridiculous."

"Thanks," Edward said, but he headed upstairs for a fresh change of clothes.

~0~

The afternoon in Port Angeles was surprisingly fun given that it was miserably cold outside. The trio stayed bundled up, walking beneath the awnings of the shops and restaurants they passed to stay out of the freezing rain.

"What about this place?" Bella asked, stopping before the large display window of an Italian restaurant.

"La Bella Italia," Jasper snorted. "No wonder you like it."

"No, but it looks like a nice date place," Bella protested. "See.. lots of cozy corners." Her voice sounded a little far away, her eyes slightly unfocused as she spoke. "It's a warm looking place. Like you would be comfortable no matter what the weather was like out here."

"Yeah, the food looks pretty tasty too," Jasper agreed. "What do you think, Edward?"

"Hmm?" Edward asked distractedly. He was too busy entertaining strange notions. He wondered, suddenly, what Bella's skin would look like in the low light of the room. He imagined watching her twirl pasta around her fork, and the way her lips would wrap around it, pulling the coil into her mouth-

A heavy thunk against the back of his head drew Edward back to reality. "Hey!"

"Are you a complete idiot?" Jasper asked.

"What?" Edward asked eloquently, rubbing his head and looking around. He furrowed his eyebrows, noticing belatedly that Bella was missing. "Where's Bella?"

"She went to check on something in that store, Space Cadet," Jasper answered, pointing at a store a few doors down. "Something about Charlie's birthday. Don't change the subject."

"What's the subject?"

"Hello! McFly!" Jasper said, snapping in Edward's face. "If you didn't notice by the way she was looking at you, that girl was practically begging for you to ask her out. Here." He gestured to the restaurant.

"Jesus, will you get off it. I told you-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Jasper cut him off. "Whatever, man. Have fun being a virgin forever," he laughed, walking off in the direction he'd indicated Bella had gone.

Edward idled behind for a few more minutes, rubbing his head absently. Though he was thoroughly irritated by Jasper's insistence that he should act on this stupid, school boy crush, Edward was more interested in his claim that it was what Bella wanted.

That was an insane thought, wasn't it? Just a few weeks before, she'd hated him.

Edward glanced back at the restaurant, wondering if it was true. If he asked, would Bella say yes... to a date... with him? The idea, he found, brought up that giddy, bubbling feeling from the center of his chest. Suddenly, the freezing temperature hardly effected him at all.

But that wasn't part of his plan. His plan was friendship. Three birds with one stone - that was the idea. Not two birds and his stones.

Edward grumbled, once again lamenting how often sex entered into his thought process.  _Think with your little head much, Edward?_

As he caught up with his friends, Edward tried to put it all to the back of his mind. Either way, he wasn't going to ask her out right then. Their friendship was brand new and tenuous. It was logical to get to know her a little better.

It was hard to remember that when he entered the store and Bella looked up, a shy smile lighting her face as she spotted him. In spite of his resolution to keep things uncomplicated, Edward found himself wondering if Jasper's observation could be true.

He sighed, lamenting the fact that it seemed he would have to learn the handy skill of mind over matter all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: That was fun. What's also fun is listening to you all guess what's going to happen. Very accurate, some of you are. But I still have some tricks up my sleeve. *Evil laugh* So I hope you enjoyed vacation.
> 
> You know who I love. Barburella and jadedandboring and all of you.


	15. Girl's Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks for the patience my dears. I'm sorry about the review replies. Between Comfortable and a submission for the Fandom Supports LLS compilation, it was hard to get this updated. Remember that I love you all and thank you so much for your kid words. They make my day. Onward we go!

Another week went by without incident, each day flowing seamlessly into the next. It was a good week. Edward began to truly relax, falling into a easy pattern with his school work and spending his free time with Jasper and Bella.

Jasper complained often that since they'd allowed a girl in the He-Man, Woman-Haters Club, there was significantly less gaming. He claimed he only tolerated Bella because she, as a girl, would have insight into his upcoming date with Maria.

"You know, I've never dated a girl," Bella said when he mentioned this, giving Edward entirely too many pleasant visuals. He grabbed a pillow off the couch to cover his automatic reaction.

He and Bella had also narrowed down their class choices to kickboxing. They were signed up to begin classes in Port Angeles the following Thursday.

When he went to bed that second Sunday night, Edward had all but forgotten that his first life had happened. He was happy in his teen, living for the moment.

Which was why he should have expected to wake up as he did.

"Wingdum levosa!" a familiar child's voice spoke right before he felt his body drift into the air.

The feeling of weightlessness was concerning, and Edward came awake with a start. He gasped when he found himself floating several feet in the air, his limbs flailing for purchase that didn't exist.

"No, no!" little Alice exclaimed as he fell to the ground. She huffed as he tried to catch his breath. "You're 'upposed to stay still."

"I'm 'upposed to stay on the ground," Edward grumbled. "I'm not a bird." He picked himself up on the floor, sitting on a convenient ottoman. "Don't tell me... vacation's over?"

"I gived you extra days," Alice said cheerfully.

"I don't understand," Edward said with a sigh. "We're living in a whole new future already. "Why can't you just let it play out? What could I possibly have left to change?"

Flashing her big, cheeky grin, Alice raised her wand again. "You'll see!"

_**~March 2, 1999~** _

A month.

He'd jumped forward a whole month.

Edward got out of bed, rubbing his eyes tiredly and trying to slip back into a more aware mindset. He felt cheated somehow, like he should have been able to enjoy that month he worked so hard for.

But then, the memories of the last month permeated his consciousness. The feeling of loss dissipated. He had lived those weeks. In fact, he'd had an impressively good time.

Feeling a little bit better, though he was nervous about whatever was going to happen today, Edward got ready for school. He was pleased to remember he'd cajoled Carlisle into buying him more clothes. His closet - a Geek's paradise before - was now nearly nerd free.

Though he hadn't been able to bring himself to part with a Darth Vader shirt that proclaimed: Vader Was Framed.

Edward gave himself one last check in the bathroom mirror. Grumbling to himself, he pushed his glasses up his nose.

"Hey. Peter Parker. There are no radio active spiders in Forks. You're just going to have to live with your deformity," Emmett said, sticking his head in the door.

"What are you even doing up here?" Edward groused, grabbing his backpack and pushing past his obnoxious older brother. "You come up here specifically to piss me off."

"See, you just answered your own question. Mom always tells me you're smart..."

Edward forgot, momentarily, that he was a 29 year old man on a mission to change his life. As he descended the stairs, trading insults with his brother, he was every bit the 17 year old he looked like.

"Your head looks like -"

"Boys!"

Edward and Emmett stopped at the bottom of the stairs where Carlisle was on his way out the door. Their father shook his head. "Emmett, you realize you're an adult, right? Legally, I mean? You can vote. Go to war. Buy cigarettes - not that I'm condoning any of those things, mind you."

"You don't want me to vote?"

Carlisle tilted his head, looking amused. "The idea frightens me right now." He shook his head. "And Edward, you're an adult in three months. Both of you are voting for the next president and you're still bickering like tiny kids."

"Doesn't matter which way we vote anyway," Edward said distractedly.

"I don't have time for a lecture on not taking your civil liberties for granted. Fill in the blanks," Carlisle said, mostly amused.

"That's not what I meant," Edward muttered, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. The 2000 election debacle hadn't happened yet. He was too busy partying to vote the first time, and this time he knew his vote didn't count anyway.

"Have a good day, boys," Carlisle said, ruffling Edward's hair and clapping Emmett on the shoulder.

Edward had breakfast, flicking bits of his Life cereal at his brother inconspicuously until Emmett caught on and gave him a rather painful noogie. Edward was about to go after him when their mother shooed them out the door to their separate cars.

Arriving at school instantly brought on another uniquely teenage experience. The walls were littered with posters announcing the spring dance - a girl's choice dance. It was all anyone was talking about.

He couldn't help it. He wondered if Bella would ask him.

The last month had been peppered with Jasper calling him an idiot. He repeatedly said that Bella would say yes if he asked her out. Nothing to be nervous about. She was a sure thing.

Edward had argued time and again that if she were that interested, she could always ask him, too. She was a strong, independent woman. He knew Bella well enough now to believe that if she wanted him badly enough, she would ask him.

Well, that theory could be tested today.

And if she did ask him, what would he say?

And why was he getting all nervous and oddly hopeful over a stupid high school dance? Did he want to go to a dance? Crepe paper and a bad band...

Well, he wanted her to ask him, that he knew for certain.

And the idea that she wouldn't want to ask him was... almost unbearably painful.

By lunchtime, Edward was more than a little preoccupied with the burning question. He jumped nearly a mile when Bella sat down beside him. "Hey, Edward."

"Hey!" Edward answered, surprised enough that his voice squeaked like he was 13 instead of 17.

Bella looked up at him, cocking an eyebrow.

Luckily, the rest of the table arrived near around the same time.

His lunchtime was a lot more full than just Jasper now. Jasper brought with him Maria, though she was so attached to his side, she didn't really count as taking up an extra chair. She might as well have been on his lap like she so clearly wanted to be. Maria's friend Lucy also sat with them. Angela Weber and Jessica Stanley alternated between sitting with the 'nerd table,' as Jessica lovingly called them, and sitting with Lauren, Mike, Tyler, and Eric.

Today the girls joined them and they, like everyone else, were going on about the dance.

"There are way too many girls at this table," Edward muttered so only Jasper could hear.

His best friend gave him a look. "What's wrong with you? Too many girls?" Jasper tilted his head curiously, leaning in to be sure the girls couldn't hear. "Edward... is it that you don't like girls? Because... you know, that's okay."

Edward rolled his eyes. "You sound like Emmett."

"Then what?"

"I don't know," Edward mumbled, shrugging uncomfortably. "Just all the giggling. It sounds like they're picking victims rather than dance dates," he said, waving vaguely at the girls, their heads bent close together.

Jasper eyed him curiously before he started laughing. "You think no one's going to ask you," he accused.

"Like I care about a stupid dance," Edward bristled.

"Ask her, Edward," Jasper said.

"It's a girl's choice dance."

"What - you going to let some asinine rule stop you?" he chuffed.

"It's obnoxious," Edward insisted.

"Whatever."

A little while later, Edward was walking to Biology with Bella, still irrationally irritated and on edge about the whole ordeal.

"Are you okay today?" Bella asked softly.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just seem... I don't know. Tense," Bella said, bumping his side lightly.

The motion made him smile. He couldn't help but smile when she touched him. "I'm okay. Just a little preoccupied. Killer test in history, and I'm not sure I passed."

"The test wasn't that hard," Bella chided, having had the same class the period after him. "It was -"

"Hey, Bella."

Edward and Bella both looked up, Edward irritated to find Mike perching on the edge of the desk.

The five minutes before class started were among the longest Edward lived. He listened, his doodles getting increasingly darker as he bore down on his pen, as Mike didn't take a hint. His thoughts toward the other boy were so venomous, Edward was honestly surprised he didn't burst into flames.

The worst thing was, as angry as he was at Mike, he was even more pissed off at himself. In his memory was an image only about a week old. Mike had asked him straight out if he had any interest in Bella.

"She's just a friend," Edward had answered, and now he was regretting it.

 _She should have someone her own age...for real_.

Edward thought his subconscious could go fuck itself.

In Spanish, Emmett immediately crowed that Rosalie had asked him to the dance. Despite his annoyance at the persistence of the subject, Edward was amused at his older brother's obvious happiness. "What did you expect? That girl spends more time with you than she does with her family."

"Well, she threatened to ask Tyler."

Edward shook his head. Rosalie was manipulative but in the amusing teenage girl way - unlike Victoria who'd been vicious.

As he mused about how Rosalie had his brother wrapped around her finger, Edward almost missed the next thing his brother said. "... told her it was an empty threat anyway. If Bella doesn't ask someone quick, Tyler is going to ask her," he chuckled.

"He's going to what?"

Emmett raised his eyebrows. "Tyler's been a little obsessed about the girl ever since the accident." He chuckled. "I keep telling him, almost killing someone is no way to start a relationship, but I don't know, the kid got a little...fixated."

Edward's mouth was set in a tight line. "Doesn't anyone realize this is a girl's choice dance?"

"Edward? You're not... interested in her, are you dude?" Emmett asked. "I thought you two were in the friend zone with all the video games and shit. She's like Jasper 2.0."

"Whatever," Edward muttered, thankful that Senora Goff walked in just then.

The bell had barely rung at the end of the day before Edward was out of his seat. He told himself he was just eager to get to Port Angeles - it was kickboxing day and he was having trouble with take-downs - part of him acknowledged he was full of shit. It was utterly important to get to Bella as soon as possible - preferably before Tyler did.

"Bella?" he asked, getting to her just as she opened the door to her truck.

"What?" she asked, sounding very irritated.

Edward took a step back a little surprised at her tone. Instantly, her hard look softened. "I'm sorry, Edward. It's just... Eric asked me to the dance and then Tyler caught up to me right after class." She shook her head.

"Oh," Edward said, wanting to press her for more information - was it just that she didn't want to go with Eric, Tyler, or Mike? - but backing down quickly. "I was thinking, um. Why don't you drive to Port Angeles with me. I'll drive you back here after class to pick up your truck." He smirked at her. "What kind of gas mileage does that tin can get, anyway?"

"Hey!" She smacked him lightly on the shoulder. "My truck isn't any of your business."

"The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business," he said mock seriously. "You'll get there with plenty of time for once instead of barely making it in the door."

She growled at him. It was all Edward could do to keep his smile in check. But after that, she agreed.

Edward tried not to feel like he was king of the world.

~0~

It was still early evening when they were getting closer to town. All Edward could think about was the dance and why Bella hadn't asked him. That she had outright rebuked the boys that had asked her was no longer a comfort to him.

A million time, he started to ask her, only to second guess himself, or convince himself that it was stupid to want to go, let alone with her. He should be happy. His life was full. More importantly, Jasper's life was full. They both had so many more friends.

Random boy/girl drama had destroyed all of his friendships in the past. He couldn't do that again - and he couldn't risk the chance the drama would destroy Jasper's happiness either.

At least, that's what he kept telling himself.

A mile outside of Forks, he tried again. "Bella, I...um..."

She looked at him, her expression perplexed.

"Hey. Do you want to come over for dinner?" he finally asked, only barely stopping himself from banging his head on the steering wheel.

"I don't know. I have a lot of homework," she said.

"Come on," he said, falling into friend-mode easily. It was easy to be Bella's friend. "We have the same classes, practically. You can do your homework at my house. Besides, you're much better at take downs than I am and I've been meaning to ask you for a favor."

"What's that?"

"Emmett. He's been putting me in a headlock nearly every class day. It'll be at least fifty times better if a girl kicks his ass."

Bella's grin rose and fell several times. "You think I can take down Emmett?"

Again he had to swallow back a laugh. "Bella, you took down the instructor today."

"Yeah, but I think he let me."

"You are so ridiculous," Edward said, unable to hold back his laughter.

~0~

Bella did stay for dinner, and ended up making good on her promise fairly early on. They'd only barely gotten in the door when Edward reached for one of the spinach and artichoke turnovers Emmett was cooking. Emmett, proving himself to have annoyingly fast reflexes, grabbed Edward by the wrist and quickly twisted his arm behind his back.

"You know, if this was Aladdin times, I'd be chopping off these grubby, thieving hands of yo- whoa!"

At the sight of his brother wide eyed and blinking on the floor, Edward laughed so hard he clutched his stomach.

"I think I love you," he said to Bella between titters.

"Oh, sure. You have to have a girl bring me down. That's not a victory, jackass," Emmett grumbled, picking himself up off the floor.

"Don't care," Edward said, finally catching his breath. "That was worth it."

"Do your homework," Emmett muttered, returning to dinner at the stove.

"You got it, Betty Crocker," Edward said, sitting at the table with Bella. He flashed her a grin, enjoying the pleased smile and pink flush on her cheeks for a moment before he dug into his backpack.

"Hey, Bella," Emmett said a few minutes later.

"Yeah?" Bella asked, looking over her shoulder.

Emmett grinned grudgingly. "You're one tough chick."

Bella flushed all over again and smiled down at the tabletop. "Thanks."

"What are you doing hanging around with this geekazoid?"

"Prick," Edward muttered without looking up.

"Isn't it obvious?"

Both Cullen brothers looked up at that. Edward's breath caught in his throat.

"Someone's got to protect him, right?" Bella asked, smirking without looking at either of them.

"Hey!" Edward protested as Emmett burst into laughter. "Traitor," he accused Bella, but she only smiled at him sweetly.

~0~

"Good night you four eyed freak!" Emmett called from his room as Edward climbed up the stairs toward bed.

"A girl kicked your ass!" Edward called back. The answering growl from Emmett's room had him laughing all over again.

As Edward climbed into bed, he was happy. But as the quiet of the night encroached and there was nothing to occupy him but his thoughts, Edward remembered that Bella hadn't shown any interest in asking him to the dance.

The thought had him moody and insecure as he slipped into sleep.

_**~March 2, 1999~** _

Edward woke up disoriented. He wasn't sure why until he looked at his clock...and then looked again.

Banging his head back on his pillow, Edward tried to calm the irritation and emotion bordering on desperation.

He'd all but forgotten. For nine days, he'd woken up in regular time - one day following the next. Though he'd lost a month, he found himself having to get used to the idea of repeating days again.

What could possibly have changed this time?

It was like the day in January where nothing at all out of the ordinary occurred, and yet he repeated the day several times over. Too many times.

How could a day that really only consisted of chatter surrounding a stupid high school dance possibly be important to the future?

Then again, it was the smallest detail that could change everything. How many times had he learned that lesson?

Breathing deeply to calm his already fraying nerves, Edward sought a calm center.

Finally, all the calming breathing the kickboxing instructor made the class do each meeting had some use. It had always annoyed Edward before - such a waste of time - but it came in very handy then.

When he felt more at peace, Edward opened his eyes again and reached for his glasses.

It was time to face another day.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay so. As previously mentioned, I submitted something for the Fandom supports LLS compilation. It's the prologue and the first chapter of Tomorrow is Another Day which, as you might imagine, is a post Civil War era fic. Visit fandom4lls . blogspot . com for a teaser and to donate if you want access to some great stories... and mine. Lol.
> 
> Also - jadedandboring is entirely too good to my impatient ass. Barburella rocks too.


	16. Boys Are Dumb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, I was trying to update Non-Nuclear and jfka06 comes along and was all, I give you the gift of mojo. Yeah, so thank her for the update.

The day went a little bit differently due to the fact that at lunchtime, Jessica asked him to the dance.

"What? Er... I... Um. Yes?"Edward replied brilliantly.

He had no idea why he said yes. He hardly wanted to go to the dance at all, let alone with Jessica. But it had seemed unbearably rude to say no. She was right in front of him, her eyes all wide and hopeful, and he'd gotten a little flustered, both not wanting to see the hurt in her eyes and, if he was being honest with himself, really flattered that she wanted to go with him.

Bella took off before the bell rang. When Jessica retreated to her other table, Jasper smacked him upside the head. "Are you an idiot?"

"Ouch! What the hell, Jasper?"

"You what the hell," Jasper hissed. "You've been mooney-eyed over that girl," he nodded in the direction Bella had gone, "for ages and then you say yes to Jessica? You don't even like Jessica." He made a face. "I don't even like Jessica."

"She asked," Edward muttered, feeling confused and already regretting his decision. He found himself actually hoping that he would get to repeat this day again. He wondered if there was a way to get Alice to hit the reset button early... If his life was a game, he could just go back to the last save point when he knew he was fucked.

Unless of course, fate wanted this outcome for him.

Shaking his head of that thought, Edward made some excuse about having Biology homework to catch up on, and took off in the direction of his classroom.

Edward stopped short when he saw that Bella was already at their desk. She didn't look up from what she was doing as he walked toward her. Edward frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine," she replied. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. You seem...tense." An odd sense of déjà vu struck him then, and Edward tilted his head, wondering why. It took him a minute to realize they'd had the exact same conversation the day before - or rather the first time they'd lived this day - except their roles were switched.

Bella shrugged, still not looking at him. Curious, he peered at what was holding her interest only to find that she was doodling a long row of loops. He furrowed his brow, wondering what was going on with her.

Girls were confusing; this girl, doubly so.

Before he could ask her again, she threw down her pen, sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms in irritation. "She's just doing it to get Mike's attention, you know."

"What?"

"Jessica," Bella hissed her supposed friend's name rather scathingly. "She asked him to the dance earlier today but he said he had to think about it. She's just trying to make him jealous."

He bristled. "What - so it's impossible that someone might actually want to go to a dance with me?"

"I didn't say that," she said quickly.

"Whatever," he muttered, crossing his arms and slinking down in his seat, moodily. "Just because you wouldn't go with me doesn't mean no one would."

She chuffed. "Edward, I didn't mean it like that."

He shrugged, wondering why he was being such a pouty bitch but unable to make himself stop. It never felt nice to be someone's second choice, even if he had no interest in Jessica - which he most certainly did not. It felt even worse that Bella found the idea of someone actually wanting to go out with him so distasteful. He hadn't been able to dissuade himself of the idea that maybe, just maybe, she wanted to ask him.

As his temper and indignation settled, Edward was considering apologizing when the bell rang. A minute later, Mike was there, asking her about the dance. She was the one he was holding out for, Edward realized, and that made him inexplicably more pissed.

But, again, Bella carefully walked around his hints. In spite of his anger, Edward smirked to himself. She obviously was a lot braver than he was - unafraid of seeing Mike's disappointed puppy face.

In Spanish with Emmett the next period, Edward remembered his brother telling him about Tyler's plans to ask Bella to the dance. It still bothered him. But more than that, he wanted the chance to apologize to Bella.

After class, he hurried to his locker, eager to get to the parking lot to catch her. There was still some chance to salvage this day. If she said yes again, they would have the drive to Port Angeles, class, and then dinner afterward to look forward to. Edward grinned, remembering the look on Emmett's face when Bella had him flat on the floor.

His grin fell when he rounded the corner, finding Tyler leaning against his locker, talking to an irritated looking Bella. "Tyler, I don't..." she was saying, trailing off when she saw him. Her eyes narrowed slightly and he saw a determined expression cross her features as she looked back to Tyler. "You know what? Yes."

"Really?" Tyler asked, sounding surprised.

"Yes. Tyler-chu, I choose you," she said, nodding perfunctorily. "See you later." She quickly walked away, her cheeks flaming red.

Somehow resisting the urge to punch Tyler right in his smug face, Edward walked quickly after her. "Tyler?" he asked, his voice hard. "Really?"

She shrugged, not looking at him. "Whatever. At least I don't have to deal with the Mike and Jessica drama. And maybe he'll shut up about owing me for the accident."

"He could never make up for the accident," Edward snapped, remembering the sound of her scream only too clearly. "Especially not like this."

Bella stopped short. "What do you even care, Edward?" she demanded.

He couldn't look at her. "I just... he doesn't..." He huffed, running a hand through his hair nervously. "I don't like him, okay? You don't even like him."

"You don't like Jessica," she countered.

He didn't have an answer for that.

Bella blew out a long breath. "Look, forget about it. It's just a stupid dance. I'm not agreeing to marry him." She sighed and shook her head. "We need to go if we're going to get to class on time."

It was a perfect opportunity to ask her if they could drive together - after all, in his car they would make it with plenty of time. But Edward found he was too irritated and confused. He felt petulant and couldn't persuade himself from acting the part. "I'm not going to class today," he found himself saying before he could think it through.

That got Bella's attention. She looked up, genuine disappointment reflecting in her eyes. "What? Why?"

"I don't feel well," he said. It wasn't precisely a lie. He was not in a good mood at all - feeling jealous and irritated and rejected. He started walking away, not wanting to see the look in her eyes. "Have fun."

He was in his car and speeding away before he came to his senses. Pulling up to a stop sign, Edward banged his forehead against his steering wheel. He jumped when the person behind him honked.

By the time he got to his house, Edward still couldn't explain what had come over him. He hated that he'd said yes to Jessica. He hated that he felt so unattractive - what a useless, ridiculous feeling.

He really hated that Bella had said yes to Tyler.

Edward was drawn out of his internal grumbling as he entered the house, finding Emmett and Rosalie wrapped around each other on the couch. Making out. With fervor.

"Ewww!" he groaned, grimacing at the sight.

The two let go of each other, looking at Edward in the doorway. Emmett merely smirked, curling Rosalie closer to him. "Well, what the fuck, kid. I thought you had your kung-fu class."

"It's not kung-fu," Edward muttered for the billionth time. "And I don't feel well. I'm going to lie down." If it were possible, Emmett making out with his girlfriend made Edward all the more moody.

He just made it look so g'damn easy...

Edward threw himself down on his bed and curled up on his side. He looked around his room, at all his geeky posters and the computer that was calling to him even now. Though he had lived beyond the high school years - knew for a fact he could and would be successful...and desirable to many women - Edward felt like a loser.

Growling to himself, Edward yanked his glasses off, throwing them on the nightstand. He closed his eyes, and wished the world away.

_**~March 2, 1999~** _

Edward was almost relieved when he woke up at seven in the morning on March 2 again. On the one hand, the whole mess with Jessica and Bella hadn't happened. On the other hand, he still had to contend with the dance debacle.

Of course, the good news was that fate obviously hadn't meant for him to go out with Jessica. That made sense. He hadn't really had the opportunity to go with Jessica the first time around - despite Tyler's arrogance, it really was a girl's choice dance.

If not that - what was he supposed to change?

As he showered and dressed, Edward had to remind himself that he would fry his nerves again if he tried to figure out what fate wanted. It was better just to live his life.  
Of course, his thoughts were preoccupied with the dance and Bella and if Bella would ask him to the dance and why didn't she want to take him to the dance, anyway?

With a little bit of distance, it was easier to have some perspective on what had gone on the previous day. The first time they'd lived the day, Bella hadn't said yes to anyone. She hadn't disagreed when he accused her of not liking Tyler, and she'd been derisive about the dance in general.

Maybe it wasn't that she didn't want to go to the dance with him... maybe it was that she didn't want to go period.

Edward definitely understood that. He didn't want to go either. He wanted her to ask him, that much was true. But if she did ask him, he was fairly certain his euphoria would last only so long before he remembered how dumb and boring high school dances were.

Maybe...

Edward wondered suddenly if Bella would be amenable to some alternative plan. They could make something up. If they were going to be out of town, no one would bug them about the dance, right?

Before he could second-guess himself out of his wisp of a plan, Edward bounded down the stairs.

"Hey freak, did-"

"No time, Emmett," Edward said quickly. "Just assume you riled me up and there was yelling. Blah, blah, blah," he shouted over his shoulder as he brushed by his brother.

"Edward!"

Edward cursed inwardly, backtracking a few steps when Carlisle called out to him. "Yeah, Dad?"

Both of his parents were looking at him. "Aren't you going to have breakfast?" Esme asked, looking perplexed.

Blinking for a moment, Edward walked a few steps into the kitchen, grabbed a banana from the fruit basket and waved at his parents. "See you later!"

Driving to school Edward found himself nervously finger-combing his hair and practicing how he was going to approach her. He knew for a fact that he could be smooth...if only he could remember how.

Edward parked, hunkering down, glancing in the rear-view mirror as he waited for her old clunker to appear. He was inexplicably nervous, his foot tapping restlessly against the dash, out of time with the music pumping through his speakers.

He was just doing a friend a favor, right? It wasn't as if he was asking her on a date.

If he were to ask her on a date, would she say no?

Luckily, Bella arrived not long after he did, so he didn't suffer his self-doubting, ridiculous thoughts to the point that he was jumping out of his skin.

"Hey, Bella," he greeted, coming up beside her.

She smiled over her shoulder, slamming her door shut. "Hey. You're here early."

"Yeah," he said shrugging it off. "Hey, listen. I wanted to ask you..."

She looked at him, puzzled. "Yeah?" she prompted.

 _Smooth_ , he reminded himself. He smiled at her, an approximation of the grin that he'd used many times to charm someone into giving him something he wanted. "I was wondering if, a week from Saturday... you know, the day of the dance..."

He watched as shock registered on Bella's face. Her eyebrows knitted at the center and she looked at him, half glaring half...

That was odd. When she bit her lip the way she was doing, it usually meant she was nervous. Or excited.

"Yeah?" Bella said again, her voice a lot more breathy than it had been a minute before.

He almost asked her to the dance. Almost. "You don't want to go to that stupid dance, do you?"

She blinked at him and quickly looked down at her feet. "Um. No. I don't really do dances."

"Yeah, me either," he muttered. "So, I was thinking, maybe it would be better to get a jump start on all your boyfriends. If you have something to do before they could ask you to the dance -"

"Wait, what makes you think someone wants to take me to the dance?" Bella asked.

Edward winced, mentally face-palming. "I um..." He chuffed. "I just have a feeling you have more admirers than you think."

She continued to stare at him incredulously. "But what does that even matter? It's a girl's choice dance."

"Yeah," Edward said with a bark of laughter. "You would think that matters, but apparently not to everyone."

"Oookkay," Bella said slowly. "Anyway... you were saying?"

"I was thinking, what if we made an excuse? We could say there was some kick-boxing match or something," he said quickly, getting it all out so he couldn't take it back. "We could go do something else, something fun, instead."

Bella leaned against her truck, pursing her lips. "You really think someone's gonna bug me about the dance?" she asked.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Bella, you know you're... you're...um." She was looking at him like he had a booger hanging out of his nose. He self-consciously wiped at his face.  _So much for smooth_. "Just trust me, okay?"

She looked dubious but she nodded. "Okay. I've...um..." Now she was the one who seemed nervous. "I've wanted to get out farther than Port Angeles." She made a face. "There aren't any good bookstores out here," she said sheepishly.

"Okay. Seattle then. Or Olympia," Edward suggested, fighting to keep the grin that was threatening to emerge. Grinning like an idiot was not going to be helpful.

She smiled at him. "Okay," she agreed, nodding.

 _Yes. She said yes to me._ "Cool," he said outwardly. "See you at lunch."

~0~

Lunchtime rolled around, and when Bella sat at the table, Edward couldn't help the small smile that quirked at his lips. And he couldn't help the way his insides seemed to flutter when she smiled back at him.

Like it had happened the first two times, the girls were gossiping and giggling about who they might or might not ask to the dance. Now that he knew what to look for, he could see the tightness around Jessica's eyes and the way she looked longingly back at Mike.

"So, are you thinking of asking anyone, Bella?" Angela asked.

"Actually, I've got plans that day," Bella said, tearing her mozzarella stick into tiny chunks. She cleared her throat. "Edward and I have plans."

Both Jessica and Angela's eyes went wide. They looked at each other, then to Edward and back to Bella. "Really?" Jessica asked, her voice spiking.

"No, I mean..." Bella stumbled, her cheeks flushing. "I mean, it's not a... we're not... We're just going to a tournament for our kick-boxing class."

"Oh," Jessica frowned. That answer was a lot more boring than she wanted to hear, obviously.

Jasper chuckled. "I wondered what the heck had you looking so smug in English," he said low enough that only Edward and Maria could hear.

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about," Edward said innocently.

"Right," his best friend said, laughing again. "Whatever you say, pal."

Edward could not keep the grin off his face again as he listened to Bella repeating their excuse to Mike.

"Come on. The dance is at night, you won't be back on time?" Mike persisted.

It took quite a bit of effort for Edward to continue staring down at the sketch on his page instead of glaring at Mike.

Bella's voice, when she spoke, was icy, which assuaged Edward's ire quite a bit. "It's important to me."

After school, he rounded the corner to see Tyler had trapped Bella again and she was again telling the lie about a tournament in Seattle. Edward indulged his childish impulse to shoot Tyler a gloating smirk before he walked off with Bella, teasing her about her truck like he had the first time he'd lived that day.

On the drive to Port Angeles, the atmosphere in the car seemed to be at least a few degrees warmer than normal. Edward found himself having to grip the steering wheel hard to keep himself from reaching across to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

Something was changing between them. His crush - such a minor infatuation before - was looming larger on his horizon, like there was actually a physical destination to arrive at. A crush was a nameless want - want for the sake of wanting, almost. This was something … more.

Though he'd thought before that Bella was, well, awesome, her cool factor seemed to go up a few notches. He watched her in class, admiring the way, when she got something wrong, a look of complete concentration would cross her face and she would work harder until she got it right. She was shy, but when she felt slighted or challenged, her tongue was quick and sharp.

And it was hotter than hell that she could throw his brother down like he was a rag doll.

Edward went to bed that night replaying her small smiles, his body feeling flushed as he remembered that she'd said yes to him.

His last thought, as he drifted off, was that he really, really hoped this was the way the day was supposed to go. It had been one of the best days of his life.

~0~

Edward woke to childish giggling. Nervous, he kept his eyes closed for the moment. He knew it was Alice, he just didn't know whether to expect that she was going to let him move on or tell him he was an idiot for...something.

She giggled again and something poked him in the side. Resigned to the fact he had to face his fate, Edward opened his eyes and immediately went cross-eyed as he stared at the wand that was pointed at his face.

"You're gonna poke someone's eye out, kid," he muttered, sitting up. He made a startled noise a the back of his throat when he realized that Alice was hanging upside down, her little-girl chicken legs hooked over a cheesy looking broom.

That the broom was floating was a little disconcerting, but this was Alice's wonderland. Nothing should surprise him at this point.

Thankfully for the side of him that still got a little paranoid when tiny children were doing dangerous things, Alice swung herself up and jumped off the broom, onto stable ground. "Did you pull Bella's ponytail?"

Edward closed his eyes briefly, trying to make her words make sense before he had to ask. He sighed. "What?" he asked finally.

"See, this boy on the playground - his name is Ben-Jin-Man - he pulled my ponytail. Mommy said he just likes me and I maybe shouldna pushed him down. But then Daddy said pushing boys is better than liking them until I'm 35." She paused, finally taking a deep breath as she looked at him. "So, I saw'ed Bella push you down, but you didn' pull her ponytail, or maybe I wasn't lookin."

Edward's lips quirked. "You mean at practice. Bella pushed me down at practice," he said with a laugh.

Alice shrugged, looking supremely disinterested. "Whatever," she said. Then she raised her wand again. "Bye!"

"Wait, Alice!" Edward cried, grabbing the business end of the wand to stop her from waving it. "Did I get it right? The day I mean? Did the right thing change?"

She rolled her eyes at him. Rather than answer, she reached over, grabbing a rather mangy looking shoe from the floor near them. "Here. Grab this."

He indulged her if only to get answers. She laughed. "It's a port key!" she giggled giddily, and then the whole world disappeared.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you jfka06, barburella and jadedandboring.
> 
> Just in case it interferes with my ability to write, I'm having surgery on Thursday. I suspect this will actually let me write MORE SOONER, but just in case... Heh.
> 
> See you soon.


	17. Date?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oye. I forgot that some people don't know Harry Potter. A port key just teleports you from one place to another. It was just Alice's way of getting rid of him. You guys are killing me with your theories.

_**~March 13, 1999~** _

Edward woke with a start, feeling dizzy and turned around. "Fuck you, port key," he muttered, holding his head. He definitely preferred waking up with a wave of a wand rather than whatever the fuck had just happened to him. Fucking wizards...

"Port who? Who are you fucking? Let's see. Porter? Porky?"

Grumbling, Edward looked toward the doorway. "Yeah, I'm gay. It's so funny, Emmett," Edward grumbled, not in the mood for his older brother's joking.

"You're grumpy today, I mean more than usual," Emmett chortled. "It's fucking Saturday, dimbulb. Why are you awake?"

Edward stopped rubbing his eyes. "What? It's what?" He rolled over quickly, grabbing his alarm clock. He gaped, staring at the date. "Holy hell."

"That! Is an oxymoron."

"So glad you were paying attention in English. You're just a plain moron," Edward mumbled, not really paying attention. He was adding up days in his head. "Why are you so shocked I'm awake if you're awake too?"

Emmett laughed. "So original, kid. I'm just hyped up. Big dance today - which you'd know if you'd been invited. My lady and I? We're going to show 'em something special."

Startled, Edward rolled out of bed, not really hearing Emmett's continuing monologue. "-I haven't been able to sleep for like a fucking hour and you know what happened the last time I walked in on Mom and Dad in the bedroom," he shuddered. "They should not be allowed to do that with minors in the house."

"Glasses, glasses...where the fuck are they?" Edward grumbled, on his belly as he squinted under his bed.

"Dude, what are you on? And gross, I can see your buttcrack."

"Emmett!" Edward growled from under his bed. "This is what happens when you burst into people's rooms when they're sleeping. Go the hell away."

"Fine, whatever, Gloomy Gus. Just come downstairs and entertain me... only put your fucking pants on," the elder Cullen brother called over his shoulder, finally leaving.

Finding his glasses, Edward shoved them on his face and got to his knees, staring at the clock again.

_**March 13, 1999 7:14 AM.** _

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," Edward chanted, scrambling to his feet. He tripped on his way to the shower, a little bit confused. Part of him thought his last memory was with Alice in her Harry Potter wonderland, but equally pressing on his mind was the memory of a very important IM conversation the night before.

Edward stepped under the water while it was still cold, in too much of a hurry to let it warm up, though he subjected the shower to the most colorful terms he'd picked up in 29 years of life...and he'd done deals with companies from Japan, India and France. He knew how to curse. Once the water warmed, he was able to concentrate a little better.

He'd asked Bella what time she wanted to leave, remembering how he'd hoped against hope that she would say early. Earlier was better. Earlier meant more time.

_**If we're going to Seattle, school time is better.** _

Trying to play the gentleman, he'd offered to pick her up. She'd opposed, not wanting to be completely straightforward with her father. That made Edward feel even better. Not only was he spending the day with her but he was a secret. It made him feel a little more...dangerous.

His 29 year old self inwardly chortled at the ridiculous teenager he'd long forgotten.

But he'd had to find a way around being stuck in her dilapidated truck for that long, teasing that if they tried to drive to Seattle in the truck they'd only have enough time to wave at the city before having to head back.

Their plans were bordering on ridiculous. Finally, they'd opted for truth on the run. Edward was supposed to go to the door and wave at Charlie as they got on their merry way.

Sure, it sounded good to Bella, but her father wasn't likely to shoot or otherwise maim any part of her. Edward allowed himself a moment to reflect on just how weird it was to worry about a teenage girl's father before he got out of the shower. He was running late as it was.

Because he was running late, Edward was absolutely not surprised to find that he'd forgotten his towel. Shivering like a newborn fawn, he peered into his room to be sure that Emmett hadn't come up again before he darted forward, wrapping his towel around his shuddering shoulders.

About a thousand questions raced through his mind in between the time he jumped around Emmett's questions on his way out the door and he pulled up in the Swans' driveway. Would they stop somewhere to eat? What if Bella had already eaten? He could hold off, but what if his stomach growled before lunch? That would be embarrassing. He really didn't have an appetite anyway. Was she spazzing out as much as he was?

But while Edward was pretty sure no one had reached the level of spaz he'd achieved in the last hour, he was at least partially positive that there was more significance on this little excursion than just two friends hanging out. The last two weeks had been full of shy smiles and nervous laughter as they talked. More than once Edward had caught Jasper rolling his eyes at the lunch table, mimicking aggressive making out with his hands behind Bella's back.

When her door opened and Bella appeared, Edward forgot all of his stupid questions. Bella peeped out, her eyes finding his and her face lit up in a grin as if it were the most natural reaction in the world. She stepped out onto the porch, closing and locking the door behind her.

"Hey," he called, his eyes nervously darting back and forth between her and the house. Was Charlie glaring at him from the window?

"Charlie went fishing," Bella said gleefully. "I left him a note though I'll probably have to find somewhere to check in. You know... just so he won't worry."

"Yeah, that's fine," Edward said easily. He would have to remember to check in with his parents as well. Then, looking her over as she got in the passenger side, he had to laugh.

"What is it?" she asked, smiling but looking self conscious.

"We match," he pointed out, not sure why the idea pleased him so much. They were both wearing beige button down tops with jeans.

She looked down and gave a little huff. "How embarrassing," she muttered.

"No," he protested. "It's-"

"I was kidding," she said quickly. "It's from the X-Files, remember?"

Edward scrunched his nose. "Bella, seriously. How the heck was I supposed to get that reference? It was too vague. Chris Carter himself would not have gotten that reference."

"Whatever, obviously one of us in this car is a true fan and the other is just a poser," Bella shot back.

They grinned at each other, the slight awkwardness of whatever was happening between them fading away into the comfort where they overlapped.

She made it easy to forget everything - whether he was a 29 year old man who had destroyed his own life so thoroughly or he was a 17 year old boy who didn't know what the hell he was doing.

What was she doing in that first reality? Who had she become?

His actions had kept her in Forks. What life had he robbed her of?

"Hey, what was Phoenix like, anyway? I mean, the whole cracking an egg on the sidewalk? Urban myth or what?" he asked.

Bella quirked an eyebrow. "You can crack an egg on any sidewalk anywhere."

He glanced away from the road moment so he could give her the side-eye. She chuckled behind her hand and answered. "It gets a little hot."

"You prefer hot weather? I've never understood that. I mean, you only have so many clothes you can take off. I mean, not that you take off clothes. Um."

Well, it was nice to know that the spastic didn't just disappear.

Other than the occasional stutter and nervous titter, the drive was great. Edward was almost disappointed when Seattle's skyline loomed ahead of them. He struggled to taper down the self-doubt that rose in him as they approached the first destination. He hadn't exactly run his plan by Bella.

"Why are we at Seattle Center?" Bella asked, perplexed. "There are no book stores here... unless you count the gift shops."

"Calm down. There's something I want to show you. Besides, it's not like it takes that much time to go to a bookstore," Edward teased.

She scoffed, but got out of the car. "Clearly you haven't seen me at a bookstore," she muttered as she fell in step beside him.

The urge to reach out and hold her hand was overwhelming. Edward jammed his hands down in his pockets, balling them into fists. He looked at her out of the corner of his vision, thinking she was so lovely with her cheeks pinked from the cool air. He didn't know why this teenage girl had him so head over heels, but right then, he wasn't about to dwell on it. She'd said yes to him out of everyone else on the playing field and that stupid little fact still made him warm and a little squishy right at the center of his chest.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked as they walked. When she nodded, he blurted out the question that had been plaguing him. "Why don't you want to go to the dance anyway? I mean, everyone knows it's kind of stupid, but that doesn't seem to make them any less eager, you know?"

"So what's wrong with me?" Bella filled in.

"No, I... That's not what I meant," Edward stumbled before she grinned at him.

"I know that's not what you meant," she said with a slight eye roll. Then she sighed. "I don't know. Maybe I was born without that part of me... that excitement people get over dances and candy grams and all that other stuff."

Edward gave a light snort. "My mom doesn't understand that at all. She can't fathom that I have better things to do than spend my night surrounded by crepe paper and glitter."

Bella nodded her agreement, then ducked her head. "There's that... and I feel like you'll understand this one, but you know I'd abuse the hell out of my poor date's feet. And that's just for starters. It would be one of those sitcom moments. I would fall and take down the entire room."

Edward tried not to laugh, but he couldn't help it. He reflected that if she had asked him to the dance, between the two of them, they'd have caused some considerable destruction.

That brought him to another nagging doubt. This entire day so far had felt rather date like, and the two weeks before had been full of significant glances and little grins.

But...

Edward ran a hand through his hair, a little disgruntled. Why couldn't he read minds? "So... if it had been, I don't know, a girl's choice viewing of Star Wars..."

"Oh, The Phantom Menace? I'm so excited for that. Less than two months now," she said with a little bounce.

Edward felt a little twist of chagrin, knowing she was in for a disappointment. "No... I mean instead of a girl's choice dance, if there was a girl's choice viewing of the classic trilogy. Like they turned the gym into a little theater and geeked it out Star Wars style..."

"Okay," Bella prompted. "What's the question?"

"Would you have asked someone?" he asked, staring straight ahead.

Silence stretched on between them long enough that Edward was unnerved. He finally looked over at Bella. She was staring down at her feet but she looked up, smiling at him shyly. "I'd have wanted to," she admitted, her voice soft, "but I might have chickened out."

Again, Edward found himself shoving his hands in his pocket, clenching his fists to keep himself from reaching for her hand. He cleared his throat slightly. "We're here."

Surprised, Bella looked ahead of them, clearly having forgotten they had a destination. Then her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "It's a construction site..."

He smiled, just amused at her expression. "This is going to be an amazing museum. It's the EMP Museum."

"EMP? It looks... weird."

"The shape... when it's done, it's going to look awesome," Edward said, a wistful note of excitement leaking into his voice. When he thought about things they could do on their day, he'd been disappointed to realize that the EMP Museum hadn't been built yet. Many times a year, in his adult life, Edward had found himself wandering its halls, forgetting everything else for one afternoon.

It would have been nice to share it with someone. He felt Bella would have understood.

"It's a music museum, mostly. Just everything about music - artists, music over time, music in the movies," he explained.

"It looks like a sci-fi building, the way it's shaped," Bella noted. She tilted her head. "Or a gutted whale..."

"Actually, it's also going to include a Sci-Fi hall of fame. It's going to be incredible. We're talking full-sized, walk-thru prop space ships and all that," Edward said excitedly.

"You know an awful lot about this place and it isn't even built yet. What, can you tell the future?"

Edward shrugged, feeling a little self-conscious. Then he rolled his eyes, elbowing her easily in the side. "It's been in the newspaper, Bella."

"Oh," she said, leaning on the fencing so she could get a better look. "It's pretty cool," she said finally. "Maybe we'll come back."

Edward grinned. "Grand opening is next year," he said nonchalantly.

"Well, that settles it then," she said resolutely as they turned away.

Walking back to the car, Edward cautiously slipped his hand out of his pocket, wondering if he should just go for the hand hold. While he was debating with himself, he almost jumped when he felt fingers gripping lightly around is. He looked over, seeing that Bella was looking straight forward and blushing furiously. Smiling, and unbelievably smug, Edward gripped her hand firmly.

"So," Bella said, smiling lightly. "What next?"

"Well, I was thinking, if you can stand being away from the bookstore a little while longer," he teased, squeezing her fingers, "I was thinking we should hunt down a little lunch."

Bella rolled her eyes. "I think I can handle that."

~0~

Bella in the bookstore was fascinating. Kid in a candy store came to mind. He just watched, somewhat fascinated, as she flitted back and forth.

"I hate the bargain aisle," she grumbled. "I mean, how can I say no? This book is $3.00. It doesn't even matter what it is."

Edward had to bite back the urge to buy her everything she smiled at. That would definitely be overdoing it.

"Oh, look," Bella said excitedly. She picked up a thick, leatherbound book and ran her hand over the cover reverently. "I know this is so dorky... I mean, I have all the books, but I love these anthologies. They're just so... pretty." She looked up, her cheeks pink with embarrassment.

Back when alcohol was a comfort - a vice - one of Edward's favorite, savored moments whenever he sat down to drink was the warmth of the liquid as it traveled down his throat, burning a pleasant path before it pooled in his stomach. It was one of his favorite feelings in the world, and one of the things he missed the most. For so long, as he'd wandered through his first life, he thought he would never find something to make him that warm again.

Watching the happy look on Bella's face as she ran her hands over the book, seeing the simple pleasure she derived from the books that surrounded her, Edward felt the the echo of that old warmth stir. It started on his tongue with a bite of nerves and spread gradually until he felt it in his finger tips. Reaching out, he ran the pads of his finger over her cheek, feeling the flush there.

It took some degree of effort, but he turned away from her shell shocked eyes long enough to look at the book she'd picked out. He had to laugh because of all the women he'd known, this teenage girl that hadn't caught his eye at all the first time around continued to make it impossible to ignore her this time. " _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_?"

" _The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ ," she corrected, tapping the gold lettering.

Edward pursed his lips, curious. "Do you do that thing where you underline lines you like?"

"Yes," Bella admitted.

Still smiling - because he found it utterly impossible to stop - Edward reached for her hand. That was the other thing he loved about the warmth of alcohol as it worked through his system. All the little quirks and irritations about life, like the out of control nerves and general spasticness he usually displayed when he was around Bella, lost their edge like a chill being chased away by the heat of running water. If he had time to think his actions through at all, he would have probably started stuttering and tripping his way through useless conversation.

Instead, Edward led her first to a row of pens sitting beside the fancy stationary. Bella looked a little bewildered as he tapped his lips. He spotted the item he wanted - a ball point that wrote in gold ink - and grabbed it. From there he led her to the checkout stand where he bought the pen and the book, rolling his eyes over Bella's protests. He waved away the clerk's offer of a bag and walked, still hand in hand, to one of the couches that was littered around the store.

"What are we doing?" Bella asked softly, not hurrying to let go of his hand.

Edward's stomach gave a little twist because honestly, he had no idea what was happening.

"Well, it's not complete yet," he explained, opening the first pages of the book. Uncapping the pen, he skimmed the words of the introduction until he found the phrase he'd underlined in his own well-worn copy. DON'T PANIC.

Getting the idea quickly, and thankfully not calling him on what a gigantic dork he was, Bella took the pen from him, flipping to the first chapter.

With their heads bent together and the book between them, they went through the book, underlining the witty one liners and arguing about whether the square or squiggly parenthesis were the best to highlight entire passages. They snickered, debating favorites from each book and whether or not any of the lines were usable in real life conversation.

"'The bricks hung in the sky in much the same way bricks don't,'" Edward said.

Bella shook her head. "'He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife,'" she countered.

"That just doesn't roll off the tongue," he argued.

"Not everything has to roll off the tongue. You just need finesse, that's your problem," she insisted.

"And you have this finesse, I take it?"

She snorted. "Are you kidding me? I could never pull that off in conversation. But come on. How often are you going to be able to work the whole ship thing into conversation?"

"What? Birds, airplanes... butterflies. They're all in the air. Unlike a brick."

Bella looked for a moment like she was trying not to laugh at him, but she gave up quickly. When she giggled, Edward had to laugh, knowing their conversation was bordering on completely ridiculous and yet...

The warmth had reached that stage, that marvelous stage, where his body tingled and the room swayed pleasantly. Right then, the humor in her eyes, her closeness, their shared moments - it was all beckoning him forward. He was helpless to do anything but obey the pull.

For two often awkward people, Edward and Bella's first kiss was surprisingly coordinated. Bella tilted her head up, meeting Edward's lips. They stilled for a moment, as if neither knew what to do next, though Edward for one had more than enough experience. With Bella, everything was new.

He moved his lips slowly, pressing lightly at first. His lips turned up, and he pressed harder, taking her upper lip between his. Bella sighed, her hand coming up to his cheek as her lips responded to his.

Neither of them even remembered they were still in a bustling bookstore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you all so much for the well wishes. Surgery went fine and I'm recovering well.
> 
> Jadedandboring is my hero even though she wouldn't let me use oft *pout*. Barburella is a pervert who likes 17 year old boys and jfka06 is my muuuuuse.
> 
> I missed you guys.


	18. The Prom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: You guys pushed my little story over 1k last update. You make me happy. Thank you.

All through Edward's adulthood, it seemed he was hyper-conscious of new love. Whether he was walking across his college campus, or through his office building, he could always spot it.

There was just something unmistakable about a person in love with someone for the first time. It was the flush of happiness on their cheeks - a light blush with a glow beneath it. Every make up artist in the world could spend days and months trying to recreate that exact shade, but it never could come close to the real thing. It was an aura of happiness so deep, it radiated out from the person. There was a light in their eyes because they'd found the secret to all the good things the universe had to offer. It made them powerful. Last was the ever present smile, a grin that could only be shaken by the worst of life's tragedies. And why not? Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

In the past - or the future he supposed - Edward had always rolled his eyes. In college he only thought that love was likely fleeting. It was young love, and the people involved would grow and change, leaving that useless feeling behind in the dust. As time went on, his bitterness growing, Edward found himself hoping it was worth it. Love wasn't all you needed, not by a long shot.

Back in his teen years, Edward knew he was the grinning, lovesick fool. He understood now. The warmth in his chest, the electricity that existed in place of his bloodstream, he knew it was love. But rather than make him feel ridiculous or stupid, he felt mighty. He was still aware of everything he had been before - that love wasn't all you needed, that there would be trials ahead for him if he chose to be with Bella - if she chose to be with him. But love made him feel invincible - like he could handle anything and everything life chose to throw at them.

Edward was in the rec room, playing console video games for once and trying to burn every single moment of his day with Bella into his brain. From the minute she opened her door, her pleased smile just for him, to the car ride home where they held hands nearly the entire way.

His parents came home first and when they asked about his day, he shrugged, babbling about a comic book shop they'd gone into for a few minutes. Admittedly, the shop had a few pieces he was interested in, but he'd barely been able to keep his eyes off Bella at that point. Not that he was going to tell his parents that, though why, he wasn't sure.

It was half past one in the morning before Emmett got home. His suit jacket was unbuttoned, tie loose and his shirt untucked. Edward had to snicker as his brother threw himself down on the couch, his giddy grin making him look absolutely ridiculous. "Nice hickey," Edward commented. "Guess we know who wears the pants in that relationship."

Emmett waggled his eyebrows. "You should see the ones I left on her."

"Ew," Edward grimaced.

"Don't be jealous, kid," Emmett said, picking up the second controller.

Edward smirked because he wasn't jealous in the slightest. Innocent though they were, he'd take the kisses he shared with Bella that day over even the most voracious make out session.

Although, if the voracious make out was with Bella...

Edward shook that thought a way and looked over at his brother. "So how was the dance?"

If it was possible, Emmett's grin got wider. As he talked, Edward couldn't help but think back to the man Emmett had been. At the lavish, over-the-top wedding Victoria had put together, Emmett had mostly moped. He hated his suit. He hated the idea of dancing. To see him brag about how hot he looked alongside Rose and how they'd danced circles around everyone else there was such a switch. Oh, Emmett had firmly believed he loved Victoria, but Edward had never seen him this happy with the witch.

A pinprick of edginess began to grow at the very back of Edward's thoughts. He tried to brush it away, remembering Alice's constant admonishment that he should live like a high school boy. His teenage mindset felt that his happiness - his brother's happiness - would last forever, but he knew for solid fact how quickly life could change.

And he knew, if this level of happiness was not part of fate's design, it would be yanked away from him as soon as he fell asleep.

**~0~**

Try as he might, Edward could only stave sleep off for so long. He cursed the human need, wishing he would never have to sleep if it meant he could keep the reality he so desperately wanted from being overwritten. But sleep inevitably claimed him

He woke to the sound of childish giggling and a familiar song being hummed.

"Edward and Bella sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G," Alice's voice permeated his sleepy haze. Reluctantly, Edward opened his eyes.

He seemed to be laying on the ground while Alice was perched on the edge of the couch above him, staring at him with a goofy grin. "Is you have a wet kiss?" Alice inquired, sliding down to sit on the ground beside him as Eward sat up.

"A wet kiss?" he asked, amused in spite of his nervousness that she was going to send him back to repeat the day.

"Yeah. When Harry kissed Cho, he said it was wet. But she was crying. Did you make Bella cry?"

"No, I didn't make her cry. And it wasn't wet," Edward answered.

Alice scrunched up her nose. "Kisses is icky. Even when they're not wet," she informed him. "Mommy says I'll change my mind, but I don't think so."

Edward sighed. "Alice... I liked kissing Bella. A lot."

She looked at him like he was crazy. "You're weird."

"Yeah, but the point is... do I get to keep doing it?" Edward asked.

"I like Bella," the little girl said amiably. "Don't be a dork, kay? Like when Daddy says something dumb and Mommy makes him sleep in the guest room. That makes me sad."

"But-"

"Bye!"

**~April 22, 1999~**

By that point, confusion should have been a state Edward was used to. Every day he woke up, he was confused about something. He supposed he should have been relieved that he was past wondering what fate wanted him to do. His confusion now seemed infuriatingly teenaged - which he guessed was more normal than worrying if he would have to live through this day just to get to live it again tomorrow.

When he'd awaken, he took a moment to let the memories of the month he'd fast forwarded through wash over him.

There was kissing. A lot of kissing.

He remembered the first time Bella let her tongue slide along his lips, and he'd been so startled that his mouth opened. Her movements were uncertain, but once he'd gotten over the surprise, he'd cupped her cheek and returned the sentiment. It struck him that it was a genius move on his part to take her to see _Cruel_ _Intentions_ in Port Angeles.

Every Thursday they drove to kickboxing class right after school, usually spending the fifteen minutes or so they had before class started making out over his gear shift. The third week, he'd pulled her into the backseat so he could feel her body against his as he kissed her.

And, because he was a geek after all, his in-game wife, Meawene, found herself in-game divorced so quickly her head spun.

Edward wasn't at all confused about any of that. He wanted to kiss her as often as she let him. He wanted to spend every moment - virtual or not - in her presence. What confused him was that it seemed that they were a secret.

He'd tried to tell Jasper. They were hanging out at his house, and conversation had turned, one again, to Maria. Jasper was obsessed.

"You know, you could have all this and more. I'm telling you man, you don't know what you're missing."

Edward almost told him. He still didn't understand why he hadn't.

Maybe it was just pure fear. They were both logical creatures who used to roll their eyes at classmates 'in love'. Yet here they were... being ooey gooey, smitten motherfuckers. It was frightening to lose control this way. Exhilarating and wonderful, but frightening.

To the best of his knowledge, Bella hadn't let anyone in on their little secret either. There were no significant glances at lunch, no probing questions from gossip-queen Jessica.

There was, however, Bella's hand finding his under the table, and the way her cheeks flushed as Edward twined their fingers together.

He didn't mind the secrecy. In fact, Edward loved the idea that Bella was his alone; he wasn't ready to share her - share this intimacy - with anyone yet. He just wished it didn't confuse him as much as it did.

"Look at that," Jasper said, slinging his arm around Maria and pointing to where Coach Clapp was directing two underclassmen in hanging up a banner. "It's prom time."

Maria let out a squeal of pleasure. "Oh, I love the prom. Last year, my dress was so slinky," she laughed. "But Benito enjoyed it."

"Benito," Jasper scowled, putting a hand over her mouth. "I look ten times better than Benito in a suit."

She must have licked his hand because Jasper yanked it away, waving it wildly. Maria snickered. "You missed the important words, Jazz. Slinky and dress."

"Oh, no, I got it," Jasper assured, grinning at her and kissing her cheek. "It's just that if I think about that, I might start making out with you, and then we'll just wind up in detention again."

Edward rolled his eyes, though he was secretly happy Jasper was such a jackass for this girl. Despite his bravado, Edward was fairly certain that Jasper had been a virgin when he died. Edward had been fairly … distracted his senior year, but he'd never seen Jasper with a girl.

"Hey, Edward," Jasper said, tossing a fry in his direction. "So you going to get off your ass and ask someone, you know... now that it's not obnoxious?" His mischievous eyes flicked over to Bella. "I'm pretty sure you could get someone to take pity on you."

Turning a bright crimson, Bella ducked her head deeper into the book she had open, pretending to study. Edward moved their joined hands to her knee, squeezing comfortably. To Jasper he merely scoffed. "I got better things to do, bitch."

Jasper rolled his eyes, leaning down to rest his head on Maria's shoulder. "Whatever."

_**~0~** _

Bella's mouth tasted like chocolate. She'd been snacking on a Kit Kat bar on the drive up, and now she tasted like chocolate.

He'd kissed women who tasted like fine wine and women who'd tasted like cheap beer. Chocolate covered Bella had to be his favorite flavor.

Of course, regular flavored Bella was pretty delicious, too.

"Bella?" he asked when they broke for air.

"Hmm?" she nipped at his lips, her breath hot as she panted.

"You don't want to go to the prom, do you?" He kissed her sweetly. "We can, you know. If you want."

She pulled back, staring at him with a small smile on her face. She stroked his cheek and kissed his chin. "Proms are lame," she said. "But... can we do something?"

"Yeah," he murmured. "Whatever you want."

She smiled widely. "Good."

_**~May 15th, 1999~** _

Edward woke with sex on the brain.

It took him a moment to sort out why. As always, when he woke there was a moment when he had to place himself in time.

_If_ _you_ _wake_ _up_ _at_ _a_ _different_ _time,_ _in_ _a_ _different_ _place,_ _could_ _you_ _wake_ _up_ _as_ _a_ _different_ _person?_

Edward shook his head, trying to clear it.  _Fight_ _Club_ was still a few months off. He allowed himself to muse for a moment that he was not actually travelling in time, but that he had some sort of mental illness.

Well, if he was mentally ill, he hoped he'd been lost to insanity, because he couldn't imagine having to wake up 29 years old again and find that this had all been some fantasy of his fractured mind.

Finding his glasses, Edward scratched his head as he looked at his clock. A three week jump should have been a little daunting but he was finally getting used to the uncertainty. As long as he didn't have to give up Bella, he'd decided he could handle anything.

Which brought him around to figuring out why he had sex on the brain. Of course, it wasn't a-typical. Just, today it seemed to be passing through his head every three seconds instead of the requisite seven.

But that question was easily answered. It was prom night. Prom was synonymous with sex.

A couple weeks before, Jasper had come over and literally started pacing the length of Edward's room. "This is it. This is happening," he'd babbled, uncharacteristically going out of his skin. Jasper was usually so mellow. "She reserved the room."

"She reserved the room?" Edward asked, because it sounded strange to him for some reason.

Jasper looked at him, grimacing. "She's 18," he explained. "Anyway, that's not the point, Edward. The point is … we're gonna... I mean, it's cool right? It's awesome." He'd tittered like a nervous little kid.

"Uh... Yeah, dude. It's cool," Edward stumbled. The conversation was a little surreal.

"Fuck," Jasper groaned, flinging himself down on the bed and staring upward with worried eyes. "Who the hell am I kidding? She's had sex. I haven't. I'm going to be like that fucker in that  _American_ _Pie_ trailer... have you seen that preview? The fucking kid takes one look at the hot chick and just loses it? It's gonna happen."

"Sex in high school is supposed to be bad," Edward said offhand.

Jasper threw a pillow at him. "Thanks, prick."

"No, I mean... who's saying the sex she's had was any good? What does that mean, anyway?" Edward had no idea what he was babbling about. He just knew this topic was extremely uncomfortable. "Anyway, I don't wanna think about you doing it, so can we not? I mean, I know you have at least as much porn as I do. Fuck, you gave me most of my porn."

Then last weekend, Esme had announced she would be joining Carlisle at a conference in Las Vegas. Emmett had been ecstatic.

"Alright, Geekazoid, here's the way it's gonna be," Emmett had started as soon as Esme was out of earshot. "After prom, I'm bringing Rose here and you are going to make yourself scarce." He'd begun ticking off on his fingers. "If I see you, thus ruining the mood, I will kick your ass. If I heard you, thus ruining the mood, I will kick your ass. And if you even think about telling Mom and Dad that I had Rosalie over here..."

"Ass. Kicked. I get it. The problem is, I can kick your ass now," Edward taunted, leading to a predictable wrestling match. This time, though, Edward managed to hold his own, though he'd lost his glasses in the process.

"How about I stay out of your way and you make it so I don't hear or see you," Edward said, holding Emmett in a headlock for once in his life.

Emmett grabbed his leg, toppling him backward and knocking Edward breathless. "Fine, fine," Emmett panted. "It's a deal, fuck nut."

In his memories, the whole school had been rife with suggestive talk and after-party plans. Meanwhile, he wondered what Bella's reaction would be if he tried to hold her hand as they walked to class. He thought about how backward they were. They could make out for hours and yet didn't so much as touch in the presence of others.

Not that it mattered to him. As long as it was him Bella was kissing, Edward found he had no reason to complain. Not that he didn't think about sex with Bella. He thought about it. A lot. But he could be patient. It seemed that fate had dictated she was meant to be in his life. Until he could actually have sex with her...well...he had a hand and a shower. And lube for his evenings.

Knowing he and Bella would have the house all to themselves this evening put a smile on Edward's face as he got up and got dressed for the day.

"Why are you in such a good mood?" Emmett asked, ambling downstairs and flinging himself into the chair opposite Edward at the kitchen table.

Edward studied his brother carefully and shrugged. "We downed Anar last night," he said vaguely, knowing Emmett would have no idea what he was talking about.

Sure enough, Emmett wrinkled his nose. "Ugh. That fucking game again?" He shook his head.

Edward narrowed his eyes. "You're nervous about tonight," he realized out loud.

Emmett's head shot up. "What? Get out."

"You are," Edward said, amused. "No cracks about how I'm going to be a virgin forever. No making fun of me for being a geek. And you look pale."

For a minute, it looked like Emmett was going to argue. Then he clunked his forehead on the table. "It's this girl, man. Royce was so g'damn pushy with her." He sighed, shaking the anger off. "It's stupid, but I want things to be perfect for her tonight."

"I don't think that's stupid," Edward murmured honestly, stirring his Cocoa Pebbles around his bowl. "I always want it to be perfect for her."

Emmett looked up, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"I mean, I would. If someone was important to me like that," Edward covered quickly, hoping he wasn't blushing as much as he probably was.

Luckily, Emmett just chuckled. He stood, ruffling Edward's hair playfully. "Don't worry, kid. There's gotta be someone out there who could love a geek like you."

Edward just shook his head, returning to the joys of chocolate milk masquerading as breakfast.

The day wore on painfully slowly, but finally it was six and Emmett was out the door to pick up Rosalie. "Remember," he warned before he left. "You are invisible."

Not even ten minutes later, the doorbell rang. Edward grinned, allowing himself to imagine that Bella was as eager for their little date as he was. He opened the door, devouring her with his eyes for a moment. She couldn't have looked lovelier in a slinky prom dress as she did in a button down shirt and jeans.

"Hi," he greeted softly, taking her hand and pulling her in the door.

"Hi," she said, sounding shy, but she got on her tiptoes to kiss him.

Edward wrapped his arms around her waist, supporting her as they kissed themselves breathless.

"Are you sure you don't want to go out?" Edward asked, leaning his head against hers as they caught their breath. "We can do whatever you want."

"This is what I want," she assured, looking around. "Besides. You promised you'd play for me."

Edward had made the mistake of telling her that he played the piano, and she'd been bugging him for weeks now to let her hear. He remembered Emmett's words from that morning, how he wanted everything to be perfect for Rosalie. Well, Edward wanted everything to be perfect for Bella - even his music. Even him.

Sighing with mock reluctance, Edward took her hand, leading her over to the piano. He guided her to sit beside him and closed his eyes, wondering what to play for her. For once, he fought to hold on to his 29 year old persona, if only because the man he had been had a decade more practice with his favorite instrument, and knew how to play with his soul, with all his pain and emotion, rather than his fingers.

Bella actually cried.

They ordered pizza for dinner and made out on the couch while they waited for it to get there. When they were done, they headed up to Edward's room because neither of them had seen Labyrinth and both had been told this was an affront to all geek kind.

It was a pleasant experience. Though she mostly giggled at the cheesiness, there were times when Bella would start, pressing herself against his side and hiding her head at his shoulder. It was even better when she giggled, her body shaking in his arms.

He loved having her close.

"Well," Bella proclaimed, sitting up and stretching as the movie ending. "Personally, I think that there are some movies that are good because of the nostalgia value."

Edward put his hands behind his head, watching her. "That's the idea behind a cult following, isn't it?"

"I suppose," Bella allowed. She looked down on him and smiled, straddling his hips and crawling over him for a kiss. "Genius marketing though - selling a Muppet movie to kids who should have outgrown them."

"Yoda is a Muppet," Edward pointed out, kissing her chin and her cheeks.

"Yoda is an awesome," Bella proclaimed. She sat up, resting her butt on his thighs. She pointed at him with mock gravity. "Luminous beings are we, Luke. Not this crude matter," she imitated, pinching his cheek.

Edward laughed. "That is an awful impression."

Bella grinned and then giggled, and as her body moved on his, Edward had to hold in a gasp.

"Ah. Bella," he said, his voice a little strangled. "Maybe you should get off me," he suggested, trying to keep his tone light.

Bella looked confused for a moment, but then she slid back and Edward hissed, his fingertips digging into her hips slightly. She gasped under her breath, and though Edward could feel her eyes on him, he'd closed his tightly. He was embarrassed and he wasn't quite sure what to do about it.

And holy fucking hell, it felt so good.

For a handful of moments they were both still. Suddenly, Bella's hand was at his front, pressing lightly over the bulge in his jeans. Edward's eyes flew open, his breath leaving him in a gust. Bella's hand stilled, but only for a moment. She moved over him tentatively.

He saw the look on her face then - so shy and nervous. Bella didn't have a clue what she was doing, but he saw the moment when she pushed past her fear, pretending that her hands weren't shaking as she undid the button of his jeans and pulled the zipper down. When her palm cupped him, she breathed out shakily, her teeth biting into her lower lip. She was so fresh, so unbearably innocent that he felt, in that moment, unworthy. Part of him wanted to catch her hand, stop her movements and tell her that this, with her, should be sacred. He would marry her first, just to feel like he had the right to touch her, that he was the only one that ever would have that right.

But just like kissing her, any experience he had in theory went straight out the window. He felt as new and vulnerable as she looked. His hands, as he reached up to caress her cheek, trembled, and he had to concentrate to unbutton her shirt - a line of buttons that seemed endless with his clumsiness. She shivered when he drew the back of his knuckles down her bare skin.

Edward tugged on her arm, and Bella obeyed his silent direction, laying against him with her head tucked against his shoulder. "Do you want this?" he whispered, finding his voice had no volume. He ran his hands up and down her back underneath her shirt.

Propping herself up so she could look at him, she nodded slowly. "Yes. Yes, this is what I want." she whispered back. She drew the pads of her fingers below his eyes, taking his glasses off before she leaned in to kiss him.

As he kissed her back, he rolled them so she was the one laying on her back. He knew there was so much he should be thinking about, but his thoughts were hazy. The feel of her hands as she tugged his shirt up, her skin against his, her perfect, perky little breasts rubbing against him, all made it difficult to remember how to breathe, let alone anything coherent.

"I love you," he blurted when she was naked and beautiful below him. It was true. Out of the swirl of confusion, because what the fuck was he doing, and lust, because Jesus God, he wanted it so badly, it was the one thing he knew for certain. He loved this stubborn, strong, often incomprehensible girl more than he'd even known he was capable of.

Her eyes met his, nervous but warm. There was a light in her eyes, like the brown was flecked with gold in the dim light of his room. She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love you," she said, her voice a whisper as she pulled him down on top of her.

He was shaking as bad as she was when he reached between them. He was already so close to coming as he wrapped his fingers around himself, scrambling to remember where everything was. Bella gasped when she felt him at her entrance.

Every inch he slid into her felt more amazing than anything. He gritted his teeth, knowing he needed to go slow and not wanting to come when he knew she was in pain. "I'm sorry," he whispered, pressing little kisses to her forehead when she whimpered.

"It's okay. I love you," she murmured, rocking her hips against him.

Edward moaned because this girl drove him so crazy.

It should have been embarrassing. He only rocked against her, inside of her, for a minute before it was too much. Everything about their little encounter had been quick and clumsy. But when he rolled off her, Bella still clung to him, curling against him as he pulled the blankets around them. He stroked her soft hair as coherency returned to him, but before he could start berating himself for everything he hadn't done right, Bella kissed the corner of his mouth, and nuzzled her nose against his neck.

Turning onto his side, his arms still around her, Edward looked in her eyes. They were filled with such tenderness, such happiness, that any doubt was washed away. He was helpless but to smile back. "Are you okay?" he asked softly.

She grinned at him. "I'm perfect," she assured, tilting her head up to kiss him.

"Yeah," he agreed, curling her closer. "That you are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you to jadedandboring and barburella.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed that chappy...because it's about to get a lil bumpy. I think there are about 5-7 chaps left.


	19. Edward & The No Good, Very Bad Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: *Holds your hand*

**~June 5, 1999~**

Edward supposed he should have been concerned that he was jumping forward in three week increments. It hadn't escaped his notice that he hadn't seen Alice through several of these time jumps and that should have made him nervous.

Despite these anomalies, Edward was in a good mood. It was the first day of summer vacation. He officially had a girlfriend - after spending the night of prom together, they'd come out as a couple that next Monday at school. All in all, Edward couldn't complain.

He loped downstairs, finding his parents in the kitchen wrapped up in a serious make-out session.

"Eww," he complained, throwing his hands up in front of his face. "Minor in the room."

His parents parted, throwing him amused glances. "You're up early," Carlisle said.

"You're observant," Edward quipped back. "Why don't you both sit down and let me make breakfast for once."

The couple exchanged a glance. "Okay, who are you and what have you done with our baby boy?" Esme asked, arcing an eyebrow but sitting down as Edward asked.

Edward just rolled his eyes. "Whatever," he muttered, searching through the pantry for the items he needed to make pancakes.

"So," Carlisle started as Edward laid out three bowls. "What are your plans for this summer?"

"Computer. Girlfriend," Edward said cheerfully.

"We all know your computer is your first girlfriend," Emmett said, coming in the room and stretching sleepily. "Bella's gonna be pissed if you continue to see her, though." He looked at the bowls curiously, getting that hungry look in his eyes. "Can I, uh, get in on some of that?"

"No," Edward said immediately, but he got a fourth bowl. Along with the pancake mix, he put blueberries for himself, coconut for his mother, bananas for his father, and chocolate chips for Emmett.

"Edward, I really think you need to consider how best to spend your time this summer," Carlisle continued. "This is the last summer you have before college and -"

"My application will look pretty bare. I know," Edward finished, his mood falling slightly. "What do you suggest, Dad?"

If Carlisle was surprised by his son's sudden acquiescence, he hid it well. "Well, Dr. Snow has been talking about hiring someone part time over the summer to get some of our older files in order. We're switching to a computerized system and it's going to take a lot of simple data entry."

Edward nodded, watching the pancakes brown on the griddle. "I'll think about it," he said, having no intentions to think about it again. He'd gotten through college the first time around with nothing to show for it except a history of addiction and petty crime. "Now, who wants bacon?"

**~0~**

After breakfast, Edward flipped on his computer, his eyes automatically going to his AIM list and looking for Bella. He frowned, seeing she wasn't online. It was a rarity. Usually, if they weren't together, they were talking online.

Jasper, however, was online and pinged him almost as soon as the computer booted up

As they quested together on the game, Edward teased Jasper. It had been a while since the blond boy had been online, every spare minute occupied by his girlfriend.

 _ **I**_ _ **had**_ _ **to**_ _ **give**_ _ **the**_ _ **girl**_ _ **a**_ _ **break.**_ _ **She**_ _ **only**_ _ **has**_ _ **so**_ _ **much**_ _ **stamina,**_ he chatted, launching into musing about if real life were more like the game.  _ **I**_ _ **'**_ _ **d**_ _ **give**_ _ **her**_ _ **all**_ _ **my**_ _ **+Stam**_ _ **gear**_ _ **and**_ _ **we**_ _ **'**_ _ **d**_ _ **never**_ _ **leave**_ _ **the**_ _ **bedroom.**_

It came as a surprise to no one that Jasper really enjoyed sex. He claimed to be getting good at it. Whenever Jasper would tease him about Bella, Edward would merely assure him that a gentleman didn't kiss and tell.

Before he knew it, they were well into the afternoon. Bella was no where to be seen. Edward frowned but was quickly distracted again by Jasper and the game.

**~0~**

By the time evening fell and Bella still hadn't logged on or called, Edward started to get worried. He was about to head over to her house when the doorbell rang. Quickly, he made his way downstairs, hopeful that his girlfriend had stopped by unexpectedly.

When he got downstairs, Esme had already opened the door. Edward's happy smile fell almost instantly.

It was Bella but she looked far from okay. Her eyes were bloodshot, fresh tears brimming in them still. She looked terrible.

"I really just need to talk to Edward," she was telling his mother.

Automatically, Edward's heart seemed to relocate to his throat. He stepped to his mother's side, reaching for Bella. "What's wrong?" he asked, his voice tight.

She held his hand like it was a lifeline. "Can we go upstairs to talk?"

Esme was watching them, a concerned look on her face, but Edward hardly saw her. He nodded at Bella, pulling her close and heading up the stairs.

"What is it?" he asked when they were safe in his room.

"Please just... hold me," she asked, her voice small and trembling.

Wrapping his arms around her, Edward laid back on the bed, taking her with him. Bella curled around him, burying her head against his chest. It was only seconds before he felt her tears, hot and wet, soaking through his shirt.

"Bella, please," he begged. "Tell me what's wrong."

Her body shook in his arms as her sobs got stronger. It was a full minute before she spoke and even then her words were muffled. When he couldn't understand her the first time, she lifted her head, her lost, teary eyes finding his. "I'm pregnant."

Edward's eyes went wide, every thought leaving his head. His body stiffened, his hand pausing mid-stroke along her back. Bella ducked her head, hiding her face again as her sobs renewed.

"Please say something," she pleaded after a moment.

"Like what?" he asked because he couldn't form a coherent thought.

"Are you mad at me?" she asked, her voice so small and broken his heart twisted at the sound.

"Mad at you?" he repeated, some emotion leaking into his voice. "How could I be mad at you?"

How could he possibly explain? Sure, it took two to tango, but there was no excuse for his negligence. It didn't matter what body he was occupying, he was 29 years old and he knew better. How could he have been so stupid?

Everything had happened so quickly, and despite the fact he'd had time to think about it, it hadn't occurred to him that they'd failed to use protection.

Eward was instantly disgusted with himself. All of his adult life, he'd been so careful. Yet he'd been irrevocably careless with the one girl - woman - who had ever been precious to him.

Shaking his head, Edward rolled them onto their sides so he could look Bella in the eyes. "It's going to be okay," he lied, cupping her face and wiping away her tears.

She looked dubious. "How?"

That Edward didn't have an answer for. "I don't know," he admitted, his own voice shaky.

At a loss for what else to do, he simply held her close, running his hands through her hair as she cried in his arms.

Surely this couldn't be what fate wanted for her - for them. Had he rearranged her life only to destroy it? Maybe there were worse things than getting pregnant at 17, but it wasn't what Bella deserved.

He found himself irrationally hoping to relive the day. What good would it do, though? He hadn't made a mistake today. His mistake had come three weeks previous.

At some point, Bella's weeping quieted and her breath became even. Edward looked down to see she'd fallen asleep, still clinging to him as if he could be her buoy in a tumultuous sea. The truth was, he was drowning just as surely as she was.

Closing his eyes, Edward let sleep claim him.

**~0~**

Edward opened his eyes to find a subdued, sixteen year old Alice looking at him, her eyes full of sympathy. He leaped to his feet, grabbing her by the shoulders. "Tell me I can undo it. She deserves so much better than this, Alice. There has to be a way to undo it."

Alice searched his eyes. "There is."

Relief made Edward's body feel rubbery and he sat heavily on the couch in the room. "Thank God."

"You don't understand, Edward," Alice said slowly. "I'm going to send you back, but I'm going to send you back to the day of the first dance, the girl's choice dance. Only this time, you can't kiss her.."

Edward's head snapped up. "What?" he asked dumbly, not understanding.

Alice sighed and came to sit beside him. "I'm so sorry to have to do this to you," she said, her tone completely sincere. "But you have to undo everything. You can't... be with her."

He stood, backing away from her as if her presence was painful. "I don't understand," he said from between clenched teeth. "All these days... so many of them have been about her. Are you telling me now she wasn't meant to be part of my life?"

"She was. She is," Alice said, her voice soft and placating. "The thing is, Edward, your relationship is one not even fate could have anticipated. No matter how you slice things, if you try to be with her now, you get too intense too fast," she explained.

"You're saying that being with her is the wrong thing?" he asked numbly.

"I'm so sorry," Alice said sincerely.

Edward stared at the ground, his hands balled into fists. "You said this whole do-over wasn't punishment," he said, his voice hard with barely contained fury.

"It isn't."

"Well, it fucking feels like it!" he yelled. "She is the only thing I have ever wanted in my life, ever."

"Is that true?" Alice asked, eyeing him intently. "No one can be your everything."

"You were the ones who set me up," he accused. "I relived days over and over again until I couldn't ignore her anymore."

"I know. It was a mistake." She sighed. "Really, Edward. I enjoyed seeing you so happy. It breaks my heart to have to do this to you, but there is no other way. The intensity of your relationship will destroy too much for one or both of you no matter which way you play it."

Edward let out a growl of frustration. He stared at the ceiling as if he could find some way out of this that wouldn't consist of him losing everything.

"Fine," he said finally, all the fight going out of him. "Send me back. I'm ready now."

"I really am sorry," Alice said regretfully.

_**~March 13, 1999~** _

Edward woke to Emmett literally jumping on his bed like they were five years old again. His elder brother's face was alight with happiness, and Edward remembered that he'd been restless when they woke up the first time.

Because somehow, Emmett could have Rose.

It was impossible not to be jealous, and as moody as he was at the prospect of what he had to do today, Edward rose up, shoving Emmett right in the gut. His brother tumbled to the ground with a satisfying thud.

"Jesus, what the hell is the matter with you?" Emmett groused, pulling himself to his feet.

"Leave me alone," Edward muttered, laying back down and pulling his blanket over his head.

He half expected Emmett to come at him, but somehow his brother must have known to leave him alone because he left the room, slamming the door closed as retaliation. Edward felt irrational fury well in him, and he almost through himself out the door to go after his brother. Before he could, he just seemed to lose all his energy and slumped down on the bed.

The wisest thing to do would be to call Bella and cancel.

Of course, Edward had never been particularly wise. He tried, but when he heard her voice on the other end of the phone, he'd only blurted out that he was running late.

"Hey, honey," Esme said, ruffling his hair when she happened upon him in the living room. "I thought you were on your way to Seattle today."

"I am," Edward said flatly.

"Well, you better get a move on or it won't even be worth it."

With a sigh, Edward wrapped his arms around his mother's waist, desperately needing a hug. Esme came through admirably, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "Are you okay, Edward?"

"I'm fine," he lied. "I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, that's all."

"Well, a day out with your friend will do you some good then," she offered.

Edward huffed. "Yeah..."

He showered and dressed, scowling at the original outfit he wore - the one that would match what Bella was wearing. That stupid little fact had made him so happy.

Everything about Bella made him happy.

She greeted him as she had the firs time, with a happy grin. It fell into a puzzled, uncertain expression when she saw he wasn't smiling. Feeling bad, Edward tried to push away his melancholy. Just because he couldn't have her romantically didn't mean he couldn't enjoy her friendship.

Though it was, again, a bad idea, Edward did everything he'd done before. He took her to the museum in progress and she'd again told him they should go to the opening. On the way back to the car, Edward was sure to keep a safe distance from her hand. Again, she looked perplexed. He had to conjure up the mental image of her tear-streaked face to remember why he shouldn't just give in.

It was akin to agony - not being able to acknowledge what he was feeling. It was especially difficult because he caught the wounded expression on her face. It was no wonder the poor girl was so confused. In her memory, they'd spent the last couple of weeks grinning at each other with secret smiles. Now he was cold as ice.

There was some comfort in the knowledge that he alone carried the vision of what their relationship could be. She was stung, but not devastated like he was.

In the bookstore, Edward leaned against one of the bookcases, watching Bella's serene expression as she ran her fingers over the bindings. He decided it really sucked that Alice couldn't erase his feelings.

Though he knew it was childish, when Bella was preoccupied with the bargain books, Edward slipped away, buying the gold pen and _The_ _Ultimate_ _Hitchhiker_ _'_ _s_ _Guide_ _To_ _The_ _Galaxy,_ hiding the bag away in the car so she wouldn't see. He kept his back to the bench where they'd sat in another life, kissing for the first time. His heart ached quietly.

Somehow, he was able to put on a semblance of a smile as Bella found him again. "We should get out of here before I do more damage," she said.

He actually cracked a smile, taking the stack of books from her hands. That was a consolation of sorts. The first time around, Bella had been far too distracted to buy books as she'd come there to do.

On the ride back home, Edward could hardly keep up with his part of the conversation. He kept remembering how often he'd glanced at her, finding her eyes alight as they held hands over the console. Though he treasured the time he had with her, however chaste, his prolonged exposure was really getting too painful to bear.

Bella didn't get out right away when they pulled up in front of her house. She paused, looking at him for one beat, then two. "That was a lot of fun," she said slowly.

Edward cleared his throat. "Yeah, I had a good time," he said softly, silently begging her to get out of the car because his self control was slipping rapidly.

"I guess I'll see you at school," she murmured, and the hurt in her voice near about killed him.

"See you then," he forced himself to bite out.

Finally, Bella got out of the car. Edward watched her, gripping the steering wheel tight to keep from throwing himself at her feet and begging her to forgive him for being such a cold bastard today.

He didn't though, and she finally disappeared inside. On autopilot, Edward made his way back home. He retrieved his purchase from where he'd stashed it in the backseat.

All night that night, Edward carefully thumbed through the book, highlighting quotes and passages as he and Bella had done together. He took his time, making sure every line was straight and perfect.

When he was done, Edward stared at the book, thinking about his intentions. In their previous life, Bella had given him the combination to her locker, and Edward still remembered. He would put the book in her locker between classes, when no one would be around to see him.

And if Alice didn't like it, she could go straight to hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks to barburella and jadedandboring!
> 
> Ummmm. Well, what can I say? It's gonna be okay, kids.


	20. A Time To Heal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the super short chappie. I had to get all the brooding over with so we could move on.
> 
> Remember Alice's motto: Everything happens for a reason.

**~April 22, 1999~**

Edward was not in a good mood. The first time he'd awaken on this date, he'd been inundated with wonderful images of kissing Bella.

Instead, this time, he remembered the unsure glances he tried hard to ignore. His interactions with Bella had been stilted. They could still talk so easily, and found themselves often arguing in good nature. Arguments that ended with them smiling at each other with that spark of connection. For a moment there was a delicious tension that lingered in the air, and so many times he wanted to lean forward. She wouldn't reject him, obviously he knew that.

Always, though, he turned away, trying not to see the confused look in her eyes. He hated that he was hurting her, even this little bit.

But it was better, he convinced himself, remembering the way she cried in his arms. He loved Bella well enough to want what was best for her. If their relationship now threw off the rest of her life, he could be strong.

It just … sucked really hard.

Especially on days like today.

Just days ago, the first time he'd lived this day, he'd been on top of the world. Everything was changed now.

He went to school, ignoring everybody, and managed not to explode before lunchtime. At the lunch table though, the same conversation erupted about prom, and Jasper again tried to goad him into asking Bella. This time, though, Bella sat far enough away that she didn't even hear Jasper's teasing.

"Leave me alone," he groused at his best friend. Finding he was, for once, not hungry, he knocked his untouched food into the trashcan and stormed away from the table, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

By the time Bella showed up for Biology, he was a little calmer. It was easier to get through class, even though she was right there next to him. Luckily, they weren't doing a lab so he had an excuse to be paying attention to the teacher.

After school, driving to kickboxing, was an entirely different story. He watched her eating her Kit-Kat out of the corner of his eye, remembering her chocolate flavored kisses. He didn't notice he was gripping the steering wheel so hard until his knuckles began to ache.

"Hey, Edward?" Bella asked, her voice uncertain.

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to prom?"

He stared straight ahead, forcing himself not to look at her at all. "No," he said dully.

"Do you...maybe want to do something? Like before?" she asked quietly, and he could hear the nervous waver of her voice.

Edward had to grit his teeth to keep from saying yes. For a moment, he scrambled, trying to convince himself that he could have a good time with her and not take things too far.

But then, their non-date to Seattle had been torture. He simply didn't think his self control would last. "I... um. I have a thing that day. I have somewhere else to be."

"Oh," she said after a moment.

He sighed, knowing he was giving her mixed signals, and he needed to stop. "Come on. Let's go in early. We can get a little practice in."

She smiled at that. "Okay," she agreed.

_**~May 15, 1999~** _

Edward woke up, automatically rolling over and reaching for his glasses. When he realized what day it was, he actually groaned out loud. Prom day. Once he'd felt it was the best day of his life. Somehow, he knew it wouldn't turn out that way this time.

It was worse a moment later when his memories caught up with him.

The week after April 22, he and Bella had again been on their way to kickboxing class when she nonchalantly told him that Tyler Crowley had invited her to prom and she'd accepted. Edward closed his eyes tight, remembering the fight they'd gotten into then.

"I thought you didn't like dances," he said, trying to keep his tone neutral and failing miserably.

"I do. But you don't have to dance to go to prom." She shrugged.

"So Crowley's the draw?" Edward asked, his temper beginning to get the better of him. "For fucks sake, Bella. Do you know how close he came to killing us both?"

"It was an accident! It's not like he's a psychotic murderer," Bella huffed. "And no, I'm not attracted to him or anything. It'll get him off my back about the accident."

"That's a great reason to go out with someone. Real nice," he'd muttered under his breath.

"Oh, what's it to you? You're not going to be here that weekend, and even if you were, you wouldn't be at prom. What are you getting so pissed off at anyway?" she'd challenged.

"Because... you don't even want to be there!" he floundered.

She sighed. "I don't want to dance," she admitted, her voice lighter. "But, I don't know, Edward. It's nice that Jessica and Angela are excited about helping me pick a dress... because God knows I don't have the first damn idea. Yeah, it'll be cheesy and hokey and...whatever. But it'll be nice, you know, to be with friends." She rolled her eyes. "And believe it or not, it's nice that a boy wants to spend time with me."

"I'm a boy. I like spending time with you," he said grudgingly.

"I know, dipshit," Bella said, playfully smacking his shoulder. "But you know what I mean."

"Yeah," Edward admitted. "I do."

Edward sighed, yanking the pillow out from underneath his head and covering his face and ears with it. He tried for a long minute to drown out the rest of the world, forget that today existed. Why was he being forced to relive these days? Hadn't ignoring Bella's hopeful looks already changed what needed to be changed? She was going to the prom, with Crowley no less.

He stayed in bed as long as he was able, sleeping in spurts and generally lying curled up in a ball of misery. He ignored Emmett's persistent knocking and the faint, hollow pang of his empty stomach.

Finally, unable to lie still for a moment longer, Edward dragged himself out of bed. Lamenting that even Napster was still a ways away, he had to resort to digging through his CD and tape collection, reacquainting himself with all the 90s music for the emotionally damaged he could find.

Time passed tortuously slowly.

By the time evening had turned into night, Edward couldn't push off his thoughts of Bella anymore. His head was filled with too many questions. Was she having a good time? What if she started to like Tyler? What if Tyler had, like Jasper and Emmett, intended to take their time together to the next level? It was prom night after all. What if Tyler expected that of her? What if Bella wanted it?

Edward shook those thoughts off, knowing Bella well. She would never sleep with Tyler - a boy she admitted to not even being attracted to.

But... still. He wondered.

He wondered until he gave in to his urges, running down the stairs and getting into his car before he could think about what he was doing. He pulled up on the Swans' street, turning off his lights. He was far enough away from Bella's house that she wouldn't see his car, and yet he'd be able to see if … when Tyler brought her home.

"Because this isn't creepy at all," Edward muttered to himself, shrugging down in his seat with his arms crossed tightly over his chest. Despite the fact he knew he was being slightly insane, he couldn't make himself drive away.

An hour passed, then a half hour more before Tyler's car pulled up behind Charlie's cruiser.

As Bella stepped out, Edward's breath caught. She was absolutely stunning in blue, her long hair falling in waves down her back. Suddenly, he couldn't remember why he hadn't wanted to go to the dance with her in the first place. Just looking at her like that would have made for a great evening. He bet he could have convinced her to dance, and she would have felt wonderful in his arms...

Bella rubbed her arms in the chill of the evening, and Edward felt a surge of disapproval for the boy who was getting out of the driver's side. He should have offered her a coat.

Instead, Tyler put his arm around Bella's shoulders as he walked her to the door, making Edward bristle even further. On the porch, they lingered, exchanging a few words.

For Edward, the moment was much like being in the audience, watching a horror movie. He could hear the music tense, arching toward crescendo, alerting him of danger ahead. He wanted to scream at the scene in front of him, tell the naive and innocent girl to watch out for the horror monster about to pounce.

He didn't make a noise, at least not one Bella would hear, as Tyler bent down to kiss her. As much as it pained him, Edward didn't try to look away. He watched as they kissed, Tyler's arm still around her shoulder.

Her first kiss, if Edward wasn't mistaken.

At that thought he did close his eyes briefly. He hated with a fiery passion that someone else would get her first kiss, her first everything. Those moments belonged to him. They were so, so right. And he wanted to give his first moments, now that he had them back, to her.

But then he realized that Bella would never fall for Tyler as completely as she'd fallen for him. This was a small kiss at the end of prom night and nothing like the kiss she and Edward had shared in the bookstore, after they'd connected on so many levels. Sure enough, when Edward opened his eyes, Bella was already one foot in the door. She spared a smile for Tyler, but then turned to go inside. Her smile was not as broad as whenever Edward had kissed her, and with him, she'd always lingered as long as possible.

Taking some solace in that, Edward drove home.

~0~

He woke in what appeared to be a big ball pit. Climbing her way toward him, her little tongue sticking out with concentration as she maneuvered, was four year old Alice.

"A ball pit?" he asked, his voice dead to his own ears.

She looked at him carefully. "Ball pits makes me happy," she explained.

She frowned when he didn't smile. With a sigh, she pulled her wand out of the brightly colored balls and waved it. The ball pit disappeared and they were sitting on the couch.

Alice stood then and walked the length of the couch until she was standing next to him. She leaned in, kissing his scruffy cheek with a childish smack. Then she promptly climbed onto his lap, wrapping her skinny arms around his neck and just holding on as tight as she could.

It was an automatic reflex for Edward to wrap his arms around her, his hand firm and protective against her back. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but that, of course, was a stupid question.

Stumbling through the days for another time, unwriting the beautiful story he so desperately wanted, Edward had not allowed himself to grieve. In Alice's little dream world, it was true that his body and mind were 29 years old. That didn't change the fact that he'd just lost a true and profound love. Sure, the players in the little love story were two kids. And it was true, the romance was short-lived, but counting both his original life and the life he was recreating, Bella was unarguably the love of his existence. Maybe it was the teenage naivety talking, but he doubted love got better than that.

But he wasn't naive enough to believe that love was all there was to life.

Alice's warm little body was a comforting weight on his chest. Suddenly, he found himself clinging to her as she clung to him. He hugged her as fiercely as he dared, rocking her back and forth as tears began to pool in his eyes.

Holding on to the little girl, he cried. When he realized all his frustration and utter helplessness, he cried harder. All through it, Alice said nothing and did nothing besides keeping her arms locked around his neck. At some point, it pissed him off. Whether or not she was just the messenger, she was the one who told him which days were lived right and which were lived wrong. Having her comfort him momentarily felt abhorrent. He realized quickly that there was no one else. No one understood what he was going through.

He gave in fully, letting his wounded heart be soothed. Surprisingly, when his tears began to ebb, his anger abated. He began to see things a little clearer and he realized that he'd gotten off easy.

Edward had the insight then to take stock of the gift he'd been given. That he'd had a chance to know Bella at all when he'd overlooked her completely the first time around should have been enough in and of itself. And then, he hadn't lost her, not completely. He could have. Tyler's van had proven that much. They were still good friends - better friends than he had as a full grown adult in his first life.

The scars of her loss ran deep, leaving behind a space that only she could ever fill, he knew that much. But he also knew that when Alice sent him back, he would still be a kid with his whole life ahead of him.

As time had repeatedly proven, there was no telling what the future would bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Answers to Frequently asked Questions
> 
> Edward is almost done with what he needed to do in his high school years.
> 
> Yes, we will eventually know what Bella was up to the first time around and what she was doing hanging around in the first chapter.
> 
> Yes, I know I'm a horrible person, but stick with me. This all has a point.


	21. Last Regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Frequently asked question - Why didn't E just go back and use a condom. A - Alice sent him back to undo EVERYTHING because she said no matter which way he did things, if he stayed with Bella they got too intense too fast. Teen pregnancy is just one of the outcomes that could have happened. Stick with me, folks, you'll understand in due time.

**~June 5, 1999~**

Edward woke up calmer than he'd felt in days. He sat up, drawing his knees up to his chest and leaning back against the headboard. Hugging his legs, he rested his head on his knees, trying to get his bearings.

For the first time since everything with Bella began, he allowed himself to remember his first life - what he had and what he didn't. He tried to remember every regret he had - there were so many - and which of these regrets he hadn't righted.

His thoughts landed first on Jasper, remembering when he disappeared from school at the beginning of the semester and Edward had found out with the rest of Forks High that he was sick. He died just a few days later. Edward never went to see him because he was too busy erasing brain cells with James and Royce.

There was nothing he could do but wait when it came to Jasper's health. As much as it scared him, he would be there for his friend. Until then, he was already being as good a friend as he possibly could.

Because of all that had already changed, Jasper had a lot more friends than just Edward.

Putting that thought aside before it became to heavy to bear, Edward tried to think of what else he'd been missing.

Searching his memories, Edward frowned when he realized there were a lot of moments when he was snippy with his parents for no good reason. Sure, he'd been in a bad mood these last few weeks, but hadn't he promised himself not so very long ago that he would never take his parents for granted? After all, he'd lived for so long without them.

Everything Edward had accomplished in his adulthood had been for his parents. It had been his ultimate source of anguish that they hadn't lived to see it, hadn't lived to see either of their boys fulfil their potential, really.

Like any teenager, it felt to Edward as if the entire world revolved around him and the life happening all around him. It was easy to wave a dismissive hand at his father's worries that he wouldn't get into a good college. College and adulthood were eons away.

But, in actuality, Edward would be an adult by the numbers in just a little over two weeks. He would be applying to colleges in the fall and suddenly, the idea that he could get into a good school and actually see his parents' proud smiles for once in his life was invigorating. For the first time since the whole Bella debacle, he felt a sense of purpose.

Hopping out of bed, Edward found a pair of sweatpants and headed downstairs, trying not to remember how this day had turned out before. Instead, when he found his parents in the kitchen, he hugged them both in turn, tightly, telling him that he loved them.

"Edward..." Carlisle said warily. "What did you do?"

Edward laughed, the sound a little hysterical. He could make his father's head spin if he told him the truth. He'd been every kind of bad son imaginable in different timelines. He'd been the alcoholic bad boy and he'd knocked up his teenage girlfriend.

But his father didn't need to know that. He would never remember those things. "I didn't do anything," he said innocently, keeping his face free of the angst of his past lives. "Just in a good mood."

"You in a good mood?" Emmett snorted as he came in. Then he lunged at Edward, grabbing his arms and yanking them behind his back in a way that made it very difficult to escape. "Quick, Dad, get the gun. This isn't Edward. Edward is a surly motherfucker. This is an alien impostor!"

Edward grunted as he struggled. "Cut it out, dick! I was going to make you pancakes, but now you can forget about it."

Instantly, Emmett released him and sat at the table with his hands folded angelically in front of him. "Dad, obviously Edward has the cheeriest disposition of the entire family. I don't know what you're talking about."

Carlisle turned slightly to cast a wry smile at his wife. "Our children are insane."

"Yes, well. It's too late to trade them in now," Esme comforted, patting his hand.

Rolling his eyes at his parents, Edward started rifling through the pantry and fridge to assemble the fixings for breakfast. He got an odd feeling of deja vu - something that happened surprisingly infrequently given the circumstances. He suddenly remembered his father saying something about a part time job at the hospital.

"So," he said nonchalantly as he set out the bowls to make four different sets of pancakes. "I've been thinking about finding a job. It's slim pickings here in Forks though..."

He set the bait and his father was quick to answer. "Actually, Dr. Snow has been talking about getting someone to help with a massive data-entry job."

Edward nodded. "Put in a good word for me?" he asked, turning around long enough to see both his parents smile widely.

"Of course," Carlisle said. It was hard not to hear the pride in his voice.

~0~

When Edward got back upstairs to his computer, he was pleased to find both Jasper and Bella online and logged into the game. He logged in as his lower level character, wanting to play with Bella.

Just as the three of them had decided to get together for dinner that evening, there was a knock at the door. A moment later, Carlisle stepped in. "Dr. Snow wants to talk to you."

"Can't it wait, I'm in the middle of..." Edward trailed off when he saw the disappointed look on his father's face. "Give me a second," he amended, typing out a hurried goodbye to Jasper and Bella. True to his word, it only took a few seconds before he turned back to Carlisle. "Okay, I'm ready."

~0~

Edward was the last of the three friends to get to Pacific Pizza. "Sorry," he muttered, sliding into the booth beside Bella.

"Whatever. It just means you get to order," Jasper said with a shrug.

They bickered over toppings, the argument resulting in a brief popcorn fight - as Pacific Pizza for reasons known to nobody served popcorn like Mexican restaurants served chips. When they settled on a Supreme Pizza - which Bella said was cheating - Edward went up to the counter to order.

"You're crazy," Jasper was accusing Bella when Edward got back.

"Oh, yes, I'm insane," Bella deadpanned. "You know, Jasper, this money crap that makes the world go 'round? It doesn't actually grow on trees."

"What'd I miss?" Edward asked, sitting back down next to Bella.

"Our Bella fair has gotten herself a job for the duration," Jasper said, obviously vexed.

"Oh." Edward shrugged. "I did too," he said and explained what had happened that morning. "So, where are you working?"

"Newton's," Bella said, stirring the ice in her Coke idly.

"Newton's!" both Edward and Jasper exclaimed at the same time. Jasper laughed. Edward scowled. "Newton is crafty, I'll give him that. He's looking for an in," the blond boy explained.

Bella narrowed her eyes. "What are you talking about? Mike is with Jessica."

"Yeah, Mike is with Jessica because a bird in the hand and all that," Jasper said with a dismissive wave. "Let's just see how many shifts you end up working together."

"Whatever," Bella said to her drink.

Edward was relatively quiet, fighting an internal battle because he knew he'd given up the right to care who was interested in Bella. Under the table, he flexed his fingers, trying to relax them out of fists.

"Well, I think you're both crazy, for the record," Jasper retorted. "We only get a little bit of time before we have to be adults, and then you're trapped. You get a job with rules and hours and your life isn't yours anymore. Dammit, we have precious little time left and you're going to waste it working?"

Edward's heart panged for an entirely different reason then. If Jasper only knew how little time he actually had left...

"Maybe your parents are independently wealthy," Bella snorted. "But mine aren't. If I'm going to go to college, I need the money."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "My parents aren't wealthy. But who cares? I mean, there are just a couple years left where I can get away with not having a job, not having a care in the world except where I'm gonna get the $15.99 a month to keep my EQ habit going. If I start college a couple years late, what's it matter, in the long run?"

"Well, I guess you're gonna have to live it up for all of us," Edward said, his voice too soft to be teasing.

Jasper's eyes met his, and Edward swore for one second he knew. But then Jasper just laughed and the moment passed.

~0~

"Hey, Bella?" Edward said as he walked her to her car later that evening.

"Hmm?"

He'd been hemming and hawing over this conversation all night. Would he really be able to handle it? It was kind of a asshole, caveman thing to do, after all, and he had no right to be possessive of Bella.

But, dammit all, he just didn't like the idea of her working with Mike.

"If I could get you in at the hospital, would you rather take that job than work at Newton's?"

Bella stopped walking and looked at him. She laughed. "Yeah, because I totally love working in a sporting goods place. That's so my scene. Of course I would rather work with computers. "

"Well, I don't know for sure, but I think that Dr. Snow might be looking for more than one person," Edward said slowly.

"Oh, Edward," Bella said, a pleased look on her face. "That would be so amazing."

He smiled at her. "I'll try," he promised, finding the thrill of making her happy had not dissipated at all.

She hugged his arm briefly. "Thanks."

~0~

That evening, after he went to sleep, Edward found himself faced with a rather irritated, 16 year old Alice.

"Do you really think that was such a good idea?" she demanded.

Edward sighed, pulling himself into a sitting position. "I don't know, Alice. Why don't you tell me? You're the one who always knows how things are going to end up."

She seemed troubled. Actually, she seemed halfway between troubled and pissed. "I can't tell for sure. The future keeps wavering," she admitted, sitting cross legged beside him with a pout. "Sometimes I see that you're able to keep your distance, and sometimes I see you making out like...well...teenagers."

"Can't you give me the chance?" he begged. "I know it's stupid, but I fucking hated that Tyler got to kiss her. I don't want to give Mike any more opportunity than he needs. I mean, the boys of Forks don't deserve her, not even close. And I include myself in that equation."

Alice's expression was dubious. "It will take an amazing amount of control," she mused. "You might be strong enough..." She sighed. "Fine, but if I have to send you back because you mess it all up, remember that you asked for it. No cursing evil Alice this time," she warned.

"I promise," Edward said, relieved.

Rolling her eyes, Alice put her hand over his face and pushed him backward playfully.

**~June 13, 1999~**

"This is tedious," Edward sighed, standing to stretch. He sighed. "One day, I will own a company and my underlings will do this kind of crap for me."

Bella looked up from her workstation, a curious expression on her face. "You want to own a company?"

Edward shrugged. "It's something to do, I guess. Why?"

"I don't know," Bella said softly, returning to her work. "You've just never struck me as a business person, that's all."

Sitting back down, Edward cocked his head to the side, looking at her. "What do I strike you as?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "But come on, you don't have patience for stupid bullshit high school dances, you think you're going to have patience for bullshit office politics?" She chuckled lightly and then sighed. "I can't imagine you being cooped up in an office for eight hours a day."

Edward chuffed lightly because there had been weeks when he put in 80 hours or more. But that was the price of owning your own business.

Bella looked at him again. "Would you be happy? I can't imagine spending all that time somewhere I wasn't happy."

Again, Edward didn't answer. He couldn't really answer because he hadn't been happy. Then again, he hadn't been happy anywhere in that life - home, office or otherwise.

But thinking about running his own business didn't make him happy in this life either.

Edward reminded himself that his parents would be proud. Seeing their smiles when he accepted Dr. Snow's offer had filled a void in his heart. It would be worth it for that.

As the sound of their typing again filled the air, Edward got to thinking about Bella's former future. He thought about it a lot actually. It was one of the many things that was like a scab that would heal except he couldn't stop scratching it.

Of all the people's lives he'd changed, Bella's past was the one he knew least about. By this time, the first time around, she'd been back in Phoenix with her mother - where Edward and his bullying friends couldn't hurt her.

But what had her future held, the future that was probably obliterated because of his actions? Had she been in love? Did she have a family that, like his niece and nephew, would be lost? Did she have the job of her dreams?

It was frustrating because it wasn't as if he could ask her about her past life. If he tried to ask Alice, she would likely tell him he was asking too many questions again. Either way, he usually had other things on his mind when he faced the girl.

"What are you going to study in college?" That much he could ask, that much she should know.

"Oh, I have no clue," Bella admitted. "Nothing stands out so far. I figure I can get my general ed courses done and then..." She shrugged. "Maybe by then I'll know what I want to major in."

Edward nodded, a little disappointed that she'd offered no concrete information. "Well, there's always science."

"Science?"

"Yeah. Remember, in Biology? You said science makes sense." He smiled, remembering her words. "Science is steady when everything else in the world is confusing."

She chuckled. "That's the truth. People are really confusing," she muttered under her breath."

**~June 20, 1999~**

Edward opened his eyes on his 18th birthday and stared at the ceiling, reorienting himself as was his habit of late.

The first time he hadn't been home at all. His memories of his birthday were hazy, seeing as he'd been drinking and causing trouble in... Hoquiam, if he remembered correctly, with James and Royce.

He laughed wryly, wondering now why spending all his time in an alcoholic haze had seemed so appealing to him at one point in his life.

Maybe the time he had then was not worth remembering.

His door burst open then and he found himself suddenly under attack. Emmett stood in the doorway, a can of silly string in each hand, spraying him mercilessly as he chortled.

"Emmett!" Edward protested, trying to get away from the inundation and only managing to fall out of his bed onto the floor. Emmett had emptied both cans on him before he could untangle his legs from his blankets.

"There. You look festive now!" Emmett declared, looking satisfied with his work. "Happy Birthday, little brother. Get your ass dressed or I'm eating your steak and eggs. I don't care what Mom says."

Despite the fact he was an absolute mess, Edward couldn't help but laugh as he made his way to the bathroom, de-stringing as he went.

Edward couldn't remember the last time he'd enjoyed a birthday so much. His parents had made him steak and eggs his way - with the steak so rare it was practically mooing. Usually they refused this, Carlisle for health reasons and Esme because she couldn't stand to see the pink that stained his plate. Maybe it was anti-teenage, but he loved spending the morning with his family.

Not even a minute after they were all done with breakfast than the doorbell rang. Edward opened the door to reveal Jasper and Bella had come to kidnap him. Esme waved them off, and they headed toward Port Angeles. There, they finally saw The Matrix, and while Edward had, of course, seen the movie many times, he found it was still enjoyable given the company he was with.

Coming out of the movie, Jasper was hyped. "That...was badass." He stopped Edward in the middle of the sidewalk, throwing a few mock punches. "I know kung fu."

"You wish," Edward said with a snort.

"Dude, did you not love it? Come on," Jasper said. Edward just smirked so the blond boy turned to Bella. "How about you? You appreciate cinema at its finest, don't you?"

"Keanu Reeves finally found his calling," Bella said amiably. "Trinity is a pretty bad ass chick too, I like that."

"She was hot," Edward and Jasper said at the same time. Bella rolled her eyes at them.

"Life would be weird with an Oracle, I think," Jasper said thoughtfully. He elbowed Edward in the side. "Someone who was all knowing about the future and shit?"

"Chyeah, it gets annoying sometimes," Edward said under his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing," Edward said quickly. "Anyway, how about lunch?"

"How about, I give you the finger," Jasper said, extending his middle digit, "and you give me my phone call?"

~0~

Edward was surprised when both of his friends made noise about going home soon after lunch. He was in a good mood though, so he didn't argue. Spending time with Jasper and Bella at his house would be just as much fun as Port Angeles.

Except when he walked in the door, he was greeted to the strange sight of most of his class and a fair amount of the graduated Senior class filling his living room. "Surprise!" they shouted, and he literally jumped back in surprise.

And, of course, fell right onto his backside.

Jasper was laughing so hard, he could hardly help Edward up but he managed. "What the fuck is all this?" Edward whispered, still a little stunned.

"Now, I know you're not that stupid," his friend whispered back. "What's it look like? Epic surprise party."

Jasper and Bella walked with him into the house and he was inundated with wishes of happy birthday.

His parents eventually got to him, drawing him into a quick embrace. "Happy birthday, sweetheart," his mother said, hugging him tightly. "I had no idea you were so popular."

"We're going to go out," Carlisle said, giving him a more manly side hug, obviously aware of all the teenagers present. "I trust my house will not be completely destroyed when we come back," he said sternly, but there was amusement in his eyes.

"Thanks," he said, hugging them both without caring who was watching.

The party was, as Jasper promised, epic despite the lack of alcohol; though, as Jasper reported, someone had spiked the punch - if Edward was so inclined.

"You don't want any?" Edward asked, curious.

Jasper looked sheepish. "A few weeks ago, when I was at Maria's... we had booze. A lot of it." He shook his head. "Edward, I have never been that sick in my entire life." He grumbled. "I hate throwing up."

"Scared straight?" Edward asked with a grin.

Jasper snickered and raised his glass of Mountain Dew. "For now."

Again, Edward's heart panged. "Yeah, for now," he echoed.

Quickly, he pushed the thought away, enjoying his friend's presence for the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: jadedandboring takes her steak rare like Edward and me which makes her a bad ass chick.


	22. There'll Be Peace When You Are Done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I apologize for not getting to my review replies this time around. I want to love and kiss you all. I apologize in advance for not being a doctor. I'm playing it fast and loose with the medical stuff because, well, that's not the point - you know?
> 
> We are trusting me. I do have a reason for everything.

"You has a lot of friends."

Edward was momentarily distracted, laying as he was on the floor. He was staring up at a ceiling full of rain clouds. He sighed, reflecting that if he ever woke up as a wizard, he'd probably never get used to things like this.

Finally, he rolled over, finding Alice on the floor with him, sitting cross legged in a full wizard get up and eye glasses. "What was that?" he asked, knowing she'd spoken but not having a clue what she said.

"I said, you has lots of friends," Alice repeated, speaking slowly as if he was very dumb. "You had a big party."

Edward smiled slightly. "I don't think I have that many friends. This is Forks. There's not a lot to do and I have a big house."

"Friends is a good thing," Alice said approvingly. "You didn't has a lot of friends before."

She was right at that. Even if they weren't the kind of friends Bella and Jasper were, at least he had a positive acquaintance with the majority of his graduating class. "Yeah, I guess I might actually make it back for the reunion, huh?" he said easily.

"Re...re...what?"

"Nothing," he said, smiling indulgently.

She peered at him. "There's only a little bit left, you know."

Edward stared up again at the enchanted ceiling. "Is there?"

Alice got to her feet, walking to him and placing a kiss on his cheek. "I'm sorry," she said, putting her arms around him.

Edward said nothing. He felt he knew what she was apologizing for and it wasn't something he felt even remotely ready to face. Squeezing his eyes shut tight, he hugged the little girl to him, knowing there was no avoiding the future.

**~September 5, 1999~**

In no hurry to wake up, Edward kept his eyes tightly shut even after consciousness returned to him.

Even without looking at the clock, Edward knew a lot of time had passed. His memories replayed moments from what was actually a really great summer. He worked with Bella and hung out mainly with her and Jasper the whole summer long - both virtually and in real life.

Edward let his thoughts linger on Bella for a moment, indulging in the bitter sweetness of the days they shared. She didn't look confused anymore, but then he seemed to be getting better at being just friends. He was better at not looking at her in that longing way, though he still felt the tug of the emotion. Her confusion was replaced by a wistful smile she couldn't quite hide.

In all honesty, it alleviated some of the pain of staying away from her. Difficult as it was, he was also happy when he saw her going out with other people in his memories. She hung out with Mike, Jessica, and Angela. She was developing a good friendship with a boy from the reservation named Jacob.

It was easier to see what Alice spoke about then. Looking back, Edward recognized that when he and Bella were together, it was all too easy to disappear into a private bubble with just the two of them. She should have more associations than just him. It was right.

Another positive Edward clung to was his relationship with his brother. Once estranged to a painful point, they were as close now as they had been when they were little boys. Over the summer months, Emmett had toned down his teasing quite a bit, taking to hanging out with Edward more often - even to the point where he dragged his little brother out of the house for a fishing trip.

Emmett was a boy on the cusp of becoming a man and part of him was terrified. He hid it well, but Edward could see it in the way he clung to his parents that summer. Edward remembered that feeling well, just as he remembered his parents hadn't been there when he finally grew up.

Reminding himself of everything that had changed for the better, Edward was finally able to bring himself to open his eyes and face the day.

As he showered and got ready for school, Edward tried to convince himself that today wasn't the day he thought it was, no matter how much the timeline fit. Surely he had just a little more time.

When he got to school, he was surprised and alarmed to find Jasper sitting outside at one of the damp picnic tables, his head resting on the tabletop and a bleak expression on his face. Edward picked up his pace until he was almost running.

"Jasper? What's wrong? Are you okay?" he blurted, panicked that he had run out of time so suddenly.

His friend sat up, his eyes narrowed in confusion. "Dude. What the fuck. Calm down. I'm fine." His face fell and this time he pounded his forehead on the table in front of him.

"Okay..." Edward said slowly. "Something is wrong."

"Yeah, maybe," Jasper admitted in an oddly small voice. He raised his head, his expression pensive. "Maria said... well, she might be … ya know... late."

"Oh. Oh!" Edward blinked because that was the last thing he expected. He sat down across from his friend, wracking his mind for something to say.

Maria and Jasper's relationship hadn't lasted the summer - a fact that made Edward both sad and angry. But he'd had to remind himself that teenage relationships typically didn't last. They burned hot and bright before fading as if they'd never existed at all.

He spared a brief thought, wondering if his and Bella's relationship would have gone that way, before he turned back to his friend.

"Jasper... you know better than anyone that Maria is, uh... dramatic," Edward said carefully. "I mean, maybe it's best not to panic until you're sure."

"I know," Jasper said, looking like that thought made him feel a little better. He shuddered. "It's fucking scary though. Not just the whole..." He looked around self consciously, dropping his tone to a whisper. "Baby thing, but the thought of being tied to Maria forever?"

Edward grimaced. Maria had proven to be very controlling and manipulative - not someone Edward would have wanted for his best friend in the long term.

Of course, he knew that Jasper didn't have a long term.

"I'm sure it's fine, man," he said, putting a hand on the blond boy's shoulder. The bell rang, distracting them both. "Class?"

Jasper grumbled, getting to his feet. "Yeah, I guess."

They went off in different directions for their first two classes, Edward to Mr. Berty's English class with Bella and Jasper to History. They met up again in third period PE.

In his first life, Edward hadn't had any classes with Jasper in their Senior year. At first, Edward couldn't figure out why that had changed until he remembered he'd had to repeat two of his classes after flunking them toward the end of his Junior year. His schedule was all out of whack.

"Alright, kids. It's that time of year again," Coach Clapp declared in a loud voice. "It's time to run the mile." He chuckled as the gathered students groaned. "Look at it this way. It's a nice day today, so you'll be able to run out on the field instead of up and down the stairs in here," he said, gesturing around the gym.

Dutifully, the teenagers all headed outside and were soon off running.

Jasper surprised Edward by breaking out into a sprint, pulling ahead of the other kids almost automatically. Blinking, Edward ran after him.

"Hey, maybe you should conserve your energy," he suggested lightly, the words coming out between pants.

"Fuck that," Jasper panted back. "I wanna get this over with."

"It's four laps, Jasper. You can't keep it up for that long..."

Jasper just shook his head, stubbornly keeping up his pace. What could Edward do but keep up with him?

Trepidation grew in Edward's bloodstream, as it always did when he had to witness Jasper doing something strenuous. By the time they began the fourth lap, Edward was biting hard on the inside of his cheek, struggling to contain his nervousness. He was cursing himself for believing Alice - that he couldn't say anything because he should have been blissfully unaware of his friend's condition. He could have convinced Jasper to -

But in the next moment, it was too late.

Edward watched in horror out of the corner of his eye as Jasper tugged on his shirt restlessly. The blond boy's steps faltered before he stopped short, his hand clutching his chest.

"Jasper?" Edward asked, stopping beside him.

For the length of one breath, Jasper's eyes met his - wide, terrified and confused - before they rolled up into his head and he collapsed onto the wet grass.

**~0~**

Time passed in a blur, and yet Edward was deathly afraid that each and every moment of this horrible day would be etched into his memories forever. Jasper's face - slack and completely drained of blood, slick with the sweat that poured off his skin. His chest rising and falling at a pace too quick for anyone's comfort. Coach Clapp shouting at someone to run back into the school to call 9-1-1, and the way the older man's hands fell haphazardly on Jasper's chest, as if he didn't know what to do.

The waiting room was filled with half the school, but Edward wasn't paying attention to any of them. He kept his eyes focused on the floor, trying not to think about how he could have prevented this. He should have done anything to stop it.

Bella joined him at some point, pushing Mike to the side so she could sit next to Edward. She grabbed his hand and didn't let go. Her weight against his side was his only comfort.

Hours or minutes passed before Carlisle appeared. He put his hand on Edward's shoulder, beckoning him and Bella to follow. When they were behind closed doors, Carlisle began to speak in that soft, compassionate tone that made Edward immediately want to run in the opposite direction. He'd heard from many that his father's bedside manner was a great comfort, but Edward was finding no solace in it today.

Edward only heard every other word or so. Jasper's heart was damaged. Jasper was dying. They couldn't stop it. It could be hours or days at the most.

Everything in him was down to base, inherent reactions. When he heard Bella start to cry, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, holding her close even as he continued to stare blankly forward. He asked, "Can we see him?" in a mechanical voice because he felt like it was the right thing to do.

In actuality, Edward was scared out of his mind about seeing his friend for what could be the last time. In his first life, hearing that Jasper was deathly ill, he'd taken the bottle of Jameson James had handed him and drunk straight from it until he couldn't think anymore.

He understood though, part of setting things right was doing the right thing, even when it was difficult.

Carlisle put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing tightly. "His mother is with his doctor right now, so you have a few minutes."

He led them a little ways further into the hospital, to a small room off the ICU.

Bella came to a stop, her breath catching just before they entered the room. She looked up at Edward with teary eyes. "You go," she whispered. "It should be you."

He swayed on his feet, wondering if he was strong enough for this. Edward chuffed, angry at himself and how selfish he was being. Jasper was the one living this nightmare. Bella was right.

Taking a deep breath, he nodded at her and his father, watching as Carlisle pointed out a small, more private waiting room for friends and family. Fighting a wave of dizziness, Edward stepped in the room.

He could see Jasper was awake, his eyes staring straight up at the ceiling. His coloring was sallow - a step up from the deathly white he'd been when he collapsed but still unhealthy looking. There was a tube in his nose, an IV in his arm and the steady beep of the heart monitor - ominous given the situation. He didn't look over as Edward sat down.

"Jasper..." Edward started, but didn't know how to continue.

"You don't have to say anything," Jasper said, his voice soft and breathy... weak. "I don't know what to fucking say, why should you?"

Edward studied his friend for a moment, trying to gauge where he was at. Jasper looked calm, but Edward knew him well enough to see the tremor in his hand as he bounced his fingers restlessly against the blankets. "You don't have to... you can talk to me you know. Anything."

At first, Jasper just scoffed, looking like he was about to brush him off. Then his lower lip began to tremble and he bit down on it hard, taking in a wheezing breath. "My Mom... she's... I don't want her to know," he began, his voice wavering. His calm blue eyes had filled with tears that brimmed and fell, one tear at a time, down his cheek. "This sucks. And I'm fucking..."

He finally turned his head to the side, his eyes finding Edward's. He didn't need to say it. Edward could plainly see the fear written on his face as clear as day. He didn't want his mother to know how utterly terrified he was.

Taking a shuddering breath, calming his want to rage and scream and cry, Edward chose his words carefully. "It does suck," he agreed first. "What are you most afraid of?"

"Most?" Jasper chuffed. "Everything," he admitted. "I never thought about it... What comes after." He shook his head slightly. "Mom always says that teenagers think they're immortal...and I thought I didn't, but I did."

Edward hesitated for only a moment before speaking again. "There's an after. And I think it's...pretty cool."

Jasper looked dubious. "How the hell would you know?" he asked, his tone bitter.

"Look at me," Edward said sincerely, firmly. "Am I lying to you?"

Jasper did look, searching his friend's eyes. "You aren't," he realized.

"Dying..." It was so difficult to get that word out, but Edward knew Jasper needed someone to deal with the reality of the situation. "It doesn't hurt." He knew - he'd died once. "And then, everything will make sense. There's a reason for everything - all the unfair bullshit that goes on down here. It will all mean something... We won't get to know, but you will."

Jasper didn't say anything, going back to staring at the ceiling. For a minute there was only the sound of his breathing, slightly labored. "How do you know?" he asked, his voice small.

Edward chuffed, wiping away a stray tear that had suddenly overwhelmed him. "I know. I just know. I promise it's there."

Turning his head to the side again, Jasper half smiled. "I believe you," he said. He bit his lip again, his eyes still watery. "This is so fucked up. I want to throw things... or beat up a fucking pillow.. but I'm too scared to move," he admitted.

"I'm sorry," Edward said, his voice breaking because he would do anything to ease his friend's fear. If he could have, he would have traded places with him in an instant.

Jasper shook his head, wiping away the remnant of his tears and struggling to regain the calmness he'd had before. "My Mom will be back soon. I don't want her to see this," he muttered.

Edward stood wordlessly, going to the little sink in the room and running some cold water over a paper towel. He handed it to Jasper, watching as his friend wiped his eyes, regaining his composure. It struck him that Jasper would be the one to go to his death with his head held high.

Hearing his mother's voice a ways down the hallway, Jasper reached out suddenly and grasped Edward's wrist. For a second, his eyes were fearful again, almost childlike. "You won't... I mean, you're..."

"Jasper," Edward interrupted, flipping his hand so he could clasp his friend's. "I know."

His friend nodded again, seeming to believe him. "Don't forget about me, okay?"

"Never," Edward promised.

**~0~**

Bella stayed with Edward in the hospital, holding his hand, for as long as they were able. All through the long afternoon and evening, knowing Jasper was weakening quickly and he was with his family.

When Carlisle came by, urging them to go home, they obeyed - except Bella went to Edward's house. She took his hand and lead him upstairs to his room. Too tired to question what was going on, Edward simply followed, laying down on his bed with her.

Bella curled up against him, her head buried against his shoulder. She had been crying off and on all day. Except for a stray tear or two, Edward hadn't cried at all. It was coming though. He could feel it in his bones - a pain so terrible it would probably break him right in half.

For hours after got home, Edward clung to Bella like she was the only thing keeping him alive.

When his father knocked on his door late that night, Edward knew his friend was gone. He could feel it at his very core, and the utter anguish he'd been suppressing couldn't be ignored.

He balled his hands into fists, smashing them into his eyes hard to try to keep the tears at bay. Maybe he could have except he felt Bella's hands in his hair, the movement so soft and tender that his heart broke. It took him a minute to realize it was not her body shaking but his.

The bed dipped once, twice and he felt more hands at his back, in his hair. He knew his parents were there. He was literally surrounded by people who loved him.

"Let go, Edward." His father's gentle voice broke the last of his willpower and Edward started to sob.

In some ways it seemed ridiculous. It was an impossible second chance that no one got to be able to to back and right a regret. He'd gotten extra time with Jasper, and a chance to bring his friend some experiences he otherwise may have missed. Edward felt he had no right to be this broken hearted and utterly pissed off.

Keeping one hand clasped in hers, Edward turned out of Bella's grip, sitting up to grab his father by the shirt. "It's not fair!" he shouted, the only words he could manage to get out. His mind was nearly incoherent with grief and guilt. He buried his head at Carlisle's neck like he was a small child again, needing his father because daddies were stronger and could slay all the demons.

Edward cried on his father's shoulder for minutes before his hands sought his mother. He hugged Esme tightly because Jasper couldn't hug his mother anymore.

Finally, exhausted by too many tears and too much weight on his shoulders, Edward laid down again, finding Bella was still there waiting. He wrapped her in his arms, and they cried together until they both fell asleep.

**~0~**

"You really couldn't have stopped it, you know."

Edward opened his eyes slowly, finding a sixteen year old Alice laying down next to him on her bed in her house. He stared up, seeing nothing. He didn't know whether he wanted to scream or cry again. "I could have told him before. I should have told him before," he muttered, his voice raw.

"You couldn't have," Alice stressed. "Remember, we had this conversation. If you'd tried to tell him, you would have been sent back until you didn't. Where's the sense in that?" She patted his arm gently. "Everyone has a time, Edward. You can die before your time - because you of all people know fate doesn't dictate everything - but you can't live past your time."

"This is bullshit!" Edward shouted, sitting up. He found the nearest item, a hairbrush, and flung it across the room. "This is all such fucking bullshit! He's 18 fucking years old. This is such utter bullshit!"

"This is life, Edward," Alice said calmly. "Death is part of life, and children much younger than Jasper die all the time."

Edward leaned forward, gripping his hair in his hands, trying to get a hold of himself. Why did this hurt so fucking much when he'd known? In the world he came from, Jasper had been dead for over a decade.

"You never let yourself feel his death the first time," Alice answered his unspoken question softly. "You covered it up with alcohol and whatever else James and Royce wanted you to do. And then you never really stopped running." Her smile was small, almost motherly as she continued. "You would do anything rather than face these events in your life.

"That's a big part of why you had to live today over. Not all of it, but part. You didn't run." Her smile then was proud. "I know you wanted to, but you didn't."

She sat down next to him then, giving him a side hug. "This is the way it's supposed to be. It's going to hurt like hell for a long time, but it will heal."

"What's the other part?" Edward asked.

"What?"

"You said it's a big part of why I had to repeat today. What's the other part?"

"Oh. Jasper, of course," Alice said softly. "The first time, he had no one. There's no part of him that would let his mother see how scared he was. He needed someone to tell him it was okay to be scared. He -"

"Stop," Edward begged. The guilt he felt at having left his best friend to face death alone the first time was too much for him to handle.

Alice put her hand on his arm. "Edward, you were there. You made it so much easier for him," she assured. "The first time - he hung on for days out of simple fright. Because of you, he could let go peacefully. And it was because of you he had so many people thinking about him. I know it seems ridiculous, but it does help."

For long minutes, Edward didn't say anything, instead trying to breathe through the tremendous pain at the center of his chest.

"I'm not unaware, you know," Alice said bluntly.

"Of what?" Edward asked, rubbing his eyes.

"This whole do-over? I told you... it's hard. It's not supposed to be easy. You've had to live some of the hardest days in your life all at once."

It was nice to hear her say it, he reflected. No one else could acknowledge what he was going through. And he wasn't so delusional that he didn't see the rewards. His parents, for one. His brother's life was better off too. And Edward himself, as bereaved as he was, could already tell his life looked to be heading in a better direction.

"Alice?"

"Yes?"

"You said everything has a reason, right?"

"Yes."

"What's the reason for this?"

Alice didn't speak right away, looking thoughtful when Edward finally sat up. "You know what you told him - that when you die, you can understand the reason for everything? All the unfair things that happen suddenly having meaning?"

"Yeah?" Edward said, leaning forward hopefully.

Alice smiled sweetly. "Honey, you're not dead. That's not for you to understand... yet. But you will. Someday."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So much love to jadedandboring, jfka06 and barburella. They had to hold my hand through this. It was hard for me.
> 
> And Barbi reserved her (promised) right to rec a story, so this time it's a very recently complete fic by Forever-Liz, called The Ride of Your Life. It's an E/B beautiful romance. Edward builds and restores bikes (choppers, whatever you wanna call them) and Bella is Masen's (Edward's son, a.k.a. Mini) music teacher at school. There's a parent-teacher conference and the rest is history. The story is extremely well written, carefully balancing fun, humor, romance, some smut and a wee bit of drama/angst. It's so worth your reading time. Link: www . fanfiction s / 5396744 / 1 / The_Ride_of_Your_Life (remove the spaces).
> 
> So uh... I'm going to go hide now.


	23. It's Your Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter is widely unbeta-ed. Do me a favor and read the A/N at the end.

_**~September 25, 1999~** _

Memories Edward didn't particularly want assaulted him immediately.

He remembered Jasper's funeral. Throughout the whole service, he felt completely empty. He sat with his mother on one side and Bella on the other. His father and brother - Emmett took a day away from his classes to be there for Edward - sat with them. Though he couldn't have figured who initiated it, Edward realized at some point during the service he and Bella ended up holding hands. It was innocent though - more like a lifeline than any sort of display of affection.

They both missed him.

Edward hated funerals with a passion. They offered absolutely no comfort to him, instead being a chore he had to sit through - just another reason death sucked. The whole experience made no sense to him. It was sad enough that Jasper died, especially as young as he was. The funeral was almost insulting to Jasper's memory. He'd been the kind of boy to cheer people up when he thought they were sad or, like when he was urging Edward to admit his feelings for Bella, he tried to get people to do what would make them happy. His funeral reflected none of that.

Luckily, the gamers knew better how to honor his memory. Fires of Heaven held a funeral online, attended by the guild and quite a few other gamers. Rare, in-game fireworks were set off, and the gathered players got drunk - a condition that caused their screen to warp and their text to be blurred. It made Edward smile, reading the garbled messages and trying to figure out what people were saying. Over the mic, the guild members talked about Jasper, sharing stories and memories.

Time, as it was prone to, wore on, and as Alice promised, the terrible ache at the center of his chest did get minutely better. It had been less than a month and he could finally breathe around the pain. Though it was getting easier, it wasn't hard to see why he'd chosen to obliterate his emotions through alcohol in his previous life. Day by day, it was difficult.

As days turned into weeks, life began to regain a normal rhythm whether or not Edward was ready for it. His teachers, rather than being understanding when an assignment was turned in late, began to expect he perform to standards again. His fellow students stopped staring at him with sympathetic eyes. Edward didn't hear Jasper's name whispered in the hallways.

He was pissed because it felt like they were forgetting. It felt horrible, infuriating even, because didn't they realize what the world had lost?

There was only one person her could always count on.

Besides their classes - they'd moved on to taekwondo - Edward and Bella continued to spend a lot of time together as they had when Jasper was alive. With Bella, when a moment would hit when he particularly missed his friend, he could tell she was thinking of Jasper too. It was comforting.

They'd celebrated her eighteenth birthday quietly together a few days after Jasper was buried. Any other day, Edward would have felt guilty for not putting together a celebration Bella deserved, but neither of them felt cheerful.

Since then, they'd begun to redefine the normality of their get-togethers, adjusting to constantly being a twosome when they'd once been a trio.

Today doorbell rang before Edward was completely ready. He pulled on a shirt, running down in time to see his mother open the door for Bella.

"Hey," she greeted, offering him a smile.

With Bella, it was a little easier to smile back.

Esme fussed over both of them for a few minutes before Carlisle pulled her away. They were going to do some antique shopping in Port Angeles for a job of Esme's. They offered to take Edward and Bella to the diner for breakfast, but the teenagers declined, opting to raid the fridge for their sustenance.

Once they'd eaten their fill, they lazed in the living room watching movies. Edward was distracted when Bella reached into her backpack, pulling out a metric shit ton of pamphlets.

"What are all these?" he asked, reaching down and snatching one. It was a brochure about Northwestern University.

Quickly, Bella snatched the thing out of his hand. She scoffed when she saw which University was being advertised and tossed it to the side. "I'd never get into Northwestern," she muttered. "And I don't want to live on the east coast anyway. I just grabbed all the brochures they had in the counseling office."

"Looking into colleges?" Edward asked, trying to keep the shock and indignation out of his voice. It simply hadn't occurred to him that she would move so far away for college. It should have been obvious. She spoke of Arizona - and more specifically, the sun - with longing in her voice.

She deserved that: to be in the sun somewhere.

Bella looked up at him, her expression a little self conscious. "We don't have that much time left to submit applications. Haven't you been thinking about college at all?"

Edward stared back at the screen shrugging. "I've got it all figured out. I'm pretty sure I could get into UDub. It's as good a school as any to major in business."

"Hmm," Bella hummed non-commitally.

"What?"

She frowned at him. "I know you've said it before, but I still think it doesn't suit you. Business. And..." She huffed, her eyes uncertain - the same look she got when she was about to say something she didn't know would be received well. "Edward, you are really... honestly brilliant. You could do whatever you wanted to do, be whoever you wanted to be."

"You sound like my father," Edward grumbled.

"Well, I'm not blowing smoke up your ass. I really believe this," Bella said, sitting up on her knees on the couch. "Come on. Look me in the eye and tell me you want to be a businessman."

Edward looked at her, about to say those very words, but the look in her eyes stopped him. There was that spark, a fire he'd missed since he'd undone their relationship. She used to look at him just like this - with passionate faith. He understood that look. He'd looked at her that same way, loving her so much that if he had any wish in the world, he would wish for her happiness, no matter what that entailed.

"We all have to do something," he muttered instead, his voice carrying absolutely no conviction. The fact that he knew without doubt that he would be good at running his own business was a powerful thing. There weren't many people who had a guarantee of success, no matter what their chosen field.

He knew he could succeed, and his parents would be proud. That was what mattered, right?

"I've just been thinking a lot since Jasper," Bella said softly. "It's cliché, but it's true. He didn't get to live his life. If you aren't going to be truly happy going into business, you aren't living your life to its fullest potential, and isn't that a disservice to him?" When Edward didn't answer, she pushed him lightly. "Come on, Edward. Your parents will be proud of you as long as you don't become a deadbeat."

By then, Edward's arms were crossed hard over his chest and he was hunkered down on the couch. "Who the heck knows what they want to be for the rest of their life at 18, anyway?" he muttered. "What are you looking for, anyway? Did you suddenly decide what you want to do?"

"Maybe." Bella's voice was slightly sing song, almost like a tease - as if she was saying, if I could do it, why can't you? She smiled. "I mean, I haven't decided on anything concrete. I've actually given a lot of thought to what you said about science."

At that, Edward perked up, and he unwound himself slightly. "Oh?"

"Yeah. It makes a lot of sense. There are so many fields you could go into, so many different types of science," she said thoughtfully. "I don't have to decide right away. You spend your first two years doing your general education, right? I could use that time to decide before I declare a major." She rifled through her pamphlets, turning one around to show him. "Cal State Berkeley? They have a fantastic science department. And oh, the sun. Does the sun get any better than in California?"

Hearing the dreamy quality of her voice, Edward couldn't help but smile. "California would be good for you," he admitted. He wondered if she could hear the note of sadness in his voice.

"We have the Internet, right?" Bella asked, apparently picking up on his train of thought.

"Yeah." Edward did his best to offer her a reassuring smile. "Of course."

She smiled again and sighed. "Well, we'll see. Tuition is unreal. If I don't get a scholarship, it's a lost cause anyhow."

"Guess we'll have to look into scholarships then, won't we?"

~0~

By late afternoon, Bella headed home to finish her homework since they had to work the next day.

The last few weeks, whenever he was alone in the house, Edward found himself gravitating toward his piano.

To ease his parents' worry, Edward had visited Forks High's counselor to talk about Jasper. While the woman hadn't been particularly insightful, she had offered him a piece of advice he'd heeded. She encouraged him to find a way to honor and remember his friend - some way to express his grief in a healthy way.

As it had with his parents in his first life, Edward found that there was only one language that could adequately express what he was feeling. He put his fingers to the keys, letting the music speak for him, remembering his friend through sound.

The music trailed off eventually, and he leaned his folded arms on his piano, deep in thought.

He hated being a businessman. It made him miserable.

Pushing away from his piano, Edward wandered into the living room. He threw himself down on the couch, his eyes on the stack of Bella's discarded pamphlets. He grabbed them, rifling through the pile.

It was something he hadn't really considered before this. It was always a foregone conclusion he'd drawn that his father wanted him to go into business, or be a doctor, or something like that. He'd never really thought about the fact he had a choice.

When he thought about college, it was Bella's future he concentrated on. When they were together, he thought that they would go to UDub together; he couldn't fathom being away from her. Bella was, in that lifetime, agreeable. Like him, she didn't care about where she studied as long as he went with her.

Now that he'd had a chance to think about it, he could see that their moony-eyed attitude, how they'd been so wrapped up in each other, had kept them from really concentrating on their future - what they might become. It was another positive he grudgingly found in his being forced not to be with her. He was fairly certain she wouldn't have been thinking of all her options if they were still together.

If he allowed himself to optimistically consider fate's plan, he thought that whatever force Alice worked for wanted him to live happily ever after. Was it possible that he was supposed to find a career he was passionate about?

Edward's random shuffling stopped suddenly when he came across a brochure for Juilliard.

He traced his fingers reverently over the picture on the front, wondering what it would be like to be in a school with people who spoke his same language. He'd learned the language of business, but it always felt so uncomfortable. Music, on the other hand, flowed in his blood; he was born to play. It was the only thing he had a passion for, and just thinking about music being part of his future...

Edward threw the brochure down on the pile, disgusted with himself. Juilliard... It was a childish thing to think. Very few people in the world actually deserved to make music, especially classically. Those who did were the ones who got up at 5:00 AM every day so they could practice.

Getting to his feet, Edward swept up all brochures. Storming into the kitchen, he threw the whole stack in the recycle bin and walked away.

_**~September 25, 1999~** _

Edward was confused when a new rush of memories didn't assault him. He rolled onto his side, his hands groping along the nightstand until he found his glasses. When he saw the date he groaned, pulling the blanket up over his head.

For minutes he played possum, remembering the frustration of days repeating. He'd almost forgotten about his place in the game that was his life.

Wanting to be ready when Bella arrived, Edward eventually made himself roll out of bed.

The day unfolded much as it had the previous time. He and Bella made themselves breakfast and stretched out in front of the television. Edward watched, not saying anything this time when she pulled out the stack of pamphlets and brochures.

When she got to the Juilliard brochure she gave a little scoff, going to dump it in the definitely not pile. He grabbed it from her before she could.

Bella turned, her expression perplexed as she tilted her head at him.

Pursing his lips, Edward debated with himself for a few seconds before he stood, holding his hand out to her. "I want to show you something."

She took his hand, letting him lead her to the piano. He gestured for her to sit, and sat himself on the bench before he could over think what he was about to do. Taking a deep breath, Edward began to play the song he'd composed to try to explain his grief over his friend's passing.

Edward heard Bella's little gasp as he began to play but pressed through. He let his fingers flow over the keys. Bella always understood how he felt about Jasper. He hoped she would understand the message just the same if he wasn't talking.

When he got to the end of the piece he was suddenly aware that Bella was standing behind him. "Edward," she whispered. "That was Jasper. I could hear him in that."

"Yeah," he acknowledged.

"Did you... Is that yours?" she asked, sounding awed.

Edward turned to face her. "Yeah," he said carefully.

"That was amazing. I had no idea you could do that."

Turning back to the piano, Edward tentatively plucked the Juilliard brochure up from where he'd rested it on the stand. He offered it to her, a contemplative look on his face. "Do you think it's stupid to think about?"

"Well, I don't know much about how to judge this kind of thing... But Edward, that was gorgeous. If you could compose something so complex..." She shook her head. "Well, it's worth a shot."

**~0~**

Throughout dinner, Edward was quiet - something his parents didn't seem to notice as they discussed their purchases. It seemed that Carlisle had purchased a painting that Esme was arguing didn't fit the decor in any room.

"Mom. Dad," Edward interrupted their light bickering. They both turned to him. "Would you be disappointed if I wanted to do go into something nontraditional? You know, for work?"

Carlisle's eyebrows furrowed instantly, and he looked over at Esme with a wary expression before turning back to Edward. "What do you mean? Edward, if you're considering not going to college-"

"That's not what I'm talking about," Edward interrupted. He looked down at his hands, feeling ridiculously nervous. "I mean, what if I wanted to go some place like... Juilliard?"

Both of his parents seemed shocked. Carlisle coughed into his hand. "Juilliard is a wonderful school, but it's not the kind of place you can get into on a whim, Son."

Wordlessly, Edward pushed back his chair. He beckoned for his parents to follow him. Sitting down at the piano, he played the composition he'd written to commemorate their deaths, remembering how they'd reacted when he played it for them during one of his re-done days.

When he was done, he turned around, silently waiting for their opinion.

"My God, Edward," Esme breathed, her eyes teary. "That was so beautiful. I can't even remember the last time you played your piano."

"Do you think there's a chance? That I could get in?" he asked softly.

"I honestly have no idea, but a talent like that... Even if you didn't get in, you could easily get a scholarship to a great school," Carlisle said, his voice excited.

Edward felt a smile begin to tug at his lips. "But would that upset you? If I wanted to pursue a career in music instead of something... I don't know, more respectable?"

Both of his parents laughed lightly. "This is your life, honey," Esme said, ruffling his hair. "You're the one that gets to live it, not us."

"Yeah, but... I don't want you to be disappointed." Edward's voice was more childlike than he wanted.

Esme cast Carlisle a knowing look, raising one eyebrow and crossing her arms. Carlisle sighed and turned back to his son. "Edward, if we... If  _I_ ever gave you the impression I would only be proud of you if you pursued a certain path, I'm sorry." He rubbed the back of his head, looking sheepish. "I'll admit you had me worried for a while there - when it looked like you cared about nothing but that game. No gumption - that's what your grandfather would have said."

"You've never talked about any interest in anything," Esme added lightly. "If you'd shown any sign... We would have given you anything you wanted. Lessons... though it doesn't look like you needed that."

Carlisle put his arm around Edward's shoulder, looking him in the eye. "Whether or not you're accepted, this is an incredible talent. Your mother and I will never be anything but proud, no matter what you decide to do with your life." He chuckled. "Just do something."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, I decided to put this out here without beta because I wanted to ask you all a favor. My darling beta, jadedandboring, is having surgery on her head today. I expect everything is going to be fine, but I would sincerely appreciate you throwing all the positive thought and energy you can spare in her general direction. Wish her a speedy recovery?
> 
> Thank you to my prereaders, jfka06 and barburella (Especially the Juilliard thing...jeez).


	24. Quantum Leap

"You play pretty."

Edward smiled gently as he sat up, looking around little Alice's now familiar room. It was covered in red and gold today, with a huge painting of a rotund woman who seemed to be glaring at him.

He glared back, just to see what would happen. The woman looked appalled. "Well, I never..." she grumbled, and promptly stepped out of the painting. Edward's eyes widened, and he shook his head as if to make sure he'd really seen what he thought.

"Hey! Pay attention."

Edward looked over at Alice again, trying to remember what she'd just said. "Umm. Thanks. So you're telling me I was meant to go to Juilliard?"

"You was 'upposed to do something you that makes you happy." She grinned at him. "You're a show off."

"Does that mean I get in?" he asked, curious and a little bit stunned. "How does that work? If I hadn't lived to 29, I wouldn't have gotten that good at playing the piano."

"Talent is, uh, part of you," she explained. "It's a cheat, but just a little one." She smiled winningly, holding her fingers up an inch apart or so. "You was always able to does it."

Edward figured it was best not to look a gift horse in the mouth. With the convoluted rules to this even more confusing game, it was nice to reap an easy benefit.

Alice pulled out her wand and waved it in the air. "Accio crystal ball!"

Edward had to duck as a heavy looking crystal ball went zooming through the air. "Jeez."

"Sorry," Alice said, but she was giggling.

She looked at the ball, an expression of rapt concentration on her face, her tiny tongue peeking out of the edge of her lips as she moved her hands over the glass. When the ball began to stir with what looked like clouds, she began to bounce up and down excitedly. "See? I could be sooooooo good at divi...divi... divi-ation."

Not pretending to know what the hell she was talking about, Edward scooted closer, curious as to what she was about to show him.

In the mists of the ball, he saw himself sitting at his table. There was a manila package in front of him. His parents sat opposite him and Bella sat to his side. They were all staring at the thing as if it were about to explode.

"Jeez," Bella said finally, snatching the envelope up. She tore it open while all three Cullens looked at her with wide eyes. As she scanned the first lines, she broke out into the widest smile Edward could ever remember seeing. "You got in! Oh, my God, Edward. You got in!"

Edward watched as he sat stock still, a hilariously flabbergasted expression on his face as his parents and Bella hugged him, exultant pride evident on all of their faces.

Happy as he was, both that he could see his parents were pleased and because he had to admit, the thought of attending a school like Juilliard thrilled him to no end, there was still a heaviness to the scene. "And Bella?" he asked Alice softly.

Alice tilted her head, looking at him with curious eyes. She said nothing, but waved her hand over the crystal ball again.

The scene in the mist changed and Edward could see he was hanging out in Bella's room, looking a little bored. Idly - and somewhat bratty, he thought - he watched as he began rifling through things on her desk. His eyebrows furrowed when he picked up a single piece of paper. It was a Regret to Inform you letter... from New York University.

"It was just a stupid thought," Bella said quietly, coming up behind him. She was looking down. "I mean, they have a really great science program. It's such a good school." She shrugged.

He said nothing at first but then, hesitantly, reached out, drawing her into his arms. "I'm going to miss you so much," he admitted near her ear. "But we're not going to forget about each other. It's just not going to happen. And you're going to do amazing things at Berkeley."

The scene faded away, leaving Edward feeling resigned. Obviously, Bella was meant to be at Berkeley. He was glad their relationship wouldn't get in the way of her future. "Hey," he said suddenly, realizing the difference between this time and the times previous. "You've never shown me the future before. You always show me the past."

"You know what?" Alice exclaimed, totally ignoring his statement. "You should write a song about me! Something happy... You write songs that make me wanna cry." She frowned at him somberly.

"I'll think about it," he murmured. "But Alice, really. Why did you show me the future this time?"

She tilted her head. "Cuz it's the past."

Before he could interject, Alice raised her wand. "Nox," she said, and the world went black.

_**~July 2nd, 2005~** _

Pounding on the door brought Edward awake with a start.

"Come on, you bastard. You fucking bail on me and I'll kick your ass! Get up!"

Edward blinked sporadically, his mind swimming as memories caught up with him. So many memories.

Blindly, he reached for his glasses on the nightstand, his hand only meeting an assortment of coins and his wallet. He blinked again, realizing belatedly that he could see without the aid of his glasses.

Right. His parents' gift when he graduated a couple months previous. LASIK. He remembered being embarrassingly freaked out for the second time in his multiple lives when he went in for the procedure.

Putting things in his eyes had always given him the heebie jeebies.

Wait, when he graduated?

Edward glanced around his room - a room very different than the one he'd left behind in Forks. He spotted a Starfleet emblem sticker on the back of a smart looking laptop on his desk and snickered. He hadn't changed  _that_ much it seemed.

He continued his surveillance of the room, his eyes finally landing on a calendar - a World of Warcraft Calendar.

It said July 2005.

"What the fuck..."

"Edward!" The person on the other side of his bedroom door pounded on it again. "Come on. We're going to miss the first panel, and I'm going to be pissed!"

Garrett. The guy trying to break his door down was Garrett Larsen.

They'd met Edward's first year at Juilliard. Edward had never seen as lithe a dancer as Garrett was. The brown haired man's performances left him amazed and more than a little jealous of his muscular legs, if he was being honest about it.

After they'd graduated, Edward and Garrett had both found work in New York City, at least through the winter. Edward was playing piano for a showcase of young artists while Garrett had signed with the New York City Ballet. They'd found a great apartment equidistant between both their jobs.

"I'm up, ass," Edward called, annoyed when Garrett again thumped on his door. "Jesus Christ, like you're going to die if you don't get to see the Battlestar Galactica panel."

"You don't get more boss than Edward James Olmos, sir. He does people of your name proud. Hurry up."

"Fine, fine."

Stumbling to his bathroom, Edward opted for a shower to clear his head. He was still trying to sort through his memories, figuring out where he was in the present.

His thoughts, as always, went first to Bella.

He remembered first the way she'd hugged him the day before she left for California. For one moment, she looked up at him, a pain so great in her eyes that he thought, for one terrible moment, that she knew. But how could she know? How could she possibly understand what was she was driving away from? Then she'd smiled, wiping away stray tears. "This is like... the first day of the rest of our lives, right?"

He laughed and tugged on her ponytail playfully. "You're going to be great, kid."

They'd kept in touch at first, talking almost nightly on AIM. It was inevitable that life happened, and they gradually drifted apart.

Bella and Edward both began to make friends. Edward encouraged her to go out when her roommate whined that she was too studious. Slowly, when he logged online every afternoon and looked for her icon, more and more she showed up as offline. Though he missed her, he was glad she seemed to be finding a niche.

Edward didn't have much time to dwell on their fading connection. His program was intense, often keeping him focused for days at a time. He was in his element, losing himself in a world of creation and music. It was great, working with like-minded people.

Though Edward was happy overall, there were points of frustration, the largest of which was that his friends didn't understand why he was so resistant to the parties that occurred on a weekly basis.

Edward was well on his way to becoming reclusive when he met Garrett. The other boy seemed to inherently understand his wish to shy away from his fellow students. He was, like Edward, a geek, and took to dropping by randomly. He said Edward had some serious gaps in his "geek-a-tude," and introduced him to Firefly along other things.

Little by little, Garrett gained his trust, and Edward told him most of the truth of why he didn't like going out. He edited the time travel, of course, telling Garrett of his brief relationship with Bella, that it ended, and how, though he'd honestly tried to find other girls appealing, he just didn't.

Garrett sympathized. He told Edward of his first girlfriend. They'd been in ballet together. They were, like Edward and Bella had been, desperately in love, though they were young. Sadly, she'd been anorexic and died before he or her parents could help her. Like Edward, he understood the awkwardness. They were both among the more attractive boys at their school. Turning away interested parties - girls and boys both - never felt good.

As it turned out, Garrett was exactly what Edward needed. He had a thirst for adventure and dragged Edward all around the city, not allowing him to retreat into his own shell. He was the one who'd signed him up for Facebook and added all his high school friends. Because of that, Mike Newton had contacted Edward and actually went to one of his concerts with his boyfriend... Tyler Crowley.

Edward had to admit he'd felt satisfaction knowing Bella's first kiss and prom date enjoyed the exclusive company of men.

As time went on, they'd both had random moments with women. A kiss here. A handful of dates that occasionally led to sex. Nothing stuck. In a moment of lonely drunkeness, they'd had the requisite, exploratory kiss, wondering if they could fill that void for each other in the absence of their true significant others.

They quickly decided they were just friends.

Which all led up to today. Garrett was dragging Edward out to a sci-fi convention.

All in all, though he still missed Bella and wondered what they would be doing together if they'd been allowed to continue, Edward had a happy life.

~0~

Edward looked around restlessly. It wasn't that he didn't feel the same pull toward geeky things - he did. It was just that, like so much else, most of the passion had been strangled out of his old hobbies. It made his heart ache. Walking down the aisles of pop culture and cult culture memorabilia, he heard Jasper's voice debating the good and bad of the post original trilogy Star Wars books.

" _Yeah,_ _we_ _had_ _some_ _really_ _stupid_ _shit_ _to_ _deal_ _with,_ _but_ _we_ _did_ _get_ _Mara_ _Jade_ _out_ _of_ _the_ _equation_. _Too bad Timothy Zahn couldn't do all the books and maybe Aaron Alston_."

On other aisles, it was Bella's voice he heard.

" _What?_ _So_ _I_ _have_ _the_ _boot-legged_ _copy_ _of_ _The_ _X-Files_ _Season_ _1-5_ _reels_ _and_ _the_ _Star_ _Wars_ _Christmas_ _Special._ _Doesn_ _'_ _t_ _everybody?_ "

"Of course, it's so much easier now that YouTube has everything. I could have saved $18 if I'd only waited, oh... what's it been about five years since I bought it..."

Edward's head snapped up. On the opposite end of the booth he was exploring, he saw the girl - woman - who'd spoken in profile. Long brown hair falling into her face as she bent over the table, looking through bootleg DVD's, he'd have recognized her voice anywhere.

"Bella?" he asked, his voice strangled.

She stood up so fast, she literally stumbled, falling against a shelf. Star Trek ship models teetered precariously. "Oh!" She looked from Edward to the booth owner. "I'm so sorry."

"No harm," the booth owner muttered.

"Edward?" Bella asked, taking a step toward him.

Before he could help himself, he reached out, grabbing her hand and pulling her into a tight embrace. "Oh my God, what are you doing here?"

She laughed, hugging him back. "I'm in New York City on a summer internship, actually," she said.

He held her at arms length. "And you didn't tell me? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know," she admitted, looking down. "We haven't really talked in a while..."

"Well, you're here now. I guess that's what counts," he allowed, smiling at her wildly.

"They seem to have forgotten we exist," he heard Garrett grumble from somewhere behind him. Edward and Bella both swung around, realizing they were being quite rude to the friends they'd been there with.

"Um, this is my good friend and roommate, Garrett Larsen," Edward introduced. "Garrett, this is Bella Swan. We went to high school together."

"And this is Katrina Delaney. She's in the same program I am." Bella said, gesturing at the woman Edward hadn't even noticed until that moment. She was quite lovely, with light blond hair and a beautiful face.

But Edward, as ever, only had eyes for Bella.

"Call me Kate," Kate said, shaking first Edward's hand and then Garrett's.

"Katie it is," Garrett teased, holding onto her hand for a moment longer than was necessary.

Edward rolled his eyes, giving Bella an apologetic look. Garrett simply couldn't help but be charming. Her answering smile was amused.

~0~

It didn't take long for Edward and Bella to find an excuse to go off by themselves.

"Garrett and Kate seem to be hitting it off," he said conversationally as they headed for the subway - and Bella's apartment.

"Yeah," Bella agreed, smiling. "Kate isn't shy around guys, really."

"Garrett isn't exactly shy, but it's rare for him to be so taken," he mused. He chuckled, suddenly nervous because he was desperate to know about the boys in Bella's life and he had no idea how to bring that up in casual conversation. The intermittent years had been good to Edward physically. He was handsome and he knew it. He'd regained all the charm and smoothness he'd lost when he regressed from 29 to 17.

And yet, with Bella, it all seemed to go out the window. Again.

Bella chose that moment to distract him by loosening the buttons of her jacket. Every other thought passing through his head vacated the premises when he got a look at her shirt. It featured a sexy looking woman in glasses and a lab coat, sitting atop the periodic table of the elements with the tagline: Chemists do it on the table periodically.

Sitting next to her on the subway, he clunked his head on her shoulder, chortling merrily.

"What?" Bella asked, clueless until she looked down at her shirt. Then she rolled her eyes. "I guess you know what I decided to major in after all."

"You're a chemist? Really?" he tilted his head, impressed.

They chatted a little about that and before he knew it, they were climbing the stairs to her fourth floor apartment.

"You live in apartment 42?" he asked, again amused. "The answer to life, the universe and everything."

She looked over her shoulder at him, smiling shyly. "Like Mulder."

Letting him in, Bella shrugged out of her jacket, tossing it on the couch. "Make yourself at home, okay? I'll be back in a minute."

Edward was glad for the chance to look around. The moment he'd set foot in the door, he found himself eager to soak in every part of her life he could. He was so curious about the woman she'd become, wondering how changed she was from the girl he remembered.

Chuckling under his breath, he realized she couldn't be too changed. After all, he'd found her again at a comic convention and as he looked through her DVD collection, he found many of her old, geeky favorites. Shaking his head with amusement, he went on to her book collection. Her shelves were varied, but among them were many books he found on his own shelves - the words of Christopher Moore, Chuck Palahniuk, Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett and...

He reached out, gripping a familiar looking, leather bound tome into his hands.

 _The_ _Ultimate_ _Hitchhiker_ _'_ _s_ _Guide_ _to_ _the_ _Galaxy_ had obviously seen better days. It was well worn, the gold dust on the outside of the pages almost gone. With shaking fingers, he opened the book randomly. He was greeted by the gold ink marks he'd made five years before.

"That's my favorite book," Bella said softly, coming up next to him. She took the book from his hands, running her fingers over the underlined words and smiling privately.

"You underline passages," he said slowly. "I do that too."

"I do underline my books but..." she pursed her lips as if deciding whether or not to tell him something. "I didn't underline this book. Someone put it in my locker one day, at the end of my junior year of high school." She looked at him, studying him, and Edward was careful to keep his face blank. "Weird, huh?"

"That you would have a secret admirer?" He smiled at her, unable to help running his thumb over her chin. "No, I don't find that weird at all."

After Bella gave him a tour of the apartment, they settled down on her couch to talk. It was just as effortless and Edward always remembered. The passage of time had not erased his affection for her in the slightest, and listening to this adult version of the girl he'd always loved, his adoration only seemed to deepen.

Was fate really this cruel to put her in his path like this though the last time he'd seen her was two years ago when they were both in Forks at the same time? How could he be expected to stay away from her when he still woke every day thinking about her?

But then... if he'd awoken today, there was a decision he had to make. Something important; he'd skipped so many years. He could hope...

"Do you have time for dinner?" he asked before he could second guess the decision. After all, even if he ended up repeating this day, it would be worth it to have one more chance with her.

Her grin was shy, but her eyes sparked with happiness. "Oh, well. I'll have to move some things aside, but I'm sure I can make room for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, so sorry about the review situation. It just occurred to me that I have a few deadlines coming up, and in case I couldn't post for a little while, I wanted this chapter out there.
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you to Twilight Mundi for stepping up to help me in jadedandborings absence. Your continued well wishes for my dear jadedandboring is appreciated. She's doing well, and I hope to have her back soon. But in the meantime, thanks to TM - she treats me too well.
> 
> Thank you also to barburella and jfka06
> 
> I'm thinking I'm gonna end up with two more chaps before the epilogue...but we'll see. These kids are being unpredictable.


	25. Home

Edward returned to his apartment with the thrill of anticipation making his every step lighter. Though he was excited for tonight, he was also outrageously nervous.

He stepped into his apartment, finding Garrett already there with the TV on.

"I have a date," both men said together.

Garrett chuckled. "You first."

"Well, I don't know if it's a date," Edward admitted, throwing himself down on the opposite end of the couch. "I mean, I just asked her out to dinner. Old friends go out to dinner too, without any expectation. Not that I have any expectation."

"Edward, breathe," Garrett said with a laugh. "Look at you! You're as twitterpated as a teenage boy who's just seen his first pair of tits."

"Classy," Edward grumbled.

"This is  _the_ girl, isn't it?" his friend asked, his tone still amused.

Edward sighed, looking away. "Yes. That's my Bella."

"Hmm," Garrett hummed, his expression thoughtful. Then he grinned. "I expect to be the best man at your wedding, fucker. Don't forget that, or I reserve the right to be pissed off."

"What are you on about?" Edward scoffed, arching an eyebrow. "Like I said - I don't even know if it's a date. It's been so many years since I've even seen her..."

Edward frowned to himself, the unreasonable nerves stirring in the pit of his stomach. It was an odd way to live - fast forwarding through parts of his life. On the one hand, he could feel all the years that had passed. He held all the memories of his life. On the other hand, technically speaking, it was only days ago that he and Bella were making out every chance they could get their hands on each other.

But Bella wouldn't remember that. For her, it hadn't happened. Not to mention, Bella was most likely not the person she'd been in high school. Everyone changed, and for most, the change between high school and early adulthood was often staggering. He was still smitten - but that didn't mean that she would be as interested as she had been years before.

"Come on. Can't you see it? You were totally in love with this girl - hell, you're  _still_ in love with this girl - and you run into her in one of the biggest cities in the world?" Garrett shook his head. "Even I can see what fate is getting at. It's meant to be."

"Who the hell are you, and what have you done with Garrett?"

His roommate shrugged. "I'm in a mood, man. That girl - Katie? I don't know."

"You asked her on a date?" Edward prompted.

"Yeah, and you know? It's different with her." Garrett tapped on his chin, a small smile playing at his lips. "I don't remember the last time I was excited about a date."

Edwards lips pursed, thinking back on his friend's perpetual state of bachelorhood.

What if today wasn't about him reconnecting with Bella? What if it was all for Garrett? It wouldn't be the first time a choice he'd made had set off a chain reaction in someone else's life.

It didn't make sense though. He hadn't made a choice. Running into Bella and Kate was a complete accident.

Fate.

He laughed. "You can be my best man if I can be yours."

A little positivity was nice every once in a while.

"Okay. You can be my best man if I can have the apartment tonight."

Edward snorted. "Really? You're bargaining for the position? You are just full of class tonight." He looked over at his roommate. "I will find other places to be, sir," he promised with a little salute. "It seems ungentlemanly to wish you luck in your endeavour."

Garrett cocked his head, an odd expression on his face. "You know something... I feel like I don't need luck tonight."

"Yeah," Edward agreed. "I know the feeling."

_**~0~** _

When Bella admitted she was still new to New York and wanted a uniquely NYC experience, Edward took her to Coney Island. They ate at Nathan's and walked the boardwalk, filling in the spaces they'd missed in each other's lives.

"Emmett and Rosalie are doing really well. She works from home tracking down car parts for other people. You know - for the really old or really rare cars?"

Bella seemed impressed. "That's clever. I remember Jake had a hell of a time finding parts for his Rabbit."

Edward tried his best to keep his face impassive. "Jake?"

Luckily, Bella seemed to miss his discomfort. "Yeah. You remember Jacob Black? My friend from the Rez?"

"I remember a school boy with a wicked crush on you," Edward teased, feeling relieved.

Bella laughed lightly and blushed. "Yeah, our parents tried to set us up one summer, when I came home from school."

"What?" The word came out a little more strangled than Edward would have liked.

Bella smirked. "I think my dad was beginning to suspect I played for the other team." She sucked her lips in, swallowing her amusement. She paused by the side of the rail, looking out over the darkened water of the bay. "I didn't date as much as other kids my age, I suppose."

"Why didn't you?" Edward asked gently, leaning against the rail beside her.

"I don't know. I was too busy, too concentrated on my schoolwork." She shrugged.

"You don't have a boyfriend, then?" He was trying to keep his voice light but it wasn't quite working.

She hesitated, then looked up at him with a smile and a shrug. "Nothing worth telling about really. I was an inattentive girlfriend at best."

For long moments, Edward said nothing, turning this information over in his head. He couldn't imagine Bella being inattentive to someone she cared for, but he didn't want to press for information. The idea she'd been intimate with anyone made him irrationally angry, as hypocritical as he knew that was.

"So," he began, changing the subject to safer topics. "You've lived in Phoenix, Berkeley, Forks, and New York City now. That's quite a range. Where's home?"

At first, Bella didn't answer. Her brows knitted together as if she was deep in thought. Her hands, perched on the rail, wrung fitfully, like she was nervous.

"You want to hear something strange?"

"Always," Edward smiled, noticing her wistful expression as she looked out over the water.

"Of all the places I've lived, all the big cities with excitement and culture and..." she gestured around them to the attractions, "all this... It's Forks I miss."

"Forks?" He took a moment, turning that tidbit of information over and trying to make it fit.

"What?" she asked, tilting her head curiously.

"It's just... all the things you're capable of, the life you're capable of?" He reached out, drawing the pads of his fingers down her cheek quickly. "You're too big for that place."

Her lips parted just slightly, like she was about to say something but nothing came out. It was just as well seeing as he probably wouldn't have heard anything. The urge to kiss her was incredible.

She blinked sporadically and looked toward the water again. "I know it sounds dumb. But if you want to know the truth..." she spoke hesitantly, her cheeks flaming. Some things never changed. "Junior year and that summer with you and Jasper? It's just never been that way for me."

"What way?"

Her smile was gentle, wistful again. "People are always wrapped up in their own drama. It's so rare, even in all these years, that someone really takes the time to hear you." She huffed lightly. "Who would have thought, right? It was two teenage boys who really saw me." She looked up at him. "Maybe that's what I miss. Sometimes the city seems too big for -"

She didn't get to finish her sentence as Edward's willpower snapped. He tilted his head down, taking her upper lip between both of his. She gasped, but the noise only whined at the back of her throat before her lips began to respond to his. Her hand came up, her fingers curling around to the back of his neck.

Their lips parted after only a few moments, but Bella didn't let go of him. Her eyes were wide and shocked. Edward bit the inside of his cheek to suppress his groan when her tongue darted out, like she was licking his taste off her lips. With her shocked expression, she looked seventeen again.

She'd been beautiful then, she was beautiful now.

He reached up, stroking the back of her cheek with his knuckles. "I've been wanting to do that for a really long time," he admitted, his voice barely a rumble.

"How long?" she breathed.

He laughed. "High school." He cupped her cheek. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you then."

Bella breathed out, looking at him incredulously. Then she laughed. "I'm sorry, too. It would have changed everything."

Edward's lips quirked. She had no idea how right she was. "Is it too late?"

She tilted her head, a smile spreading across her face slowly as she turned her body to face him. Edward watched, feeling his heart pound fast, as she reached for his hand. With her fingers wound with his and that look in her eyes, he felt like he was finally home. "It's not too late. Not for us."

Then she stood on her tiptoes, claiming his lips as her own.

~0~

"We're causing a scene," Bella giggled between kisses.

"This is the New York City subway system," Edward growled against her ear, biting down lightly on her earlobe so she gasped. "They're used to scenes." He pulled back slightly. "Unless you're not a fan of PDAs?"

Her eyes were hooded as she looked on him. "I could get used to it," she murmured, kissing his neck.

The entire subway ride to her apartment, Edward didn't let her go. His lips were constantly busy as he nipped along the line of her neck, scrapping his teeth at the skin where her shoulders began. Her hands were tangled in his hair, and it felt amazing.

They almost missed their stop.

The walk to her apartment was somewhat awkward as he couldn't stop himself from wrapping her in his arms every block or so. Bella didn't argue. When he tugged her closer, her arms around wrapped around his neck or his waist, and she would tilt her face up to meet his eager lips.

Once they were safely inside, Edward pushed Bella up against her front door, leaning his entire body against hers as his tongue slipped passed her lips. She was making tiny moaning noises as they kissed, and it was quickly driving him to the brink of sanity.

Gasping for breath, Edward managed to tear his lips away from hers. He looked her in the eyes, seeing a reflection of his chaotic emotions in the darkened brown of her irises. For a moment, Edward was confused. All of his lives and the different timelines he'd experienced seemed to mesh, and he didn't know what was real.

"Is this too fast?" he asked in a ragged whisper, desperately needing to know if they were on the same page. He wanted her so badly - had always wanted her - but she was more important to him than a night in the dark. "I want... more than just fast with you."

Bella licked her lips, breathing hard. "I don't know," she admitted. "Maybe?" She shook her head. "But I don't care."

He searched her eyes, easily seeing the lust that made their every move desperate and super heated. Beyond that, though, was a familiar adoration tinged with uncertainty. She was scared. He understood why. Whatever existed between them was frighteningly intense, and while, for him, it was coming back to the only home he'd ever wanted, for her it was all new and unexplained.

Leaning down, he kissed her slowly, passionately, taking the weight of his body off her. He cupped her face in his hands, stroking her cheek with his thumbs.

She spoke first, her words a blur. "I know it sounds stupid, but it's always been you. I...I..." She chuffed, bringing her hands up over his against her cheeks. "I thought it was just a school girl crush, and it would fade. But it hasn't. It never has. I tried so hard... but all I ever saw was you. All I ever wanted was you." Her eyes faltered and she looked down. "That's stupid, right?"

"No," he whispered, brushing his lips against hers. "No."

Her hands drifted down to either side of his neck as her mouth moved with his, his lip brushes becoming full on kisses again. He moved his hands down to her waist, his fingers slipping under the hem of her shirt to touch the warm skin at her belly. "Do you want this?"

Once, in a different life, he'd asked her the same question. Then, she'd been a teenage girl, completely innocent and maybe a little too young to make the decision she'd made. Now, she was a grown woman, beautiful and grown into her loveliness. They'd both had a chance to live life outside of each other, discovering things about themselves they might have otherwise missed.

Now, it was their time.

"Yes," she said, moving her hands down to the buttons of his shirt. "Yes, this is what I want."

The exact same answer, in a totally different life.

As he kissed her deeply, Edward let his hands drift down to cup her ass, squeezing it to make her squeak. He laughed into her mouth, propping one hand firmly against her back while he hooked the other under her knees. He swept her into his arms without breaking their kiss.

With his need for her - their need for each other - growing quickly, Edward lifted his head, casting his eyes around the room to know where to take her. When he felt her lips at the underside of his chin, her tongue darting out to lick him there, he knew he wasn't going to make it to her bedroom. He grinned wickedly, an idea formulating in his head. "Bella, how sturdy is your kitchen table?"

"Uh. What?" she asked, distracted.

Shaking his head, he carried her toward the kitchen, pleased when he saw the table was quite sturdy indeed. He sat her on it, quickly moving his fingers up the skin of her stomach and along her sides. She shivered, kissing the corner of his mouth. "What are we doing?"

"We're doing it like a chemist," he rumbled, tilting his head to kiss the side of her neck. "You know? On the table? Periodically?"

She laughed, burying the sound against his shoulder as she leaned on him, her arms around his neck. "You are such a geek," she accused, but her tone was adoring.

"Pffft. Takes one to know one," he murmured, kissing her tenderly. He took a brief moment to appreciate that he wasn't the bumbling, clumsy teenager anymore. Another difference between the first time she would never remember and this time.

They lapsed into silence, kissing as Bella unbuttoned his shirt and he reached down to take off her shoes. He shrugged out of his shirt, and ran his fingers up along the back of her legs. Bella tugged her shirt off, her expression slightly shy as she leaned back on the table, letting him look on her.

"God, you're so beautiful," he murmured, his fingers stroking the inside of her thighs as his eyes drank her in. Her figure was fuller than he remembered - spindly, awkward limbs filling out into pleasing, smooth shapes. Short as she was, her legs were long, making Edward bite down hard on his lip as his hands explored their length. He supposed her breasts might be considered small but to him they seemed perfect, rounding out her body in just the right way.

He couldn't wait to have his lips around her nipples.

In fact...

Moving one hand reluctantly away from her thighs, he reached around, his fingers fumbling for only a moment before he undid the hooks of her bra. Once the silky fabric rode up, he leaned in, taking one nipple into his mouth.

"Oh!" she cried, her chest arching to meet him. "Edward," she breathed when he paid her other breast the same respect. "God, please. I want you."

Edward groaned, her words making him painfully hard. Why was he still in his pants?

He stood up straight, unbuttoning his jeans and shoving them down his legs along with his boxers. That was better, but he ached to be inside her.

Leaning in to kiss her again, Edward worked his hands up underneath her skirt, tickling lightly along her pantyline before he hooked his fingers into her underwear, pulling them down her legs and off.

He braced his hands along her thighs even as she spread her legs wider, wrapping them around his waist.

It seemed a twist of fate that her table was just the right height. They were lined up perfectly, and it was not uncomfortable at all as he slid inside her.

"Jesus," he gasped, briefly overwhelmed. How had he ever quit her? He was already, instantly, addicted all over again.

He wasn't going to let go. He would refuse. Even if Alice demanded it, she couldn't have it.

The thought made him begin to rock with a slight tinge of desperation. The idea of giving her up again was too much, and he gathered her to him tightly as if he could disappear completely inside of her.

"Edward," she whispered, her lips against his ear. Her hands were braced on his shoulders since he was holding her upright, and he knew she could feel his tension.

He breathed easier, relaxing into the moment. She was there with him, surrounding him. He could taste her skin and feel her slick heat as he moved in her. He could hear the little noises he elicited - moans and whimpers as he filled her.

Gradually, his hands moved back down to her thighs, and she leaned back with her elbows on the table, both of them just holding on for dear life as their rhythm grew sweetly frantic. Her heels pressing against his ass as he slammed into her drove him wild.

"Bella," he groaned, knowing he was close.

His name tumbled off her lips in response, her voice high-pitched. He risked his grip on her to slide one hand down to where they were joined, pushing her skirt further up so he could easily reach her clit.

"Oh! Oh!" she cried, her head thrown back and her chest heaving with pants as she began to tighten around him. "Edward! God!"

It was perfect. The sight and sound of her undone before him was better than he'd imagined in all these years. He came hard, buried to the hilt inside her, leaning over her.

It was minutes before either of them moved. Bella let out a light groan, sitting up on the table. Supposing that her legs were probably aching, Edward massaged as he helped her unwrap them from around his waist. Smiling, she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing his lips in a slow, completely languid manor.

He would never get enough of her.

She sighed. "Well, it's official."

"What's that?"

"You've ruined me for other men." She snickered, grinning at him with a bratty look in her eyes. "You're just going to have to keep me."

He laughed and kissed her soundly. "I think I can live with that."

Wrapping his arms around her, he carried her to her bedroom where they could kiss face to face, their bodies brushing and their limbs tangled together.

It was the very small hours of the morning when their kisses became lazy and their fingers slow as they explored each other's bodies. Still, Edward refused to close his eyes.

"You look tired," Bella mumbled, her eyes hooded with sleepiness as well.

He smirked. "Someone wore me out," he teased, tickling her cheek with his nose.

She laughed lightly. "You can sleep, you know. I want you to stay."

"I don't want to sleep," he replied, trying not to let the slightly desperate tone leak into his voice. He was so afraid that he would wake up and learn he'd made the wrong choice, having to do this day over again.

She scooted closer to him, her hands on his chest, stroking soothingly. "It's okay." She kissed his chest and tilted her head up to kiss his chin. "I'll be here when you wake up. I promise."

He kissed her again, wrapping his arms possessively around her. He closed his eyes, wishing fervently that he didn't need sleep - that this one day could last forever.

Tangled in her embrace, sleep claimed Edward almost without him realizing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: My, my... what's gonna happen now.
> 
> I still believe that next chap will be the last, and there will be an epilogue.. but we'll see. There were supposed to be things in this chapter that didn't make it because E/B took over... so we'll see.
> 
> Love to jadedandboring, jfka06, barburella, and all of you!


	26. Time To Wake Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The good news? Looks like the kids talked themselves into another chapter. The bad news? Uh, I posted yesterday, so I didn't do review replies. You guys continue to make me smile. Love it.
> 
> Please stay tuned for another A/N at the end.

Edward was more than a little dismayed to find himself staring at the elder Alice. Elder Alice only appeared when there were difficult things he had to understand and little Alice's limited vocabulary wouldn't suffice.

"No," he said bluntly, his tone furious.

"No?" She raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not undoing it, Alice. Don't ask me to undo it!"

She looked at him, her lips set in a thin line. "After everything you went through to undo your relationship the first time, how could you think this was a good idea? And just rushing into things. That's not what a girl wants. You're both different people now. How could you even think that it would work?"

It felt exactly like she was holding him beneath the waterline of an ice cold river - all pain in his body and the burning need to breathe in his lugs. He opened his mouth, but he couldn't say anything.

"Jeez, Edward. Breathe. I was kidding." Alice broke into a grin and cackled merrily. "You should have seen the look on your face."

"Alice," Edward growled, but the sound was weak. Suddenly feeling dizzy, he leaned forward on the couch, his head between his knees. "I get to keep her?"

"You make her sound like a stray cat."

"Alice," he groaned, needing to hear her say the words.

She chuckled again. "Haven't you ever wondered why your redo happened on that day?"

Edward sat up straight, looking at her with a confused expression. "What do you mean? I died that day."

"Well, yes, but that's a technicality." She smiled at him, pulling her legs up onto the couch where they sat. "That day, you threw away your last chance to set it right."

"I don't understand."

She grinned at him. "Yeah, what else is new?" she teased. Picking up the controller from the end table, Alice turned the TV on. "Watch."

Curious, and a little wary, Edward looked to the ginormous flat screen that took up most of one wall. He was intrigued, a moment later, when he appeared on the screen. He was on a beach. Florida, he remembered suddenly. Spring Break in Florida the first year after his parents' death. He'd enrolled in college and started living the life he thought his parents wanted for him - including the normal experiences of any college age kid.

He was sitting on the sand, staring out at the waves, mostly oblivious to the people milling all around him. He remembered well how apart he felt - distanced from everyone else, as always.

Until one of the beach goers beaned him in the head with a volleyball.

"Oh, my gosh! I'm sorry."

He looked up into deep brown eyes that were now so familiar to him. In his first life, though, he had no idea who she was - having chased her off too quickly to get to know her in high school. "It's no problem," he said evenly, handing back her ball.

"I told them not to let me play," she sighed.

"Oh, honey," an older woman came running up beside her. She looked enough alike that Edward knew immediately it was Renee - Bella's mother. She smiled down at Edward. "Sorry. I keep thinking there has to be some sport she's good at," she laughed. "So... are you single?"

"Mom," Bella warned through clenched teeth, turning bright red. She looked at Edward apologetically. "Sorry," she said again and started pushing her mother away.

Edward watched them for a long moment before he turned back to the waves.

Before Edward could fully grasp what he was being shown, the scene changed.

He was sitting at a bar, though he knew the drink in front of him was full of only Pepsi. He stared into it, looking miserable. There was a sign nearby that advertised he was at a convention in Phoenix. It must have been shortly after he graduated and got his first job, just before he started his own company.

A woman in a smart business suit sat down next to him, waving to get the bartender's attention. "Whiskey please, straight up."

Impressed, Edward couldn't help but look over at her.

Of course it was Bella, but his previous self didn't know that. She smiled at him sheepishly. "I need something to make the next panel bearable," she explained.

He snorted lightly. "I know what you mean."

"So... what are you drinking?" she asked, staring at his tumbler curiously.

"Pepsi," he admitted.

"Pepsi?" She chuffed and shook her head. "That's not nearly strong enough, my friend. You need to spice it up. Come on. I'll even buy you a shot."

Edward's face twisted in anger, irrational as it was. Even with many years sober, he still got irritated when a woman tried to ply him with alcohol. "No thank you," he growled and stood quickly, walking away from her.

The scene changed again. This time Bella was alone and he was no where in sight . She was older - older even than her 24 year old incarnation, but only just. She sat cross-legged on a hotel bed, a laptop open on her lap and her BlackBerry resting on her knee. The thing chirped and she hit a button, hardly looking away from whatever she was typing.

"Bella speaking," she answered.

"Miss Swan? This is Jason Jenks from Cullen Inc. I'm calling to reschedule your meeting with Mr. Cullen."

Bella looked up, annoyance painting her features. "I've come all the way from Arizona for this meeting, Mr. Jenks. If Mr. Cullen is looking to expand to Phoenix via my company, he's going to have to take this meeting today. This is the only time I can spare."

"We're very sorry to hear that, Miss Swan. Please rest assured that if it weren't important, Mr. Cullen wouldn't be rescheduling. I'm sure he'll be in contact soon."

Bella hit the disconnect button, looking down at the phone with a scowl. "Stupid, arrogant prick," she muttered under her breath.

It wasn't an unfair assessment, Edward reflected as the screen went blank. He was silent, trying to understand what he'd just seen.

"You see?" Alice said, smiling that knowing smile of hers. "All your life, if you had just opened your eyes, she could have saved you. She was meant to."

Edward pursed his lips, feeling at once foolish and ever so grateful. "Fate kept pushing her on me, but I was too stubborn to see it."

"Now you understand how you ended up here."

He nodded. "Was she happy in that life?" he asked quietly. "She seemed so different. Harder."

"As closed off as you were." Alice pointed off. "It wasn't what she wanted to do either - business. It's just where she ended up. As good a place as any, or so she thought." Alice looked contemplative for a moment. "She wasn't unhappy, but she always had this feeling. Like there was something more out there."

It was a great measure of comfort to Edward. He wanted to think that Bella benefited from his existence in her life more or as much as he'd gained from her presence.

What an amazing, awing thing - to know with certainty that his relationship with Bella was written in the stars.

"Thank you," he said gruffly, feeling a knot of emotion catch in his throat. It was overwhelming, in that moment, everything he'd gained. His parents were alive. He had as close a relationship as any man could have with his brother.

He had Bella.

"You're the one that worked for it," Alice said with a giggle. "It wasn't an easy thing to do, you know?"

He barked with laughter. "Yeah. Trust me, I know."

"Well, this is it," she said quietly. "You have your life back."

He looked up, startled. "What?"

"That's it." Alice waved her hands like she was doing some magic trick. "There's nothing else you need to change. When you wake up, you'll be 29 again, and your days will progress as they're supposed to. You have the free will to throw fate's plan right out the window, if you want to."

"Oh, God. I'm not an idiot. I'm a quick learner." He frowned, remembering how many times fate had thrown Bella in his path. "Well... sort of."

"Sort of," Alice agreed with a laugh.

Edward's head was full of questions - what might have changed in the five years he was going to skip forward, how he was supposed to recognize the signs fate provided along the way. Instead of asking - figuring she would have told him what he absolutely needed to know - Edward looked on her wistfully. "Not that I don't like you, but I wish I'd known the last time I talked to your tiny incarnation."

Alice threw her head back, laughing. It was such a pleasing, tinkling sound. When she calmed, her lips were tugged up in small smile, her eyes full of secrets. "Trust me, Edward. You're going to see her again."

Before he could ask, she put her hand over his face and pushed him backward.

**~6:30 AM, July 1, 2011~**

"Ugh."

Edward startled awake at the sound of a very female grunt of dissatisfaction. He looked over in time to see Bella slide face first into the pillows beside him, burying a long groan.

"Are you okay, baby?" he asked automatically, though part of him was still grappling with the fact that he'd woken up in a completely different room than he ever had before. His thoughts felt thick - foggy with sleep.

He wasn't used to waking up at half past six in the morning anymore.

Bella rolled over slightly, looking at him with tired eyes. "I'm fine. Just a little sick."

He reached out, stroking a strand of hair away from her face tenderly. "I'm sorry I didn't wake up," he said softly, scooting close so he could kiss her cheeks and her lips. With a satisfied sigh, Bella snuggled up against him.

"It's still early. I'm going back to sleep," she mumbled against his chest.

She fell back to sleep almost instantly, and Edward idly wondered if he had to disturb her so he could go to work.

Bits and pieces of his past memories came back to him. There was no work today. Technically speaking, Edward didn't have steady work. He took jobs as he saw fit - flying out to Los Angeles a couple times a year to compose a song or two for a movie or a television show or, once, an award show theme.

The money was good, and he had more time to spend with his family.

"Dad! Dad! Daaaaaddddd!"

Not realizing he'd fallen asleep, Edward blinked awake again suddenly, automatically rolling to the side. He found his nose buried in hair. Dark, chestnut colored hair. He heard a sigh and a warm body pushed back against him.

His wife, he belatedly remembered.

He shook his head, trying to overcome the stupor of sleep. When he finally got the clock to come into focus, he saw that it was now seven in the morning.

"Dad! Mommy!"

Bella yawned and snuggled back against him, her hand finding his and wrapping it around her waist. "Your son is awake."

His son.

"Before sunrise, he's your son," he found himself mumbling. His brain wasn't really working yet, too inundated with memories that spanned years. Anything he said was slipping off his tongue without prior thought.

Bella snorted and rolled over, pressing sleepy kisses on his chin. "First of all, the sun is already up. Secondly, being adorable and quoting  _The_ _Lion_ _King_  doesn't mean you don't have to deal with your child."

The argument was moot a second later as their door burst open, the pitter patter of little feet running at full speed filling the air. With a grunt, a blond haired little blur pulled himself up onto their bed. He crawled toward them with a big grin and bright, way too awake eyes.

_**~4 years and 10 months previous~** _

Bella was looking at Edward nervously, wringing her hands fitfully. "Please say something."

"Just... give me one second." Edward mumbled, trying to process his thoughts. Bella had just dropped the bomb that she was pregnant.

She sighed, looking teary. "Shit. You're pissed, aren't you?"

He was quick to reach for her then, pulling her into his arms. "I am, but not at you. I should have known better."

She scoffed and pushed him away. "Okay, don't do that. You're not the only one who knows about birth control." Her expression was mostly trepidation with a little anger mixed in. "You don't want this at all, do you?"

Edward considered this. Of course, the idea of having children had occurred to him. He'd known for what seemed like most of his life that she was it for him. He wanted everything with her. His nervousness over the surprise they'd been handed had mostly to do with his bad experience. Last time this had destroyed everything. How could he have been so stupid as to let it happen again. On their first time no less.

He'd lost her once. He would have to see that it didn't happen again.

"I wouldn't want this with anyone but you." Taking a step toward her, he took her hands in his. "I was surprised, that's all. We've only been together a couple months."

She studied him carefully, gauging his expression. Then a slow smile began to tug at her lips. "We're not teenagers. We're adults in a loving, committed relationship. We have great careers." She paused, reading his expression. "We can do this, right?"

It was just like Bella to be his grounding force when his moods and paranoia spiraled. When she spoke, he could see the wisdom in her words. Other emotions began to override the panic.

Joy. Complete and utter joy.

He pulled Bella tight against him, grinning wildly, and shrugged. "We got this."

He kissed her then, exultantly, trying to communicate all the love and happiness he had in that moment. "Bella," he breathed when they were both breathless. "Marry me."

She blinked at him, tittering. "No."

"No?"

She giggled again and kissed him. "No."

_**~4 years and 5 months ago~** _

A lot had changed in the five months since Edward and Bella had found they'd gotten pregnant during their first time together. For one thing, they'd moved back to Seattle, deciding they wanted to be closer to their families. They owned a wonderful family home surrounded by trees.

Impending fatherhood had brought back a memory that had plagued Edward for many years.

The day he died, Jasper had vented his worries over his ex-girlfriend Maria, who'd called, claiming she was late. After his funeral, Edward had tried to find Maria only to have his repeated calls ignored.

"What's wrong?"

Edward sighed as he walked into their bedroom. He laid down on the bed next to Bella, who sat on the bed trying to read one of her lab reports over her giant belly.

Seeing her always alleviated his stress. Rolling onto his side, Edward grabbed her lab reports, sending them flying over the side of the bed. "Edward!" she protested, but her mild annoyance turned to happiness as he laid his head against her belly.

"It's really nothing," Edward finally answered her question, resting a hand over where he felt his son moving. "I finally tracked Maria down."

Bella's breath caught. "And?" she prompted after a moment.

"She wasn't pregnant. She was just trying to get him riled up because she hated how quickly he got over her," Edward said with a sigh.

"You sound sad." She ran her fingers through his hair.

"I know it's dumb, but I wanted there to be some part of him out there. Some, I don't know... tribute?"

She was silent for a minute. Her fingers running through his hair had almost lulled him to sleep before she spoke again. "I've been meaning to talk to you about that?"

Edward rolled his head so he was looking at her. "What?"

"I was thinking..." She put her hand over his on her belly, looking down at him. "What if we name him after Jasper?"

Edward sat up, his eyebrows arching. "Really? You used to tell Jasper his name was old fashioned."

"It's still a nice name." She shrugged a little. "I still miss him sometimes."

"Yeah," Edward said, grinning as he brought his lips down to the apex of her belly. "What do you say, buddy? Are you a Jasper?"

They both laughed as their son kicked up a storm.

"Jasper it is," Edward said, capturing Bella's lips with his.

As they always did, their kisses intensified, leaving Edward with a vaguely needy inkling at the back of his mind. He would never have enough of her. He always craved more. "Bella, please marry me."

He felt her lips turn up under his kisses. "No."

He growled and pulled back slightly. "Why do you hate me?"

Grinning, she leaned forward to kiss him again. "I don't hate you, idjit. I love you. And I will marry you - just not when anyone can say we got married because of the baby."

"Why do you care what people think?" he asked, kissing her again. Convincing kisses, he hoped.

"It's the principle of the thing," she said, but her tone was uncertain now. Opening her eyes, she glared at him slightly and rolled her eyes. "Okay, how about I don't want to wear a wedding dress from the tent and awning company?"

He grinned, sensing imminent victory. "I don't care what you wear. We don't even have to have a ceremony. We can go down to the courthouse in old jeans."

She looked dubious. "Your mother would kill us for denying he the pleasure of organizing a wedding."

"So?" He snorted. "Emmett and Rosalie's wedding was big enough to count as three. Mom will live."

Exasperated, Bella pushed him away playfully. "You're so stubborn."

"Ha! Look who's talking."

_**~4 Years and 2 Months Before~** _

Jasper Malcolm Cullen came into the world after eight hours of labor, barely missing Edward's birthday to be born on the 21st of June at seven minutes past midnight. He was named for Edward and Bella's childhood best friend and a character in the TV series Firefly that they both loved.

They were still geeks, after all, and Malcolm was better than Fox.

_**~July 1, 2011~** _

"Jasper," Bella groaned, putting her arm around their son, "what are you doing awake?" Most parents lamented their four year olds were awake before seven. As it turned out, Jasper imitated his namesake by being a night owl. He was rarely up before 7:30. It was just as frustrating. The long nights spent rocking a baby who wouldn't go to sleep had nearly reduced Edward to tears many a time.

Jasper got to his knees so he could look down on both of them. "It's Grandma's birthday!" he declared as if they should be drawing obvious conclusions. "We need to call her so she knows we love her."

Laughing, his brain finally catching up with the time, Edward reached out, tackling his son and cuddling him close as the boy giggled. "If we call Grandma right now, she will not be happy," he informed the little child. "We're going to go to her house in a little while, and then you can tell her in person. Okay?"

Jasper appeared to consider this, tapping his little finger against his lips. "Okay. Can I sleep with you?"

"Course," Bella said with a chuckle, stroking the honey blond hair he'd inherited from his grandfather. Jasper had the Swan eyes - something Edward was thankful about as he loved Bella's eyes - and his strong chin.

He was a beautiful boy - very pretty, which was probably going to haunt him in his teens.

For now, though, Jasper just grinned happily, snuggling down between both his parents. True to his nature, he automatically turned toward his mother, using her as a pillow as he threw his arms haphazardly around her. He was asleep in an instant.

"Thank God," Bella muttered, stroking the little boy's back. "I wasn't ready to get up yet."

Edward leaned in, careful not to jostle the sleeping child. "Go to sleep," he murmured, kissing first her forehead and then the top of Jasper's hair.

She smiled sleepily, her eyelashes fluttering closed.

For a long while, Edward just reveled in the enormity of the gift he'd been given. The treasure he held in his arms was more than he ever deserved and more than he'd ever let himself imagine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, we have one more chapter and then an epilogue, I think... we'll see. These kids are messing with my head at the last minute. Growl.
> 
> Okay. Muy importante. I've signed up for the Fandom Gives Back auction which ends at midnight this Wednesday. If you're interested in bidding, I'm offering a o/s or outtake of your choice. Anything at all (though I have a hard limit when it comes to Carlisle or the Wolves in sexual situations :-p ). You can bid on me or any one of the talented authors offering up stories for a good cause.
> 
> thefandomgivesback.blogspot.com / 2011 / 11 / lyricalkris-ff-auction . html
> 
> Beta says she lies.She's working on Jasper/Carlisle for me and Barbi. :P


	27. The Last Piece

Soft fingers stroking his stubble covered chin coaxed Edward back awake. For a moment he held his breath, momentarily terrified that he would wake to find it had all been a dream - the whole do-over, and he would be in a hospital bed having just come out of a coma.

He wondered how long it would take his fears to fade completely. He hoped they would never fade enough that he would take it all for granted.

Something squirmed against him, little legs coming dangerously close to kicking Edward's sensitive parts. He let his eyes flutter open, finding Bella smiling at him over Jasper's head. The little boy was grumbling in his semi-sleep, fighting wakefulness with all his might.

"What time is it?" he asked, his voice gravely as he caught her wrist, pinning her hand against his cheek.

"Half past eight," she answered softly. "I have to go into the lab for a few hours before we go to Forks."

He groaned, reaching his arm out over their son to cling to them both. "Call in sick. Blame the kid."

"Hey!" Jasper protested, not entirely conscious but getting there. He opened his eyes, looking up at them blearily, his face set in a scowl. "I didn't do nothin'."

Chuckling, Edward ruffled his son's hair. "Mommy is trying to leave us to go to work."

"No!" Jasper cried, clinging to her tighter. "Don't go, Mommy. Not today!"

Bella rolled her eyes. "You don't play fair, Cullen."

Slipping his fingers under hers against his cheek, he brought her hand down so he could kiss it, lingering a moment at the gold band on her ring finger. "Look who's talking." He smiled adoringly at her. "Mrs. Cullen."

 

_**~3 Years and 8 Months Before~** _

"You know, when you hulk around in the door like that, you look like a creeper," Bella said, looking up from where she sat in the glider in the nursery, holding their six month old son as he nursed.

Edward just smiled at her. The truth of the matter was there were times when the strong wood of the door frame was the only thing that held him upright. Often, during times like this - taking in the sight of her soft smile as she looked lovingly down on their son, stroking his fine blond hair as his hands randomly gripped the fabric of her shirt with increasingly dexterous fingers - Edward's knees would feel weak. He would never understand how he'd gotten so outrageously lucky.

"Bella," he murmured, striding to her and kneeling in front of the glider. "The baby is six months old. You look better than ever." He took her free hand, clasping it in his. "Marry me, Bella," he said, his voice deep, serious, and pleading as he looked up at her from underneath his eyelashes. "I'm not above begging."

She lifted her hand from his, cupping his cheek as she studied him intently. She groaned. "Fine, but I have conditions."

 

~Now~

Right after Jasper was born, Bella tried to convince Edward to take family photos in full Jedi gear. Edward had resisted only because he knew Emmett would tease him mercilessly. Bella rolled her eyes, saying they weren't kids anymore.

She didn't have siblings, she didn't understand.

Of course, since he wanted to marry Bella more than anything, Bella's compromise hung on the wall in all its geeky glory: their little family, all dressed as Jedis - baby Jasper looking quite cute with his Yoda ears.

Emmett had a field day, but it was more than worth it.

Bella chuckled and sighed, rolling onto her back and stretching. "Fine. But we have to go get my laptop from the lab now. I'll have to do the analysis at your parents," she said as she sat up in bed. Jasper moved with her climbing into her lap and clinging to her neck moodily. He hated mornings.

"No problem, babe," he said, rolling out of bed and onto his feet. "Come on, buddy," he said, reaching across the bed to try to unwrap Jasper from his mother's arms.

"Nooooo," Jasper whined, holding on stubbornly.

"It's Grandma's birthday, remember? Don't you want to look handsome for Grandma?" Bella asked, rubbing his back lightly.

Jasper looked up, crinkling his nose. "I'm always ham-some."

Bella rolled her eyes, handing the boy over to his father. "This child is definitely your son."

Edward scooped Jasper up into his arms, laughing. "We're gonna have to talk about your ego sometime soon."

"Eggo!" Jasper said cheerfully. He loved waffles for breakfast.

 

~0~

Since Bella was, again, fast asleep when they pulled up in front of her work, Edward took Jasper inside in search of her laptop. He left the boy in the capable hand of Bella's fellow scientists as he made for her desk.

For a moment, Edward let himself look around her little office. It was a hectically organized space where Jasper's childish drawings shared wall space with blown up images of complex organisms and atoms. Edward drew his fingers across a framed photo of the two of them. He had to laugh, remembering that day. She was wearing a shirt with Princess Leia facing to the right, saying "I love you." He was standing next to her in a shirt with Han Solo facing to the left saying, "I know."

The most prominent piece on the wall was a framed quotation he'd given her when she got the job in Seattle's finest research facility.

_"I'm a scientist and I know what constitutes proof. But the reason I call myself by my childhood name is to remind myself that a scientist must also be absolutely like a child. If he sees a thing, he must say that he sees it, whether it was what he thought he was going to see or not. See first, think later, then test. But always see first. Otherwise you will only see what you were expecting. Most scientists forget that."_

_~Douglas Adams_

On the shelves were studies, some of them with articles she'd written and the Master's degree she'd completed six months before.

As he looked around, he was struck again by appreciation for what his life, her life, had become. She wasn't a jaded business woman or a teenage mother. Though it had been hell for him to decide to be away from her, it was the right choice. Their lives were fuller, and they'd both grown so much in the time they were apart.

Gathering up her laptop and their son, Edward finally made it back to the car. Bella was awake - groggy, but awake - and on the phone.

"Who was that?" Edward asked after he'd gotten Jasper settled in his booster seat.

"Kate and Garrett," Bella yawned, stretching in her seat. "They're going to be visiting next month. I told them they could stay with us, if that's okay with you."

"We haven't seen them since their wedding. It'll be fun."

 

~0~

As they got out of the car a few hours later in Forks, Jasper took one of their hands each. "1-2-3!" he cried out, jumping and expecting them to hold him up. Edward looked over at Bella who smiled back at him indulgently, shaking her head.

The door flew open before they could knock, and Jasper launched himself at his grandmother. "Grammy!"

"Jasper," Esme cried back, holding the little boy to her. Though Emmett and Rosalie had recently added to the Cullen clan, Jasper held a special place in his grandmother's heart, being the first grandchild.

"Happy birthday, Grammy!" Jasper said cheerfully, kissing her cheek with a childlike smack.

"Thank you, baby," Esme said, kissing his forehead before leaning over him to kiss first Bella, then Edward's cheeks. "You're early."

"I hope that's okay," Edward said.

"Of course it is."

Edward got a strange sense of deja vu as he stepped into the house. It took a moment for him to remember.

Today was the day his life changed - the day he was sent back. That day, like this one, he'd stepped into this house for a very different birthday party.

It ached more than he thought it would... knowing his sweet niece, Bree and his nephew Riley wouldn't exist. As Alice had told him, there were positives to every life choice, no matter if it went against fate's plan. He hoped their bright souls went elsewhere in this universe.

Just as there were negatives to this life, adverse effects to his choices.

Oh, it was true enough that Edward was impressively happy - more happy than he had ever imagined being in his first incarnation. He had a smart, beautiful, passionate wife who was the other half of his soul and a healthy son who, inexplicably, reminded him so much of the best friend he'd lost.

As they moved further into the house, Edward looked around, remembering how it looked when Emmett owned it. Victoria's tastes were so sterile. Now... it still looked like home. He felt like he belonged there. Pictures of his family dotted the walls and rested on pieces of furniture. Bella and Jasper. Emmett, Rosalie, and their little boy, Henry.

In his first life, Emmett had fathered two children too easily, trapping himself in a loveless marriage. His love for Rosalie was profound, but children had not come easy to them. It was a long, bleak struggle that was often too hopeless. Rosalie, try as she might, was still a little bitter toward Bella that she'd gotten pregnant so easily. It was a relatively small rift, and one getting ever smaller since the couple had son Henry through a surrogate.

"Is Carlisle still asleep?" Bella asked softly.

Esme smiled tightly. "He's awake but resting. He wants to have as much energy as possible when everyone gets here. You can go up and see him, if you want, honey."

Edward swallowed tightly.

Carlisle hadn't lived long enough to see his grandchildren in his first life, dying as suddenly as he did. He hadn't lived long enough to be diagnosed with cancer.

Watching his father go through the exhausting, horrible treatments was difficult. Like any son, Edward couldn't fathom that his father would ever be frail and weak. This was the same man who slayed all his demons when he was a child, and who'd always been there to hold him up when he needed it.

Now, though he had beaten the disease that threatened to steal him from his family - of more natural causes this time - he was obviously worn. He still tired easily and looked more gaunt than Edward could ever have imagined.

He slipped his hand into his mother's, squeezing tightly. She sighed and then put on a smile. "He gets better. Every day is better." She laughed lightly. "He's still chomping at the bit to get back to the hospital. Can you imagine."

Edward shook his head, smiling ruefully. "Of course. Well, if anyone can do it, Dad can." He looked at his son, wondering if Jasper thought he was a superhero the way he thought Carlisle was.

They wandered into the living room where Esme finally set Jasper down. Edward walked over to the piano, magnetized by it's pull. He'd let his parents keep this one because they liked to hear him play when he came home.

There were challenges, but how could he regret? Even if Carlisle had lost his battle, he'd lived to see both his sons graduate with promising careers ahead of them. They'd both married women who were their equals and had strong, healthy boys.

Edward reflected that he'd worked hard for his life, and he wasn't going to lament the curve balls fate threw at him and the rest of his family. He was done with that.

"Will you play something for me, Edward?" Esme asked quietly, predictably.

He smiled, slipping his arm around his mother and hugging her close. "Of course."

"Yeah, yeah!" Jasper jumped up and down at her side. He grabbed his father's hand, dragging him toward the piano and sitting down on the bench with him. "Play my favorite."

A couple of years before, Edward had been asked to compose theme music for a children's series about a spunky, adventurous little girl. Remembering little Alice's request, that he write something happy for her, Edward had composed the piece with her in mind. Even at two years old, it had always been Jasper's favorite thing he played.

So Edward, indulging both his mother and his little boy, began to play Alice's Song. The melody spoke of mystery and magic, but above all retained the happy optimism Alice always exuded.

When he got to the end of the piece, he was surprised to hear a vaguely familiar, high-pitched giggle. "That. Was. Awesome!"

Edward swung around on the bench, automatically wrapping his arm protectively around his son. Panic shot through his bloodstream, and Edward's eyes darted around, searching for his wife. He had no intention of letting this go. It couldn't all be a dream. It just couldn't.

But what else would explain the fact that little Alice was staring at him, bouncing in place and grinning giddily.

"Oh, hello. I didn't hear the doorbell ring," Esme said, standing and going to two people Edward hadn't yet noticed standing behind Alice. "You remember Peter and Charlotte, don't you?" Esme asked her son.

And Edward suddenly did. It took him a moment, but he remembered that Peter and Charlotte had been at Bree's party...with their daughter. Of course. His Alice had told him she was just borrowing the body. "Yeah, of course. Emmett's roommate from UDub," Edward nodded, shaking first Peter then Charlotte's hand. "It's been a while."

"We moved up here," Peter explained. "Actually, Charlotte got hired on at the hospital, so you'll be seeing a lot more of us if you're down here frequently."

"Well congratulations," Edward said.

"Whoa..." Edward was distracted by his son's soft exclamation and the fact the normally rambunctious, outgoing child was suddenly plastered to his side. His eyes were comically wide as he stared down at Alice.

Edward almost laughed. He knew the feeling.

Charlotte stooped then, putting her hands on her knees so she could look at Jasper head on. "Well, this must be your son then. Aren't you just a doll?"

Jasper's eyes narrowed, darting from to Alice and back again. "I'm not a doll. Imma man," he said, his voice as deep growl as any four year old was capable of.

"Jasper," Edward chided warningly. "Be polite."

"Oh, trust me, we're no strangers to precocious children," Peter said, shaking his head with an adoring smile. "Speaking of which, this is our daughter, Alice."

Curious, Edward stuck out his hand. Alice, who had been locked in what appeared to be a staring contest with his son, grinned widely at him and shook his hand enthusiastically. "I am Mary Alice Brandon, and I am four."

She had brown eyes.

Two brown eyes.

Edward smiled back at her. "Nice to meet you, Alice."

She hopped to the side, grinning up at Jasper. "Hi!"

"H-hi," Jasper said, clinging to Edward's side as if his life depended on it.

Oblivious, Alice bobbled closer, grabbing his hand. "Do you has a wand?"

"A what?"

"A. Wand," Alice clarified. She took hers out and waved it in his face.

"No?" Jasper guessed. "I have a lightsaber... but it's at home."

Alice sighed, putting one hand on her hip. "Life savers is not the same as wands. You can't fight them together."

"Okay," Jasper said, not one to argue.

She reached out, taking his hand and tugging him off the bench. "Come on. We can make one. With a stick."

"Okay," Jasper said again, the look on his face saying he would follow her anywhere.

"By the way," Alice chirped as she led him away. "You has me waiting a long time."

"I'm sorry," the little boy said sincerely, like he was honestly contrite at the very idea of causing her pain. "I didn't mean it."

"I know!" she said cheerfully, disappearing through the doorway Bella was just coming through.

She watched them toddle off, a perplexed look on her face. Amused, she looked over at Edward. "Should we be worried about that?"

Grinning, he extended a hand, pulling her close. "Not at all."

 

~0~

Slowly, more guests filled the house.

"Geekazoid!" Emmett greeted when he saw Edward. Rather than shake his proffered hand, Edward's elder brother pulled him into a choke hold. Of course, it had been a long time since Edward was the gangly, uncoordinated teenager. Between martial arts lessons and just growing up, he was fairly evenly matched with his brawnier brother. Soon they were wrestling in the grass like they were kids again.

"Edward Cullen! If you were going to get grass stains on your clothes, you should have told me. I packed a change of clothes for Jasper but not for you," Bella groused, watching them.

"If we have more kids, we better have girls," Rosalie muttered, standing beside Bella with her son in a carrier in her hands. "Life could get messy."

Esme laughed. "Welcome to my world. That's the definition of a boy, you know. A noise with dirt on it." She let her boys tussle for another minute before she called out sharply to them. "Will you two cut it out and act your age? You're embarrassing yourselves." She snickered. "At least, you're embarrassing your wives."

Obedient, Emmett and Edward helped drag each other to their feet. "Sorry, Mom," they said in contrite unison.

She shook her head. "You know where your spare clothes are."

Once the boys had changed, the party began in earnest. Emmett and Edward bickered over who got to grill until Esme made them share duties.

"Where is your son? I haven't seen him in hours," Edward overheard Rosalie asking Bella.

Bella scoffed. "Your guess is as good as mine. Some sweet little girl absconded with him."

Rosalie snickered. "It starts that early, does it?"

Edward, working over the grill, froze, a memory hitting him suddenly.

The mysterious little girl that had wandered up to him at Bree's party, sitting in his lap and telling him how he messed up the future.

"And now, my boy is not born-ed."

Edward laughed, the sound strangled by shock in his throat. "No fucking way."

He heard a gasp and looked down to see his son and Alice hand in hand, both staring up at him with wide eyes. "Oooooooooo," Alice said.

Jasper just chortled, holding his spare hand over his mouth to smother his little boy giggles.

"Sorry," Edward muttered ruefully, more for Alice's sake than Jasper's. His son had heard him curse often enough.

Smiling, Alice beckoned to him. Checking first to make sure nothing was going to burn, Edward squatted down to her level. The little girl flashed him a blinding, happy grin and leaned in, kissing his cheek. "Thanks," she said sincerely.

"For what?" Edward asked, though he thought he knew.

She tilted her head. "I dunno," she admitted. Then she grinned again, tugging Jasper's hand and running off with him.

Edward stared after them, somehow understanding this was the last piece of the puzzle. "I'll be damned," he muttered, wondering if it should bother him.

Then, who knew better than he that fate worked in mysterious ways?

 

~0~

 

Finally, it got to Jasper's favorite part - the presents. Edward and Bella sat hand in hand on the couch, watching as Jasper insisted on ferrying all of his grandmother's packages from the table to her feet before helping her open them.

If by help one meant tear to pieces making a spectacular mess.

"No more!" Jasper announced sadly when the stack was gone. "Sorry."

Esme chuckled, ruffling his hair. "That was quite a few more than I needed, so not to worry." She reached over, taking her husband's hand and smiling up at him adoringly. "I have my family and my friends. It's more than I could ever ask for."

"Actually," Bella said, clearing her throat nervously. "We have one more gift." She looked over at Edward, tilting her head expectantly.

"You do?" Esme asked.

Edward grinned, moving his hand to wrap his arm around Bella's shoulders. "I'm afraid it's on back order though. It should be ready in about 32 weeks."

A surprised gasp went up through the gathered crowd. Esme's hands flew to her face and she stood, walking over to Bella. "You're pregnant?"

Bella nodded, smiling and standing.

Esme hugged her tightly. "Oh, sweetheart. What a fantastic gift."

Edward found himself in his father's remarkably strong embrace. "Congratulations, Son," Carlisle said, his smile broad and proud.

"Thanks," Edward murmured.

"Whatssat mean?" Jasper asked Alice.

"It means you're gonna have a new baby sister, like me." She frowned. "Babies stink and cry and don't do nothing fun."

Jasper scrunched up his nose. "Ewwwww."

As they were hugged and congratulated, Edward looked around, again taking a moment to appreciate his life. The future held unlimited promise. While there would doubtlessly be pitfalls, he had a wonderful family at his side, and a faith that there was a reason for everything - good and bad.

Once, he had wasted his life, but that man was forever changed. Edward could only promise to hold on to the lessons he'd learned, and live every day with purpose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you to barburella and jfka06. Endless thanks to all of you. I'm sorry I only got partially through review replies... I am sans computer for a few days.
> 
> Totally gratuitous epilogue coming up before I mark this story complete.


	28. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedication: To Cella... I hope you're happy. I finished another one for you. I DO IT ALL FOR YOU.

"You guys got everything you need?"

Edward looked around his table expectantly as four miniature faces nodded, happily plowing into kids meals from the holiest of all treats - McDonald's. His eyes did a final sweep, checking to make sure there was nothing lying around that was going to kill his eight year old son, Alice, Alice's four year old sister, Cynthia, and his three year old daughter, Kaylee.

"They're fine," Bella said against his ear, slipping her hand into his and tugging lightly.

"Jasper, hold down the fort, okay?" Edward called, taking a step down the hallway with his wife.

His son gave him the thumbs up. "You got it, Pops," he said around a mouthful of McNugget.

Rolling his eyes slightly, Edward let Bella drag him a ways away, into the hallway bathroom. She tugged him inside, her hands automatically going to the front of his shirt where she grabbed the fabric in her fists. Tilting his head down to capture her lips, Edward closed the door to the bathroom with his foot and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"God it's a good thing it takes them forever to eat McDonalds," Bella whispered, moaning lowly as he kissed her neck.

"Yeah, how is that, by the way?" Edward asked, raising his head. " I mean, have you seen the size of those little burgers? I could finish them off in two bites and yet it takes them fifteen minutes to -"

"Cullen!" Bella snapped, cutting into his musing. Her hands were at the button of his pants. "Less talking, more doing."

He grinned at her, letting his hands drift down to cup her ass, pulling her roughly against him. "Your wish, my command," he rumbled against her lips before he kissed her hard, finally catching up to her sense of urgency.

For a quick minute there was no sound but the rustle of clothing being pushed down or pulled up. Like any couple with two young children, they found time for intimacy when and where they could. A quickie in the bathroom, while their children oh so slowly devoured every single fry in their treat was one of their favorites.

When both their pants were pooled around their ankles, Edward pushed her lightly backward so her ass was resting against the counter top. Leaning over her, propped up with one hand on the counter, Edward took her earlobe in between his teeth, letting his free hand drift down to cup her sex.

"I love you," he moaned against her ear as her hands circled his length, stroking him.

She grinned at him. "I know."

Knowing they had limited time, he entered her quickly, and thrust into her at a rushed pace. The disadvantage of this position was that they needed their hands for leverage, both of them bracing against the hard counter. But her body pressed so tight against his and her lips moving with his mouth more than made up for it.

"Never," he panted, his mouth open and on hers, occasionally stealing kisses. "I'll never get enough of you."

"Edward," she whimpered, her body arching up to meet his.

When he came, she kissed him hard, muffling the sounds of his moans.

No sooner had his body stopped jerking against hers than they heard the inevitable whine from the direction of the kitchen table. "Daddddddyyyy!"

Leaning his forehead against Bella's, Edward laughed. He kissed her sweetly. "Get you later?"

Pushing down her shirt, Bella kissed the side of his mouth. "If you don't, I'll mount you in your sleep."

"Oooh, the way you talk," he growled, pushing her up against the counter again for a more thorough kiss.

"DAD!"

Edward pulled away from his wife reluctantly. "Coming, Kaylee!"

Bella snickered. "Literally."

"Nice. You kiss your kids with that mouth?" he teased.

"You better get out of here before they all come looking for us," she admonished, dodging another of his kisses in favor of cleaning up.

Grudgingly, Edward pulled his pants up. He made it out the bathroom door just as Kaylee was beginning to march - if by march one meant toddle - down it, her pretty face set in a deep scowl.

Edward picked up his three year old daughter, kissing her cheek as he did. Kaylee Jade, so named for two of Edward and Bella's favorite fictional characters, had her mother's hair and his green eyes.

Right now, her green eyes were disgruntled. "Daddy, Jaspa left us," she complained.

Walking back into the kitchen, Edward noticed the table was now lacking both of the eight year olds. Cynthia was still seated, playing with the toy as she took bite after slow bite of a single fry.

"Jasper!" Edward called out.

"What?" his son answered from the direction of the rec room.

"Would it kill you two to let your sisters watch TV with you?"

There was a pause. "What if it did kill me? What then?"

"Jasper," he said warningly.

There was a grumble and Jasper came out of the rec room. With a sigh, he lifted his arms up, letting Kaylee climb down into them. "Ooof," he complained. He made a face at his sister. "You're heavy."

She scrunched up her nose at him. "Na-uh!"

He rolled his eyes. "Come on, squirt," he said, beckoning at Cynthia. Grinning, the little girl hopped off her seat and skipped after them.

~8 Years Later~

"Bella?"

Edward was slightly worried that he couldn't find his wife in the chaos that was their house.

"I'm in here," she called from the living room.

He found her seated on the couch, helping Kaylee strap what looked like a sword as tall as she was to her back. "Um, why are there so many girls in our house and why are we arming our child?"

She gave him a look. "Kaylee and her friends are going trick-or-treating and because she's going trick-or-treating."

"What are you supposed to be, Princess?" Edward asked, hugging his daughter carefully so as not to dislodge."

"It's from my game!" she said excitedly, bouncing a little.

He laughed and looked at his wife over their daughter's head. "How much do we rock for raising a gamer?"

"You're proud of the strangest things," she said fondly. "Jasper and Alice need a ride to the party they're going to." She winked at him. "And when you come back, we'll have the house to ourselves."

"On it," Edward said, dragging his car keys out again. He leaned down and kissed Kaylee's cheek, and then gave her mother a much more thorough kiss.

"Ugh. Could you guys not?" Kaylee complained, shaking her head as she ran off to join her friends in the kitchen.

"I'm going to go take a shower before the doorbell starts ringing," Bella said, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Hurry up so you can come back."

He hugged her tightly for a moment, kissing her once more before he went in search of his son and his son's best friend.

"Jasper! Alice! If you guys don't want to walk I suggest you - Whoa!"

Edward stopped short when he came face to face with Alice.

Her eyes were two colors - one black, one yellow.

He swallowed hard.

Her eyebrows furrowed. "Mr. C... you look like you've seen a ghost..."

"It's just, uh..." He had to laugh at himself.

Even all these years later, part of him was still scared it could all be taken away from him.

"It's your eyes," he finally said. "They just threw me for a minute."

She grinned. "I know, right? They're so freaky." She laughed and did a little pirouette. "What do you think?"

He took a moment to look over the rest of her costume, and for that matter, the rest of her make up. She was painted a lot more pale than usual, with black lipstick and dark eyeshadow. Her dress was rather Gothic looking. "Uh..." Saying the right thing to teenage girls was still not his forte.

Alice shook her head. "I'm a vampire!" she explained, baring her teeth which were, indeed, fanged.

Edward chuckled. "Very nice."

"Ali always puts together a good costume."

They both turned to find Jasper stomping down the steps. Edward covered his mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

Finally owning up to his middle name, Jasper was dressed in full costume as Captain Malcolm Reynolds. The only thing out of place were the glasses that rested on Jasper's nose.

Like father, like son.

If Alice thought Edward missed it when her breath caught and she bit her lip, she was greatly mistaken.

But the girl recovered quickly, grabbing Jasper's arm and tugging him the rest of the way down the stairs. "Come on, Captain Tight Pants."

Edward sent up a brief prayer that the endless, open conversations he'd had with his son meant that he didn't have to worry about becoming a grandfather just yet.

When Alice and Jasper were delivered safely to their party, Edward drove home.

He found his wife napping on the sofa and took a moment to admire the view before he woke her.

Even after all this time, it still frightened him - how easily he could have missed her, could have missed all of this.

But there she was, still beautiful. His eyes landed on her shirt and he chuckled. Look at me, still talking when there's science to do. She was still a geek. Through thick and thin, good and bad, they'd walked through their life together.

Going to her side, he knelt in front of the couch. He pressed a kiss to her tummy, his hands going to the front of her jeans.

"Hmmm," she hummed, her hands going to his hair as she woke. "Edward... it's Halloween. The doorbell is going to ring."

He slid the zipper of her jeans down. "Bet you I can get you off before the first trick-or-treater gets here."

"Bet you can't," she said, but she was laughing.

He grinned wickedly at her. She was probably right...but that wasn't going to stop him from trying.

~8 Years Later~

"You weren't surprised," Jasper accused.

Edward cocked an eyebrow at his son. "Of course I wasn't surprised."

"Everyone else was surprised. Dad, when your kid comes and tells you he's getting married, there's supposed to be shock."

"Well, I don't know what to tell you," Edward said, chuckling. "Alice told me you were getting married when you were four years old. I've known this was coming for 20 years. Kind of takes the surprise out of it."

Shocked, Jasper laughed incredulously. "You believed a four year old?"

Edward rubbed the back of his neck. "Believe me... she made a persuasive argument."

**~The End~**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This fic was made possible by CellaCullen, of course, jfka06, barburella, the lovely, amazing jadedandboring and the help of viewers like you. Seriously. Thank you for all the love you all have poured into this fic. I've really loved writing it, and I will miss my geeks.
> 
> What's coming up next?
> 
> Well, I'm going to be starting a fic called Tomorrow is Another Day. It's post Civil War era, E/B.


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